No, Naruto is not mine.

Quicksand

Chapter 4

The silence in the car was heavy, the tension thick and suffocating. Save for the directions Neji had given Gaara, neither man had spoken.

Neji stared numbly out the window, vaguely aware that they were speeding.

His life had now lost all semblance of what it once was.

He felt he had always had a clear understanding of who he was and what was expected of him. He knew what to say to get what he wanted, how to reign in his emotions, and most importantly, he had always been in control.

Control. Something he no longer could grasp. It had shattered into a million pieces the moment he had pressed his lips against Gaara's.

Vulnerable. That word again. He had put himself in a position that made him vulnerable and he had been thoroughly crushed. He could feel the sharp burning in his chest though his face remained impassive.

It was weird, being rejected for once, and it hurt far more than he could have anticipated.

He could no longer bring himself to care. When Gaara had pushed him away, Neji had effectively sealed away his emotions.

Though utterly shocked at his own actions, Neji had experienced a moment of clarity.

There was no point.

There was no point in upholding expectations, in maintaining control. The money he had, the clothes he wore, his reputation and his career, they were all worthless. All of these things amounted to nothing because in the end, he was still alone.

He thought he had found a person with whom he could share his loneliness, someone who could possibly ease it.

Yet Gaara had pushed him away.

In his fury, Gaara hardly felt he was any better off driving than Neji was.

He had known Neji was going to kiss him. Neji's hand flat on his chest, the way Neji had leaned towards him, it had been obvious…

Yet he had failed to stop it.

Instead, he had relished the taste of Neji's lips, he had memorized the smell that now clung to his shirt, intoxicating his mind.

Gaara realized that there had been a deciding moment for him, a moment in which he could have turned his head and pushed Neji's hand away, but it been brief. Once that moment had escaped him, the ground had disintegrated beneath his feet, and he had begun falling.

He wanted it.

He wanted to know. He wanted to feel. He had wondered how soft Neji's lips were, how it would feel to be close to someone with so much strength. And as he gave in to his curiosity, as he yielded to the pull of the earth, he found that there was no release.

He had only been pulled in deeper. He had wanted more.

And this need, this want, which he was so unaccustomed to, spurred his rage.

Gaara drove faster, as if fleeing from the scene of the crime. No matter how fast he drove, he couldn't escape the emotions that had tagged along for the ride.

He slowly felt the creep of anxiety travel up his spine as they approached Neji's apartment.

One single coherent thought hit him as Neji signaled him to pull into an underground parking garage.

I can't get home.

He couldn't very well drive Neji's car back to his place and, judging by the empty streets, a taxi would be hard to come by at this time of night.

A confrontation was inevitable.

Gaara's palms felt sweaty against the wheel as he parked the car. He cut the engine.

Wordlessly, Neji got out of the car, slamming the door behind him.

Gaara frowned. Where is he going? I still have his keys.

He slowly opened the door, frustrated at Neji's suddenly detached manner. He had been expecting confusion, maybe even an apology but not the coldness that had wrapped itself around the Hyuuga. Gaara took his time in following Neji, confused as to what he was supposed to do. Neji was already halfway across the parking garage, waiting for an elevator.

"Hyuuga." Gaara's voice sounded hollow as it bounced off the concrete walls of the garage. "Your keys."

Neji seemed surprised by this. "Oh, thanks."

Gaara tossed him the keys, an awkward silence overcoming the pair as Gaara approached Neji. Eyeing Neji carefully, he contemplated how to phrase his next sentence. Well, he had never been one for tact.

"I need to call a cab."

He noticed the Hyuuga's brows furrow a bit, the only reaction he'd seen on Neji's face since their kiss.

Neji's voice was indifferent as he replied. "You'll have to come up; my cell phone doesn't get reception down here."

Gaara clenched his jaw and reminded himself to relax. He wanted to scream and yell. He wanted to throttle Neji and shake him violently while demanding that he explain himself. Instead, he decided to remain stoically silent, stepping into the elevator behind Neji as the doors slid closed with a soft thud.

Gaara felt the grip on his sanity begin to slip within the confines of the small box, an irrational feeling of claustrophobia suddenly clawing at his mind.

