Title: Resentment, Recuperation and Resolution
Rating: R (Due to issues of rape, torture, violence and sex scenes later on).
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters mentioned in this story, they are property of James Cameron and Fox.
Name: X-318
Summary: Designate This Re-done. There is NO virus in this story but will Max and Logan be able to recover what they had missed out on, for being separated for so long. Enjoy! I know I said that I would be putting up a chapter to "Created to Kill" before I did this but I'm having serious writers block with that particular story at the moment. But when I do put it up it's gonna be a long one, the past few days I've had a few ideas in mind, so I apologise to those that wanted a new chapter. Hope this one makes up for it, I much prefer this story at the moment anyway. But I have SO not abandoned it! Thrust me. Ok, this chapter took me ages to write so I hope you like, here it goes. Thanks for all your reviews they were very much appreciated! And the next chapter is also nearly finished so that should be up sooner than the normal 2 months or so.
Just a quick thank you to those who reviewed;
SuzyQ: Your encouragement for me to write, and the way you are still sticking with this story and my other is very nice to know. I hope you like this new instalment; your reviews keep me going :)
Flash: Thank you for your review, I'm the worst critic of my own work, so knowing that you thought the OC went well is very reassuring. As for the Max memory comment, I was unsure how to take it, whether you meant I couldn't be harsh to her or that she'd been through so much nothing is shocking. But anyway I took it as the latter one hope I presumed correct. And I'm sorry this isn't as soon as you probably hoped but at least I ain't quit right, I'm enjoying this too much to right now.
Black Rose9: It was very nice to see your review, I have read some of your work and you are awesome, your one story is on my list of reviews I need to write, it's a long night for me. So it's nice to be appreciated. I take on board the OC comment and will try to improve in future chapters, it's what the reviews are about right, and all comments are good to me if it makes the story better. And as for Deck I can't say too much because that would give away the plot, but yes he will be in it some time, not sure when yet, but all is not what it seems.
Domitila: Jesus Christ thank you for that review (sorry about the language) but your review made me over the moon. I can't believe someone thought that about my scribbling. I really hope you are still reading this, I know it's probably been a longer wait than you had hoped. Thanks again, it's always nice to be liked :)
Ok that wasn't as short as it turned out to be, you guys are great. Thanks for reading everyone even the ones that didn't review!
As always thank you so much to Sim-r for betaing for me, don't know what I'd do without you, I ain't the best speller in the universe and all your help is very much appreciated.
Chapter 4: No one's perfect.
Max sat up and moved to the end of the couch so she could get a clear view of Logan working, grabbing the cushion and wedging it between her stomach and her knees, which she had brought up to her chest. She wrapped her arms around her legs, careful not to cause any harm to the stitches on her stomach, and inhaled the scent from the material, so reminiscent of the man in front of her. That unique smell of cinnamon and spice from his aftershave, mixed with the fresh soapy smell from the shampoo he uses. She could remember running her fingers through his hair during those two occasions they had let the barriers down long enough to get close. The texture was not something she had expected, soft and silky despite the use of all those hair products. Looking over at him now with the newly formed style, slightly shorter than she was used to, she had a sudden urge to trace her fingers through the path she had taken all over again. Her lips turned up at the ends recalling what OC had told her. Was it true that he had done this for her? Whatever the reason it was something that had needed to be done sooner or later.
Logan could feel a pair of eyes boring onto the back of his neck. He looked over to see Max staring at him from her position on the couch. As their eyes made contact Max glanced away, turning her head to gaze out the window. It was a clear night and she could see a few stars lining the sky. The moon's reflection shone from some of the windows of the high rise buildings opposite. She took a deep breath before snuggling her chin down into the cushion.
Logan was deeply worried about Max; he had never seen her this troubled before. He wanted to help her but didn't know how to approach the subject. The last thing he wanted was for her to run because she wasn't ready for his questions. Something wasn't the same anymore; things had changed and not for the better. Whenever he tried to get close Max would push him away by changing the subject, preventing him going any further with the issue.
