Ezekiel

Disclaimer: Do not own Buffy.

A/N: For the record, I love the Buffy series. However, I don't read any of the Tales of the Slayer series. So, for those of you who do, be forewarned that my depiction of this character, whom will be revealed within said story, does not in any way, shape, or form go off of the original, aside from the basics. In other words: AU!

Daniel sat down inside his single apartment. Becca was off this week, preparing for the wedding and gathering her family together. Daniel had little family in reality. His mother had died of a heart attack, his father of a stray bullet during a raid while he was on duty in the prison yard, his uncle of cancer, his aunt of grief. His brother had been an officer in the Army back when he was alive, and his wife had been an actress. Both were dead, and so was their daughter. All in all, not much family.

Daniel Cohen sighed in sadness as he remembered his niece. India Marie Cohen had been a very bright, young girl, though confused at times. He had visited her in San Diego a few times, though not many, to his regret. She had been a bright spot for her father for the time they had had. Of course, he had died in action somewhere in the Middle East. But, they had had a firm relationship, if restricted at times by his duty and her own stuff.

She did have a tendency to get into trouble. He recalled a few times when he had read his brother's email, ranting a little about how he had had to bail India out of a jam in the middle of the night. He had especially disliked one of India's friends, a man named Christopher Bothwell. His brother had suspected India of being in love with him and had attempted to call an end to their friendship. Of course, he had failed. Then, not a month later, he had died.

He reminded himself of India's own grizzly demise. She had been hacked to death, defending her own home. The reports had mentioned something about them finding old cloth around the area. It was intriguing and old. After her death, Danny had begun searching for Bothwell and had discovered that he had died as well.

So, the case involving her demise had gone unsolved. Like many cases within Paradise. Sighing, he began to compile a list of who he would be inviting to his wedding.

"Marcie," Ezekiel called to the invisible girl, "Come downstairs when you get out of the shower! Adil's meeting us down there."

"Alright," she shouted over the water.

The Warrior of God smiled as he closed the door. Marcie had managed to bond with the group, not yet more than honorary, but not an outsider either. Unlike her experience in Sunnydale, Adil, Edana, and Tara had each taken an extreme effort in incorporating her in on their day. Adil was having his brush with depression right now, dealing with his uncle's death. Edana and Tara were doing as good as they could together, but both had some issues about being out on a date while Adil had sat at his uncle's deathbed, so they had decided to cool things down in order to help their friend and, thereby, their own guilt. Selfish and noteworthy at the same time, like so many things.

He climbed down the stairs and came to the front of the room.

"Ezekiel," Whitney called as he passed by, "Where've you been for a while?"

"Out," the Warrior answered.

"Hey, I got the building now," she said with a leer, "I'll take away your rent for the rest of your stay if you…join me for a night?"

"Hey, Zeke," Adil called to the hunter as he walked down the stairs outside, "What's wrong man? You look as white as a ghost? Did you see a ghost?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Ezekiel muttered, "Let's just go to Surge and get the piano for Danny's wedding."

"Ugh, Ezekiel," Edana said in fear; she had never ever seen her friend look like this, "You sure you wanna go with us? You don't look that good."

"Zekey," Whitney called as she came down the stairs and Ezekiel, if it was possible, looked even paler, "Here's the key."

She put something in his hand and walked back up to the apartment building, her rear end shaking enough to knock someone down.

"I'm sure," the Warrior muttered as he passed them and climbed aboard.

His friends shared a look, one singular thought going through each and every one of their minds: What the Fuck?

"Hey, everybody," Angus said as the group came inside, "Been a while. What's up?"

"Tequila, Scotch, and a fucking case of beer," Ezekiel said as he sat down at the bar, "I'm going to need to be the world's drunkest person tonight."

"Why," the snitch asked.

"Don't ask," everyone said in unison.

"…OK," Angus said as he went to get the drink.

"Hey, Angus," Edana called after him, "Would you mind if we borrow the place's piano? We need it for a wedding."

"Wow," the barkeep said as he dropped off the drinks for the Warrior, who immediately began to binge drink his ass off, "Zeke, I wondered how long it'd take you to get one of them pregnant."

