Disclaimer: This story follows a different timeline than "The Wrath of
Cal", as will all subsequent stories. Therefore, the fact that the
entire coven died in the last chapter has no bearing on this story
whatsoever. We just didn't feel like taking up unnecessary space on
the fanfiction.net browser because it's already down quite often. So
enjoy and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Oh, and by the way, the animal voices
can only be heard by other animals. Therefore, the humans do not
respond to the animals' voices.
Summary: An outing at a cat competition turns ugly when Dagda is
forced to fight a scheming feline that will do anything to win.
Dagda Saves the Day
[Scene: Morgan's bedroom. She walks inside and closes the door behind
her. Dagda sits on her bed, his paws folded primly in front of him.]
MORGAN: *cheerful* Hi, Dagda! *in a baby voice* How is my widdle kitty
wittie? HOW IS MY WIDDLE KITTY WITTIE?
*Dagda looks scornfully at her*
DAGDA: What a loser.
MORGAN: *doing her homework* Hey, Dag, do you know what president
secretly sponsored the Bay of Pigs invasion?
DAGDA: Yes.
MORGAN: Do you know how to find the trigonometric ratios of an acute
triangle if one side length and one angle measure are known?
DAGDA: Yes.
MORGAN: Do you know how to French braid?
DAGDA: I was teased about it in school, but, once again, yes.
MORGAN: *not having heard anything he said* Aw, what am I saying?
You're too cute to know anything like that! *scratches his ears as
Dagda shudders*
DAGDA: Oh, the humiliation! You know, if the felines were running the
world, things would be a lot better. People like you would be jailed.
And then executed.
*the doorbell rings*
MORGAN: I'll get it!
DAGDA: *quickly* No, no, please, let me!
*he races off down the stairs and sees Aunt Eileen and Paula*
DAGDA: Merciful Bastet! Someone's come to rescue me from Morgan!
*he leaps up into Paula's arms*
PAULA: Dagda sure is friendly. *in a baby voice* Is ooh a nice kitty?
IS OOH A NICE KITTY?
DAGDA: *trying to claw his way out* Goddess, not you, too!
MORGAN: *coming down the stairs* Isn't he cute? *in a baby voice* Is
Dag a cute kitty? IS DAG A CUTE KITTY?
DAGDA: *to Aunt Eileen* Save me.
AUNT EILEEN: Morgan, we wanted to ask if you would be interested in
entering Dagda in a cat competition that Paula's clinic is sponsoring.
DAGDA: *horrified* CAT COMPETITION?
MORGAN: Well ...
DAGDA: *even more horrified* CAT COMPETITION??
AUNT EILEEN: It's this weekend in Red Kill. Little Dagda here could
win so easily.
DAGDA: *horrified beyond comprehension* CAT COMPETITION????????????
PAULA: It should be fun.
DAGDA: It will not be fun!
AUNT EILEEN: He could even win a ribbon.
DAGDA: I don't want a ribbon!
AUNT EILEEN: Plus, it would just be so darn cute. *in a baby voice*
Wouldn't it be cute? WOULDN'T IT BE CUTE?
DAGDA: Okay, this is the last time I'm going to say this! I AM NOT
ENTERING A CAT COMPETITION!
[Scene: the cat competition.]
DAGDA: I can't believe I'm entered in a cat competition.
MORGAN: *brushing his fur* Oh, come on, Dag. Put on a happy face.
This'll be fun.
DAGDA: Easy for you to say. You're not the one parading around naked
in front of a bunch of judges.
*a sexy female cat walks by, wagging her tail at Dagda. Dagda's eyes
widen*
DAGDA: Glorious Aphrodite! Come to me, my precious!
*he starts to go after her. Morgan, oblivious as always, continues to
brush his fur while humming serenely under her breath. A cat next to
Dagda, also being groomed by his owner, speaks up*
CAT: *in a Mexican accent* Oh, chico, I would not follow her.
DAGDA: Who are you? And what's a Mexican cat doing in this
competition?