One look at Neji increased Gaara's uneasiness tenfold. The Hyuuga was standing there calmly, looking almost bored as his eyes watched the numbers on the elevator climb. Neji seemed completely unaffected, as if nothing had passed between the two.

Gaara suddenly broke the silence.

"Why did you kiss me?"

Gaara mentally rolled his eyes at himself. Damn his father for not properly socializing him. It would have made this situation somewhat easier if he didn't blurt things out impulsively like a demented five year-old.

Gaara tried to gauge Neji's reaction, but there was none. The other man didn't even blink upon hearing the question.

"I don't know, I just did," Neji replied in his usual even tone.

Gaara felt his anger flare up again. That's it!

"What did you think was going to happen, Hyuuga? That I'd like it? That I'd kiss you back?"

Neji turned to him, his eyes cold and accusing.

A moment passed before Neji said anything. "Do you even know what that means?"

Gaara's eyes narrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Your tattoo, do you know what it means? Ai?"

Gaara froze at the question. He found it hard to swallow the lump that had now formed in his throat. His tattoo: love. It was something he saw everyday in the mirror, forever emblazoned on his body. He clenched his jaw again. His forehead itched and he suppressed the urge to scratch viciously at his skin in order to remove the burning kanji.

No, he didn't know what love meant.

Neji smirked at Gaara's silence. "Well, when you can answer my question, I'll tell you why I kissed you."

The elevator doors parted, and Neji strode out, his cool demeanor back in place.

Gaara felt rooted to the floor. Only when the elevator doors began closing again did he catch them with his arm, forcing his body to move after Neji.

Neji unlocked the door to his apartment. He absently noted that Gaara hadn't entered with him and was still making his way down the hall outside. When he felt Gaara's presence in the doorway, he motioned to the phone before moving towards his room to change.

He was being rude but he didn't care, he just wanted to get in bed. Maybe he was still drunk enough to bash his skull in on his dresser and wake up in the morning with a severe case of amnesia and no recollection of who he was.

Leaving the lights off, Neji successfully divested himself of his shirt and tie, exchanging his pants for sweats, leaving his chest bare. He flopped himself down on his mattress, throwing an arm over his eyes and exhaling slowly.

Even with his eyes closed, he could see the red kanji in his mind.

Do you know what it means?

Neji let out a soft groan of frustration. He didn't know the answer himself.

I did, at some time or another. And now, I think I've forgotten.

"Hyuuga." Gaara's voice filtered in from the living room. Neji stayed hidden beneath his arm as he heard Gaara move to his bedroom door.

"Leaving?"

"Ten minutes."

"Hn."

Silence.

He snuck a peak at the doorway and saw Gaara's form silhouetted against the light out in the living room.

Neji felt Gaara's eyes on him, suddenly painfully aware that he was shirtless.

He closed his eyes again, trying to ignore Gaara's steady gaze.

Please, let him wait outside or something.

Neji tensed, hearing Gaara's voice hovering above him, next to his bed. He wasn't sure when Gaara had moved closer.

"I've never known what it is to love or be loved. Most likely, I will never know." Neji frowned at the realization that Gaara was merely stating a fact.

Neji gave in to the silence again, unsure what the right response should be.

"So," Gaara continued after a beat, "unless you tell me, I'll also never know why you kissed me."

Neji slowly brought his arm down from his face, using it to move himself into a sitting position.

"Why do you care?"

Gaara's eyes narrowed suspiciously at Neji's question. He moved to the foot of the bed in an attempt to place distance between them.

Neji closed his eyes, leaning his head back against the wall, hoping to end this conversation. It was bringing up emotions he'd rather ignore. When it became obvious Gaara wasn't going to answer, he opened his eyes again and spoke.

"You asked me what I thought was going to happen, whether you'd like it, whether you'd kiss me back. You didn't, so it doesn't matter why I did it."

Jade eyes flashed at him. Gaara snorted, a sound that seemed unnatural in the stillness of the room. "I never said that."

