Godsmacked—Chapter 3
By JewWitch
All The Usual Disclaimers Apply
Hi everybody—
As always, thanks for all the groovy feedback. After watching tonight's finale, I am a little emotional, so prepare for a moderate angst warning. But as I'm sure you've all realized by now, I am a happy ending girl, so have no fear for our lovely heroines—it'll all be good for them. Happy reading :)
Ps—
Paige Halliwell—Yes I was talking about you, and I still don't get why you don't like Phoebe—Alyssa Milano was the reason I started watching Charmed in the first place! I've had a crush on her ever since seeing her on Who's the Boss when I was little. But, I am still glad you are seeing a new side of her through my POV. And the name "JewWitch" just seemed appropriate for the circles I travel in (I've also posted some Buffy fic, surprise surprise), as I am a Jewish girl who has Wiccan inclinations. Make sense?
PowerOf4—Keep your eyes open, and you may see something soon in response to your request for a certain pairing in the sequel…
Lil miss paige—glad I can be the one to provide you with a quality slash fic :)
And to everyone else who reviewed, keep it coming! I do love feedback, but it seems silly to reply to each individually when they all say basically the same thing (ie, "good story, update soon.") if you ask a specific question, I will try to answer it; otherwise, please accept my thanks for general feedback! On with the show!
Prue looked across the pile of pizzas on the table to the four witches who had just returned from the attic. They had answered all her questions mechanically, avoiding eye contact with one another, and immediately lapsed into silence. She exchanged a confused glance with Piper, who shrugged. Phoebe was cutting her pizza into tiny pieces. Paige was playing with the straw in her soda. Dawn was biting her lip and glancing back and forth between them, and Willow and Tara as well.
"Okay," Prue finally exclaimed, "what the hell is up with you guys?"
"It's nothing," Phoebe said flatly. "Nothing we're discussing here, anyway." She didn't look up from her plate when she spoke.
"Phoebe, you're making too much of this, really," Paige said in a placating voice.
"You don't get to decide that," Phoebe snapped, finally looking up to give Paige a withering glare that would burn a hole in lesser mortals. Paige sat back slightly, as if flinching from a physical threat. Then she pushed back from the table, and wordlessly left the room, her eyes growing bright with tears.
"Dammit," Phoebe hissed under her breath as she stood and stomped after her girlfriend. Everyone at the table exchanged uneasy looks over their pizza.
"What's this all about, Tara?" Prue addressed Paige's ex, the only one who didn't look utterly bewildered.
"It's just personal stuff," Tara said quietly. "They have to work it out on their own." This last part she said directly to Willow, who sighed, and gave her girlfriend a weak smile across the table. Then they too stood and exited the kitchen, hand in hand.
"What the fu—" Prue's statement was cut off by Piper's hand over her mouth, raising her eyebrow and looking meaningfully at Dawn.
"…Fudge," Prue finished lamely as Piper removed her hand, "is going on here, Dawn?"
"Uhhh…" Dawn looked between the two sisters, and Xander and Anya, who were also leaning in with concerned looks on their faces. "Well, I guess we've all entered into this…kind of…witchy-lesbo drama zone," Dawn finished lamely. She glanced around uncertainly as all their faces shifted to some form of understanding.
"Ohhhh…" Piper muttered. "Good lord."
"See, this is why my get some, get gone philosophy never dies," Faith said flippantly around a bite of pizza. "Women are freakin' high maintenance."
"For someone without a cock, you sure are a dick, Faith," Prue said scathingly, as she threw down her napkin and glared at the unrepentant slayer across the table.
"Drama-free zone, ice queen," Faith said casually, drawing an invisible perimeter around herself with a finger covered in pizza sauce. Prue simply reached through the invisible barrier and smacked Faith upside the head. Dawn snorted with laughter.
"Do not walk away from me, Paige," Phoebe growled as she finally caught up with her in the bedroom.
"I don't know what you want me to say here, Phoebe," Paige said in a tight voice, crossing her arms defensively across her chest. "What? You want to hear that you're the only girl I've ever been with? News flash, you already knew I wasn't a virgin."
"This is not about sex!" Phoebe yelled. "You lied to me! I thought it was special between us, Paige!"
"It is special!" Paige gasped. "How can you even say that?"
