Disclaimer: Hi, guys. Let's see how many stories like this we can
write before you get bored of us and run us out of the country with
pitchforks!

Morgan and the Shrink

[Scene: the living room of the Rowlands house. Morgan walks in through
the front door and sees her parents, who look grim.]

MORGAN: Hi, Mom! Hi, Dad! *sees their less-than-happy expressions* Um,
what happened?
MRS. ROWLANDS: Morgan, how do you explain this? *holds up a book
entitled "The Idiot's Guide to Wicca and Witchcraft"*
MORGAN: *caught* Um ...
MR. ROWLANDS: Now, Morgan, sweetie, you know that we only want what's
best for you. And, clearly, this obsession with Wicca isn't best for
you. Your mother and I feel that it would be best for you to give up
Wicca and come rejoin the Catholic Church.
MORGAN: *horrified* WHAT?
MRS. ROWLANDS: Morgan, becoming a devoted servant of God is the only
way that you will achieve true happiness and everlasting existence in
heaven. You must respect the members of the church and the one god
that we worship!
CHURCH MISSIONARY: *through the open door* Have you accepted Jesus
Christ as your lord and personal savior?
MRS. ROWLANDS: Can't you see we're having a conversation, dumbass?
*slams the door in the missionary's face*
MORGAN: Well, Mom, now that you've proved yourself a true hypocrite,
what are you going to do to me if I won't quit Wicca?
MR. ROWLANDS: We've discussed it thoroughly, honey, and we think it's
best that you see a psychologist. Someone that can help you sort
through your inner turmoil and get back on the path to religious
righteousness.
MORGAN: *horrified scream* NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*on Saturday, Morgan heads over to Hunter's house for the coven's
weekly circle. Hunter opens the door*
HUNTER: Oh, hello, Morgan! Come in!
*they walk into the living room, where the circle is being set up*
BREE: Hi, Morgan! Help us set up the snack table!
MORGAN: *eyes the table of watercress sandwiches, scones, and crumpets
distastefully*
BREE: Yeah, it's not the best selection, but hey, Hunter's British.
It's all he had.
ROBBIE: Okay, everyone, come on. It's time to start.
*the coven stands in a circular pattern, ready to start the circle*
HUNTER: Okay, I thought that, this week, we could do a spell to help
us solve our personal problems. Can everyone think of a problem that
they would like help solving?
BREE: *glaring at Robbie* Robbie won't sleep with me because he's mad
that I flirted with those guys in New York.
ROBBIE: *glaring at Bree* Bree won't sleep with me because she's mad
that I flirted with those girls in New York.
RAVEN: *glaring at Sky* Sky won't sleep with me because she thinks I'm
in love with Killian.
SKY: *glaring at Raven* Raven won't sleep with me because she IS in
love with Killian.
ETHAN: *glaring at Sharon* Sharon won't sleep with me because she's
mad that I caved and had a ton of beer at that pub.
SHARON: *glaring at Ethan* Ethan won't sleep with me because he's
always too drunk and/or stoned to get around to it!
HUNTER: *quickly* Okay, um, does anyone have a problem not related to
sex?
ALISA: Um, magick scares me.
JENNA: I miss Matt ... he was so good in bed ... oops, that was a sex one,
wasn't it?
MORGAN: My parents want me to either quit Wicca or go to a
psychologist.
*stunned silence*
HUNTER: Bloody hell!
BREE: Not a psychologist! Will he make you look at ink blots?
*muttering to herself* That one was SO not a sailboat ...
ROBBIE: Anything but that!
JENNA: Gee, Morgan, I'm so sorry. Well, I feel more sorry for me
because I lost my boyfriend, but hey.
RAVEN: Poor Morgan. I hate shrinks.
SHARON: Well, Morgan, you obviously can't face a shrink. That's worse
than capital punishment. I guess that means you have to quit Wicca.
*they throw her out of the house*
MORGAN: Waaahhh!
*Mr. and Mrs. Rowlands drive up*
MR. ROWLANDS: Hop in, Morgan!
MRS. ROWLANDS: It's time for your visit to the shrink!
MORGAN: *spluttering* But-But-But I –
*they drag her into the car and to the shrink's office*
SHRINK: Hello, Morgan.
MORGAN: *terrified* Um ... hi?
SHRINK: Now, Morgan, I want you to know that I'm not here to scare
you. I'm just here to force you to relive your childhood in an attempt
to discover the source of your current psychological chaos.
MORGAN: *sending a witch message* Hunter, help me! I'm in terrible
danger!
*she gets no response and slouches down on the shrink's couch sadly*
MORGAN: Okay, Doc. Psychoanalyze me.
SHRINK: Thank you for your cooperation. Now ... why don't you tell me a
little bit about your childhood?
MORGAN: *takes a deep breath* Well, I lived my entire life believing
that my parents were Sean and Mary Grace Rowlands and that my sister
was Mary K. But then, it's really a funny story, I learned that I was
adopted. Understandably, this was a very difficult time for me,
emotionally. I later discovered that my real mother's name was Maeve
Riordan. She used to live in Ballynigel, Ireland, but then she had to
move to New York City with her lover, Angus, because a dark wave
summoned by one of my ancestors destroyed her village and killed
everyone in her family. Now, originally, I thought that Angus Bramson
was my father, but on a recent trip to New York with my friends, I was
bound and gagged and almost had my powers stolen by a man that I
learned was my TRUE father, a very powerful dark witch named Ciaran
MacEwan, who turned out to be the one who had murdered my mother and
Angus by burning them in a barn. *takes another deep breath* So, then,
of course, I naturally felt that I was a spawn of the darkness because
of my true father's inherent evilness, and so I separated myself from
my boyfriend and my coven in an attempt to protect them from the