Max returned her view to the kitchen and saw Logan was no longer looking at her. She breathed a sigh of relief and spoke to him. "I'm gonna go freshen up." Logan turned on hearing her voice but only caught sight of her figure retreating down the corridor.
Since Max had returned he had ceased trying to find out any more information on Manticore; reminders of her captivity were the last thing she needed to see around the house. Files on the place that had taken so much away from her. They each held secrets from the other, and both were incapable of approaching the subject but couldn't let it lie. Why did I just go along with Max's change of topic when she woke up? Only seconds ago she was thrashing around in her sleep and now she's acting almost normal again. They couldn't continue like this. But it is how she had been trained to deal with emotions, to bottle them up. It was up to Logan to help her face the truth, and show her that he wanted to help. But the question he kept asking himself was how? Just come out with it? Bombarding her would not help matters.
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Once Max arrived at the two parting doors, she peered into Logan's bedroom. The sheets had been straightened from the mess she had left them in. After contemplating whether she should use the master bathroom or the guest she decided to make the most of it. She crept slowly in, as if she shouldn't make a noise to alert Logan to where she was, and shut the door behind her quietly, hearing the latch click into place.
Now standing in front of the mirror that was attached above the sink, Max took a deep breath. She had to tell Logan so much, but had no clue where to start. She turned on the tap, cupping her hands under the cool liquid before splashing her face. Droplets of water hung from her eyelashes and dripped from her chin. How could someone change so much in such little time? She no longer had the wavy hair to her shoulders she'd loved so much; now it hung long and straight down her back, with split ends. Manticore did not care about such essentials as of how its soldiers looked. Everything was about the mission, and the completion of said mission.
Max reached down and pulled the hem of her top up. The bandage Sam had covered the injury with was there in plain sight; the bleeding had slowed down and there were only a few drops of blood to mar the white dressing. Max took the edge and peeled the tape back; it pulled on her skin and the tiny hairs but she didn't even wince. Once the bandage was far enough back Max could see the mark that was taking forever to heal. Normally things like this would have cleared up in two days or less, but Manticore had made it their mission to make it last as long as humanly possible; something to remind her of her mistakes. They had stopped giving her the foods needed to build energy for the body to heal, and extracted the nanocytes every X series were given to help them recover from battle.
Max was not fazed by what they had done to her; nothing mattered any longer, and they had already done their worst. She would just take herself away, not let them win. Moving the top higher up there were several marks over her body, each from a new torture weapon, something they thought they would test out on her first. They called it a privilege; something they hoped would break her. But she had made herself a promise that if she was ever taken back that would never happen; she would never become another one of their children of the damned.
Max could see two burn marks, both small and a perfect two inches from each other; there were a few of them dotted around her body. They didn't hurt now, but when they were administered a searing pain shot through her body. Max had hoped they would continue so that she could pass out and no longer have to feel it. The electricity running through her body reminded her too much of when she suffered from her seizures.
At the moment these marks looked like they would always be there, but thankfully they would fade. If only the memories would do the same. Max stuck the bandage back in place and washed her hands before leaving the sanctity Logan's room produced, and made her way back to face him.
As she made her way across the short distance separating them she made quick work of lighting a few candles in her path. The room came to life from the flames and cast a warm glow over the surroundings. The flickering light threw the smooth contours of her face into sharp relief.
Nothing had been said about what had gone on during those three months of hell and even though she had been back only a short time, it was eating away at him, the not knowing. He kept telling himself that he should just be grateful that she was back and with him, but something wasn't right. If Manticore was still out there they would not let this lie so easily. Was it that prospect that was making Max scared to open up to him? He looked over for the second time to see she was approaching him, with a smile on her face no less. She was trying to be so strong, not break down and show weakness. Didn't she already know all that didn't matter to him? The amount of times she stayed around on my account, now it's my turn to return the favour. Doesn't she know I love her and would do anything for her?