"I define special as unique, as in, never before been experienced."
"I cannot believe I'm hearing this," Paige said with a shake of her head. "The fact that we have magic, floaty sex is not what makes this special, Phoebe. And the fact that I had it with Tara does not make it the same. Witches and whitelighters have complimentary magic. That is all."
"Then how come Leo and Piper have never floated?" Phoebe challenged icily.
"I don't know!" Paige threw up her hands. "Maybe it's just a girl thing! What difference does it make?"
"It makes all the difference," Phoebe yelled. She knew in the back of her mind that she was acting a little crazy…she wasn't a screamer; she was usually the one making things better in a fight, not worse. But the idea of Paige with Tara, doing things she'd always thought had been only theirs…well, it made her a little crazy.
"Look," Paige said a quiet voice, which nonetheless quavered with anger. "We both have a past. You dated a demon; I dated a witch. I've never been with a boy, but it doesn't bother me that you have. If you're feeling insecure because I've had experiences you haven't, then you better deal, cause I am not about to apologize. Not to you, not to anyone."
"So how many girls have you floated with, then?" Phoebe could feel Paige's anger swirling around with her own inside her, and underneath it, a deepening hurt. It was like wrenching off a scab, and Phoebe took a savage pleasure in her next words. "What number notch am I on the headboard, Paige?"
"Screw you, Phoebe," Paige said quietly. The anger in her eyes had melted away, leaving only bright pain as a tear slipped down her cheek. As Paige's protective armor of anger gave way to the hurt, Phoebe felt her own desire to lash out drain away, too. As if she'd just come out of a trance, she saw—and felt—the love coming from Paige, and the overwhelming pain. They were intertwined, the one surging out of the other.
"Oh, god…baby," Phoebe whispered, reaching out for Paige's hand. But her fingers dissolved from Phoebe's grasp.
"Paige, wait!" Phoebe cried frantically, but it was too late—Paige had orbed out. What was worse, Phoebe couldn't sense where she had gone. It was as if someone had unscrewed a tap in the bottom of her foot, and the part of Paige that was inside her had drained away. She tried to orb after her, and couldn't.
"Leo!" Phoebe cried, as she broke down and sobbed.
"Are we gonna fight again?" Willow asked in a small voice as she entered the sunroom just behind Tara. "Cause, I really don't want to."
"I don't want to either, honey," Tara said quietly. "Does it bother you to know I dated someone else with powers before you?"
"I…" Willow started to say. She wanted to say no, but ever since the epiphany in the attic, she'd felt the insecurity mounting within her. Paige was beautiful, she was smart, and she was incredibly powerful. Way more powerful than me, Willow thought as she stared back into her girlfriend's questing blue eyes.
"Was it better? With her?" Willow finally asked, forcing herself to hold Tara's eyes.
"Oh, honey…" Tara sighed. She took both of Willow's hands in hers. "Paige and I had fun together…we taught each other all the things you learn when you're sixteen and in love. All the things you learned with Oz," she added, reminding Willow unnecessarily of her own first love. "She helped me be ready for the real thing when I found you." One of Tara's hands released Willow's, cupping her cheek as they stared into each other's eyes, hiding nothing. "If you're asking me who I want to be with, Willow, the answer is you…always."
"You mean…?" Willow asked shyly, a huge grin spreading over her face.
"I mean," Tara affirmed, leaning in to give Willow the gentlest of kisses. Then they both heard Phoebe's scream.
A moment later, the entire house was on demon alert as Leo, Prue, Piper, Faith, Willow and Tara all collided at the doorway to Phoebe's room. After hearing the youngest Halliwell's scream, they were expecting to find a bloody battle underway, not a crying girl curled up in the middle of the bed. When they realized the demonic threat had been a false alarm, they all looked at each other awkwardly.
"We'll go tell X-man and Anya to stand down," Faith said with a glance to her fellow Scoobies, who followed her wordlessly from the room. Piper, Prue and Leo remained behind, all finding a seat on the bed. Piper put out a hand and stroked Phoebe's hair.
"What happened, sweetie?" She asked gently.
"Stupid," Phoebe's muffled voice came from behind the pillow. "Idiot."
"C'mon, Pheebs," Prue quietly urged, pulling her little sister upright and wiping away her tears soothingly. "Take a breath…tell us what's wrong." Phoebe gulped.
