XVIII.

"What are you doing in my chambers?" Zuko demanded. Lenara knew the truth was the only option at this point. She hid her bleeding palm behind her back.

"I found your hiding place behind your bed. Everything is still there, I didn't hurt anything…" Lenara waited for the volcano to explode in Zuko's eyes. She could handle his rage. What she couldn't handle was his calm fury. His voice was barely a whisper.

"Leave. Now." Lenara ducked past Zuko, her injured hand brushed against his arm and she winced in pain, but headed up the stairs at a fast clip. She didn't stop until she reached the rail at the rear of the ship. An ashamed ruddy color in crept onto her face. Besides the fact that he would forever lock her in that cell, what stung the most was knowing she had hurt him. Rifling through someone's personal effects was low, even if it was a Fire bender's. Her right hand throbbed, the gash in her palm still bleeding. She felt she deserved what she got. After all, her curiosity did this to her once before, only instead of a cut on the hand she had nightmares for four years. Her father's face flashed and faded from her memory. It was getting harder to remember his face. He would have been ashamed to see her now; caught being disrespectful.

"Father," she said aloud, "Help me find humility in my foolish pride." A shadow behind the helmsman's tower moved and Prince Zuko approached the water chief.

"Do you think he can hear you?"

"Always. Doesn't yours?" Zuko didn't answer. Lenara watched Zuko undo his sash from his waist. He held out his right hand, his left closed around the flowing cloth.

"Where is it?" Lenara extended her right hand, palm up. Zuko gently took her hand, studying the wound. 'Must have left blood somewhere,' she thought.

"It's deep. We should close it first." Zuko tried to read her expression. She knew what that meant. She had seen the store room-not a needle or thread in sight. She nodded.

"Do it." Zuko handed the sash to Lenara, concentrated, and carefully burned the wound closed, scarring the flesh. He watched her face. She never made a sound, but the pain winked in and out of her eyes.

"You held it in," he said as she cooled the burn, "Good. Never let anyone see your weakness."

"But you already know my weaknesses-pride, wrath, hunger…geez, I'm as pure as the yellow driven snow." She noticed Zuko was still holding her hand. Not that she cared, or anything.

"How's your hand?"

"It's hurts like hell, but I'll deal," Lenara ruefully grimaced as she touched the jagged scar. Zuko frowned. She would have that scar for life. He didn't like dealing in scars. The cool sea air whipped their hair. Lenara clutched the sash. Zuko reached for it and, tearing it in half, wrapped it around Lenara's hand, tying it with a firm knot

"Why are you doing this?" Zuko averted his gaze.

"I don't need you bleeding all over my ship." Lenara half smiled to herself, then became serious.

"I didn't mean to…"

"Forget it," Zuko interrupted, then smiled in spite of himself, "apology accepted. I think too much about the past and it's time I start to let it go and focus on the future. Now, log that away and let it drop." Lenara grinned. It was getting harder to hate this guy.

"Is it possible to let go of the past? Because if so, I'll take two." Zuko closed his eyes, his scar stretched as he scowled.

"I don't know. I don't think so."

"Ah, it's just as well," Lenara confidently waved it off, "the past helps us remember by pointing out the mistakes. Don't get me wrong, I would give anything to change the past, but my father once said 'everything happens for a reason; whether honorable or horrible, it couldn't have happened any other way, because the future depends on the past'."

"He sounds like Uncle Iroh," Zuko muttered.

"He was my whole world. He was the gentlest soul, but threaten anyone he loved and he was fierce as the dragon."

"You speak of him as if he's gone. What happened to him?" Lenara scratched her burn absentmindedly. She was opening up too much. Why did she trust Zuko with this much already?

"That's a long story…"

"Does it involve that mark?" She ignored Zuko. Her father seemed so close whenever she spoke of him. He seemed to whisper to her across time, telling her to listen; now was the time for something to surface in the course of the journey…

"Still asking the wrong questions, Zuko," Lenara said in a distracted murmur. Zuko stared at her; she seemed lost in thought.

"We'll meet tonight. Dining chamber. Two hours after dark," he said, snapping Lenara back to the present. He turned and left. She let out a frustrated groan. She kept letting her mouth move before she could stop it with her brain. This night was going to be ugly. But first things first. She had a mission to accomplish. The Avatar was counting on her. So was her father. She hoped she had enough time before the tide.

