T

He didn't leave his quarters for almost two month, rejecting friends and family who surrounded him, trying to be there for him. But seeing them only deepened his wounds, reminding him of something he would never have anymore. He was slowly dying inside, pain never leaving his heart. He just sat alone in the dark room, everything around reminding him of Mara. His soul was aching, his heart was bleeding, even breathing was a torture.

His lightsaber was sitting on the floor beside him. He was so tempted to end his suffering, it would be so simple to join her in the Force and end everything here and now.

But he couldn't do it, at least not yet. He first had to travel away from his old life, to be alone and think some more.

He tried to sleep but every time he closed his eyes he saw her face. Her memory tortured him, he didn't wish to remember anymore. He wanted to forget that she ever existed. And if he could not forget her, at least he wanted to bury the memories of her deep in his soul, and never let them resurface again.

Making up his mind, Luke sat up and searched in his closet for Marelai's letters. After he found them he headed to the door, determined to not look back anymore. He had to go and find Callista.

Another destiny was waiting for him. Eyes red from too much crying, hands shaking with pain, Marelai's pity embraced him.

Luke spent the year of grieving on Coruscant, with Callista by his side. He took some time off from the Academy, leaving it in the hands of the other Jedi. Mara's death justified enough this prolonged vacation. On the rare occasions he came back to Yavin, he never stayed in his former apartment, preferring one of the students' room. He was living in a kind of somnolence, and if it wasn't Callista, he woudn't even leave home.

His engagement with Callista was not a secret from the beginning. But Luke's grieving was like a shadow on their new hapiness. She became his secretary and his liaison with the Academy and the rest of the galaxy.

They were not discussing about Mara, his former life or Marelai's letters. He tried to talk one day about the letters, calling her Marelai, but she rejected the subject instantly.

"Those letters were a mistake, Luke. I don't want to talk about them. And please, don't call me Marelai anymore."

"Are you saying that you lied in those letters, Callie?" he asked, a little surprised by her refusal. "Don't you really love me like you said there?"

"The only thing I can tell you is that every word of love in those letters was true, but I don't want to talk about that anymore. They belong to the past and they should stay there."

She cried a lot that night, her face in the pillow. From that moment, Luke did not mention the letters again.

Callista admired him without reservation. She never argued with him, graciously agreeing with everything he did or said. They did not talk about the past anymore, Mara's grave blocking all the ways back. He kept Marelai's letters, without reading them anymore. He lived in the present, day by day, night by night, trying to forget the past, and to see in the future only Callista's face. His new love was like the light of autumn's sun for an old man: he was asking for a last sunshine to warm up the cold and the darkness within him.

He was falling asleep every night with the woman who loved him in his arms, but he was sad and lonely, despite the fact that he wanted Callista in his bed, his want dominating the sadness, laughing him in the face. They did not talk in the daylight about their nights together, but the past was less confusing, as time passed.

They got married on Coruscant a year later, in a small ceremony, only his family being present. They returned to Yavin, in a brand new home, and Luke resumed his work at the Academy. He was working without mercy, and he was seeking for the company of his fellow Jedi, having long talks with his former or actual students.

He was feeling a little strange in his new home: large windows, white walls and brand new furniture everywhere. And no memories at all.

He soon became a new man: sociable, talkative, agreeable. Callista was responsible for that, she knew it and she was proud of that.

Was he happy? He did not ask himself this question.

Was he sad? He did not give himself this answer.

He was living with Callista. A sure fact.

The future? A continuation of the present day. He could not see anything more. He did not want to see something else. The uproar of the daily life exhausted him sometimes, but it saved him from solitude. He did not want to stop. He wanted to keep going with the others, among the others, with Callista by his side.

One day, after his morning run, he passed by his former home. He stopped to look at the closed windows, forgetting to drive away his old soul, which sneaked around him like a dog with no owner. He did not feel it, did not hear it as it escorted him on the road of Mara's footsteps. He suddenly felt his soul, deserted as their home was.

"Mara…"

He called her, silently, with his mind's voice, and leaning against a tree, he cried.

A young student passed by.

"Sir, are you feeling all right?", he asked.

"I'm fine, thank you. I wasn't feeling well for a moment."

He returned home, hoping to see Callista, to talk to her, but she was at the Academy. He was lost, he did not know what to do. Suddenly, he felt the urge to read her letters. Bu he couldn't open them, not there. They didn't belong to that place. Making up his mind, he picked up the letters and returned to his and Mara's home, for the first time after her death. He was suddenly feeling much better. Sitting at Mara's desk, he began to read the letters.

"Did you ever hear the rain? Did you see how it kisses the ground, and the ground responds by sipping it's tiny drops? Did you ever want to cry, but scared, you retreat your tears inside you?

I send you my tears because my soul it's drowning in them. I send you my soul to live through you. Be my ground and let me be your rain.

Think of me like you are thinking of a star fallen from you and taken into the darkness far, far away…"

Marelai… Callista… His wife.

"Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear."

"A good-bye is painful only if you know you'll never say hello again.

Maybe this is not our time, maybe we'll meet in another life, another love."

Where did this sad words taking him?

Why did they take him towards Mara's grave, and not towards Callista's life?

Much later, he returned home, knowing that Callista was waiting for him?

She embraced him tightly.

"Hello, my love. Where have you been?"

"I took a walk. Sorry I'm late."

He did not say "I was reading your letters" because he was having a strange feeling that it was a lie.

He suddenly looked at her, desire in his eyes.

"Callie, I want you…"

She smiled and took his hand.

TBC