"I said…really horrible things. Stupid things, things I didn't mean. I just lost my mind when I found out…well, I found out that Paige did stuff with Tara…I thought, um…I thought she'd never done before me." Looking suddenly to Piper and Leo, she asked, "You guys have never had floaty sex, right?"
"Ohhhh…" Piper sighed, as Leo mouthed wordlessly. He had never enjoyed this particular aspect of the job.
"No, Phoebe, that's a blessing from the goddess Artemis," Leo finally said, as all eyes turned to him in surprise.
"Huh?" Prue gaped in confusion.
"What she said," Piper added.
"It's a gift bestowed by her upon her children…to remind them that they are vessels of her power."
"Lesbian magic, Leo?" Prue asked incredulously.
"Not necessarily lesbian," Leo shrugged. "Goddesses aren't really into labels, you know. Just…women in love. Mortal women have her blessing, too, but when you add magic to the mix, you get, uhh…" Leo trailed off, reddening again. Piper grinned at her bashful husband, charmed by his fatherly awkwardness with her little sister.
"Magic, floaty sex," Phoebe finished. "Oh, god, I can't believe I told her it wasn't special anymore."
"You what?" Prue admonished. She had come to care for Paige as another sister, and as Phoebe well knew, nobody hurt Prue's little sisters and got away with it. "Phoebe, how could you say such a thing? How could you even think it? That girl is completely devoted to you; any fool can see it!"
"I'm not so sure that's true anymore," Phoebe said quietly, her tears still flowing freely as she looked down at the floor. "Our connection…it's gone."
"Gone?" Piper probed, one hand resting on Phoebe's back in a gesture of reassurance as she tried to understand what her sister was telling them. "What do you mean, gone?"
"Gone, as in, no longer there," Phoebe said in a tight voice, trying to compose herself through her tears. "As in, no more sensing her, no more power-sharing. I can't orb. I don't know where she is. I don't know if she's okay." Her voice broke as she began to cry again. "Leo, tell me she's okay," Phoebe begged her brother-in-law. All eyes went to Leo as he went into the slight trance that allowed him to sense his charges.
"She's not in any danger, Phoebe," he said finally after a few moments of tense silence.
"Where is she?" Phoebe asked urgently, wiping her eyes.
"It's not my place to get in the middle of this," Leo said with a shake of his head. "You lost your connection for a reason…I think we should respect her boundaries right now."
"Leo, please!" Phoebe begged. "I fucked everything up, and I need to make it right. I have to find her!"
"If you really want to make it right, you have to find her with love, Pheebs. Not magic." It was Piper who spoke, smiling gently at her younger sister. "No short cuts, remember?" Phoebe sighed, and nodded.
"Can…can I be alone for a little while, you guys?" She asked them all tentatively. One by one, they hugged her and left the room.
"We'll be right downstairs if you need us," Prue said quietly, closing the door behind her. Phoebe lay down on her bed and stared at the ceiling.
Paige sniffed loudly, trying vainly to stem the flow from her running nose as the tears continued to spill down her cheeks. She knew she was a complete mess, but she didn't care. Behind her was a beautiful California sunset, which she did not see. Eyes closed, Paige pressed her face into the cool grass. Sometimes it really sucks to be an orphan, she thought. Her hand resting on the rough stone of the grave marker behind her head, Paige finally looked up at the sky. The sun was red, just like it was the night when Phoebe made love to her for the first time. When they gave each other their hearts. Paige felt an ache like her heart was in a vice, being squeezed to the point of actual, physical pain.
"What do I do, Mom?" Paige whispered to the sky. "God, I wish you were here right now." She knew that Phoebe had been about to apologize when she orbed out…she could've stopped herself. But she was scared. And hurt. Hearing that viciousness in Phoebe's voice, it hurt so much…she just didn't think she could stand it again, and she was afraid to go back now. Of course, I can't stay out here all night, Paige thought to herself, shivering slightly in the cool evening air. I guess I should go back to the dorms, she concluded with a sigh. She had barely gone back to her college housing in the past few months, almost all her time outside school being spent with Phoebe, at the manor. She had begun to think of Phoebe's home as her home, too, and the loss of that family hurt almost as much as the loss of Phoebe inside her. She had sensed it the moment their connection had been broken; the ubiquitous feeling of Phoebe's love inside her had become a part of her internal landscape, like an ever-shifting weather pattern. Always moving, yet as constant as the sun. Now there was nothing. She knew Phoebe couldn't orb after her; what she didn't know, was whether or not she wanted to. She did know that she wanted her to want to.