He saw she had paused in his office, looking down at all the papers that littered the desk. Great time to get lazy Logan, what if she sees something?He started kicking himself for leaving everything out for her to see. Instead he struggled to think of something to distract her with. That would be a great way to approach the underlying topic, her seeing some of the information I dug up on Manticore.
Max was not really looking at the folders before her; instead her eyes rested on the computer screens. The logo every dirt bag loved to hate and every victim honoured. "See you started your attack on Manticore while I was gone." She remarked, loudly enough for the sound to reach Logan in the kitchen.
Logan stopped what he was doing and peered round the partition to see Max still in his office. Had she seen something? He wondered, waiting for her inevitable response to what he had been doing. He would have put money on what she was going to say next but when she did continue it was not as he expected. "You kept me going, you know." She turned round to face him. She was determined to not push him away forever; she had to get this off her chest now or she'd never have the courage. When Logan didn't respond Max was getting fidgety, at this point she wanted the questions he had for her, but they never came. "Logan?"
As soon as his name was mentioned he snapped out of the shock of her not having a go at him, for being dumb, irresponsible, the fact he could have got himself hurt in the process.
"I caught your cable hacks", Max said starting to walk over to him, her hips swaying from side to side. When she reached Logan she looked down at him, seeing his mouth agape. "You gonna do something more productive with that mouth of yours than catch flies?" Still nothing, the double entendre of what she had said was lost on him. "You know what, one way conversations aren't as much fun as when someone else joins in." she smirked as his eyes finally showed signs of life.
Logan shook his head and finally got out the question he had been pondering for the last five minutes. "How?" How could she have seen the hacks? She had been in Manticore, how did she know everything? Then he realised what she had said. I kept her going. They had not even mentioned where they were in their relationship with each other but Logan couldn't help the warm feeling inside knowing he had helped her during her terrible times. Silence filled the room as they both digested their thoughts.
Max could see the hope in his eyes and all her confidence to face reality disappeared as fast as it had arrived as her instinct to run kicked in. She needed to get back to how they were before. His intense gaze was nice an' all but whenever the thought of a relationship came into play she did the only thing she could. She ran. But Max didn't want to leave so she changed to subject again. "What you planning to cook me?" she said, stepping round his wheelchair to get into the kitchen. As nonchalantly as she could she hopped up on the counter, swinging her legs back and forth.
The need to clear her mind of her thoughts was overpowering. Her hands were permanently jammed in her pockets, hiding the scars that showed her weakness. She now thought she had some idea of how Logan must have felt whilst in the confines of that chair, no longer whole, weak and embarrassed to be in that situation. Angry and frustrated at allowing herself to feel this way. It was a tortuous cycle of emotions, with no prospect of escape.
Logan had always been there when she needed someone; seizures; help with relocating her siblings; always putting himself in the line of fire to help her. How could she dump her troubles on him again? Why would he even care about someone like her anyway? Maybe all those other times it was out of pity, or maybe he was afraid to say no. Did she really scare him into doing things for her? Max had never seen him look frightened of her before, but then again he had a way of hiding his feelings. They made a perfect couple; neither one of them prepared to truly open up and let someone in. Their lives before they knew each other had taught them that was the best way to survive without getting hurt, and now they were too far gone to realise how to get out of their ruts. They had come close on their anniversary get together, but because that moment was interrupted it was now even harder to get back to that place.
Logan wheeled himself over to the fridge, wondering what he had done to make Max close up again. The fact that she was brushing this all off as nothing was more worrying than what they may have done to her; how she could act so casual about it? He opened the door to get out all the ingredients he had brought at the market earlier. He had decided to make Steak Diane, something he had never actually made for her before, but none the less he thought she'd enjoy it. He crushed some black peppercorns and put the pan on to heat. After removing the steaks from the paper they were wrapped in, he studied them to see if they were still as good as they were when he handpicked them. Once satisfied, he coated them in the pepper, sprinkled them with salt and placed them in the hot pan. The sound and smell of the raw meat sizzling filled the apartment.