Immediately, the hunter jumped over the bar and grabbed the snitch's neck with both hands, squeezing as hard as he could.

"Listen to me, you little piece of shit," the enraged Warrior growled, "If you ever, ever say anything like that about anyone I give a damn about, I will cut your balls off, hang them up in the ocean, let the sharks eat them as you watch, then toss you down into a nest of vampires and let them turn you, then I'm going to toss you into a tub filled with holy water and gasoline, set it on fire, and watch you burn to Hell. Do I fucking make myself clear!"

The snitch gulped and shook his head so fast it would probably break off. Ezekiel let him go, then settled himself back down and returned to his alcohol. Angus was about to breathe a sigh of relief when he felt both of his hands begin to heat up. He shook them around in order to get air on them, but it didn't help. He turned around and turned the water on, but it was boiling. Panting now, he turned back to the crowd. Edana was staring at him, hard.

"Apologize," Adil muttered, barely audible.

"I'm sorry," Angus said immediately as his hands began to steam, "I'm sorry! Please, make it stop!"

"…Fine," Edana let her power up and Angus felt instant relief; he collapsed to the ground.

"Great going," Marcie said as she sat down beside Ezekiel, "Now we can't get any more drinks."

"Don't matter," Adil said, "After all, he's out, there's no one here, so let's rob the fridge."

"Hell, no," Angus panted as he stood up, "I'm not knocked out, just…dying. And I can't feel my hands."

"Can you move them," Adil asked.

"Yeah."

"Then get us all drinks," Edana said as she sat down, "And I'll make that pain go away."

The snitch smiled in happiness and went to go get a bunch of every kind of drink they had.

"W-was that necessary," Tara asked her girlfriend.

"He'll be fine when he comes back," she answered, "Plus, he'll give us a discount."

"And the piano," Marcie quipped.

"Here you go," Angus said as he dropped off four beers.

"Ugh, I don't drink," Tara said.

"You don't," Angus asked, "…Wait. We haven't met before, have we?"

"No," she answered, "I'm Tara."

"Angus," he responded with a leer.

"Back off, Angus," Edana said, "She's my girlfriend."

"Oh," the snitch said in fear, "Sorry, ma'am. Didn't know. Ugh, I'll go get you a Coke."

Tara nodded as the snitch ran away.

"He really is afraid of you," she told her girlfriend.

"He really is," she smiled.

"Detective Cohen," Daniel answered his phone on the fourth ring.

"Hey, Danny," he recognized the voice as that of Adil's, "Angus got his boss to loan us their piano for your wedding. Wow, man. Three more days and you're going to be Mrs. Daniel Cohen. How's it feel?"

"Nothing like it should, Mr. Ansar," Daniel said in a stern voice, though his lips were curled into a smile, "I'm a bit more worried about filling seats. Pastor Erwin isn't going to appreciate the nearly complete lack, present company excluded, of guests for the groom. I don't even have a family member."

"Well, we're your family," the young man said, "I'm your adoptive son, Pam is your half-sister, Tara's your niece, Edana's your niece's girlfriend, Ezekiel's your uncle, and Marcie's your on-the-side girl."

Daniel grimaced and was about to shout at Adil but, someone did it for him.

"OW!"

"Serves you right," he heard Edana said, "You shouldn't say those kind of things."

"Especially about the girl that can take pictures of you when you don't know it," the detective smiled at Marcie's voice, "Particularly of the one of you stepping out of the bathroom."

"…What?"

"I was there. You really need to start taking drugs. You're so small."

Daniel grinned. He could all but see the Yemenite's face, red to the brim.

"On that happy note," he hung up.

"I fucking cannot believe I am doing this," the Warrior of God said as he leaned against the wall, "And just to save a few bucks, too."

Not just a few bucks, he thought to himself, But the entire Vatican payments, courtesy of Whitney. That's nearly a thousand dollars to spend on weapons, hooch, and girls.

Smiling at the inevitable future, he braced himself and placed the key into the keyhole. The irony did not escape him as he went inside.

Pam sat down on the couch late that night. Things were beginning to step up around town. More vampires were coming out of the woodwork and they seemed to be targeting other vampires and demons. It was weird to see demons fighting each other, but, less work for her, Ezekiel, and less deaths meant good things to everyone.