XIX.

Lenara practiced her tsu-chi, a form physical stretching and acrobatics, while the sun set. After she was finished, she scrawled a letter on a piece of scrap parchment she had found, pocketed the quill and ink, rolled the scroll up and poked it into a glass bottle, then hurled it out into the open sea. She glanced over her shoulder to make sure no one was looking, then forced the wake carrying the bottle northward.

"Let's hope your instincts are up and about, Sokka."

The helmsman called the hour once, time passed and he called it twice. Lenara could delay no longer. She walked down into the pitch black hallway, more familiar with the area now and approached the dining chamber door.

"Father, give me courage. Let me know what I should and should not say." She slid the door open and stepped in, shutting it with her foot.

Zuko sat at the table, one lone candle creating a soft circle of light. A bottle, this one full, and two small glasses were set on the table. Lenara sat left of Zuko, eyeing the bottle warily.

"Fire saki. I figured we're in for a rough night," Zuko explained, uncorking the bottle and pouring a shot into each glass. Lenara regarded the glass with a wrinkled nose.

"It smells…awful."

"Of course. That's the sulfur." Zuko downed his shot and set the glass on the table.

"I'll pass," Lenara replied, pushing the glass away.

"You first," Zuko commanded. She held his stare, ready to look the past right in the face.

"My mother," she began, "died when I was a few days old. A plague had ravaged our water tribe and left few survivors. She was the chief, I was her only child. But my father and the tribe decided my safety would best be insured away from the plague. We left the North Pole and traveled to the village of Onagi, between the Earth kingdom Omashu and the Fire Nation border. Father decided I should continue to water bend, a tradition too important to my mother to leave behind. He taught me to bend from an old water bending scroll that is now lost to me.

"As the years passed, my father and I spent a lot of time on the road, exploring different villages, talking with the different people, learning about their history and their suffering through their songs and stories. My father was always patient, both with me and with those he comforted. He never had an unkind thing to say, even about those who had destroyed the lives of the people we met. And he was so smart. He could pick up a rock and tell you exactly which mountain it came from in the Earth kingdom and what properties it had. He could taste the difference between all the rivers. He may not have been the Avatar, but he was the closest person I knew who was so connected with the elements. And he taught me well.

"We stayed in Onagi until I was nine, then we moved on into the Fire Nation." Zuko raised his remaining eyebrow over his right eye.

"You entered the Fire Nation? A water bender risked his child's safety to enter the Fire Nation?" Lenara shook her head.

"My father had a task to complete that involved spending some time in the Fire Nation. But he protected me by warning me never to use water bending while in the Fire Nation."

"And the mark on your arm-he used that to protect you as well? He disguised you as a Fire Nation child? I suppose it makes sense, your father was well educated, he could have found out the Hün-dai were an old and declining family and used their symbol to…"

"No," Lenara explained, "my parents just believed strongly in family traditions."

"Family tradition? But the fire mark is a…wait…" realization dawned on Zuko's face. The flame in her eyes, the mark on her wrist, the anger she harbored that only a fire bender could conjure…he should have known.

"Your father…was of the Hün-dai clan?" Lenara nodded. Not only one of the first founding families of the Fire Nation, the Hün-dais had a long and proud military history serving the Fire Lords, right up to Fire Lord Ozai.

"His first name was Taro, the last of the lofty Hün-dai bloodline. And since it was taboo for him to marry outside the Fire Nation's older families, to a water bender no less, he left the Fire Nation and his namesake and never looked back."

"But he did return," Zuko pointed out.

"Yes, he did. When father was about your age, he didn't agree with his family's savage military ways. So it completely infuriated my grandfather when he joined the monks at the temple of Avatar Roku," Lenara chuckled, "but my father was not the only family member at the temple. My father was taken under the wing of his uncle, who was a head monk at the temple and passed his teachings along to my father. " Zuko started at the mention of another mentoring uncle. It was strange to have so much in common with a dead man.

"Unfortunately, my father couldn't complete the training."

"Why not?"

"Because one day, a visiting tribe of water benders stopped at the temple of Avatar Roku to pay their respects and my father fell in love with the chief of the water tribe, a young woman with reddish-brown hair and blue eyes. A monk is forbidden to marry, so my father did the only sensible thing…he left the temple and married my mother!"