darkness that I assumed would grow within me and consume my very soul.
But I got better, and now I'm happy and well within my coven, Kithic,
in which I am one of only three blood witches.
SHRINK: *stares at her*
MORGAN: *stares back*
SHRINK: Um ... yes ... well ... I can see that you've got a creative
imagination!
MORGAN: Imagination? Everything I told you is true!
SHRINK: *smiling sweetly* Of course it is. Why don't you tell me about
your school life?
MORGAN: *takes a deep breath* Well, I've always been a good student in
school. I'm taking a few senior courses, and I get good grades in
pretty much everything. I don't mean to sound conceited, but it's
true. My grades started to drop when I was contacted by a member of
the International Council of Witches named Eoife, though. Eoife told
me that I had to get my father, Ciaran, to come to Widow's Vale so
that she and the council could either try to capture him or place a
watch sigil on him so they could follow his every move. *sighs* It was
awful. My schoolwork went downhill. I was so busy all the time, what
with trying to get my half-brother Killian to stop messing with my
friend Sky's head and get our father down here from New York. I
completely forgot about a few big history tests and English
compositions, and my grades really suffered because of that. I tend to
think that it wasn't completely my fault, though, on account of I was
under so much stress then. Anyways, I did finally get Ciaran down
here, and after shape shifting into a wolf with him and nearly killing
my boyfriend, I got the watch sigil on him and helped the council get
on his tracks, if you'll excuse the pun. They're chasing him as we
speak.
SHRINK: *stares at her*
MORGAN: *stares back*
SHRINK: Morgan, you have to be honest with me. If you want to go
making up these harebrained stories that have no basis in reality or
fact, that's your prerogative, but understand that I am not a cheap
psychologist. Every hour that you waste my time, it means one less
Christmas present for you or your sister because your parents will be
in the red. The bankruptcy red.
MORGAN: Number one, I don't celebrate Christmas anymore. And number
two, everything that I've told you is true!
SHRINK: Why don't you tell me about this boyfriend that you've
mentioned?
MORGAN: *takes a deep breath* My boyfriend's name is Hunter. Hunter
Niall. He's the sweetest, most sensitive, greatest, most loving,
coolest, most wonderful –
SHRINK: The facts, please.
MORGAN: Oh, sorry. *takes a deep breath again* My boyfriend, Hunter,
is a blood witch, just like I am. His parents are Daniel and Fiona
Niall, and he's a half-Woodbane and half-Wydenkell witch. I'm all
Woodbane, but we get along. Hunter and I had a rocky relationship from
the start, considering that I got really bad vibes from him when I
first met him and he pretty much freaked me out. The situation wasn't
improved any when, in an effort to protect my previous boyfriend, I
hurled a knife at Hunter's neck and he fell over a cliff into the
Hudson River. He didn't die, though, and we made up eventually. Of
course, for a while, I was a bit of a mess because of a betrayal by
said previous boyfriend, who turned out to be part of a dark coven
that destroyed other non-Woodbane covens and tried to kill me by
burning me, as my parents were. Due to the heroic actions of my friend
Bree and a little accident with my beloved car, Das Boot, though, I
survived. I was an emotional wreck for a while, but then Hunter showed
me that it was okay to fall in love again and we started dating. He's
my soulmate, my muirn beatha dan, but we still haven't had sex
because, every opportunity that we get, something comes up. Anyway,
he's great. And despite the fact that I almost killed him and I'm not
really the greatest or hottest girlfriend in the world, he loves me,
too.
SHRINK: *stares at her*
MORGAN: *stares back*
SHRINK: Nurse? *a nurse enters* Can you get the sedatives, please?
This girl is a complete fruitcake.
MORGAN: I enjoy fruitcake.
SHRINK: Okay now, Morgan, we're going to put you in a drug-induced
sleep, okay? Now just relax ... this won't hurt a bit ... just relax ... it
won't hurt ...
*Morgan shrieks in pain as the he jabs a needle full of sedative into
her arm. Suddenly, though, a loud crash heralds the arrival of
something. Something big. Morgan turns around in shock to see Das Boot
flying through the glass of the shrink's window, smashing it to
pieces. The coven climbs out of the car, ready for action. They see
that Morgan is still alive*
HUNTER: Um ... we're here to rescue you.
MORGAN: *pointedly* Good job. *realizes the absurdity of the
situation* Hey ... how did you get Das Boot up thirty stories?
SKY: Hunter and I levitated it up.
MORGAN: Oh. That's impressive.
HUNTER: Thanks.
MORGAN: *realizes something else* Hey, how come you all look so ... so ...

HUNTER: Oh! Well, you see, it's a funny story. That spell that we did
to solve personal problems? It actually worked! Yeah, so half of the
coven was actually ... well, you know ... when I received your message. It
was difficult to recruit everybody.
SHARON: I had to interrupt Robbie and Bree. *shivers involuntarily*
Not a pretty sight.
JENNA: Alisa, Ethan, and I walked in on Sky and Raven.
ETHAN: *mouth still hanging open* It was definitely a moment to
remember ...
ALISA: I'm scarred for all eternity.
MORGAN: Hmmm ... wanna go get some pizza?
ALL: Sure! *they leave. The shrink stares back and forth at them in
shock*

[Scene: another shrink's office. Morgan's ex-shrink is sitting on the
couch, shaking slightly.]

EX-SHRINK: It was awful, Doc ... this car just burst through my window ...
and ... and ... and ... *shudders*

AND ONCE AGAIN ... THE END