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Chapter 6: Perplexity

It's like the death sentence, blood and all.

There are people screaming all around me now or maybe that's the voices inside my head.

I can't tell the difference anymore, since I talked with Ollie, 2 weeks ago, I haven't eaten, they have me on a tube, and I'm as skinny as a toothpick. It doesn't matter, I killed David.

I killed David.

Oh god…I killed him.

How else would this happen? I can't remember…God if only my memory would work again instead of fucking blacking out every time that dull pain started. I had been inside of this…hellish place for a month now. For me it was 5 days because Ollie, I think it was Ollie, left that nifty needle next to my nightstand.

That numbed me a bit.

Oh, and Ellie's still here too.

Too bad I'm so cold.

I wonder what Marco's doing right now, he can't he angry at me forever can he?

Because when you love somebody you don't do that.

Whenever you want to come out of this coma….

Hello agony

Let me know, until then, don't talk to me Elliot; all you do is cause pain.

When ever I think about Marco David's voice floats into my head, one of the many arguments that we had while he was…alive

I choke a little right there; maybe I should get an oxygen mask.

"You know Elliot; we're a perfect match, the prince and the princess." David smiled a little bit. There was a very few occasions when this happened so I just looked up at him and smiled back.

We were smiling idiots.

"Who's the prince?" I asked. We were both jammed onto the couch in the small house that we had rented off the money that we had rounded up from our jobs. Me as a paper boy and him from working at this up and coming printing press. Ellie chipped in from whenever she could from hopping job to job.

"You, of course" David blushed," El, you're so handsome, why'd you choose me, I'm a wreck. I'm desperate and clingy and weak" I took his hands and pressed them up against my face gently, sighing." You're my wreck" I stated plainly," I own you practically"

"I know…I—I –"I stopped him." I know…"

"How would you even remotely feel…?" He trailed off slowly, lowering his eyes.

"Because I feel the same way" I said, leaning over and kissing him.

I kissed him

Our first kiss.

How wonderful.

"What did you say?" A voice asked. The small shitty walls floated away and the hospital came into view.

Well, fuck. I wanted to finish that memory.

I noticed Ollie sitting besides my bed," I guess that was wonderful. Sweet, you two were a perfect couple?"

"You heard all of that?" I asked confused.

"Yeah, you tend to talk out a lot, Elliot; you might want to fix that. So far we've heard at least 5 X-rated memories" Ollie smiled at me.

Damn you, Ollie.

Tilting my head to the side I stared at him for a few seconds before declaring," I need a shower"

"And I need a Hummer" Ollie said back.

"So? What the fuck does that have to do with me taking a bath? I think I haven't gone to the bathroom in a month and I smell like moldy ass." I said angrily. He was a real pisser.

"Wait in line Prince" He said, smiling that little smile.

Someone hold me back before I slaughter this man.

I raised my arm up and pull him by his tie close to my face and breathe out," I need a shower…now" I said it quietly, but by the look on his face I scared the shit out of him. He composes himself and pulls away from me," Save the anger for when you recover and they put you into that small cramped up room…"

Suddenly David appears besides me, pulled at the sides of his hair and crying a little bit," Look what happened Elliot" He whispered quietly, "Look where you are…"

"I know…" I whisper, I just hate to see him in pain," David, please, understand that what happened…"

"Weren't we supposed to be together forever?" David asked slowly.

"We are, Dave. Nothing, not even Death can separate us. I'd die right now so I could join you" I say tenderly, tracing the IV patch in my arm. Hurts like hell.

"Could we be together forever…?" He asked. He closed his eyes as I pulled him close and water spilled down his cheeks like tiny water falls.

"Yes…" I cry out," We'll be together forever…"

"Elliotwhatareyoudoing?" The jumbled message comes out.

"They're trying to take me away" I whisper hoarsely as I feel his nails dig into my skin.

"Hold on El, hold on. Don't let go…don't let go…baby…" David cried out, holding onto me, his nails scratching my skin. I wince, but hold on.

"Elliotgetoffofme" Another jumbled message spills forth.

"David!" I cry out as I open my eyes to see myself holding onto Ollie.

"God damn" He breathes out," Get off me Elliot."

I let go of him reluctantly.

He wasn't David.

"I'm not David" He clarifies. My eyes fall down to the floor, blocking out and blacking out and now hallucinations, someone.

Please.

Kill.

Me.

Now.

He gives me this perplexed look and I hide my eyes shamefully from his, looking down at the cuts on my arms. I really missed my Davey…

Ollie's arm snaked around my shoulder as I shuddered and fell into him." Look, things are only going to get worse from here" He said calmly, making me ache more," So you need to be strong. Elliot, don't take this the wrong way, but you get everything that you need handed to you on a silver platter here…"

"You lie" I say again.

"Okay, you don't. You'll get abused and smacked around and hurt. I don't want that"

"Because you care…"

"Because they'll dock my pay" Ollie said slowly." And…God…because I care for you. In that tutor-and-paitent way"

Who knew that you could like someone in a tutor-and-patient way? Nonetheless I still felt horrible so I let it go and leaned against the cold pillows.

"Did you really love him?" Ollie asked, getting up.

Did I really love him?

"I love it when you look at me…" David whispered, pushing the strands of hair out of his eyes and looking down at his hands shyly. He had been gripping onto me for the last five minutes, he was pretty fucked, he couldn't balance himself, and the only thing we could do was wait until someone found us here, huddled out in the middle of the street." If I die like this, this is how I want to die…with you looking at me" The snow flakes that cascaded against his skin and looked like angel feather tears.

I shake my head tiredly," Your not dying David, your fine. Just wait, someone will see us and then…then we can go back to sleeping around all day and going out at night—and—and looking at pictures of Marco and singing little songs, just like we used to"

"But—But I'm cold." David stuttered out as I pulled him closer to me, wrapping him within my coat and shivering my self, it was as if hell froze over, creating a winter ice land on the cold road. How did we even get here…I don't remember.

"Hold on Davey…I love you…" I whisper kissing him icily and blinking back frozen tears, He looked me in the eyes, a soft smile on his face, I thought that he meant that everything would be okay and that someone would find us and we'd be fine. But that wasn't the case, he had passed out and, fearing that he was on the brink of death, as he was, he was looking me in the eyes, so I could return that look. I felt his fingers curl around mines, his shivering stopping momentarily and the smile lighting up the whole road, it was an angelic sign at the time, I thought heaven itself had opened up and was ready to accept David.

Instead it was truck, rounding the corner. Hailing it down frantically I got it to stop and we rushed him to the hospital…

"Yeah" I said softly," I did. I really did"

Ollie closed to door and let me fall into darkness.

But it didn't matter how much I loved David

Or love David.

Because he's dead.

D E A fucking D.

And why?

Because I killed him.

I reach over towards the nightstand, ready to pull out a needle and give myself a holiday, pass out for another month if need be, only to find the spot vacant. Ollie hadn't given me my sweet relief for today…

So I just cried myself to sleep.

Oh the pleasureable agony. Review