Author's Note: Hey again. Writing seems to be going well, as this is chapter 5. I hope you enjoyed chapter 4. And to those of you who griped about my usage of Japanese, look at the brackets after phrases, which nearly without fail (except in cases of the very obvious) contain concise translations. In any case, I think things are going to pick up speed now that I can shift some attention back to Tokyo-3, yet of course, that isn't my main story arc, as this IS a Rei/Shinji fic. Look out for some appearances from some of our favorites like Kaoru and Everyone's Favorite Old Geezers (SEELE). On a side note, I love those guys. It's actually very, very amusing to listen to them in the original Japanese cuts especially in the latter episodes and End of Eva. The voice actors were just so over the top, so Japanese 'Charlton Heston/James Earl Jones' that it gets sort of funny. I recommend those of you who like a good laugh to pay attention to their absurd yet well done vocals. Without further ado, Chapter 5. Also, be on the lookout for asterisks. I'll include little blurbs on them if I use an asterisk after something at the closing A/N .
Disclaimer: It all belongs to Gainax/Kadokawa Shoten. None of this is mine, no matter how much I loiter in their offices, bribing people with Krispy Kremes.
Chapter 5: Escape to the Beginning – Conspiracy Unfolding
Somewhere in Sendai,
Miyagi Prefecture.
Shinji stood just behind the yellow line of a JR train track, waiting at a metro station in lower Sendai for the inbound metro train to arrive. It was relatively populated inside the belowground station, and people were milling about: students in their seifuku, salary men in their neatly pressed suits and the average citizens, going about their evening. The day was ending and so was Shinji's, an unfruitful day of job-seeking.
Nearby, in the corner, attached to a pillar, a TV set owned by JR was turned to the NHK (Japanese Broadcasting Network) and the NHK evening news program, 'Across Japan'. The reporter went on...
"Two days ago in the city of Tokyo-3, two military officers killed in the Okinawa terrorist action, Ikari Shinji, and Ayanami Rei, were laid to rest in a private area of a local Shinto shrine. The two young officers served as part of the JSSDF..."
Shinji couldn't help but snicker at the whole falseness of it. Actually, he was rather surprised they'd bothered reporting it at all. He would have thought his father and sub-commander Fuyutsuki would have made sure there was no media coverage, but, perhaps they just needed the support for the JSSDF, in terms of sympathy. The representatives of the Japanese Strategic Self-Defense Forces always seemed so dour and irate when he ever saw them at NERV.
Wearing a pair of glasses that he didn't actually need, Shinji looked significantly different, subjectively, than his 'old self'. And he dressed the part too, wearing a semi-formal, button down shirt and tie, as well as slacks. Hopefully, no one would recognize him as someone supposed to be dead.
Finally, the train pulled up with a large amount of noise, and within moments, he and his traveling compatriots filed in and took their seats, heading out from the station with no fanfare, and for the most part, very little breathing room. As the train continued its travels out towards the outskirts, Shinji's mind roved. He couldn't help feeling ashamed of himself at not being able to find himself a job after a couple of days of looking, especially in a bustling place like Sendai. It was unfortunate, but he couldn't face Rei, knowing she was doing the grunt work. Maybe it was a little premature, but he couldn't help it.
On the bright side, he considered, they had settled in well and were already developing a routine. He hadn't yet accustomed to having Rei sleep side-by-side with him, but appearances did have to be kept up, and it wasn't uncomfortable, and Rei seemed to like it. Admittedly, he enjoyed certain aspects of it, mainly since it meant being near Rei, who now, to him, was his only actual link to the world. Steadily, they began to cherish their time together.
Noisily, with much jostling, the train continued on.
Tokyo-3, NERV
Gendou sat in front of the members of the Instrumentality Project's council. Namely were Chairman Kihi, and his usual four stooges, members of SEELE no doubt. All of this, of course, was through holographic conference.
"NERV Japan is back in operation." Commander Ikari informed dispassionately, but with confidence. "I see no reason for this concern."
Kihi disagreed. "Even if the Marduk Agency has provided you with a new Pilot, that still leaves us with money being put to waste on two EVA Units that have no pilots. And also, the Dummy Plug initiative..."
"Is at a halt, yes, but not indefinitely. We are in the process of re-distillation." Ikari countered before Kihi could go any further on the subject.
"We shall see about that, Ikari-kun." He snorted. As an afterthought, after all the other members of the project signed off, he added, "And I am not authorizing you to commandeer Nagisa yet. It is too soon. If he finds Adam..."
"Not even the Dead Sea Scrolls secrets will save us, I know. Third Impact. However, you gave me this position, now let me do my job, Chairman." Ikari interrupted again, sounding neither deferential nor impudent.
Kihi considered this, then nodded. "Very well, Ikari-kun, but as always, you are not to create your own scenario. Take any measures necessary to continue according to plan. And, of your search efforts?"