CAT: My cousin is a Chihuahua. He is in the canine contest next door.
I still would not follow her, chico.
DAGDA: Why?
CAT: She is dangerous, that one. I've seen her lead three cats into
that litter box *motions one in the corner* and they haven't ever come
out.
DAGDA: *considers* What are you, crazy? Of course I'm going to follow
her! Look at that chick ... by which I mean extremely attractive cat,
not poultry.
CAT: I like chicken.
DAGDA: That's nice. Leave me alone. *goes to follow the sexy white
cat*
MORGAN: Dagda! Come back here! I'm not done brushing you yet!
DAGDA: Yes, you are!
MORGAN: *sends a witch message* Hunter, I'm bored. Come here so we can
make out.
HUNTER: *by return message* Okie dokie. I'll be there in a jiff.
*meanwhile, Dagda is following the sexy white cat. He pokes his head
inside the litter box and watches as the sexy white cat blasts a
marmalade tabby with cat fire that shoots from her paws*
DAGDA: *gives pitiful, frightened meow*
SEXY WHITE CAT: *turns to look at him, grinning like its Cheshire
relative* Who's next?
DAGDA: *gives pitiful, frightened meow*
SEXY WHITE CAT: You're a lot cuter than the last one.
*sends a burst of cat fire at Dagda. Our favorite feline hero dodges
it and hides behind a clump of litter*
DAGDA: Why are you doing this?
SEXY WHITE CAT: To eliminate the competition. I want to win that
trophy.
DAGDA: Actually, it's just a ribbon.
SEXY WHITE CAT: *disappointed* Damn ... *shrugs it off* Ah, well.
*shoots another blast of cat fire at Dagda, who dodges again. The fire
clears the litter box restraints and hits a girl in the crowd. She
falls over*
DAGDA: Hey! That was Mary K!
SEXY WHITE CAT: *pointedly not caring* So?
DAGDA: She was the only one who never talked baby talk to me!
*unleashes the sheer force of his kitty power and attacks the
conniving white bitch cat. She goes down under his feline fury.
Unfortunately, so does the whole crowd*
DAGDA: *triumphantly* Hahahahaha! Take that! Who da man? Who da man?
Who da man? Who yo daddy? Who yo daddy? *pause* What was I doing?
*trots off back to Morgan, who glares sternly at him*
MORGAN: Dagda, what have I told you about unleashing the sheer force
of your kitty power on innocent victims?
HUNTER: *walks up* Hi, Morgan.
DAGDA: Oh, great, it's Mr. I've-Got-A-Stick-Up-My-Ass-The-Size-Of-
London.
HUNTER: Thanks for your message. Sky and Raven were driving me crazy
at home.
MORGAN: What do you mean?
HUNTER: Let's just say ... I never knew Sky was so vocal.
MORGAN: Too much information.
DAGDA: *interested* So tell me more.
HUNTER: *looks around at all of the dead bodies* Um, what happened
here, might I ask?
MORGAN: Dagda unleashed the sheer force of his kitty power on innocent
victims.
HUNTER: Bad kitty.
DAGDA: But did you see the way I kicked her ass? *Morgan and Hunter
are too busy making out to notice Dagda* Hey! Guys! I kicked her ass!
I deserve a ribbon here!
*the same cat that Dagda was talking to before looks at him*
CAT: I like chicken.
DAGDA: If I give you chicken, will you shut up?
*quickly proving that he is much more adept at magick than any blood
witch (cough), he transfigures with a wave of his paw a bit of kitty
food into a large meal of KFC chicken, complete with biscuits,
coleslaw, and a medium Pepsi. He and the Mexican cat dig in* *Dagda
realizes something*
DAGDA: Hey, didn't you say something about a dog competition next
door?