Max's nostrils flared at the smell of the meat slowly cooking on the stove. She jumped down off the island and moved over behind Logan without him noticing. "I haven't had a good piece of meat since I last ate here." She spoke right next to his ear, causing him to jump slightly. "Sorry, did I scare you?" She asked, stepping back to give them both a bit of room; her worries that he was afraid of her were kicking in again.
Logan turned to face Max and noticed the shy, innocent look on her face. "Nah, I'm fine. You just startled me there". He watched as she moved gracefully to his other side, inhaling the smell of the delicious food. Her feet were gentle on the hardwood floors as her body moved with fluid grace. It always amazed him to watch her leave his car to do Eyes Only missions. How could something so delicate be so dangerous?
"Could I help? I feel kind of useless just standing and watching", Max's lips pouted in a childish manner when he looked at her.
This was a new one. Since when did she ask to help him out in the kitchen? Original Cindy had told him Max was no good at cooking and something always ended up getting burnt. Why would she be offering now? "Sure…Ok…" Logan looked around the kitchen until something caught his eye. "Why don't you go slice the tomatoes for the salad." He nodded towards the counter she had just been sitting on.
Max stared at first; then a smile adorned her lips. "Alright, how do you want them? Diced, sliced, chopped or quartered?" She turned to see his obvious confusion. "What? I've learnt a few things being round here all the time, you think I just come to look at your gorgeous face?"
A blush crept over Logan's features, starting at his neck and working its way up. Did he just hear right, did she say gorgeous? Logan cleared his throat before eventually managing to stutter his answer. "Um, I'd say quartered seeing as it's for a salad."
"Right, quartered it is then", Max turned round to start her only job. She looked down at the chopping board then reached for the knife in front. An immediate flash of a stark white room came into her mind; she shook her head to force herself back to Logan's kitchen. She looked over to her right to see Logan's broad shoulder muscles working away under his t-shirt. Max smiled, turning back to the table in front of her after she was satisfied she was really there.
She glanced down at the object in her hands, forgetting when she had picked it up. The cold, harsh metal surface brought forth memories she fervently wished had stayed buried. She could hear a voice in her head, the words mumbled, and her head felt fuzzy from the uncertainty overwhelming her. Pressing the tip of the blade into the skin of the tomato, the surface pulled taught as the first drop of bitter juice erupted from the fruit. The knife was pushed further in, the substance oozing out becoming thicker and a deeper shade of red. Max shook her head, but this time it didn't help; she was no longer where she wanted to be.
The room was cold, if it was actually cold or that was just the feeling she got from the place she didn't know, but it was haunting either way. The sterile surroundings she had come back to were now too much of a reality to her. The fact she escaped from all this before and the only time she would ever encounter it was at night in her dreams was now a fading parody of what life was like. A voice that pierced through her ears came to life, "452". Those three simple numbers were a constant reminder that no matter what Max said or did, she had no control whatsoever. She was a prisoner. "We have good news, congratulations you're…" Whatever came after that was lost, a blur in her head as her thoughts clouded. The sound of humming was what replaced the now faint echo, maybe from some machine in the room. It consumed her, taking up all her attention. Her eyes darted round the room, finally settling on the offending object. It seemed that the air conditioning fan grew louder, burning her ears. The simplest of noises personified like a drill in her head. She soon realised it wasn't even working, her skin was hot to the touch, she felt light-headed as if she was going to faint any minute.
Max could have sworn she felt something move inside her; but it couldn't be, she wasn't that far along was she? Maybe it was her stomach flipping over at the sickening thought that they finally got their way. Max looked at the table next to her, the need to get rid of whatever was inside her overpowering all other considerations. She grabbed at the first thing she saw, a surgical knife used as a tool when operating. She was standing in front of Renfro but noticed no movement. The smile on the woman's face sent shivers through her body. How could she have let them get their way? First with Zack and now they had the child they wanted to experiment on. Max would not allow this place to take any more from her. They already had her; she would not let them have the thing growing inside her as well.