"So you do know." Ikari smiled wryly. "We will have the First Child in our hands soon."
"Good. Do not fail us Ikari-kun. Take care." With that, Kihi's image disappeared.
After that, Gendou turned in his chair and faced Agent Ryoji Kaji. He stared at him expectantly for a few moments before the smug, yet somehow respectful officer and odd-job errand boy for NERV responded.
"They're alive, Ikari-shirei. This..." Kaji, dressed in his NERV uniform, pulled the ID card from a pocket and tossed it onto Ikari's desk. "Proves that they weren't in the blast radius."
"You returned? Why." There was an implicit question just by word choice as Ikari gazed down unflinchingly at his son's photograph scornfully. Because of his insolence, they had more problems now than he cared for.
Kaji straightened. He had long since decided on how to handle the Commander on this issue. It helped that Sub-Commander Fuyutsuki was nearby, standing behind Ikari. It was a matter of making his report sound authoritative without making him sound as if he was leading NERV around the bush.
"Okinawa is a large island, by its standard in scale. The other Ryukyu Islands are numerous, as you know sir, and they've probably jumped ship onto any one of those islands." He began, after clearing his throat and saluting. "it is unlikely they went back to Kyushu or Honshu, considering the level of visibility in the airports. They're too smart for it. Therefore I request more men to scour the islands."
Fuyutsuki ended his perpetual silence with a grunt. "Why just come back to mainland Japan, where we have control, if they intend to flee? Perhaps they think that by staying in the islands, they could maybe even leave the country."
"True enough." Ikari agreed tentatively. He would give it the necessary time, but if Ryoji failed to deliver results, he would no doubt eliminate him from the equation. He already knew of his contacts in Kyoto, and he and Ryoji had a tacit understanding that for the moment, he was safe, but with numbered days. "I will assign direction of half of Section 2 to your disposal, with the cooperation of Captain Katsuragi."
"Are you sure that's wise, Ikari?" Fuyutsuki interjected. While he was willing to buy time, he couldn't support such an obvious invitation for the children's guardian to indefinitely prolong the investigation. He, was as of yet undecided, but he preferred to play it safe.
"It was her idea to have the First and Third Children sent to Okinawa. If she doesn't return them, or at least get pertinent information, then she will be removed." Ikari informed stonily, conscious of the dangers from both sides.
"Then do we make her aware, sir?" Kaji probed.
Ikari shook his head. "No. There is no reason to. She believes she is seeking out their murders."
"Hai." Kaji saluted again, and after being dismissed, exited the room into the hall. After giving a flirtatious wave and a wink to Gendou's secretary, he entered the elevator, and stood pensively, loosening his uniform collar. He just risked both his own life and Katsuragi's position in NERV, for what? Giving the kids a vacation? No. It was more than that. Even if he couldn't tell Misato the truth, she would have understood. He felt he could understand what Shinji had been thinking. No one fights Angels because they like it. Even Asuka piloted EVA because of the fame, not necessarily the 'thrill of battle'. If anything, EVA was the last thing Shinji needed. Maybe Shinji would escape, but eventually, Rei would have to return, or be sacrificed. Eventually, the Dummy Plug would activate Unit 01, and that would be that, no Ikari Shinji required to fight. It was only a matter of time. But until then, there was the pesky dilemma of what to do about Ayanami.
In the end, I'm only buying her more days of life until she will be brought back or killed. Am I wrong for it? Kaji asked himself before the elevator doors opened again. In ether case, it would buy him time to investigate NERV further, and hopefully, find out just what SEELE was up to.
When the doors opened, in stepped perhaps the last person Kaji felt like facing at the moment. But in any case, he forced a lecherous grin onto his face and bowed slightly as Katsuragi Misato, purple hair pulled into a ponytail, carrying a stack of papers, snack bar in mouth, strided into the elevator and elbowed a button on the panel.
"Oy, Misato..." He greeted informally.
After Misato finished her bit of snack, she gave him an annoyed sideways glance. "What do you want, baka?"
"To feel your lips pressed against mine, of course," he bowed again as if it were a great thing, and mock-humbled himself.
"Pervert. I stopped dating you years ago, Kaji-kun, wake up, please. Isn't Ritsuko being nice enough to you? Hit on her." Misato grumbled, leafing through her planning and status reports from the security divisions of NERV.
"Not quite. Anyhow. Katsuragi...is your job and vendetta here at NERV so much that you're willing to risk so much for it?" He asked suddenly, turning towards her and resting his back to an elevator wall. Meanwhile, the elevator's floor-counter ticked incessantly in the background, marking their ascent.
Misato was about to glare at him, but now caught flat-footed, fumbled for a reasonable response. Was it because of her ambivalence concerning her father that he was questioning her motives now? Surely no, because he long since knew of it. Was it because the children were dead? He knew how much those deaths impacted her. So what was the reason? What was the proper response? She couldn't find one. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Is it so important you're willing to risk the lives of people dear to you?" he urged her to reply.