*the door to the competition area breaks down as five hundred canines
of all shapes and sizes hurtle through it, invariably drawn to the
smell of chicken. Dagda and the Mexican cat look at each other and
take off screaming*
DAGDA / CAT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Once Again, Fin
Cal", as will all subsequent stories. Therefore, the fact that the
entire coven died in the last chapter has no bearing on this story
whatsoever. We just didn't feel like taking up unnecessary space on
the fanfiction.net browser because it's already down quite often. So
enjoy and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Oh, and by the way, the animal voices
can only be heard by other animals. Therefore, the humans do not
respond to the animals' voices.
Summary: An outing at a cat competition turns ugly when Dagda is
forced to fight a scheming feline that will do anything to win.
Dagda Saves the Day
[Scene: Morgan's bedroom. She walks inside and closes the door behind
her. Dagda sits on her bed, his paws folded primly in front of him.]
MORGAN: *cheerful* Hi, Dagda! *in a baby voice* How is my widdle kitty
wittie? HOW IS MY WIDDLE KITTY WITTIE?
*Dagda looks scornfully at her*
DAGDA: What a loser.
MORGAN: *doing her homework* Hey, Dag, do you know what president
secretly sponsored the Bay of Pigs invasion?
DAGDA: Yes.
MORGAN: Do you know how to find the trigonometric ratios of an acute
triangle if one side length and one angle measure are known?
DAGDA: Yes.
MORGAN: Do you know how to French braid?
DAGDA: I was teased about it in school, but, once again, yes.
MORGAN: *not having heard anything he said* Aw, what am I saying?
You're too cute to know anything like that! *scratches his ears as
Dagda shudders*
DAGDA: Oh, the humiliation! You know, if the felines were running the
world, things would be a lot better. People like you would be jailed.
And then executed.
*the doorbell rings*
MORGAN: I'll get it!
DAGDA: *quickly* No, no, please, let me!
*he races off down the stairs and sees Aunt Eileen and Paula*
DAGDA: Merciful Bastet! Someone's come to rescue me from Morgan!
*he leaps up into Paula's arms*
PAULA: Dagda sure is friendly. *in a baby voice* Is ooh a nice kitty?
IS OOH A NICE KITTY?
DAGDA: *trying to claw his way out* Goddess, not you, too!
MORGAN: *coming down the stairs* Isn't he cute? *in a baby voice* Is
Dag a cute kitty? IS DAG A CUTE KITTY?
DAGDA: *to Aunt Eileen* Save me.
AUNT EILEEN: Morgan, we wanted to ask if you would be interested in
entering Dagda in a cat competition that Paula's clinic is sponsoring.
DAGDA: *horrified* CAT COMPETITION?
MORGAN: Well ...
DAGDA: *even more horrified* CAT COMPETITION??
AUNT EILEEN: It's this weekend in Red Kill. Little Dagda here could
win so easily.
DAGDA: *horrified beyond comprehension* CAT COMPETITION????????????
PAULA: It should be fun.
DAGDA: It will not be fun!
AUNT EILEEN: He could even win a ribbon.
DAGDA: I don't want a ribbon!
AUNT EILEEN: Plus, it would just be so darn cute. *in a baby voice*
Wouldn't it be cute? WOULDN'T IT BE CUTE?
DAGDA: Okay, this is the last time I'm going to say this! I AM NOT
ENTERING A CAT COMPETITION!
[Scene: the cat competition.]
DAGDA: I can't believe I'm entered in a cat competition.
MORGAN: *brushing his fur* Oh, come on, Dag. Put on a happy face.
This'll be fun.
DAGDA: Easy for you to say. You're not the one parading around naked
in front of a bunch of judges.
*a sexy female cat walks by, wagging her tail at Dagda. Dagda's eyes
widen*
DAGDA: Glorious Aphrodite! Come to me, my precious!
*he starts to go after her. Morgan, oblivious as always, continues to
brush his fur while humming serenely under her breath. A cat next to
Dagda, also being groomed by his owner, speaks up*
CAT: *in a Mexican accent* Oh, chico, I would not follow her.
DAGDA: Who are you? And what's a Mexican cat doing in this
competition?