"Tara," she called, "I'm home!"

After a few moments of no response, Pam began to get worried. Then, she reminded herself that Tara and Edana had made plans to go and visit Adil's uncle's grave. Adil had already been by and had attended the funeral, so he had decided to try and spend some fun time off at Surge. The girls would either join him later or go home, it all depended.

Sighing in relief at not being a bad influence, she walked over to the counter and pulled out a plastic bag filled with small sticks.

Marcie Ross smiled as she sipped her drink. Surge was full tonight with both demons and humans. For tonight was the first annual pool tournament, and the bets were in for who would take it. There were, so far, about twenty duos participating and the games were going to begin in half an hour.

She sat back and watched the throng of people. She was dressed in tight, blue jeans with a white button shirt, the first button undone. She had simple tennis shoes on and was nursing a shot glass filled with gin. She looked to her right as she felt someone sit beside her and smiled.

"Hey, Adil," she greeted her new friend, "How's the night going?"

"Oh, it's better than good," he answered, "I'll have a Sam Adams, Angus."

The barkeep nodded and went away.

"What's up with the crowd," the Yemenite asked.

"There's a pool tournament tonight," Marcie answered, "I'd thought about going out for it, but, it's duos only."

"You good at the stick?"

"Used to be. Don't know if I am now."

"…How much does it cost to get in?"

"About ten dollars. Why? You wanna compete?"

"Why not? We win, we get a hefty amount. We lose, we lost ten bucks. No real loss. You in?"

"…Sure."

"TWO MORE," Angus shouted as he dropped off the Sam Adams, "Alright."

He reached beneath the counter and pulled out a jar filled with money.

"Put your money in here and I'll put your names up on the board."

Tara walked into Surge about an hour later. Edana had decided to catch another bus that led her way, so the couple had parted. In truth, neither were upset about this event. They had been on rocky grounds ever since Adil's uncle died and their relationship was beginning to become strained. The blonde witch was beginning to become frightened, but she believed that things would work out in the end.

The first thing she noticed was the huge crowd. The second thing she noticed was that most of the crowd was gathered around one of the three pool tables inside the area. At the nearest table to the door were two people she recognized very well.

"Adil," she asked surprised, "Marcie? What're you doing here?"

"Playing pool, what's it look like," Marcie Ross, the invisible girl, shouted out as she took a large drink and shoved it down her throat.

"Hey," the Yemenite shouted, "Mind the hooch!"

He took the bottle back and drank a decent amount from it before placing it down again.

"Alright," he began, "Who's up next?"

Ezekiel stumbled into his apartment right as dawn began to grace the world of Paradise. He walked until his feet found the couch and he planted his rear end on it.

"God, my head," he said with a slight smile.

Last night, and a good amount of this morning, had been nearly bleeped away by the large amount of alcohol that he had consumed, levels upon levels which should have killed an ordinary human or Slayer, maybe even caused a vampire brain damage. In the end, however, it had been beyond worth it in order to forget everything he had done tonight.

Sleeping with Whitney was not an experience he wanted to remember. For one, she was plain annoying, no ifs, ands, or buts. All she wanted to do was talk about her damn cousin, or how her mother never appreciated her. It drove him insane sometimes and all he wanted to do was scream at her, 'Hey! Be grateful you actually had them for a fucking moment!'

And, yet, when it came to getting a thousand dollars all for himself every month and free rent…some sacrifices were worth making.

He groaned aloud as the phone began to ring. Groaning, he stood up and picked up the infernal device that had prevented him sleeping anytime soon.

"'Ello," he nearly shouted into the phone.

"Hello," a familiar voice said on the other end, "This wouldn't, by any chance, be Ezekiel? Would it?"

Let's see¸ he thought to himself, British, older man, sounds as though he's got the frigging UK flag up his asshole. Yep, only one man.

"How ya doin', Mr. Giles," the Warrior of God said with a slur.

"Uh…"That shut him up real quick, "Yes. Ugh, I'm sorry if I caught you at an inopportune moment, but, ugh, Angel gave me your number when he found your card to us. I was just calling to see if you would like the Codex returned to you."