"Who, Kaji? I have nobody, stop talking nonsense! What are you talking about?" she bit back, annoyed at his strange line of questioning. What was he getting at? Was he saying it was her fault the children died? Oh, no he wouldn't. She cared too much about them to let that stand, and wouldn't now. "If you even THINK that I didn't care about them—"
She was cut off when Kaji waved a hand. "No, never mind, it wasn't anything important, Katsuragi. I'm just being annoying."
"So yo!" [Damn straight].
Asano Residence
Same Evening.
"Tada-imaaa!" Shinji arrived home after getting off the train and walking to the first floor apartment he shared with Ayanami Rei. She was probably not yet home, but the ritual felt slightly comforting even if there wasn't anyone to welcome him back. At this point, there were things that would keep his mind of the questions he needed to address regarding his desertion of NERV, and ritual helped him forget to do so. Besides, it wasn't entirely negative or a bad habit, since he did in fact live with someone he cared about.
Slipping off his shoes, Shinji entered the living room and sat down on the couch. The sun was almost done setting, and darkness would soon encompass the little residence, and with it, Sendai. There was a startling amount of symbolic imagery here, he noted silently. The sunset represents an end to the day, perhaps the most obvious of such images. In their room, facing the east, was the sunrise. Was it fate that the images of beginnings and endings graced their home? It chilled him a little, but he promptly shrugged off his superstition and switched on his SDAT player.
He wondered how Rei had been faring at work. Her hours were long, and she woke up early in the day to catch the train to go to her job, and came back near dusk, or just a little after it. Shinji would try to find leads on work, and when that failed, toiled listlessly at home, wishing Rei were around, if only to make him feel more at easy. It was astoundingly selfish, he knew, but at the moment he couldn't bring himself to just move on. Rei seemed to be doing fine, why couldn't he? After all it had been his idea to leave NERV, and he had hoped he could someday, ever since fighting the Third and Fourth Angels, experiencing the pain and anguish of battle. The horrors of seeing the headless, yet living Eva.
Another thing occurred to him. Although he was fond of Rei, and considered her a friend, he knew next to nothing about her, besides her deplorable living habits and her connection to his father, who apparently had taken care of her since her youth. Even though he knew she had replaced him in his father's eyes, he couldn't blame her for it—it wasn't her fault for existing and she did abandon Gendou. He decided to ask Rei about her past, which was so shrouded in mystery and silent secrecy. But how should he broach the subject?
Shinji was asking himself about that when he saw the front door crack open, then swing fully open, admitting a well-dressed Ayanami Rei into their home. She said nothing for the moment until she took off her shoes and stepped onto the teak flooring of the main room. "Tadaima." [I'm home]
"Okaeri, Rei-chan." [Welcome Back...] he replied happily, taking off his headphones and standing up to greet her. For a moment, he fumbled, but then, decided to be forward and gave her a welcoming hug.
Rei seemed to stiffen for a little until she remembered that they no longer were just casual friends but living companions, not just fellow pilots or co-workers. Belatedly, she relaxed and returned the embrace with as much warmth as she could muster at that moment, unsure of what to do next. She settled on something practical, and asked after his job prospects.
Shinji reddened with embarrassment, and hung his head, resting it against her shoulder. "Nothing yet."
"Do not be embarrassed, Shinji, I am working and our money can hold out yet a month, so there is plenty of time." She reassured him, hugging him a little more forcefully, assuming it would help comfort him, like she did at night. It worked, for the most part, because Shinji lifted his head and stared straight at her. But something was odd there.
She examined his expression, and asked, "Is there something you wish to discuss? You appear preoccupied." When he nodded, she motioned for them to sit down, as she'd been standing on the crowded subway all of late afternoon and was tired. "What is it?"
Carefully, Shinji began to phrase his question. Being diplomatic about it seemed best, but he was worried that wordplay would be lost to her, since Rei was always to the point, and very, very direct. Yet she also didn't like talking about herself, considering she never, ever spoke of herself unless prompted to. The only real piece of information he'd gleaned earlier was that she couldn't eat meat, or animal products with certain strings of amino acids and complex proteins.
"Rei-chan, I know this may sound strange, since it never really came up before," he paused, glancing from her scarlet eyes to his hands intermittently, "But, I think it would be good for both of us to know more about each other, you know, if we're going to live with each other like this. About our past, so to speak. So we can get along better."
Rei was bemused, and stared blankly. "But I already know your past, Shinji, I read your file when we worked at NERV, the commander told me to do so."
Slightly frustrated, and on a deeper level, angered at her mention of his father, Shinji resolved himself to be more blunt. "What I meant, Rei-chan, is I barely know anything about you, and it's strange, since I care about you, yet the only things I know are the moments I've been around you and your eating habits."