She could feel the knife in her hand, concealed from all the guards and the bitch in front of her. The blade was digging into her palm as she unconsciously closed her fist around the instrument turned weapon. There was nothing in the world she would rather do than to use this on the person before her, sticking it right into her neck in one fluid motion. Puncturing a major artery inhibiting her breathing as the bleed out took her miserable life away. But with the amount of muscle Renfro had around her that would be a useless act; she didn't have enough time or space to do it. She knew some of the guards were transgenic and she had been slowed and weakened by her imprisonment. She had to do the only other thing she could. The thought made her sick to her stomach but she was running out of time. After Renfro had finished talking to the doctor about what the next step would be it would all be too late. The word surrogate filtered in and that broke her.
She didn't feel the knife enter her abdomen or the agonising pain that would definitely come. All she could see as she looked down was the crimson liquid that filled her hands. Her legs gave way beneath her; everything was going black. The only thought in her mind was 'what the hell have I just done?' She knew she would regret this act for the rest of her life. As the being inside her died part of her died with it. She could barely remember figures crowding around her, thinking the best thing for everyone would be for them to leave her to die.
Logan could see Max's hands had started shaking. Thinking it was from a seizure he automatically moved to get her pills, but felt something holding him back. Looking down he noticed Max's hand had grabbed his sleeve and was holding on desperately. He put his hands over hers, gazing into her face. "Don't leave me," she begged. Once the shaking had subsided a little, she sat down on his lap, a little hesitantly at first. He wrapped his arms around her to reassure her as much as possible. It seemed to work; she rested her head on his chest, her body moulding herself to his shape.
After sitting there in silence for some time, Logan reached up and moved the hair that had fallen down around her face, obstructing his view. Her tiny hand was curled into a tight fist holding the fabric of his shirt in her vicelike grasp. Her knuckles had gone a sickly shade of white, not too different to the colour now draining away the normal pink of her cheeks. Her eyes were open but with no sign of life in them. With one hand firmly around her waist and the other running his fingers through her hair, they were both lost in their own worlds. Logan was certain his was the more pleasant from the expression on Max's face. "Max?" He knew the response he wanted was not what he was going to get, but determined to try none the less.
She was frozen, stuck in the same loop, the same images playing in her head. She could hear a distant thumping of a heartbeat against her ear but thought nothing of it. Thinking was not something that she could do any longer. She was lost; the darkness was all around her and all she could feel was a dull ache in her abdomen. She was cold, so drew her body closer to the solid object against her. Her nails drug into the flesh on the palm of her hands, but the action had been of such high pressure the pain was also lost.
Logan was so consumed by what Max was going through that by the time the smoke finally reached his nose the fire alarm had gone off. His first instinct was to take the steak off the open flame and throw it straight into the sink. But as he moved his hands to the wheels and tried to roll forward the rims came in contact with Max's legs, and he ended up rolling back to where he started. He looked down but there was still no acknowledgement of what was going on around her on her face. "Max" he tried in vain, but there was still no response. He was about to try prying her hands from their position on his chest when small droplets of water started dripping from the ceiling as he looked up a blast of water like out of a shower head rained down on the two helpless bodies beneath. "Damn." He cursed under his breath. He'd forgotten about the sprinkler system. He brought his head back down removing his glasses, wiping them on the edge of his shirt before going to place them back on the bridge of his nose. At the last minute he realised what a useless act that would be, he could see as well with or without them at the moment. So instead he left them on the island in front.
Through all the commotion Max had still not moved a muscle, her hands locked in place. Logan reached down to Max's legs, knowing it was no good trying to move her from where she was, but he had to get to the valve to shut off the separate water system. He moved her legs so that they were wedged firmly behind his calves. Now he could at least manoeuvre the wheelchair around the kitchen. Once he got to the cupboard on the end of the counter he opened the door and saw what he was after.
