BROOKE'S P.O.V.
There's something about the beach that's peaceful; you just seem to forget about all the bad. That's on a good day though, and today is too weird to be peaceful.
So there I was, sitting on the beach, completely lost in thought.
Lucas wants to be with me. That's something that I never thought I would hear from him. I just don't understand why he had to pick the worst time to tell me.
When he kissed me, everything around me stopped. It felt like time stood still for that instant. Then reality came crashing back, and with that came all of the confusion. I didn't know what to do, or what to say for that matter. I said good-bye, and walked out of the door even though my heart was screaming for me to say the one thing that I have wanted to say for so long:
I love Lucas Scott.
Even with how things ended for us the first time we tried to be together, I love him. I wish that there would have been more time for me in Tree Hill so that things could have been sorted out, but there wasn't.
There wasn't enough time for Lucas, and there wasn't enough time for anything else. It's sad that Lucas, Nathan, Peyton, and I couldn't spend more time together. We became a tight little group over the past few weeks. Things that forced up to grow up brought us even closer together. We began to rely on each other, and that formed a connection that I hope lasts forever. We've grown up so much since we first met, and in that we've seen a lot of heartache. We've loved and lost and loved again. We've lost pieces of ourselves, yet gained so much at the same time. Although we lost Haley and Jake somewhere along the way, it only brought us closer.
Look at me being all insightful.
I smiled to myself as I looked out over the water. The wind blowing in my hair and smell of salt water all around sent shivers down my spine as I realized that although I miss Tree Hill, maybe the summer wouldn't be so bad in California.
My cell phone began to ring beside me, breaking me out of my thoughts of a good summer. Glancing down to see who it was, I let out a sigh as Lucas' name showed on the caller ID. Deciding that I would rather just be left alone, especially from Lucas, I sent the call to my voicemail and set the phone back onto my towel.
Seconds after I set it down, the phone began to ring again. Picking the phone up, I realize that it's Lucas again. Deciding that I might as well talk to him and get it over with, I answered.
"Hello?" I answered softly
"Hey Brooke." Lucas answered somberly
Something's up. I can sense it in his voice.
"Lucas, what's wrong?" I asked hesitantly
"I know you just got to California, but I need you to come back to Tree Hill."
"I can't do that." I said, even though everything in me now wants to go home
"If it's about money, I'll buy your plane ticket home. You need to come home Brooke."
"Lucas, look; I understand that the way we left things was awkward, but I cannot come home because of that."
"This isn't about us." Lucas sighed heavily. "Please Brooke, I'm begging you."
Panic hit me as I realize something is wrong; really wrong.
"Lucas, you're scaring me." I said shakily
"Catch the next flight you can, and call me when you find out what time you'll be here."
I nodded and then realized that Lucas couldn't see me.
"Ok." I whispered and hung up the phone
I stood up quickly and gathered my things before running to my car. Driving as fast as I dared, I got to my house and realized that I was there alone; again.
Shaking my head as I realized that my parent's left without even bothering to tell me, I ran to my bedroom and got onto the internet to try and find a plane ticket back to Tree Hill. I finally found one that left the next morning at 11, so I booked the flight and sat back in my chair.
I can't believe that I am flying home without knowing anything that is going on. Why does Lucas need me home so bad if it isn't about me and him? What is it that is so bad that he can't tell me over the phone.
Reaching into my bag and pulling out my phone, I decided to call Peyton to see what was going on.
"You've reached Peyton Sawyer. I'm sorry I couldn't get to the phone, but leave me a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."
Voicemail.
"Peyton, it's me. I was just calling to see what was going on in Tree Hill. Lucas called me and said that I needed to come home for some reason, so I was just seeing if you knew what was up. I'll be home tomorrow for a while, so if I don't hear from you before that, I'll see you when I get there. I love you Pey, and I miss you like crazy."
I hung up and tapped my fingers on the desk in frustration. I dialed Lucas' number to let him know about my flight plans.
"Hello?" Lucas answered immediately
"My flight gets in tomorrow at 3." I said. "This better be good Lucas; that ticket wasn't cheap."
"How long are you going to be here for?"
"I just bought it one way. I didn't know how long you needed me for." I snapped
I don't know why I'm being so bitchy. Maybe because Lucas won't tell me anything, Peyton won't answer her phone, and I hate being left in the dark.
"I'll be there at 3 to pick you up." Lucas said and hung up
I looked at my phone in shock. He hung up on me! You know what, whatever. I'll find out what's up his ass when I get home.
Standing up, I began to throw my clothes back into my suitcase that I had just unpacked a few hours before.
THE NEXT DAY
The horrible feeling in my gut wouldn't go away the entire flight home, and I knew that something bad had happened in Tree Hill. Before I had left my house, I had called Peyton again, but once again she didn't answer. Knowing her, she was probably still sleeping when I tried to call.