"...Well, I think that'd be just right proper of you to do," Ezekiel said with a cockney accent, "And, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it being airmailed over to the Paradise Police Department, I'll steal it from the evidence locker."

"…Are you alright, sir?"

"I'm drunk as hell, thanks for asking!"

"Quite. Ugh, well, there's one other bit of business I wanted to question you about: I began a routine examination of the Codex and I discovered an inserted text upon one of the few blank pages. It was encrypted and it gave the last testament of the Slayer before Ms. Summers."

"…OK. Thanks."

"I've taken the liberty of having it rewritten upon a separate sheet of paper for you. It should be arriving at the post office for 'Ezekiel' today. Had I known sooner that you would like it received to you at the precinct, I would have had it sent there."

"…Great. Thanks, Mr. Giles. I'll get right on that."

The Warrior of God hung up the phone and sat back in his chair.

"Well," he said to himself, "That's one mystery solved. …And another one created."

Tara walked into her sister's home early that morning. She set her stuff down in the hallway and walked into the living room. As she sat down on the couch, the first thing she noticed was the odd smell. The second thing she noticed was the small baggie on the table. The third thing she noticed was what was inside.

Adil listened to the whirling of the fan, his eyes closed, willing the world to go away and allow him the ability to sleep. He had woken up inside his home about five minutes ago, the pounding of his head a fresh reminder of what he did last night. It was days like this that reminded him how grateful he was that it was summer.

Sighing, he twisted himself around to get more room, but found something blocking his way.

Edana walked up the front steps of Adil Ansar's house that morning. She and Tara had been feeling guilty over what had happened and she had decided that she would have a talk with Adil. She had lost her brother, of course, so she knew a little bit about depression.

She stood upon the doorway and lifted her arm to push the doorbell.

"What the Hell is this?"

Pam MaClay snapped awake the second she heard the voice. Whoever it was, it sounded pissed off.

"Answer me, Pamela," she heard.

"Tara," the dazed detective asked, "What's wrong? What're you talking about?"

"This," the white witch scathed as she thrust something in Pam's face.

"What," she blinked her eyes against the light and took the small bag away from her sister. She stared at its contents realization came onto her face.

"OH," she nearly screamed, "Tara. I know this looks bad, but, honestly, it isn't."

"Then what the Hell is it!"

"Marty in narcotics picked this up near Noctem two nights ago," the detective explained, "He was aware about the demonic element using dope and pot like this, so he asked me if I could hold onto it. It's not safe in the evidence locker or with him, and he knew that Danny and the vigilante rode with me, so he asked and I said yes. I was only going to keep a hold of it till Marty got back or until I could get Ezekiel to check it out for us. I swear, Tara, I wasn't doing anything."

Tara MaClay stared at her sister, and Pam knew that the white witch was scanning her aura for the substances. Finally, after what seemed like an hour, but was nearly thirty seconds, the blonde witch smiled and came forward. Pam embraced her sister.

"I'm sorry, Pam," Tara muttered, "I just thought-"

"Don't be sorry," Pamela interrupted, "You did the right thing, standing up like that. I should have told you about it last night, but, I kept on thinking 'what if one of those vamps hears me on the cell?' Plus, what we're doing is considered illegal, possession of illegal substances, but it is necessary."

Tara smiled and backed away from her sister.

"I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions."

"You had every right to."

Before either could continue, there was a knock against their door.

"oh dear Lord," the native of Yemen whispered as he realized that Marcie Ross was lying next to him, naked as the day she was born.

This is a real good way to wake up in the morning, he smiled, Now, if only I could remember it.

Sighing to himself, he stood up out of the bed and walked into his shower. He turned it on full-blast and lukewarm and began to wash himself. As he did so, he heard the bathroom door open slightly.

"Marcie," he called out.

She didn't answer and he heard some shifting from the bedroom, allowing him to believe that she was still passed out, or just waking up. Sighing, he grabbed the soap once more and began to lather it up, but stopped as he heard the doorbell.

"Marcie," he shouted out, "Could you get that?"

His received response made him drop the soap.

"Hey, Zeke," Tara greeted her friend as he walked inside, "How was last night?"

"Don't ask," the Warrior answered without missing a beat, "Ugh, you may wanna have a seat."

The two sisters shared a look, but, they obeyed.