This is giving me a headache, Paige thought as she wiped the tears from her eyes. A moment later, she felt a tingling warmth as someone orbed in beside her.
"Phoebe," she gasped, sitting up so quickly she got dizzy. "Oh…head rush…" Paige put her hand to her forehead as she saw, not Phoebe, but Leo beside her on the grass. "What are you doing here, Leo?"
"I know I probably shouldn't have come," Leo began sheepishly, but he never got to finish as Paige threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his collar. "Or maybe I should," he amended. Paige said nothing, but sniffled loudly. Leo patted her back awkwardly. "I, um, just thought you should know, that Phoebe's looking for you. To apologize. If you want her to find you, I can help. If not, that's okay too."
"I want," Paige said huskily, looking up from Leo's now tearstained shirt. Smiling, Leo nodded. A moment later, Paige felt more orbs at her back. Then Leo disappeared. Paige could feel Phoebe's presence behind her…she wanted nothing more than to turn and throw herself into her girlfriend's arms, but fear held her frozen on the ground.
"Paige?" Phoebe's voice sounded so fragile, like a lost little girl. "Baby…will you look at me?" When Paige still didn't turn, Phoebe walked quietly around the tombstone and kneeled down in front of her. The eyes that found hers were full of love and sorrow. "My sweet girl," Phoebe whispered, reaching out with trembling fingers to touch Paige's tearstained face. "I'm sorry, Paige. I am so, so sorry." Paige didn't speak—she couldn't—but she leaned into Phoebe's hand, rubbing her face against the warmth of Phoebe's fingers. "If you'll forgive me, I promise never to act like a jealous asshole again." Paige smiled as Phoebe gently wiped away her tears.
"I guess a little jealousy isn't such a bad thing…" Paige finally said when she found her voice. "I mean, I kind of like the idea of you completely losing your mind over the thought of anyone else touching me." She was grinning impishly now.
"Oh, my mind was completely lost," Phoebe agreed, grinning back as relief began to flood through her. "That was, like, cave-Phoebe or something. I never knew I could be so idiotic."
"Well, as long as we agree on the idiot factor…" Paige put her hand over Phoebe's, feeling the pain in her chest recede as Phoebe's soothing warmth flowed through her, as familiar and unique as the scent of her hair.
"Oh, there is complete agreement on the idiot issue. Me, the queen of all idiots. Let it be marked in all the history books that on this date, Phoebe Halliwell became the new holder of the title." Paige giggled, leaning in to rest her forehead against her girlfriend's.
"I forgive you, babe," she whispered. The absolution was sealed with the tenderest of kisses. Which was quickly followed by another…and another.
"That was…our first fight," Phoebe murmured when they finally came up for air.
"Mmmm," Paige agreed. "Time for…" She was interrupted by another kiss. "Make-up sex?" Phoebe said nothing, but pushed Paige down into the soft grass, kissing her hard.
"Whoa!" Paige squealed, sitting up quickly, her hands on Phoebe's shoulders. "Not in front of my mom, Pheebs!"
"Oh…" Phoebe glanced at the headstone. "Oops. Sorry about that, Mrs. Matthews." They grinned at each other. "Wanna go home now, baby?" Paige nodded. They were about to orb out, when both sensed a powerful blast of magic around them; one that felt oddly familiar.
"Phoebe, Paige. The Children of the Light. You don't know how hard it's been to track you two down." The voice belonged to a woman in long white robes, her dark hair in two long braids that reached halfway down her back. A bow and a quiver of arrows were over her shoulder, and on her head was a golden crown carrying the symbol of a crescent moon.
"Who…who are you?" Phoebe gasped.
"Don't you know me, Phoebe? I've been watching over you both for quite some time." The woman was smiling down on the two of them with an expression that could only be described as radiance.
"Phoebe…" Paige whispered, gripping her hand tightly. "I think that's Artemis."