Taken aback, Rei sat in silence for several moments. Her eyes averted from Shinji, and her hands folded on her lap, clasping each other tightly for support. How could she carry on? Would he insist on asking? To her, the origins she had were just that, and she knew they were unorthodox, but that didn't make her feel less alive. No, she was not a doll, but would Shinji think so? She realized that there was only one way to find out, unless she wanted to be constantly reminded of it, and doubtful that Shinji could see her as a person or not.
"I will tell you," she broke the discomforting silence, eyes roving from the windows back to Shinji's flustered face. "only if you promise to me, that you will tell no one else, and I ask you, to still treat me as you do now."
"Rei-chan, you're my friend!" Shinji persisted. "What could you possibly be hiding that would change that?"
"Perhaps you would not say that after you hear what I have to say, Shinji." She replied softly, sinking into the sofa. "Do you promise?"
"Of course, Rei." He said soberly, swearing it. He watched Rei for any sign of an emotional response. She relaxed a little, but her sagging into the seat was left up to interpretation. Rei seemed to have a completely different vocabulary when it came to body language, and making sense of it was a feat for Shinji.
Rei took a deep breath, and let it out, before even trying to speak. Why was she so afraid all of a sudden? There were few times Ayanami Rei had experienced fear, yet this, trivially it appeared, was one of those rare occasions. Was it that she didn't believe in Shinji? No, Shinji would not consciously betray her, and she knew that. But would his tormented heart betray his words, and her trust in him? Again, she had to trust, and currently, given their situation, she was given no choice but to trust him, and no others.
"I," she stumbled, but promptly found the words soon after, "was created by your father as a being created from both Angel, and Human DNA, with certain elements taken from the LCL that was the only 'remains'" she said that with emphasis, pointing out how tenuous the analogy was, "and a blood sample from your mother, who provided after her death the human base of the DNA, along with several others. My Angel DNA is made up wholly of Lilith, Second Angel's DNA structures. It by technical definition, makes me something other than human. The objective was to have a cross-synchronization program that would be able to run the Evangelions remotely. The Dummy Plug Program. I therefore, am expendable, and can be killed."
Shinji was aghast, and his eyes wide, tears began to stream down them. He seemed to question her with those blue hues, pleading for this to not be the truth.
"To do this, multiple clones had to be made, to have my own brain patters so that the Eva Units would not reject the program. I have also come to believe that I have already died at least once. I lost nearly all memory of my youth, living with your father except for very unclear images, well beyond the formulating age of memories. My soul is transferable, created, and distilled from Lilith, who is in Terminal Dogma, recovered from Antarctica after Second Impact. It is very likely NERV knows I am still alive, since they cannot take my soul into a new body at Terminal Dogma."
The boy had fallen silent by now, and the tears flowed without vocal support, he was too stunned to even cy out now, or sob. It was horrifying, the sheer...words did not express it.
"My primary purpose now is to help create Third Impact, and as such I have begun to develop an S2 core within me, where a normal human female would have a uterus. Therefore I can also not have children, as I was not intended to do so." Rei was near breakdown as well. She had not told anyone of this. There had been no one who needed to hear it from her. And it hurt Shinji so much, but she had to go on. "I was to Commander Ikari, a shell, a reminder of his wife until Third Impact, when all would be united under Instrumentality."
On the couch, Shinji had prostrated himself, and had his head buried near her thighs, and she could feel his anguished tears, either for Rei's lack of humanity, or for his utter disgust, she did not know which. They soaked her skirt, and she felt their moisture on her skin. Reaching with pale, slender hands, she cradled his head, his shoulders, in effort to stop his shaking. After a while it worked, and she tilted his head up, pushing on his shoulder to lift him a little.
"Shinji....do you still care about me?" she asked, her voice hoarse. She was on the verge of tears as well, because drudging up those thoughts hurt both Shinji and herself a great deal. It was no easy thing, knowing that one's existence was someone's plot and whim. "Please, Shinji, speak to me."
Shinji looked up to Ayanami with reddened eyes, blinking away hot tears of rage. He was not disgusted with her, but rather, was infuriated with the world, with his father, with God even, for allowing Rei to be that way, for allowing her to have to suffer so much because of someone's insane wish. He hated them all, because he was now with someone who was, except in the sense of spirit, not human, and could not help her, as much as he wanted to. The kind of rage he had was so impotent, and then, the anguish and sadness of knowing that somehow, part of his own mother was alive in Rei, though infinitesimal. "Rei-chan..."
His utterance seemed to have a strange impact on her, as she began to hold him even tighter. "Rei-chan...I still care...I..." He tried to make words come out, "My father..." he choked, "my mother...all of it..."