"You mean your father turned his back on his family's honor and the Avatar?" Zuko couldn't fathom giving up everything for one person. Lenara's gaze was like ice. Zuko knew he had overstepped his boundaries, remembering the 'no questions' rule. He fell silent.

"No, my father never forgot about the Fire Nation…or the Avatar. By the time I was born and my mother died, Roku had passed on and Aang was just settling beneath the waves of the ocean…" she paused and Zuko caught her hesitation, but didn't pry. She shook her head.

"I can't believe I'm telling you this, but you might as well know. My father spent most of his life, after my mother died, searching for the Avatar. He said the monks gave him a task to complete just before he left the temple."

"His task. Your plans. They're one and the same, aren't they?" Zuko asked.

"Yes, but you're breaking the rule again." Zuko motioned for Lenara to continue. She dreaded this moment, as she knew her defenses were going to be at their weakest. No one likes to talk about how they watched someone die.

"The quest for the Avatar was everything to my father and it was what ended up getting him killed. He was going into a Fire Nation village, just for basic supplies, an ordinary chore. He told me to stay home, but being who I am," she smiled, "I followed him, out of sight, driven by curiosity of his search for the Avatar. While at the market, he unknowingly dropped a scrap of paper than contained his recent clues to the whereabouts of the Avatar. Fire bender soldiers picked it up. They interrogated him and he denied nothing. I think my father knew at that point his life was over, but he had faith the Avatar would be found and his mission would be completed, with or without his being there." Her eyes rested on Zuko and he shifted uncomfortably.

"It was treason to search for the Avatar at that time. To look for the Avatar was to plot against the Fire Lord, a crime punishable by death.

"They built his pyre in the streets and as I watched, they tied him fast, spitting and cursing his existence. And as I watched they raised their arms higher, ever higher and released their fire…"

"….and they burned him alive."

Lenara was pale as snow. Zuko touched his scar. He knew how it felt to be burned by the fire.

"The screaming haunts me to this day."

"How old were you?"

"Eleven." Zuko shook his head. This war…it sickened him. He noticed Lenara's hands were twitching, a tremor triggered by the past. Zuko reached out and enclosed her shaking hands in his. He didn't explain. She didn't pull away.

"I've never told anyone about this. I don't know why I tell you now, except…for some reason, you remind me of him sometimes. You both search relentlessly for the Avatar and it looks like he wasn't the only one who wasn't crazy about this war." Her hands steadied and she pulled them away. 'There is your legacy, Father. Hope I did the right thing'.

"I asked Uncle Iroh to let me sit in on a military meeting in my father's war chamber," Zuko began, "I had been told not to speak, but when a general announced plans to use our infantry as live bait for the Earth warriors without informing them of their fate, I spoke out against the plan. Those men were loyal to our nation; I wouldn't sit by and watch them be betrayed," Zuko muttered bitterly. Lenara leaned forward, giving the Prince her full attention.

"My father was furious with me. Because I had challenged another warrior's decision we had to settle it with Agni-kai." Lenara frowned. She could see where this was going.

"I thought I would be fighting the general I had challenged, but I found out that if you challenge any plans in the Fire Lord's war chamber, it is a direct challenge of the Fire Lord himself."

"You had to fight your own father? Geez, Zuko, that's rough."

"No, I didn't fight him."

"What? Wait a minute, you just said…" Zuko lowered his head, shame crippling his features. He wanted to lie; the truth would only expose his weakness. But it was too late for a rewrite now.

"I refused to fight him. I…I begged his forgiveness, told him I was his loyal son, that I would never intentionally disrespect him. He ordered me to fight him, but I refused. The last words I remembered him saying were 'suffering would be my teacher and pain my punishment'. Then he…" Zuko cut off bitterly, remembering the flesh peeling away from his face, the sickening smell of his own skin, the raw nerves exposed and screaming in pain. Lenara watched the arrogant Prince struggle. Fire had played a tragic part in both their lives, changing them forever. Lenara heard her father's voice in the back of her mind, urging her, telling her to say what needed to be said, for now that moment had come.

