Black Comfort

Rated: PG-13 for language, sexual content, darker subjects
Character Leads: Bellatrix, Sirius
SHIPS: If you want to implied Bellatrix/Sirius, implied Sirius/Remus
A rather long one-shot, about six thousand words. My frist attempt at Sirius/Bellatrix. It's rather implied. The Sirius/Remus is extremely, extremely, EXTREMELY implied.

"Men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil." -Bible

"The face of 'evil' is always the face of total need." -William S. Burroughs

Blood is thick like chocolate milk. You noticed the consistency when you first cut your wrists, smiling at the red droplets now dotting the wooden floors. They never faded.

Your smile went from naughty to evil within days. Your mother screamed at you that showing so much of your breasts was shameful to the family. We all know she was just jealous because her husband preferred you.

And you used it. Before you had your first period you were your father's sexual fantasty fulfilled. And you were all too aware of the darkner part of the pureblood world.

You pulled your youngest sister in with you, introducing Narcissa to cigarettes before she reached her teenage years. You tortured cats and baby birds we fire and stones. You once lit your maid's hair on fire.

Why were you so unhappy, Bella? You could have had the world at your firgertips. And you had to do was smile, ask. You were so brilliant, but you preferred nurturing your body to your mind. Or, rather, having others nurture it for you.

I could never hate you, Bella, as much as I tried. You were so lost, so broken. You were your own fear.

I heard you puking in Uncle Draconi's guest bathroom over the winter holidays during 'family bonding'. The words 'diet' and 'fat' came out of your mouth more than once at those six-course dinners.

You were your own enemy. You hated yourself. You were beautiful, thin, intelligent, and powerful. You fucked your father, Lucius, and Rod because you felt desirable during the act. Afterwards, you felt like a disease. They could never stop gawking, not even after Lucius and Narcissa began dating.

And the other men stared at you asi if your breasts were exposed. Why did you take it, Bella? You know you could have stopped them. One whine, one curse.

And then, in your seventh year, you became the first female Death Eater, receving the Mark before either your fiance, Severus, or Lucius. Andromeda tried so hard to talk you out of it. What curse did you use again? And Narcissa simply told you a woman's place was not fighting men's wars.

It was the first time I'd heard you laugh in . . . had it really been years?

You screamed at me, had sex with Rod, jinxed Lily, had sex with Lucius, and felt better about your anger.

Well, not entirely. But you wouldn't have been Voldemort's pet if you could keep that temper under control. Your Mark come only after another man violated you, but you loved him like no other. Your love was more of a fanatical obsession than roses and Shakespeare, but you loved him, Bella.

And even after you got that ugly burn on your arm, I couldn't hate you. You were my blood, Bella. What good would hatred have done?

But you wanted me to hate you. You wanted my hatred more feverishly than I wanted your redemption. I suppose the more distant you got from the world, the deeper the numbness sank it. And when you were the chief amusement at Death Eater parties, I can only imagine the lighter side of not feeling.
---
I remember the night I caught you leaving my father's chambers. You hadn't lost all your modesty. You still had the decency to blush in your silk robe.

Had I used force against you before that night? All I remember is throwing you against the wall and then our conversation. You glared at me and then brought a hand up to smooth your hair. "Why do you do this to yourself, Bella?"

You glared at me more, your beautiful eyes growing darker. "Do what?" Your innocent charmed worked on everyone . . . save me.

"You're a whore, Bella." I snapped. "A prostitute, a slut." I took a deep breath. "You're a broken little girl."

You slapped me and reached for your wand. Unfortunately, you didn't reach it before a tear ran down your cheek. You wiped at it furiously. "I know what I am, Sirius." you said in a voice that would make Voldemort cry. "What are you?"

I reached out and tentatively stroked your cheek. "I don't know yet." I said honestly.

"I know." you said viciously. "You're like me, just a broken little boy. You're jealous. They love me like they'll never love you."

I pulled my hand away. "They don't love you, Bella. They love your body."

You nodded, as if you agreed with me. "Loving my body is better than nothing.

I began to open my mouth, but you kissd me. "You love me, Sirius. You love me because I'm like you."

And you were. You were so like me. But you were able to walk away, as I was not.

Some would argue that, saying you weren't able to walk away from the Death Eaters, from Voldemort, your loveless marriage, and the sex. But you never did want to talk away from those things, just you you did not want to walk away from me. But you did.

You know I could have missed the damned Veil, but what for? I think I loved you more than anyone, even James, even Remus, even Harry. I couldn't stand that look in your eyes when they met mine.

I teased you, knowing your temper would get the better of you. It seems noble, sacrificing myself for you, just so you want be able to walk away from me forever. Remus screamed as he recognize the look in my eye. Lily's eyes--dammit--Harry's eyes silent followed my fall.

And I saw you turn away from me. For the final time, I saw you leave.

And for the first and last time in my life, I look away from you. You never looked so beautiful as I fell through the Veil.

And I--I never felt so alive.

I hope you take a piece of me with you . . .
And there's this burning, just like there's always been
And I've never been so alone
And I . . . and I . . . I've never been so alive
-Third Eye Blind, "Motorcyle Drive By"