"Is true, but, yet, you still care about me." Rei affirmed for him, embracing him, feeling the need for it. Not just for Shinji's benefit either, lest he see her hands begin to shake from the repressed anger within herself. It was not without a certain irony people called her a doll, and she was the heart of the 'dummy' plug system.
Shinji nodded, before wrapping his arms around Rei so tightly, she gasped for breath. Then, she knew, that his caring and affection for her were real: his anger was not at her, for her deception. It was anger at everything –else-. "I...can't help you Rei, but...I want to...so much...they used you, worse than me..."
"I know," she said consolingly. "But no longer."
He clung to her protectively, as if the very walls would jump out and commit another atrocity against this beautiful being he cared for long before he knew her terrible, blasphemous secret. He knew, at a certain level, how unholy her creation had been. If God had a personality, he would have been the 'destroying, vengeful God' Christians so loved to refer to, the Almighty God. Yet, her spirit was holy, because it was of Lilith. She had the S2 organ, which made her Angelic, even if it was a play on words. If she were worse than any human being for her twisted existence, she was equally better than them for her purity in form and function. How could his father dare play with his mother like so? Now that he realized it, his impressions of Rei being motherly were probably an echo of some hereditary gene, some genetic fluke that showed itself on the surface. A haunting phenotype. How could he play with Rei that way, create a human being—if genetically marred, even if Angels were nearly genetically identical to humans—for that purpose. What justified such a hideous mimicry from such a sick, warped mind? He hated his father even more, and felt even more strongly for Rei than before. If he could not care for her, who would? She, who would have gladly given herself up in the fires of the Fifth Angel so that he might live, she who fled with him, stayed faithful at his side; who would care for her, love her, watch over her? Certainly not his father, in his perverted, crazed, half-delusional and manipulative way.
Still with tears rolling down his cheeks and onto Rei's slender, bony shoulder and pale neck, Shinji vowed that he would be better, the better Ikari. He had to. He knew it was futile, in a sense, because of his own pathetic tendencies, but at least it was something. It was something for the only person who seemed to give him real worth, who even now, he felt, shaking, worried he didn't like her anymore, didn't want her around anymore. It was the strangest sensation, the strangest emotion he'd ever felt, because it was so powerful, so ever-present, and so –fierce-. And with fierce protection, warmth, and longing, for happiness, for joy, for better days.
Rei was dealing with something similar, if less potently moving. She was overjoyed that Shinji had not rejected their friendship because of her true nature, her disturbing reality, and what it implied. She certainly didn't expect that reaction coming into this conversation, but she settled for it, since there really was nothing she could do. But what surprised her even more were her own feelings. She saw Shinji's anguish, his anger, which turned to protection, a need for comfort and giving comfort, an affection, and such loyalty as she had only seen in her mechanical allegiance to Commander Ikari, whom only now she realized, in looking through Shinji's eyes, was depraved. Craven. Maniacal.
She felt Shinji's warmth, his passionate sensitivity towards her. How? It was near instinctual. His promise had been kept, and he was more determined than she'd ever seen him, except in those times he fought Angels. Even then, that was different. He was an unwilling servant, like her. His 'passion' had been misdirected rage, it was diligence in seeking approval. This, however, was emotion for the sake of another. She felt it too; a deep want to never let Shinji go, or forget how strongly he felt towards her. She needed it, because that feeling he had for her, was the most anyone cared for her in her entire life. Knowing Gendou's ulterior designs, she knew that his was a caring that was surrogate, and false. To her, it had been lip service, but even lip service was good when you had nothing else. It was deception, love for the deceased. Why? Because she held the key to Third Impact where her womb should have been. She would give birth to a terrible child: the one of total annihilation, and that enthralled the Commander to no end. His Yui would spring forth from her willing sacrifice for him. She felt sick, but then remembered it was no longer true, because the person who felt for her possessed no such designs, and cared for her, Ayanami Rei, because she was...Ayanami Rei. Not the First Child, but 'Rei-chan'.
-Commander Ikari shall have me no longer, because now I will belong to Shinji, who cares for me, and needs me, who wants to protect me truthfully.- she thought, and vowed that she would never come back to NERV so long as the Commander drew breath, even if it meant she would die, only to be brought back to life, by an unholy device, and given life anew to suit his deeds. So long as she stayed with Shinji, so long as Shinji cared, she was safe. She was...home.
And Shinji, now done crying, but no less wracked with dry sobs, held her tightly still, pressing her against him for comfort, for warmth. "Rei-chan..."
"Yes, Shinji?" she tilted her head towards him inquisitively.
"Ai....aishiteiru."[I love you] he sobbed again, and pulled her face close to his, their cheeks touching softly, tenderly.