"Look, Zuko, my father once told me he saw you as a young boy," Zuko looked up in surprise, "He said the Prince may have been young, but had great potential and one day, he would bring solace to his people by ending this war. I didn't believe him then, but now, I think he was right."

"How could he have been right? I've been banished from the Fire Nation, from my home. I no longer have a right to claim the throne, much less stop this war. I've been sent into exile to find the Avatar. It's my only chance to get back what was once mine since birth."

"What, your honor? Zuko, you've had that all along. You don't need to present a prize to your father to prove that. " Zuko scowled, but it wasn't as if the thought hadn't occurred to him before.

"Besides," he grumbled, "I thought your father believed the Avatar would stop the war."

"Father believed the Avatar brought hope and ultimately he would bring balance back between the four elements. But he also believed that you, Zuko, are the key to our Fire Nation's future. He may not have agreed with the Fire Nation's war, but he loved the Fire Nation. It was his home, too. The last thing he wanted was his fellow patriots destroyed.

"When I heard from the post at Onagi that the Prince of the Fire Nation was banished, I lost all hope. I stopped searching for the Avatar. I gave up on my father's mission. What was the point of finding the Avatar? Even if the Avatar returned, the throne would still be empty and the Fire Nation would decline. The balance would still be wrecked."

"So that's what you meant when you said you'd never give up again," Zuko said.

"That's right. I already knew the Avatar had returned and was heading our way, but this made little difference to me. That all changed, however, when Aang told me that he was being pursued by a relentless Prince of the Fire Nation," Lenara smiled.

"You're hope…I mean, you've been waiting…for me?"

"Your mission is no less important than the Avatar's. Didn't you know that? You and Aang were meant to change the course of the future for our world together." Zuko stared at her. Was she insane? Work with the Avatar? Throw away his honor? She read the expression on his face and laughed.

"Don't look so repulsed, Zuko. What's wrong with saving the world? Afraid you might actually like it?"

"Don't mock me. My mission is to capture the Avatar. Nothing you've said changes that."

"Okay, so your mission stays the same. But will you? And your reasons for capturing the Avatar-are they any different then when you began this journey?"

"That's none of your concern."

"I guess your right…so, would you rather tell me the story about the Blue Spirit mask instead?" Zuko shouted in rage and stood up from the table. Lenara shot right up with him.

"Don't turn your back to me, Prince Zuko. You know what I say is true- you are the Fire Nation's best chance at finishing this massacre and salvaging some peace for this world."

"Enough! I will not be ordered to by a prisoner on my own ship!"

"No, but you will listen to reason," Lenara's expression softened, "Search your heart, Zuko. You'll know what you should do when the time comes. I can't help being rude, I'm just anxious-I thought you were lost and now, you're here. It may not show, but I can't help feeling a little relieved." Zuko fell silent. This girl made him furious beyond compare. He hated how outspoken she was. He also hated how beautiful she was. But she was really starting to grow on him. He'd spent months searching for the Avatar…who knew someone in turn was searching for him?

"I need some time to think about this," he said.

"Understandable. I need some sleep," Lenara stretched and headed for the door, "This has been the longest two months of my life. Feels like I've been on this lousy ship forever."

"I know the feeling," Zuko muttered. Lenara cringed.

"Sorry. I didn't realize. You really miss home, don't you?"

"I can hardly remember what the land looks like."

"Yeah, I have the same problem with my father's face. It's getting harder to recall what it looked like. I'm almost afraid one day I'll forget it altogether." Lenara held the door for Zuko and walked down the hall to her makeshift chamber. Two guards were standing in front of her door. Zuko waved them off. Lenara opened the door and paused.

"I didn't enjoy this, you know."

"Yeah, I know."

"You're still arrogant and impatient."

"You're still a water-sucker." Zuko shifted restlessly.

"Lenara, I…" She rested a hand on his shoulder.

"It's been a long night and we both need some sleep. Will you tell me tomorrow?"

"I…won't be able to."

"Then it's probably best left not said."

"Practice at sunrise?"

"Wouldn't miss it for the Avatar." Zuko shook his head, a grin on his face, and left Lenara standing in the doorway. She closed the door and went to her bed, pulling her scrolls out and spreading them across the bed. She had given up once. But she wouldn't do it again. The Avatar had returned. The Prince was found. And tomorrow morning, her mission began.