Glad when my plane finally landed, I sighed as I stepped off the plane and braced myself for whatever it was that brought me back to Tree Hill two days after I had left.
The first thing that my eyes landed on made my breath catch in my throat; Lucas.
"Hi." I said softly as I walked up to him
"Brooke." Lucas said softly and wrapped his arms around me
I closed my eyes as I breathed in his scent, and smiled a little as I pulled away. "Ok Lucas. What the hell is going on?"
"Not here. Come on, let's get your bags and I'll take you to the house." Lucas said as he began walking
Dammit. The horrible feeling is just getting worse as time passes. Especially with the cryptic talk Lucas likes so much.
We rode to Lucas' house in complete silence. I kept stealing glances at Lucas, but he never once took his eyes off the road ahead. That kind of creeped me out a little.
When we got to the house, Lucas grabbed my suitcase out of the car and led me to what was my bedroom only a couple days before. I closed my eyes as the memories came rushing back.
"How was your flight?" Lucas asked softly
I looked at him, and for some reason I could sense dread coming off of him in waves.
"It was fine. Lucas, I came all the way from California not knowing a single detail of anything. What the hell is going on!" I blurted out
"You might want to sit down." Lucas said and sat on the bed
I sat next to him, the uneasiness in my stomach making me sick.
"Something happened Brooke, something that you needed to be here to hear about." Lucas said, not making eye contact
"Lucas, tell me." I said, not wanting to know what he had to tell me
"Peyton, umm…Peyton slit her wrist last night." Lucas said slowly, making eye contact for the first time
"What?" I stood up immediately. "We have to get to the hospital! I have to see her!"
"Brooke." Lucas said simply, heartbroken
I turned to face Lucas and immediately knew what he was going to say before he said it. In some fucked up way, I stillneeded to hear it said out loud.
"What?" I asked, not much above a whisper
"Peyton's dead, Brooke. I am so sorry."
Peyton is dead. My best friend is gone. Oh Peyton.
"No." I said suddenly. "No. This isn't happening."
"Brooke-"
"This is all some sick, fucked up joke that everyone is playing on me so I would come back." I looked around the room. "Ok, where is everyone? Joke's over! You got me!" I said loudly
Lucas stood. "Brooke." He grabbed my shoulders. "This isn't a joke."
"No." I shook my head violently and pulled away from Lucas. "Stop it." Tears started to pour down my cheeks
Lucas took a step towards me, and I shoved him backwards.
"Tell me this is a dream." I said tearfully. "Tell me this is a fucking dream!" I screamed
Lucas shook his head, tears now on his face also. "This isn't a dream Brooke. You just need to breathe."
"Peyton." I sobbed. "Why?" I felt my body starting to go numb. "Why!" I screamed as I sank to the floor, sobbing hysterically as I hugged my knees to my chest
Lucas crouched next to me and tried to comfort me.
I can't accept that she's gone. I won't accept that she's gone.
Shooting up from the floor, I practically knocked Lucas over as I ran out of the house.
"Brooke! Where are you going?" Lucas shouted after me
Not answering him, I willed my legs to run faster.
Reaching Peyton's house, I ran up the stairs only to find that the front door was locked. The door is never locked.
Finding the spare key and rushing inside, I stop denying reality when I reached Peyton's room.
There was crime scene tape blocking the door, but I paid no attention to it as I ripped it off the doorframe and walked slowly into what was once my best friend's bedroom; a room which was practically mine as well. The bloodstain on the bed made my stomach turn, and I couldn't believe that my life would be moving on without her.
"Oh my God." I choked out and put a hand over my mouth
I felt my knees give out beneath me, but instead of falling roughly to the floor, I felt strong arms wrap around me to catch me.
Turning around, I wrapped my arms tightly around Lucas's neck, wanting,needing,to feel safe.
My best friend is dead.
Sinking to the floor, Lucas kept a tight hold on me as I screamed.
We stayed on Peyton's bedroom floor for a long time. I finally cried myself out, and I pulled out of the comfort that was Lucas.
"Why did she do it Lucas?" I asked, my voice a hoarse whisper from screaming and crying
Lucas shook his head. "I don't know Brooke."
Standing up, I looked around Peyton's room. I took in all of her 'freaky drawings', something that I made fun of her for, but loved so much.
"Are they done with this room? Like the police and all?" I asked
"Yeah." Lucas whispered
"Why didn't they clean this up? Did they decide to leave it here for everyone to walk in on? Don't they know that no one wants to see this?" I said angrily as I started crying and I pointed to the bed
Lucas and I both looked at each other as we heard the front door open, and it hit me that I was intruding somewhere I shouldn't be.
Walking past Lucas and out of the room, I found Larry Sawyer standing in the living room.