Rei was so deeply shocked that words eluded her for several seconds. So that was love, that feeling that Shinji displayed once his rage was spent? Was it love that she felt for him as well? What was love to begin with? Rei knew that the commander had loved his wife, so much that he would try to end the world's very existence for her. In his own way, that was his expression of devotion. Shinji's it seemed, like his father, was no less powerful. The commander never told her that though, never said to her those words, even as a child, or later. He 'cared' in a way that was not caring, not love, not affection. She was an item of nostalgia and affection for another. Now, she was the object of someone's most powerful and moving thoughts and feelings, that which was so plain, so real, that she felt so joyful of it, better than she ever did before, and more alive than ever before, because of that. Did she love him as well? Maybe. But she as of yet couldn't decide, but couldn't yet deny it. She knew what the traditional answer was, but did she feel that way? She needed more time to know what it was that lurked in her bosom for Ikari Shinji, who now was center in her own life.
"H...hai." Her choked and surprised voice managed only that, because her mind was not on forming words, but focused on comprehending the feelings and emotions within them both. –Love.- she mused, -the most beautiful of human emotions is what he feels for me. I have not known love.- Then, she recalled, -Loneliness is all that I know. Love is better than loneliness...-
Shinji knew exactly what he said. It may have been spur of the moment, but it didn't change how he felt for her. Rei was precious, sacred to him. It was true, that ever since he first spoke with her, first met her, he was fascinated by her. Then as they became pilots and comrades, the strange fondness developed. It was only a matter of time before he felt that way towards her. But he was happy for it.
But Shinji, being himself, was of course, worried, and also, stunned that she hadn't thrown him away, or rejected him, even after such a display. "Is it...alright, Rei-chan?"
Rei pulled away from him slightly as to view him, face to face, tear-streaked countenance to a now tearing, once pristine visage of a lonely girl with ice-blue, sky-like hair, now loved. Now...human as she never had been before.
"it is, Shinji," Rei assured with a nod. Then, she favored him with a weak, yet warm smile. "It always will be, Ikari Shinji. Your love...is...welcome...and comforting." Maybe it even made up for the fact that she was on borrowed time and energy. Maybe, just maybe, Rei was now really 'human', a real person whose soul was not for sale, because she possessed the love of another human being.
Ayanami Rei, for the first time in her memory, shed tears. Not of pain, but joy. She was never meant to feel loved. –She proved them wrong.-
"Shinji?" she blinked as those tears flowed slowly, her throat tight. "Is love...Is one capable of love, even if they do not know what it is?"
Shinji nodded, not quite understanding. At this juncture he was still a little out of it. Not insensitive, but overwhelmed. "Yeah. I don't think I've ever actually loved someone since I was a little kid, and even then that was different."
"Then, like you, because you do not know it yourself, I love you as well." She professed, smiling, then with a melancholy tone added, "I told you that I lived and Piloted because of my ties. Now I have better ties, and I no longer need Eva. I do not want to return to how I was before."
All Shinji could do was smile dumbfounded, gleefully accepting her words for all they worth. The last time he'd been so happy was when he knew Rei was safe after their battle with the Fifth Angel.
All they did that night, was manage to eat a little before going to bed. They hardly said a word. Each with so many thoughts in their heads, and such heady feelings that were entirely new, it was difficult to even do simple things. But eventually, they went to sleep.
For the first time in their lives, Ayanami Rei and Ikari Shinji went to sleep looking forward to what the next day would bring, with joy in their hearts replacing dread.
Tokyo-3 Outskirts
2:34 AM
Katsuragi Misato, Director of NERV Operations and Planning, stood, or rather, squatted before the two grave markers in the back plot of the Shinto temple on a mountainside that overlooked the Second Ashino Lake. The night air was cold, and chilled her even beneath her heavy, dark red jacket and thick cotton pants.
It was about a week now, since the deaths, and yet, for some reason, she felt as if it were not real. Denial, she knew, was a phase of the mourning process. It was so surreal, saying goodbye to two people she knew, so suddenly gone.
For once she didn't carry liquor with her, half out of respect for the shrine, half because she was already half-drunk anyways. It was her insomnia that brought her up here, that kept her staring at the two photos of Shinji and Rei. A young man, fatherless for all intents and purposes, and a blue haired apparition, dead to the world before she even actually died. Yet somehow... they had a truce, a sort of awkward comfort and agreement with each other in life.
She vividly remembered how easily the two performed the synchronization exercises together before Asuka gave it a second try, how easily they worked together against the Fifth Angel. She never saw them argue like he saw Asuka and Shinji go at it, claws out and blades going for blood. Well, at least on Asuka's side...Shinji was more like the defenseless puppy, or the whipped boyfriend.
Not around Rei. She heard the reports of how, in a very haunting fashion, so similar to his father, ran out of his EVA Unit 01 to make sure Rei was alright after her EVA 00 took significant fire, which could possibly have melted right through Unit 00. Even according to the teachers at the school, he normally looked at her.
