Chapter 6

He opened his mouth, and screamed, simultaneously losing control of his bladder. He turned around quickly, bumping into the most gruff face he had ever seen.

"Did you just... Wet yourself, Nooj?" Auron asked, his lip twitching.

Nooj looked down at his legs.

"I have an excuse! LOOK UP!" he screeched.

Auron looked up and immediately his face lost colour, and gruffness.

But he did not wet himself.

"Oh my... They don't pay enough for this..." Auron muttered.

"They don't pay you anything!" Tidus said from behind, still unaware of O'aka, hanging above them. Auron spun around to look at him, and he backed up a step, nervous. "Daddy told me," he said factually, sticking his tongue out at Auron.

At that moment, Auron wanted to rip Tidus' tongue off, but instead settled for frightening the pants off him.

"Look up."

Tidus looked up, and suddenly his pants exploded, literally frightened off. He couldn't believe his eyes. He could see inside O'aka's stomach, because it was ripped open... And inside, were those... S'mores?

"He took our s'mores!" Tidus shouted.

"S'mores?" Auron demanded. "WHO CARES? He's been cut open!"

"Sh- Should we tell the others?" Nooj stuttered.

"Not if you don't not want to live," Auron muttered.

"What was that, Auron?" Tidus asked, blissfully unaware of the secret within that sentence.

That secret was...

Auron had never gotten any education, making his grammar horrid! Scandalous!

"...Er... Nothing, Tidus," Auron sighed. "Let's head back to camp."

Auron, Tidus and Nooj trudged back to camp, their new discovery heavy on their shoulders. When they arrived at the campsite, Jecht's troop had already arrived.

"Guys, we have bad news," said Auron solemnly to Wakka, Jecht and Seymour. Jecht didn't seem to be paying attention, however, as he was turned around, back facing them, trying in vain to start a fire.

"I have some bad news, too, Sir Auron!" Seymour stated in his soft voice. "The pants seem to be missing off Son of Jecht!"

Jecht straightened immediately, spinning on his heel. He locked eyes with Auron and the stare went unbroken for at least 10 minutes. (In which time Nooj did a very lovely dance with a group of butterflies, whom were migrating south and had just happened to stop at their campsite.)

"Woah, mon! This is intense! But I don't know, man. Who cares? Tidus never wears his pants anyways!"

Jecht whirled around, ferociously back-handing Wakka. The young camper fell to the ground, letting out a high-pitched yelp.

"Aaahhhhh! ...Mon..."

Wakka curled into a ball, presuming the fetal position, shielding his head with his arms. He began to sob, rocking back and forth, his hands visibly shaking as they cradled his head.

"Wow.," Auron said, not bothering to be gruff.

"That's pathetic," Jecht agreed.

"Well, that was an exciting staring contest," Seymour decided, "But still the problem of Son of Jecht's missing pants goes unsolved."

Jecht flopped down on a nearby log.

"Well," he said, "Let's think this out logically."

All the campers but Tidus sat down on the log beside Jecht. Even Wakka, though he seated himself on the other side of the log, and in fact became so insecure, he crawled inside the log.

Tidus simply pranced about with Nooj's butterfly friends.

The entire group sat thinking hard for a total of 17 minutes.

Several times during their little brainstorming session, Tidus would leap in front of them, shouting in joy.

"Daddy! Look at me! I'm danc-eeen! -"

Jecht rolled his eyes.

"That's wonderful, Tidus."

Suddenly, a tiny lightbulb appeared between the area where Nooj and Seymour were sitting.

"Oh my GOD! WHAT IS IT!"

"A lightbulb. What does it look like?" Tidus replied (his only intelligent sentence.)

(Ever.)

"I dunno," Nooj admitted. "A lightbulb."

Auron peered inside the log.

His head shot up, excitement taking over him.

"Guys! Wakka's got an idea!" He ducked down again, coaxing Wakka. "Come on out, little fella. Come on. Don't be shy." Wakka slowly began creeping out the log, sniffing at Auron's outstretched hand. "That's it. Come on. Go ahead."

Jecht watched the proceedings, deeply confused.

"Eh?" he asked, scratching his head.

Wakka heard this, and twisted his head. Seeing Jecht standing there, he squealed and ducked back into the log.

"No!" Auron proclaimed. "We won't hurt you! Come on! It's okay... Come on. Here, boy!"

Wakka crept once again out of the log, and shakily rose to his feet.

"Well?" Seymour enquired.

"Y-y-ya m-m-man... my idea is-is-is Tidus to go put on some new pants man"

"Swell plan!" Nooj exclaimed bouncing of the log. The group cheered, and began exchanging "high-fives," except for Auron, who decided to start being gruff again.

"YEAH!" Tidus shouted joyously. "YEAH!"

The group quieted down again.

'Tidus," Jecht said calmly, "We just agreed that you should go put pants on."

"YEAH!"

"So... Please go do it."

"But I don't wanna," Tidus pouted and stuck out his tongue.

"Come on, man!" Wakka exclaimed, beaming from ear to ear, having returned to his confident self. "Do what your old man says, man! Yeah, man..."

...Man."

Auron, who had also returned to his normal self, punched Wakka in the face. Wakka swirled and landed on his face in the mud. He whimpered. He tried to push himself up, but his arms gave way.

It was very gruff on Auron's part.

"Okay," Tidus sighed. He trudged to the tent remains of where he had slept and found some pants. Then he tossed them aside and looked for a belt.

Just then, Yaibal burst through the clearing, Baralai at his side.

"Reporting for duty!" Yaibal proclaimed, just as Baralai shouted, "OMG! T!)u5 -4S n0 P47s!"He pointed at Tidus.

Tidus lunged for his pants and Braska broke through the foliage.

"Wait, boys! Yaibal! Velma! Wait up!"

He looked around and saw everyone looking at him, whilst Tidus struggled into his pants.

"Oh. Well... Any news on O'aka?" he asked, trying to cover his stupid performance with intelligence.

Auron recognized this as an opportunity to be gruff and spoke up.

"Yeah," he spat, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"He's dead."

The creature watched the group as the conversed, curious. His infra-red vision fixed on the man who had just jumped into the area. He eyed the panting figure but soon dismissed the idea. He would not be good Prey. Not yet, at least. Concentrating, he focussed on the boy with the long braid-like hair. He would do nicely.

Perfect Prey.