Thanks so much for your reviews. They are appreciated! Here's chapter 5. Hope you are all enjoying the story.
They arrived home late in the day, and went straight to a debriefing with General Hammond. It was late after the debriefing and she decided she would just stay at the SGC.
She hadn't had a real shower in months. She turned on the hot water and let it hit her face. She scrubbed her hair, washing it at least twice. Dumping almost half a bottle of conditioner on her hair, she stood for what seemed like an hour under the warm water. It had been a long day. Coming back to the base was a little strange after being away for over three months. Everything looked the same, the same smells, and noises. She knew the corridors like the back of her hand. She had often run through them in her mind to help her sleep at night when they were stranded.
They had crossed the line, she thought. Not badly, but bad enough. As the water fell over her face, she thought of what to do. The General would obviously be busy getting caught up the next day or so. She might get to see him, but they needed to figure out what was to happen next. Things could not go on; they couldn't go back to 'normal'. Too much had happened. They had allowed themselves to cross the line; had let their guard down.
They had thought there would be no rescue, that they would live out the rest of their days on that planet. Jack had said things would be sticky, she thought. He was right.
She shut the shower off and got dried off. She slipped into some clean clothes from her locker. She decided that she would just stay at the base. Sam decided that she would go tell Jack that she was staying at the base; sneak a chance to speak with him.
She knocked on his door.
"Come in"
She opened the door to find General Hammond there with O'Neill.
"Hello Colonel" Hammond said.
"Hello General." She said smiling. She looked over at O'Neill. He smiled at her. "I am going to stay on the base tonight sir, so if I am needed for anything, let me know."
"Okay Carter, I'll be around here too. Thanks."
She felt awkward. "Nice to see you General, goodnight Sirs."
"Good to have you back Colonel."
"Goodnight Carter."
She nodded and left the room.
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A shower finally, he thought. A real shower. By the time O'Neill got to the lockeroom for a shower, it was deserted. And it was very late. General Hammond had just retired to the VIP quarters for the night. He would be leaving tomorrow. O'Neill turned the water on and stepped in. He felt three months of grim wash away. They had kept as clean as they could, enough to not smell bad. But nothing compared to the hot shower he was currently enjoying. The water they cleaned up with was never hot, maybe warm if they left it in the sun. They had kept water in whatever they could. Any empty, non toxic containers had become water carriers.
O'Neill scrubbed the shampoo into his head with his fingers. He washed his hair a few times before just standing with his face in the water stream. Just then, he heard someone enter the shower room.
"Sir?" He heard a female voice ask; Carter's voice.
"Carter?" O'Neill asked turning to look in the direction of the voice. Carter walked up to the stall.
"Er, sorry sir." She said, face flushed.
"Carter, what are you doing?" He said, shutting off the water and grabbing his towel.
She shrugged, "Couldn't sleep, tried to find you, looked for you all over before coming here."
O'Neill gave her an irritated look. "Well you've found me."
Carter turned away, still blushing. "I'll leave sir, I am sorry." She began to leave.
"Carter, wait" He said wrapping a towel around his waist. He opened the shower door and stepped out. She turned to look at him. O'Neill suddenly felt self conscious.
"Are you going to tell me what you want or are you just going to gawk at me?" He asked, again slightly irritated.
She swallowed visibly and bit her lip. She wanted so badly for him to take her in his arms and hold her tightly. Anything but the look he was giving her. The look that says 'I am still your CO and we're back to the rules.'
"Sir, I just wondered…" She trailed off. She slowly regained her composure. "Wondered when the debriefing was to be for this last mission?"
He sighed, obviously knowing her real reason for coming to find him. He shook his head. "Maybe sometime tomorrow." He smirked, "But as you can see I don't really have my planner with me at the moment."
She smiled and nodded.
O'Neill moved towards his locker and opened it. He grabbed an extra towel and began drying himself off. She had just watched him. He finished and pulled a clean t-shirt out and put it on. He looked up at her. She was in a haze, grinning.
"What?" O'Neill asked.
Carter snapped to attention. "Sorry sir, I…I…" She stammered, "Should get going."
"Yeah, I think that would be a good idea."
She turned and hurried out the door. He grabbed the rest of his clothes and pulled them on. I am glad there are no cameras in here, he thought as he collected his things. He headed out the door and to his quarters.
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She was exhausted, but her mind would not let her sleep. She lay awake for hours until her body finally won. She had been asleep for only an hour when her alarm clock went off. She lifted her head from the pillow and reached over to shut it off.
"Damn"
She rolled over and sat up. "Morning already"
She got up and dressed. She was leaving her quarters when she saw Daniel coming towards her.
"Hey Sam, I was just coming to find you."
"Well, you've found me" she said wryly.
"Yeah, I was wondering if you wanted to get some breakfast."
"Sure" Sam said, smiling.
"Alright"
When they got to the mess hall, Teal'c was already there.
"Morning Teal'c" Sam said as she sat her food tray down and took a seat.
"Good morning to you Colonel Carter."
"Where's Jack this morning?" Daniel asked.