And Rei, who threw herself unflinchingly into battle—knowing it was probably futile against the weaponry of Ramiei, the Fifth Angel. Of course, Rei was a willing soldier, but she so willingly took up the defense. Something told Misato it was for Shinji—she seriously doubted Rei would have acted so unthinkingly had it been Asuka in his stead. She knew too, of how she brought him meals in the NERV Infirmary ward, when medics or nurses would have done the same, and of how she sat watching him awaken from coma after coma.
"It's fitting they died together maybe," Misato murmured, "They were always so in tune..."
From what she heard from the surviving students, the two even sat together on the flight to Okinawa. Shinji didn't sit with the late Suzuhara or Kensuke, who even now mourned his friends. "Poor boy, he lost two friends too..."
She certainly felt the loss of the two pilots deeply. How dare Kaji ridicule her. Wasn't she out searching for their killers? Searching...as a member of NERV and as an enraged friend...a mother that never could have been a mother...but an Agent of NERV. –Now I have two vendettas- she noticed. Yet something was out of place with what Kaji said. He said risk, instead of risked. That implied something.
Things began to come together in Captain Katsuragi's head, like how the preliminary site examination turned up nothing. Before, perhaps due to her own grief, she missed that. Yet now, it was glaring. Just like dog-tags, NERV cards were made to be very resistant, a hard cousin of bakelite. Even in a fire, the only thing that wouldn't survive would be the magnetic strip that computers read. The actual card, burnt yes, and blackened, would remain, along with their internal chemical patterns, provided they were not thoroughly put to fire until there was so much chemical change they no longer had their original chemical composition. They had initially been designed for Section 2 officers who might end up in the line of fire, and so that they could be identified later. The reason dog tags had not been used for section 2 officers was two-pronged: access cards combined with something that would not become iron oxide in the event of explosion, ricochets, extreme heat, or more gruesomely, the passage of time and contact with air.
No such cards turned up in the report. The only people who saw that report were herself and the Commander and Sub-commander. And of course, one other person: Ryoji Kaji.
-is it so important you're willing to risk the lives of those dear to you?-
And when she pressed, he changed the subject. There was a question now in Misato's mind, and she would get an answer.
Ryoji apartment,
Tokyo-3
Kaji awoke to a loud banging at his door. At first, he thought it might be someone finally making a move against him, either SEELE, the Japanese Government, or NERV. But, he surmised as he cleared the cobwebs out of his head and gripped his gun, which lay on the bed stand, they wouldn't have been so polite as knock.
Then it was something else. Still, he kept the gun close. It was about three fifteen in the morning. He had to be sure. He went to the door, and cracked it open before swinging it wide, dodging to the side, and pointing the gun at whoever would be standing there.
Indeed, he found an opposing barrel in his face, but the person holding it was entirely another story. "Katsuragi?"
"Kaji-kun, what are you up to? You know something I want to know." She said quickly, pressing him further back into his apartment, closing the door with her foot.
Kaji chuckled dryly. "That depends on what, Misato." When he wanted to curry favor, he always resorted to calling her by her first name. Apparently this time it wouldn't work.
"You read the reports from Okinawa, and you were there, and you're going back. You're not stupid enough to have –not- noticed the lack of our pilots' NERV ID cards."
Actually, that had been something Kaji had only discovered on his second pass, before looking at the reports. He noticed it when they brought nothing out of the rubble except ashes, and shards of metal. It didn't go into the report as an item, it would have given away Ikari's agenda, so, it wasn't deemed necessary to add in.
Because he wrote the report. Wrote the report, and had it sent right to Ikari's desk.
"You've got me Misato, but do you want to know why?" Kaji sat on the edge of his bed and crossed his legs lazily, flouting the fact that Misato had the upper hand. He long since lowered his gun, knowing whether or not Misato fired was entirely out of his hands, and he of course, would not shoot her. "Why Commander Ikari is hiding it?"
Misato nodded, "And from SEELE."
"Exactly. Because at least one of them is still out there, and he doesn't want them to figure that out quite yet. If SEELE thinks that Ikari has been duped..." he trailed off, letting her put the pieces together.
"Then they'll be all the slower in recovering them and using them against NERV." She concluded. "But why? Why against the commander?"
"You don't expect someone with three EVAs to adhere to what old men have to say?" Kaji offered with a laugh.
"Because even if they had the U.N. budget cut, the EVAs would still run....they need Rei...-and- Shinji!" she finished, stunned that she hadn't realized it before. With Rei and Shinji in their hands, never mind Asuka, they would circumvent Commander Ikari entirely. That means they will be looking already, in earnest, for Rei and Shinji, should they be alive. It prompted her to ask. "Are they, Kaji? Are they alive?"
Kaji grinned, his classic, slightly lopsided, seductive gesture. "I guess I can't fool you, so disobeying Ikari's orders has been rendered an academic question. Yes. For the moment."
"Why is SEELE after them then? Just because the opportunity presented itself? It doesn't make sense." Even if she was now filled with hope, she was forced to question the obvious before buying the entire thing.