Neji's eyes widened, trying to discern the meaning of the words by scrutinizing the shadow at the foot of his bed. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Green eyes met Neji's, pinning him in his place. "I never said that I didn't like the kiss."

His words didn't contain an invitation or any hint of flirtation. Rather, they held the hard edge of a challenge, a challenge which Neji was unsure he could accept.

Neji slid out of bed, his lithe body moving across the room to stand in front of Gaara. The faint light that filtered in from the living room faintly illuminated Gaara's features. He studied the redhead's face, taking in the angle of his cheekbones, the curve of his lip and back to his eyes. Gaara's expression didn't belie his emotions, but his eyes were a softer green now.

Gaara's seemed expectant, as if waiting for Neji to take action.

Neji stood there in silence, refusing to give in to the pull of Gaara's eyes. Both of them were fully aware of the implication of Gaara's words.

If Gaara wanted it, then he would have to be the one to do something about it. He did what came naturally to him: Neji smirked. It was a look that most women would die for, and he could only pray that Gaara would have a similar reaction.

Neji almost flinched when he realized that Gaara's hand was moving toward him and was even more surprised to feel a hesitant hand touch his hair. It was just the fingertips at first, gently caressing the ends of his long locks. When Neji didn't move away from his touch, Gaara became bolder, moving to run his fingers through the strands that framed Neji's face.

Neji didn't know what to make of this.

Neji's opal eyes widened in shock as Gaara's hand raked through his hair, finding purchase at the nape of his neck and tugging sharply so that Neji's head was pulled back

Gaara's expression was almost maniacal, striking a chord of fear in Neji's chest.

The change in Gaara's attitude had been so unforeseen, it was disconcerting. He wasn't sure if he was looking at the same person anymore.

Neji's head was starting to pound, both from the excess of alcohol and the pressure on the back of his neck.

Gaara was close now, his breath dancing across Neji's cheeks.

"Do you want me to kiss you back, Hyuuga?"

Neji's lips felt dry as he tried to form a response, too stunned to try and struggle against Gaara's hold.

Before he could voice the answer that would have undoubtedly been a needy 'yes,' Gaara's other arm had snaked around his waist, and he found his lips against Gaara's for the second time that night.

Neji kissed back, trying to forget the sense of vulnerability he had felt earlier that night.

Gaara's hand had ceased pulling, and was now cradling his neck. Even in the act of kissing, Gaara was unpredictable. His lips were softer than Neji would have imagined, delicate almost. When he thought Gaara wanted to deepen the kiss, Neji pressed forward only to feel the other man pull back, keeping his lips moving at an agonizingly slow pace.

He felt the tip of Gaara's tongue slide across his bottom lip and opened his mouth in response. Neji tasted Gaara's tongue briefly, a warm slickness against his own, before Gaara pulled back again.

He's teasing me.

Neji inwardly smiled at the thought.

Well, if he wants to be playful…

Neji gently tugged at Gaara's bottom lip with his teeth, taking an unresisting lip in his mouth and sucking. He felt almost giddy when he heard Gaara's breath hitch at his actions.

It was when they were lips began moving at a more frantic pace that a dizzying moment of panic overcame him, forcing Neji to break the kiss to take in deep breaths in an attempt to slow his rapidly beating heart.

Where do we go from here?

He looked at Gaara, who was also gazing at him with steady eyes, the mocking attitude now gone. Neji didn't miss the heaving of the redhead's chest, the visible movement of his Adam's apple. No matter how indifferent Gaara tried to be, it was obvious that he was also fighting an internal battle of his own.

Neji tried to make sense of the situation, to figure out what the next logical step would be. A talk maybe, or should he just say good night and leave it at that? He decided it was easier not to think. Neji turned off his mind and decided to go on impulse.

"Get on the bed." Neji was surprised at his own command. He sounded more sure than he felt, but he found that he could no longer fight against whatever it was that drew him to the man before him.

Gaara's eyes were flashing at him defiantly, challenging Neji to repeat such a daring request.

Neji knew his next statement was a gamble. Gaara would either comply, or he would leave, and Neji would most likely never see him again.

"Stop looking at me like that. We both know you want it as much as I do, so get on the bed."