"Brooke! What are you doing here?" Larry asked me, probably surprised to see me in his house
"I'm sorry Papa Pey- Mr. Sawyer." I said, catching myself before I completed my nick-name for him, 'Papa Peyton'. "I'm so sorry for intruding."
Making eye contact, Larry and I both saw the same thing in each other's eyes; pain and loss.
Running across the room, I threw my arms around Larry's neck, and he immediately returned the embrace. We both cried for Peyton; he lost his daughter, I lost my world.
"Have you seen her, umm…her room?" Larry asked me when the embrace broke
"I was just in there." I whispered
"I need to see it." Larry said
"We're just going to go." I said to Larry and started to walk towards Lucas
"Ok. Thank you for stopping by." Larry said, glancing in a daze towards Peyton's room. "Peyton would have been happy to know that you care."
I shot Lucas a heartbroken look, and he just looked away with tears in his eyes. Going back over to Larry and I gave him one last hug before Lucas and I left the house.
Walking back towards Lucas' house in silence, there was a rumble of thunder in the sky. I looked up to see that the sky was dark and haunting, threatening to burst at any moment. It was an oddly fitting setting for the situation that I found myself and the others in.
I don't understand why Peyton felt that things were so bad she needed to take her life. I don't understand anything right now except that a part of my heart is missing, and there is not an obvious reason why it was ripped away from me. Peyton was always such a strong girl. She was the one who was always together when I was a mess. We've helped each other through so much in our lives, and I don't see what was so bad that I couldn't help her through this time.
Why Peyton; why couldn't you just pick up the phone and call me? I would have been back in a heartbeat if I had known you were in so much pain.
"You ok?" Lucas asked softly, pulling me out of my thoughts
"Yeah." I sniffled, not even realizing that I had been crying again. "This is just…it's just so unreal."
"I know."
I looked over at Lucas, and really noticed him for the first time. He looked like shit. I don't think that he slept at all since he found out about Peyton.
"How are you doing Luke?" I asked and placed a hand gently on his arm
Lucas shook his head. "Not too good Brooke. I haven't gotten much rest since…well, you know."
I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at Lucas horrified. "You found her, didn't you? You were the one to find Peyton."
Lucas sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I was."
"I am so sorry."
"I wish I could say that it was ok, but there is nothing right now that is ok. I know that is horrible to think, and that we should find a way to get past this, but-"
"It's all too much to get over right now." I finished in a whisper
Lucas offered me a smile and I returned it half-heartedly. I opened my mouth to say something, and the sky opened up, interrupting me by unleashing a downpour of rain.
"Perfect." I muttered
Lucas looked at me, and stifled a laugh.
"What?" I whined
"Nothing. Come on, let's get home and get dried off." Lucas said and shook his head as he began walking towards his house
Before following Lucas, I glanced up at the sky.
Can you hear me P. Sawyer? I can't believe that you're gone. You're my best friend Goldilocks, and I'll never forget you. I never told you this enough, but I love you. I can't believe that you're gone.
Smiling up at the sky, the rain hitting my face, in some weird way, I knew that Peyton could hear me.
After Lucas and I got back to his house, he took a quick shower and I quietly waited for him to get done. Sitting in his room, I looked around, my eyes falling on Lucas' mirror where he had some pictures stuck to the sides. Standing up, I made my way over to the mirror and stifled a sob as I saw a picture of me, Lucas, and Peyton.
Taking the picture off the mirror, I sat back on Lucas' bed and gently traced my finger over the tiny image of Peyton.
"Are you ok?" Lucas asked me softly
I glanced up to see Lucas standing in the doorway, smiling gently at me.
"Yeah. I'm fine." I wiped the tears from my eyes. "You done in the bathroom?"
"All yours."
"Thanks." I stood up and set the picture down on the bed.
Walking past Lucas, I went into the bathroom and started a hot bath.
Back in Lucas' room, Lucas sighed as he heard the bathroom door shut and the water turn on, and he made his way over to his bed. Picking up the picture that Brooke had set down, Lucas closed his eyes as he felt the tears coming again.
"You're missed Peyton. More than you could have ever imagined." He whispered as he set the picture back down and made his way to the kitchen
Hi Everyone. I'm sorry that it took a little while for me to get this chapter out, but it was so damn hard to write. Thank you for everyone's support with this story. It means so much to me that people are reading it. I know that it is such a hard subject, and I appreciate everyone giving it a chance. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews; it's what keeps me writing. I'll hopefully have the next chapter done soon, but I'm not sure how long. Like I said, this is a hard story to write!
I said it in the beginning, and I will say it again- suicide is NOT the answer. If you are considering it, please get help. If you need someone to talk to, you can feel free to e-mail me. I've been in that place, and I know that it helps to talk to someone who can relate. My e-mail address can be found in my profile, I think. If you don't want to talk to a stranger over e-mail, I understand, butplease find someone you can talk to.