He shrugged. "Why not? It ensures that if Ikari messes up, they have exactly what he needs."
That of course, rose more questions. What was so important about Rei and Shinji that SEELE would be willing to get involved directly like this? Was Japan Industries influenced by SEELE? It was a possibility. Yet that also didn't make sense, because there would have been no way for SEELE to guarantee they didn't kill the children. Perhaps it was even a rogue element, yet that was something that was a long shot at the very best—SEELE was too tightly knit and organized to have internal strife. Few people even knew they existed, let alone could move agendas with them. The only reason Katsuragi knew was because she wanted to know exactly who was pulling her strings.
"Listen, Katsuragi, maybe not even all of SEELE knows what's going on. If we could confront Ikari with the evidence, maybe he can keep them off our backs. It's better than trusting them with the children." Kaji suggested and reminded her of how diabolical that secret organization could get. With power came corruption, and certainly, SEELE was –very- powerful. "Are you with me?"
"For the children's sake." She said.
Kaji tilted his head playfully to the side. "Are you sure that's not all? You want to find out why this is happening, right?"
Turning away from Kaji and looking to the doorway she'd entered through, Misato holstered her sidearm and sighed heavily. Shaking her head she walked towards the door. She wouldn't answer that yet—mainly because whatever answer she gave would just be a lie. She did though, throw Kaji a bone. "What do we do?"
"For that," he answered, lying back and closing his eyes, "We take a little trip."
End.
A/N: I know this one was a little longish, and somewhat convoluted towards the end. Writing the first section, with Rei and Shinji, was a little exhausting. Interestingly enough some of it was drawn on personal experience. No, no angels in my life (so you think XD!) but yes, it was hard to get it down right, especially for those two. Now, the bit with Misato, Kaji and SEELE. Should get interesting. Get prepared to visit some things little mentioned in either the manga or the series, and don't hope for anything. That's going to be the thriller arc to balance out the WAFFiness that will eventually develop with Rei and Shinji. But in that regard I'm not going to promise all roses either , Because everyone loves angst! Next episode: Exploring where love takes you, yet more job hunting, Evas, and Katsuragi and Kaji hit the streets of Kyoto. Don't miss next chapter: Trial and Error
Ah, and the 'asterisk endnotes'. For those of you patient enough to bear with my nuances, here are the complete endnotes and explanations to this chapter. These are for the nitpicky, and I felt like putting them in because I was far too bored and up too late. Some of this is just jargon or translation notes. Consider this your Audio Commentary track.
1. The NHK is the Japanese National Network of television, which offers a variety of viewer-funded (levied) channels and programming and helps run several major news journals as well. I figured it would be nice to give them a tip of the hat in 2014, considering they've been in business since WWII!
2. Chairman Kihi is referred to in different terms depending on your translated versions of Evangelion. The ADV Translation translated it to 'Keel' but I've decided from now on to stick to Kihi, mostly because it would have been the way they would have said it in Japanese (if they said it in the series, I can't actually remember).
3. That's a loose translation of a very strong 'that's right', which sounds better as the English phrase, 'DAMN STRAIGHT!'. A bootleg copy of NGE a friend of mine owns actually picked up on that.
4. 'Tadaima', of course, is a ritualized, scripted Japanese way of announcing your return home. You've probably heard it a lot by now, if you watch anime in Japanese or read manga in its original version (or of course, if you're Japanese ,
5. Ai shiteiru, as the translation said, means 'I love you'. However, I think for the most part the expression is sort of lost in translation, mainly because of the addition of a pronoun. I thought it would sound more guttural and emotional if he said something appropriately abbreviated. The expression 'daisuki' fits, but it's sort of un-manly (despite Shinji's lack of backbone and the fact he's voiced by a female voice actress in the Japanese version, I refuse to make him as girly as some would like).
6. This one, Rei saying 'Hai' as an answer, was purely taste. You'll notice that Rei usually says things that are either A) Very committed or B) The pinnacle of being a non-answer. It also sounds a little more like she was actually stunned by Shinji, sort of like when she saw the boys cleaning up her room, and went..."ariga...to," in something of a dumbstruck fashion. I thought long and hard about how she should react to Shinji, and I hope that Rei-fans will like it. A lot of work for a three word line, huh? I felt this needed explaining, and needed to be in Japanese because the equivalent, "Yes/okay/alright" doesn't sound very nice or sincere in that situation. Bottom line was I didn't want her to say she loved him right then and there, but I didn't want it to sound like she was blowing him off either. In light of that, omake!
"aishiteiru, Rei-chan!" Said shinji.
"...Okay..."
Shinji burst into tears, for he had been....shot down.
That's all of it folks, see ya next time. Hope you enjoyed all of this chapter, including the endnotes and my half psychotic attention to useless details.
Kazuhiko Kazuki