There was a long pause in which Gaara didn't move, but just stared pointedly at Neji. Neji wondered what exactly it was that he drank that made him believe that Gaara would even listen to such a demand. It was far more likely that the psychotic look would return and Gaara would commence beating the shit out of him.

To his relief, Gaara brushed past him, walked to the head of the bed, and deliberately sat down on the bed for a beat before swinging his legs onto the mattress. He leaned back against the wall, arms crossed for effect, and continued to glare daggers at Neji.

Neji smirked back at him.

"Take off your shirt."

Gaara's eyes flared. He languidly pulled at the hem of his shirt, pulling it up and over his head, and tossed it angrily at Neji's bare chest. It was an act to let Neji know that he was only doing this because he wanted to.

Neji caught the shirt briefly before letting it slip through his fingers to fall to the ground. Neji knew he was pushing it. Gaara didn't look too happy at that last command.

Gaara's body was well toned, not too muscular, but not as skinny as Neji had thought. Neji let his eyes explore the newly exposed flesh and shot Gaara an appreciative look, a promise that his obedience would be rewarded.

Neji had never been a shy lover; some would even call him aggressive. But no lover had left his bed unsatisfied, a fact that he secretly prided in. Gaara would be no different.

Neji came to the faint realization that he had never had sex with a man. His only experience with anything anal was with a particularly kinky girl back in college. He had been shocked by the many things she had asked him to do, but was now grateful for the extra knowledge.

And if all else fails, well, he knew what felt good to him…Surely Gaara's body would respond in the same ways?

Neji moved from the foot of the bed over to where Gaara was sitting. Looking down at the figure on the bed, Neji wondered briefly at exactly what he was getting himself into. Effectively shutting off his mind again, he climbed on top of the bed, straddling the smaller man beneath him.

Here goes…

Before Gaara could protest, Neji was attacking his lips, abandoning the slow pace that had dominated their kiss earlier.

Gaara wondered who this new person was that was assaulting him. He had thought Neji would be reserved, calm and collected like all Hyuugas seemed to be. He was pleasantly proved wrong. Neji's tongue had invaded his mouth, the wetness stroking his own tongue. He was being nibbled and sucked on and so thoroughly kissed that all he could do was respond in kind and hope that he could remember to breathe.

Neji's chest was pressed against his with a warmth that was threatening to burn him alive. He felt Neji grind his hips, the movement causing Neji's chest to rub against sensitive nipples. Gaara let out a groan before he could stop himself.

Neji pulled back, removing himself from Gaara's lap. "Lay down. Take off your pants."

Gaara complied unthinkingly. Neji was right. There was no point in him pretending he didn't want it. They had already gotten this far, and he couldn't stop now even if he'd summoned all his will power to do so.

Neji was on him the second he was flat on his back. Gaara didn't even have a chance to pull down his zipper before Neji was kissing trails down his neck. A rush of air escaped his lips in his attempt to suppress another moan. Neji was sucking on the hollow of his neck, an erogenous zone he didn't even know existed. A shiver raced up his spine when he felt cool air brush against his skin where Neji had exhaled.

He was still feebly concentrating on ridding himself of his pants when Neji latched onto his earlobe, chasing away all thoughts from his mind. He felt the Hyuuga bat his hands away, a strong tug finally shoving his pants and his boxers down his legs, while a foot pushed them off his ankles.

Gaara pouted momentarily. It wasn't fair. Neji still had pants on.

Neji was somewhat surprised when Gaara threw him down on his back. He had been so determined about pleasing Gaara that he had forgotten about his own needs. Gaara's hand fumbled around his waistline, shoving down his sweats while a hot mouth descended on his nipple. He hissed at the sudden sensation and was even more turned on when he recognized the hardness pressing into his thigh for what it was.

His train of thought was lost when Gaara's tongue flicked across his nipple, only to circle it once and then lick it again. Gaara's other hand was absently stroking his chest, sending tingles through his body. Neji tried to pull himself together.

Gaara paused. He looked down at Neji's cock, unaware that he was openly staring, the debate over whether to touch it or not clearly written on his face. Neji's seized Gaara's moment of hesitation to move the focus away from himself.