"O'Neill said something about meetings all day today." Teal'c said.
"Oh, that sucks" Daniel said, taking a bite of his breakfast.
Sam nodded. She guessed that she wouldn't be seeing him at all today. That's okay, she thought, I have plenty of things to do in my lab.
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"I think I've debriefed the whole base today." O'Neill said as he gathered the papers in front of him. He had played 'catch up' with almost every SG team on their current missions and missions of importance that he had missed.
General Hammond shook his head and smiled, "I am sure it seems like it."
They were alone in the briefing room, SG 12 had just been dismissed and it was late afternoon. They hadn't had a break for lunch so Hammond and O'Neill went to the mess hall and reminisced about old times. They finished their meals and headed back to Jack's office.
"Jack, how is the adjustment back to 'normal life' going?" Hammond asked.
"Well, it's only been two days and everything is already crazy here." O'Neill said, throwing his hands up.
Hammond nodded, "I meant personally Jack."
O'Neill raised an eyebrow. Hammond gestured towards the switch for the camera. O'Neill casually flipped it off and sighed. "Things are okay."
Hammond laced his fingers in his lap and leaned back in his chair.
O'Neill looked down at his desk before continuing. "George, I've got something to say." His gaze focused on his name plate. Just as he was about to continue, someone knocked. O'Neill looked up at the door.
"Come"
It was Carter. "Sorry if I am interrupting, sir." She said, "But I got some more reports done." She pulled a few files from the stack pressed to her chest. She set them down on the corner of his desk.
He nodded, "Good work Carter, thanks."
She nodded and then spoke to Hammond. "I thought you were leaving this morning?"
The General smiled. "I got caught up in the familiar chaos around here."
"Yes sir" Carter smiled and turned to leave.
"Thanks again Carter." O'Neill said giving her a quick smile. Their eyes locked. Hammond could feel the heat from where he was sitting. He smiled.
Carter turned away and left, closing the door quietly behind her.
"I think I know what you are going to say Jack."
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Sam was back at home in her own bed for the first time in months. It was so soft, comfortable, but empty. She had not slept well the days they had been back. She had grown accustomed to having someone to sleep with for over four months. Cassie would be coming home in a couple of days. It would be nice to have her back home. Sam had called her on the telephone earlier in the day. Cassie told Sam that she would be taking a bus home in a few days.
Cassie went to stay with her 'grandparents' when Sam didn't return from the mission. Cassie didn't want to be alone and decided to go visit the people she had called her grandparents the last couple of years. Cassie got scared when two months had passed with no sign of them. Daniel had called her to keep her informed as much as he could divulge over the phone. When Sam called Cassie to tell her they were back, Cassie almost couldn't believe it was Sam. She had almost given up hope. After losing Janet, she felt like she was cursed. That anyone she got close to would die or disappear. But Sam had reassured her that it was going to be okay.
Sam had thought about Cassie countless time while stranded. She kept saying to herself that she had to get home to Cassie. That Cassie was depending on her. Sam attempted to get comfortable. She laid there with her eyes closed but awake, thinking until her alarm went off the next morning.
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"Sam you look terrible." Daniel said.
"Thanks a lot Daniel."
"Sorry. Have you been sleeping well?"
"No, not really."
"That would explain it." Daniel paused before continuing. "Did something happen while you were on the planet?"
"What do you mean?"
He sighed, trying to be delicate. "Did something happen with Jack?"
"Daniel"
"Sam"
"Not that it is anybody's business, but no."
"Nothing at all?" Daniel asked in disbelief.
Sam shot him a look that said 'don't go there, not here'
"Oh. Have you guys talked since you've been back?"
"Not really."
"Okay."
"We haven't exactly had much time alone."
Yeah, the last couple of days have been crazy around here." He paused, "Maybe you need some time off" Daniel suggested.
She looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Daniel, I have had four months off."
"No you spent four months trying to survive and still I am sure you followed some military guidelines."
Sam blushed. "Some" she said.
Daniel's eyebrows rose. "Okay" He continued, "Time off may give you two some time to work through things." He paused, "Now that you are home and back to all this." He said arms in an open wide gesture.
"Yeah, well I don't think that is going to solve things. But I will go talk to him right now if that will make you happy."
"Sure, I just want things to be okay Sam."
"I know Daniel, I know."
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Jack put his spoon down and scrubbed the back of his head with his fingers. He was exhausted.
Teal'c raised and eyebrow. "Is there something troubling you O'Neill?"
Jack looked up at him briefly before returning his gaze to his cereal. He hadn't had cereal in over three months. It was strange how it could taste so good.
"Just trying to adjust." O'Neill said flatly. Never give too much away O'Neill, he thought. But this was Teal'c. He always saw through the bravado.
Teal'c took a bite of his breakfast. He set his spoon down on the table. "Colonel Carter?"