CAT: My cousin is a Chihuahua. He is in the canine contest next door.
I still would not follow her, chico.
DAGDA: Why?
CAT: She is dangerous, that one. I've seen her lead three cats into
that litter box *motions one in the corner* and they haven't ever come
out.
DAGDA: *considers* What are you, crazy? Of course I'm going to follow
her! Look at that chick ... by which I mean extremely attractive cat,
not poultry.
CAT: I like chicken.
DAGDA: That's nice. Leave me alone. *goes to follow the sexy white
cat*
MORGAN: Dagda! Come back here! I'm not done brushing you yet!
DAGDA: Yes, you are!
MORGAN: *sends a witch message* Hunter, I'm bored. Come here so we can
make out.
HUNTER: *by return message* Okie dokie. I'll be there in a jiff.
*meanwhile, Dagda is following the sexy white cat. He pokes his head
inside the litter box and watches as the sexy white cat blasts a
marmalade tabby with cat fire that shoots from her paws*
DAGDA: *gives pitiful, frightened meow*
SEXY WHITE CAT: *turns to look at him, grinning like its Cheshire
relative* Who's next?
DAGDA: *gives pitiful, frightened meow*
SEXY WHITE CAT: You're a lot cuter than the last one.
*sends a burst of cat fire at Dagda. Our favorite feline hero dodges
it and hides behind a clump of litter*
DAGDA: Why are you doing this?
SEXY WHITE CAT: To eliminate the competition. I want to win that
trophy.
DAGDA: Actually, it's just a ribbon.
SEXY WHITE CAT: *disappointed* Damn ... *shrugs it off* Ah, well.
*shoots another blast of cat fire at Dagda, who dodges again. The fire
clears the litter box restraints and hits a girl in the crowd. She
falls over*
DAGDA: Hey! That was Mary K!
SEXY WHITE CAT: *pointedly not caring* So?
DAGDA: She was the only one who never talked baby talk to me!
*unleashes the sheer force of his kitty power and attacks the
conniving white bitch cat. She goes down under his feline fury.
Unfortunately, so does the whole crowd*
DAGDA: *triumphantly* Hahahahaha! Take that! Who da man? Who da man?
Who da man? Who yo daddy? Who yo daddy? *pause* What was I doing?
*trots off back to Morgan, who glares sternly at him*
MORGAN: Dagda, what have I told you about unleashing the sheer force
of your kitty power on innocent victims?
HUNTER: *walks up* Hi, Morgan.
DAGDA: Oh, great, it's Mr. I've-Got-A-Stick-Up-My-Ass-The-Size-Of-
London.
HUNTER: Thanks for your message. Sky and Raven were driving me crazy
at home.
MORGAN: What do you mean?
HUNTER: Let's just say ... I never knew Sky was so vocal.
MORGAN: Too much information.
DAGDA: *interested* So tell me more.
HUNTER: *looks around at all of the dead bodies* Um, what happened
here, might I ask?
MORGAN: Dagda unleashed the sheer force of his kitty power on innocent
victims.
HUNTER: Bad kitty.
DAGDA: But did you see the way I kicked her ass? *Morgan and Hunter
are too busy making out to notice Dagda* Hey! Guys! I kicked her ass!
I deserve a ribbon here!
*the same cat that Dagda was talking to before looks at him*
CAT: I like chicken.
DAGDA: If I give you chicken, will you shut up?
*quickly proving that he is much more adept at magick than any blood
witch (cough), he transfigures with a wave of his paw a bit of kitty
food into a large meal of KFC chicken, complete with biscuits,
coleslaw, and a medium Pepsi. He and the Mexican cat dig in* *Dagda
realizes something*
DAGDA: Hey, didn't you say something about a dog competition next
door?
*the door to the competition area breaks down as five hundred canines
of all shapes and sizes hurtle through it, invariably drawn to the
smell of chicken. Dagda and the Mexican cat look at each other and
take off screaming*
DAGDA / CAT: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
Once Again, Fin