Chapter 3: Nothing's fair in Love and War

See warnings and disclosures in Chapter 1. This is going to be my favorite chapter!

Last time:

Dee released his furious kiss and took his jeans off himself, kicking off his socks as he went. Now there was nothing but the thin cloth of their boxers in the way of the recreation of their spark. Ryo felt Dee begin to slowly edge Ryo's boxers down his own slender hips. Though Ryo was just as excited as Dee was, it still didn't feel like it used to. He didn't know what it was, but for some reason it just wasn't the same.

Oh God…why doesn't this feel right?

He had no idea that same question was on Dee's mind too.

Ryo lay beneath the sheets of the huge king-size bed wrapped in Dee's slack yet firm grasp. He could feel the other man's chest moving up and down with his rhythmic breathing.

Ryo knew he should be asleep just like Dee, but he couldn't help lying there wondering what could possibly be wrong with their relationship. Dee had never performed better than he had last night (excluding the first time they'd made love), and yet Ryo knew that it just wasn't right. He couldn't quite place it, but there was just something in the way they behaved around each other that wasn't the same.

It just didn't seem right.

But what is it? Ryo asked himself the same question he had all night, but the answer still eluded him. It just seemed like maybe he and Dee just…weren't built to last.

He shuddered at the thought of losing Dee. A sudden burst of knowing flashed before Ryo's eyes like a premonition—he saw Dee walking down the street with some other man, while Ryo sat in his bedroom and watched through the window…suddenly he could hear what the two men were saying, just as clearly as if he were standing right beside them:

"I love you," said Dee to the other man. "I'll never lose you to another guy."

Those were the words Dee had whispered to him during their first night as a real couple. Ryo shook the "premonition" off, tried to regain his grip on reality before he went mad with jealousy over some man that didn't exist. He felt cold sweat dripping down his face, but, when he tried to wipe it away, he realized it wasn't sweat—it was tears.

"You can't sleep either, huh?" Dee's deep voice reached Ryo's ears. He looked up into the other man's face; into his beautiful emerald eyes…sometimes it was hard to believe he was a year younger than Ryo. A certain warmth filled Ryo's heart, but there was a tiny hint of anger, sadness…and something he couldn't quite place…

"I haven't slept yet," Dee said nonchalantly, as if he was just trying to make conversation. He looked around the room, and seemed to become slightly nervous—although his breathing never lost its rhythm.

Ryo opened his mouth a few times in an attempt to ask Dee about how he felt—or, rather, about he didn't feel—but nothing came out, so he kept it shut and stared at the rumpled sheets.

Finally Dee voiced what Ryo was trying so hard to spit out: "Why is it nothing feels the same anymore?"

Ryo looked up in mixed shock and relief. "H-how do you mean?"

"Well…I don't know, it just seems like we don't act the same anymore. It's as if we've just settled into our own lives so much that we can't do anything out of the ordinary anymore." He shifted, as if he could feel the discomfort settling in the room around them. "I don't know what I mean. Never mind."

"I feel the same way," Ryo said after a long silence. "Except I'm afraid that it's my fault, and you're going to leave if you aren't…" He searched for the word he needed. "…if you're not satisfied with me."

"WHAT!" Dee shouted, jumping in the bed, but not letting Ryo out of his grip. "Why would you think that? I told you before, Ryo: I'll never lose you to another guy. Or to anything else for that matter! He stared straight into Ryo's pitch black eyes, searching desperately for some hint that the end wasn't nearing. "I love you, Ryo. More than anything else in the entire world—more than life itself!"

Ryo felt numb—why was Dee saying all this now, after their night of confusion? He should have said it before they fucked for the sake of it…before the senselessness, and the fear…before the doubt!

His mouth was dry, his hands were shaking, and he felt like he might scream if he stayed in Dee's embrace a moment longer. He shoved Dee away from his body, ignoring the hurt look in his green eyes. Ryo found his boxers and pants and pulled them on hastily, then walked quickly to the restroom.

"Hey!" Dee shouted as he stood and tried to wrench his own jeans on over his sweaty body. "What the hell, Ryo! We're not finished here!"

"I am!" Ryo shouted through the wall, his voice echoing in the cavernous bathroom. "I'm tired of all the misunderstandings and doubts and everything! I'm done!"

Dee felt his entire body freeze. He couldn't move, couldn't think.

I'm done!

He couldn't mean…no he won't… His mind wouldn't form complete thoughts, just random pieces of cognation passing through empty space. Nothing made sense now...nothing was right…Ryo was drifting away, and there was nothing he could do to keep him.

"W-wha…" He couldn't speak, couldn't think. "No…n-no…" It was all he could say…

…and it was only a whisper above the roar.

Ryo! he wanted to scream. Don't leave me! I'll stop trying to push you down! I'll try harder if that's what you want! Just say the word—I'd die for you Ryo, but don't kill me! I need you! Without you, I…I…

Even his distraught mind couldn't grasp what he wanted to say—that he would die for Ryo…and would die without his love.

: whenever I refer to their "first time", I'm referring to what happened in Volume 7, Second Chance. I consider that their first time, since they were honest with each other beforehand, and they were a "couple" then.

Aahh, our poor heroes! Sorry about all the crazy cliffhangers—I run out of time and energy doing this stuff! R&R, and all that jazz…you know the drill!