With Max in his lap this was even more difficult for him than usual. He bent forward, one arm around Max's slim waist so that she didn't fall forward and bang her head off the granite counter top. With his other hand he made tedious work of turning the metal wheel; the right way, he hoped. At times like this he was glad he was in the chair with all that extra arm muscle, but then again if he wasn't in the chair he would be able to use both arms. The wheel was stiff and let out a high pitched squeal as the spray of water died down.
Looking down at their soaking bodies, clothes sticking to them and one another, Logan couldn't understand how she hadn't noticed what was going on. The noise from the fire alarm itself was enough to wake the dead. Things were worse than he thought; what could have happened at Manticore to put her in this state? She was cold, shivering from her wet clothes. He wrapped his arms around her, knowing she needed to dry off and change, but he would have to bring her out of her trance first.
With his hands moving vigorously up and down her arms to warm her as much as he could he brought her face up to his eye level. She was staring blankly at him as he spoke to her. "Max…it's all over, I'm here. You're safe now." but there was no response.
Now he was the one staring blankly into her face. Then an idea came into his mind; it was a long shot but worth a try, if it would bring Max back.
Max was freezing now, but no matter how much she held on to the warmth beside her she couldn't absorb any of the heat. It was a bitter coldness, not unlike when she was trapped under the ice back in February of '09 when she escaped. She could feel the water against her skin biting into her, a layer of goose bumps rising up her arms. She put her mind elsewhere, forgetting the pain like she had been taught so many years ago. A faint sound of a gentle voice was present but not strong enough to break through. Max strained her hearing but the sound just became even fuzzier against the water running through her ears. She closed her eyes to focus and on opening them…
She looked around and found that the darkness had faded to a slight dull glow in the distance. She could feel movement close by, but was not threatened by its presence. She felt safe away from the tortures Manticore enlisted; she was protected in this place, even though she had no idea where it was. As a soldier you were always taught to stay alert, to know your surroundings in case of an emergency. But all that didn't matter now because of this simple feeling.
She felt something smooth run over her shoulders and begin its journey up her neck. Her hair was moved aside and she was paralysed by the sensitivity it produced. The object heated the water around her and she could feel the droplets begin to evaporate off her skin. It was a weird feeling; she was no longer submerged but just wet, like she had been caught out in a heavy downpour. As the sense of being cold got lost in her head, she recognised the object. It was a hand. She leaned in as the tiny hairs on the back of her neck shot up, at attention. Max was humming with the love she could feel; never had she experienced something so warm and caring in her life.
With his eyes fixed on the woman in his arms, Logan traced his fingers over the now burning skin at the base of her neck. He could see he was having an effect on her as her head bowed down onto his shoulder, nuzzling the nape of his neck. For a fleeting moment he wished they could stay like this forever, a moment of calm before the storm hit. There was still so much that he needed to find out when Max woke up, but if this was second best he'd definitely settle for it. He moved his long fingers over the barcode she was branded with from birth, a mark to keep track of her but something he accepted as being part of his Max. He remembered the moment in front of the mirror just over a year ago, as he performed the same act on her as he was now. But this time he was not doing it for information, or to use her for his help, now it meant so much more to him. He had lost her and found her again, and now he was not giving up. He brought his lips down to her ear, whispering gently the words she had said to him when she was too weak and lost to say anything else. "Don't leave me". His lips brushed past the skin his fingers had been preoccupied with moments before.
AN: Can't believe I originally thought the past three chapters and the next chapter to come would all be one chapter, jeez that would have been long. That was sadder than intended; my friend says I should get out of the doom and gloom and write something happier. I have plans for this story to go that way some time, but right now this seemed the way to go. Sorry if it was too depressing and we certainly need happier M/L stories right now, but it's where the story was taking me. Hope you liked it, if you have anything to say about my writing, drop me a note, even if it's to say "crap", even though a little explanation should be helpful so I could improve on whatever it is. Have any questions don't be afraid to ask. Next chapter coming soon, Max and Logan talk. Peace. Out. X-318!