He told himself he wanted this to be about Gaara, but he knew he was still desperately grasping at the thinning threads of control he still clung to. He didn't want to let go, not yet.

Gaara felt a hand close around his cock, and bit down on Neji's nipple in response. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the sensation of his arousal being slowly pumped by Neji's hand. Neji was pushing back on his chest, forcing him to lay down again while still keeping up the rhythmic stroking.

Neji's eyes were cloudy with arousal as he watched Gaara's face contort in pleasure. Neji leaned down to kiss him again, and Gaara opened his mouth willingly, letting the Hyuuga taste him. Neji pulled back, giving him a seductive smile. Gaara was unsure what that look meant but was quickly provided answers when Neji's tongue made itself known on the underside of his cock.

Gaara didn't try to suppress the guttural groan that emerged from the depths of his being. Neji was gently running his tongue over Gaara's balls and the sensitive flesh underneath them. Gaara bit down on his lip when he felt Neji pull his sac into his mouth. Two fingers began to caress the tip of his hardness, spreading the wetness there.

Gaara let out a strangled growl when a hot mouth encased his cock. Neji used his mouth to work Gaara's hardness from tip to base, making his erection slick with saliva. Gaara dimly registered the wet popping sound as Neji sucked him off.

He tensed, feeling Neji's finger beg entrance to a very foreign place in his body.

"What…what are you doing?" he sputtered.

Neji's mouth made its way back to the tip of his cock where he murmured, "Relax," before traveling back down.

One digit, wet with precum, slowly entered his body, and just as slowly slid back out.

Gaara frowned. He wasn't sure he liked this new turn of events. It felt a little uncomfortable. Neji's finger slid back in, deeper this time. Gaara's breathing hitched, his stomach muscles convulsing.

No, he liked it, he liked it a lot. Especially when Neji hit that spot…oh god…

His cock hit the back of Neji's throat just as Neji's fingers were shoved back inside him. He arched his hips upwards, causing the Hyuuga to gag, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It felt like Neji was swallowing him whole…

…And god, he was using two fingers now.

He was panting heavily now, his muscles twitching in the wake of these new sensations. Neji's mouth had never ceased their ministrations as his fingers continued to probe. Gaara felt the coil in his lower stomach tighten, the heat beginning to spread. He reached down to fist Neji's hair.

"Neji." His voice came out in a breathless whisper. "Shit…I'm gonna…fuck."

Gaara let out a labored groan, his eyes closed tightly, as he clenched his muscles and pushed deeper into Neji's mouth.

The heat washed over him, his muscles finally relaxing and the tension leaving his body. He idly stroked Neji's hair as the Hyuuga's lips traveled up his length one last time.

Neji, too shocked to do otherwise, swallowed. Drinking cum: decidedly not as bad as the protein shakes he used to drink every morning.

Gaara found that at that moment, he no longer cared what this all meant, what it could mean in the morning. He pulled Neji up for a lazy kiss. His hand trailed down Neji's stomach and across his hip bone, but was stopped before it reached its destination.

Startled, Gaara looked up at Neji, questioning. Neji rolled over onto his back, sighing loudly. He shifted his hips, pulling the covers over them.

"It's ok, Gaara, you don't have to." He turned his head to place a soft kiss on Gaara's shoulder.

"But you…"

Neji chuckled, a deep rumble in his chest accompanying the warm sound. Neji rolled onto his side, back towards his Gaara. "Really, I don't mind. Go to sleep, Gaara."

Bastard! I'm a bastard! Neji silently berated himself. I don't want him to touch me because I'm scared, and I'm a bastard.

Neji, a grown man of 23, a man who wasn't even scared of Hyuuga Hiashi, found that what he feared most at that moment, was intimacy. Giving in to his need to be touched, to be loved, was more than he could handle.

Neji felt he deserved the hangover and the severe case of blue balls he would have the next morning.

A/N: This chapter has been tweaked. Feel free to leave any comments!

Thanks to all those that have been reviewing. Your comments really help and are really encouraging for someone new like me!