O'Neill met his gaze and nodded. He had just once again admitted he had feelings for Carter with Teal'c present. Some how he thought that Teal'c knew what had went on while they were on that planet. Teal'c always was a good judge of unspoken language. He caught most of the looks that O'Neill and Carter gave each other. There had been many instances where either O'Neill or Carter had expressed more than appropriate feelings for each other. Teal'c had heard it during the zatark testing and had seen it in Antarctica. And he could see it now.
"O'Neill. I do believe that you need to discuss this with Colonel Carter." Teal'c said.
O'Neill shook his head. "I don't know when, they've got me busy playing 'catch up'."
Teal'c was stoic as usual. "Perhaps you should facilitate a meeting outside of the SGC."
O'Neill tapped his spoon on the table, "Right" he said simply. "Easier said than done."
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Someone was knocking softly at his office door. "Come in." He said without looking up. She slipped in and shut the door.
"Sir"
His head snapped up from the file he was reading. "Carter." He took a long look at her. She looked terrible. Well, beautiful, but terrible. "What's up?"
"I think we need to talk," She paused, "About the mission."
"Not right now Carter. Not here."
She nodded. They sat in silence for a bit before he spoke up. "Carter are you feeling okay?"
"I am just not sleeping well."
"Me either." He paused, "You need rest."
"I know, it is hard to sleep…alone." She quickly added, "My house is so empty without Cassie there."
"I understand." He said quietly. "When does Cassie come back?"
"Not for a couple days yet."
"Why don't you try to rest here on base for a while? It may help to have people around."
"Maybe I will try that."
"That's an order colonel."
She smiled and left the room. He knew what she was feeling. He wasn't sleeping well either. He would check on her later to see if she had gotten some rest.
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She heard knocking at the door to her quarters. "Come in."
It was the general. "How are you doing Carter?" He said as he shut the door.
"Better, I got a few minutes rest anyway." She said smiling.
"Is there sometime we could talk in private?" He asked
"Sure, tonight, my house for dinner sound ok?"
"Yep"
"Good, I will see you at 1500 hours then."
"Yep"
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Carter pulled up to her house around 1430 hours. There was someone sitting on her front step. It was Pete. She sighed deeply as she parked and turned off her car. He looked up and smiled at her. She smiled back. As she approached him he stood up. "Hello Sam."
"Hi"
"They wouldn't tell me specifics, just that you were MIA." Pete said, laying a hand on her shoulder.
"They can be stingy with information."
"I was worried about you Sam. I had a lot of time to think." He moved closer to her, putting his arm around her shoulders.
"About?" She played dumb.
"About us." He smiled.
"Oh" She said simply, averting her gaze,
He frowned slightly, "What's up?"
She sat down on the step; he sat down next to her. She told him what had happened and finally, who she was stranded with. Pete fell silent. He was looking at his feet. Just then she could see Jack driving up the street. He apparently saw them because he slowed down, but did not stop. He just drove by. For an instant she made eye contact with him. That and Pete being there told him all he needed to know. Sam was glad that Pete had been looking down and had not seen Jack.
"So what does this mean?" Pete asked carefully, not really wanting an answer. But he was going to get one.
Sam took a deep breath. "It means that you were right." She said painfully.
"I am sorry." She said simply.
"Sorry" he repeated quietly. He rose from his position next to her. "Well, I know that I don't have to transfer now."
She sat on her step in a haze when Jack pulled up. He got out and walked up to her position. She didn't move. He knelt down in front of her. She leaned forward into him, resting her head on his shoulder. He put his arms around her and held her. Silent tears streamed down her cheeks. They sat together for several moments before he brought them both to their feet and she opened the door. She slowly sat down on the couch. He sat next to her, giving her some space. They sat in silence. Then she spoke. "Broke his heart. I really did not want it to end like this. It's all my fault. Why can't I have normal relationships?" She buried her face in her hands. He patted her back softly. "I am sorry." She said through her hands.
"Don't be."
"I feel like I have screwed everything up."
"Carter, everything is always screwed up." He said smiling. "No more I'm sorrys. Okay?" He said bringing her chin up with his finger.
"Okay" She said softly.
"I didn't hear you, what?"
"Okay" She said firmly this time.
"Alright, I'm starved. What do you want for dinner? Its on me."
They had pizza and she had changed into comfortable clothes to watch movies and eat popcorn. They cuddled on the couch until she fell asleep in his arms. He laid her gently down, shut the tv off, and covered her with a blanket. Just as he was going to leave, she woke up.
"Please don't leave."
"Sam'
"I know, just stay with me…and sleep, nothing else."
He thought it over for a minute. Against his better judgment, he nodded. She slowly rose from the couch and took his hand. She led him towards the bedroom. She had started to gather up some extra blankets and her pillow. "What are you doing?"
"I am going to sleep in Cassie's bed. You can have my bed." She said, wrapping her arms around the bundle of blankets.
"It's your bed; you are going to sleep in it."
"But…" Before she could finish, he put a finger to her lips. Jack took the blankets from her and set them in a chair. He led her over to the bed and tucked her in. He went over to the other side of the bed, grabbed a blanket and lay on top of the covers next to her. She smiled and snuggled up to him. It only took them both a few minutes to fall fast asleep.
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