Hello everyone! I'm SOOO sorry I haven't updated in forever, but I've been busy with random stuff…you know how it is… But the point is I'm here now and I've got a great chapter for you. Enjoy!

Same warnings and disclaimers apply.

Chapter 4: Heartbreak and Hardship

Last time:

"I'm tired of all the misunderstandings and doubts and everything! I'm done!"

Dee felt his entire body freeze. He couldn't move, couldn't think.

I'm done!

He couldn't mean…no he won't… His mind wouldn't form complete thoughts, just random pieces of cognition passing through empty space. Nothing made sense now...nothing was right…Ryo was drifting away, and there was nothing he could do to keep him.

"W-wha…" He couldn't speak, couldn't think. "No…n-no…" It was all he could say…

…but it was only a whisper above the roar.

Ryo! he wanted to scream. Don't leave me! I'll stop trying to push you down! I'll try harder if that's what you want! Just say the word—I'd die for you Ryo, but don't kill me! I need you! Without you, I…I…

Even his distraught mind couldn't grasp what he wanted to say—that he would die for Ryo…and would die without his love.

Ryo sat at the foot of the toilet in the hotel room he and Dee had checked into only hours before—wait, hours? Or was it days? How much time had passed since their arrival? It didn't matter now anyway; Ryo had ruined it. Everything he had tried so hard to keep and hold dear was gone, and it was all because of him.

I didn't mean it, Dee, he thought, tears streaming down his heated face. Come and break down the door like you normally would…throw me down and kiss me so I can't protest, like you used to. I need you Dee. I'm not strong enough now that I found you."

But he knew Dee wasn't coming. If this was going to be resolved, it would have to be he who ruined it who had to fix it, and that was Ryo. But he was afraid…afraid he would emerge from the bathroom to find an empty room and missing car. There would be a note on the bed from Dee, where he would tell Ryo that he was fed up with him and he was heading out with the hotel desk clerk. Ryo sobbed more heavily into his folded arms.

What do I do? Whenever something went wrong I would always go to Dee, and he would always find out a way to make it better. Who can I go to now that Dee isn't an option?

Ryo heard rustling in the rest of the room and realized with joy and fear that Dee was still there. He felt better knowing he hadn't left, but was still afraid of what Dee might do or say if Ryo tried to take it all back. Would he take him back and just say "no harm, no fowl" and let them go on? Or would he reject him and throw him into the street?

He gathered all his courage and stood up from the tile floor. The waistband of his jeans had been cutting into his skin, and he rubbed at his raw flesh as he exited the bathroom.

Ryo saw Dee still siting on the bed. The rustling he'd heard had been Dee putting his boxers back on, which were all he had on now. He sat at the edge of the king-size bed with his head in his palms. Ryo's stomach gave a sickening lurch as he realized that Dee Laytner, the man he had always revered as the bravest man he'd ever met, was crying.

What am I going to do without him? Dee asked himself. He and Ryo had fought before, but it was usually because one of them tried to say something and chose the incorrect words to express their thoughts. But never, ever had they fought to this magnitude. And Ryo had never yelled at him like that before.

Dee had never felt so lost. He had been betrayed by people he trusted, left to fend for himself while he vulnerable, and had been born holding the short end of the stick. But in the end, he always had somewhere to go back to—whether it was the orphanage and mother or the precinct and detective work. But now, at this very moment, he didn't feel as though he could face the rest of the world. The thought of returning to work at the end of the week and trying to play Ryo off as a "heartless bitch who didn't know what he was missing" like he had with all his other breakups made him feel physically ill.

He buried his face deeper into his hands. He didn't want the judgmental dresser or the disappointed TV to see his ugly mug. What was he without Ryo? A bisexual, overconfident playboy who thought of nothing but sex. That's all he was, and all he ever would be without Ryo.

"Dee…"

Dee picked up Ryo's soft, beautiful voice and looked up instantly. Was he coming back to him? Was he willing to forgive Dee for not being man enough to keep him happy? He was so relieved to see Ryo standing there, possibly to forgive him, that he forgot all about wiping the tears from his reddened face.

"I…" Ryo seemed to be having trouble speaking, as though his throat was so dry it was restraining his voice. "I'm sorry…"

Ryo kept talking, explaining what he actually meant by what he said or something, but Dee had stopped listening. Ryo was apologizing, which meant he didn't want them to split up! It meant that he still had Ryo! He stood from the bed and ran to Ryo, holding him as close to him as he could without crushing him. Before he could stop himself, before he even tried, he was sobbing into Ryo's bare shoulder.

"Oh Ryo…" he wept, squeezing Ryo tighter. "Don't apologize to me. I'm the one that was wrong, I'm the one who screwed everything up. Stop taking it on yourself when it's not your fault. I love you, Ryo, more than anything, and no matter what I'll always be willing to work things out for you. I love you…I love you…" He kept repeating it, like a spell, as though he thought it would seal them together forever.

Ryo held him around the chest, gripping him as tightly as Dee. "I love you too, Dee," he whispered into Dee's ear. "And no matter what happens, I'll be with you forever."

They stood there in each other's arms for most of the night, Dee continuing to cry as though he didn't care about maintaining his "image" anymore, Ryo holding Dee as he'd never held him before, both feeling safe in a way they hadn't felt in months.

Good Night…

I hope this was enough to satisfy your fanfic needs! If you still want MORE, look for an all-new FAKE fanfic which is up now(completely different story, no connection to this one). Also, if you're a Sailor Moon fan, I've got the first chapter of a Sailor Moon fanfic up on the site.

I know this seems really short, but for right now I'm completely happy with where it ended up. That doesn't mean I won't add on later, just that it can end for a while without me worrying about my fans' mental states. Speaking of which, for the fans:

Shinimegami7—thank YOU for being a loyal fan of "Testing the Water". I owe a lot of my inspiration to you and your story. You using Duet in your fanfic "Fake Smile" gave me confidence to go further with this story, and the push I needed to get the SM one finally up. Thanks!

Kitty in the Box—I'm glad my style works for you. I hope analyzing doesn't make your head hurt! (someone told me that once in a private email…sniff)

Goddess Iris—I too have grown tired of that storyline, G.I. I've got a special place in my heart for stories that always have a happy ending, so I hope this isn't too corny for you. Thank you for your ALWAYS long and detailed reviews—they were a HUGE help in forming this story!

Ryu Sakuma—er, pika pika? Isn't that a Pokémon noise? And what does "glomp" mean? As you can see, Dee is "shiny" again…but who knows how things will go? O.o

Xelena—I agree! I think Ryo and Dee belong together too! But what kind of story would it be if there wasn't a little heartbreak?

firgodes7—sorry about the shortness. I'm pretty cut and dry a lot of the time, so I cut out a lot of details that I don't think need to be there.

Jollyolly—hehehe…I like that word…"irked". Hope you enjoyed this chapter!

GreenEyedFloozy—Ryo's good, G.E.F., he just gets frustrated easily! (so would you if feelings other than just horniness overtook your senses around DEE LAYTNER)

Asian Anime Freak—I'm cruel…?

Amazoness of Light—glad you think it's great. I love yaoi…it's THE highest form of manga, in my opinion…

Neko Kate-chan—I wrote, and it's here. Don't forget to review!

KawaiiYasha—we authors don't enjoy torturing you…we just run out of fresh ideas (and caffeine) ;p

ozumas girl—theyARE a cute couple aren't they?

ExcelExcel—thanks…for…the…compliment. It thought it was a cool premise, too.