"Alright," Ezekiel said with a sigh as he pulled out a small book, "First things first, Tara, here's your Codex."

He handed it back to the witch before he continued.

"Second thing, I need to know if the name 'India Marie Cohen' means anything to you?"

"…She was our cousin," Pam answered with a sorrowful look, "On our mother's side. She and her three sisters were born in the Philippines. Our aunt married an Army officer and gave birth to her. She died in San Diego, sliced up by mummies. Why do you ask?"

Ezekiel said nothing, but gave them a paper. The witch took it and held it out for her and her sister to read.

'To my darling Aunt,

I leave to you this book of the prophecies of the Slayer in the hopes that you shall be able to keep it safe where I cannot. Give Tara my love and, if anything should happen to you or my cousins, you can all go to see my Uncle Danny in Oregon. And if you do see him before I do, please…send him my love. He'll be more than capable of taking care of you. I love you all.

India Marie'

Edana listened intently to what was going on upstairs. When she heard something brake, she reacted. She ran to the door and grabbed the knob and, after finding it to be unlocked, rampaged inside.

"Adil," she shouted.

She heard some moaning from upstairs, almost as though someone was in pain. She ran up the stairs and followed the sound until she came to the bathroom, where the door was wide open. Adil was leaning against the shower wall, the curtain blocking his dignity, and had a smile on his face as he reached.

"Adil," Edana asked, wondering what the Hell was going on.

Her answer came when Marcie materialized out of nowhere.

Daniel Cohen stood up as he heard someone knock against his door. When he answered the door, the first thing he noticed was the look of trepidation on Tara's face, the look of curiosity on Pam's, and the look of enjoyment upon Ezekiel's.

Adil, Marcie, and Edana sat together at the young man's dinner table. Marcie had cooked up a pancake breakfast, which all three were now enjoying.

"Damn," the Yemenite said between mouthfuls of delight, "I never knew you could cook like this, Marcie."

"It's delicious," Edana muttered as she dug into her own, "I thought I knew pancakes, but, you've changed my perspective."

"Nice to know I can touch someone these days," the invisible girl said with a smile.

"You were doing quite a bit of touching, from what I saw," the mage said with a slight leer.

"And the night before, if I damn well recall, which I barely do," Adil said.

"Well," Marcie said with a sinful look, "If I recall, you did some touching as well."

"And you enjoyed it," the Yemenite countered.

"…Touché."

Edana smiled at their antics. Apparently, they had a lot in common that no one thought about. For one, they were both feeling the loss of family, Adil due to his uncle and Marcie due to her invisibility. Another was that they were both good pool players, from what she heard them talk about, that was. Not to mention that they were attracted to each other.

Maybe they could have a relationship.

She smiled at the thought and shook her head.

"Wow," was all the detective could say as he read the letter.

"Do you think it's real, Danny," the Warrior of God asked.

"It looks like her handwriting," Daniel muttered as he carefully scanned the letter, "Mr. Giles photocopied it?"

The young man nodded.

"Well…" Daniel was truly at a loss for words. Not too long ago, he had been thinking that he had no family whatsoever. Now, according to this letter, two of his best friends were more than friends: family. Tara and Pam were the nieces of his brother's wife, and the cousins of his own niece. That would make him their…uncle, he guessed, or maybe their third cousin, or something like that.

"I hate family trees," the detective said with a smile.

"What," the white witch known as Tara asked.

"Nothing," Daniel said with a small grin, "Well…I guess this makes us family. By marriage, I guess."

"Wow," Pam was smiling now, "Small world, huh?"

"Yeah," Ezekiel said with a grin, "It's a frigging redneck-ville."

All eyes turned to him.

"Occasionally, I am weird, get used to it."

"You know something," Daniel said, "You're one rude ass son of a bitch."

"Your point being?"

"Nothing, just thought I'd let you know."

"So," Pam decided to enter the conversation at this point, "This means the good pastor, or preacher, or reverend, or whatever the Hell he is won't be so mad at you, right?"

"…We can dream."

Ezekiel sat inside his apartment early two mornings later. Today was Danny's big day. He would be marrying his fiancée inside of the park with the good Pastor Erwin presiding over the event. Pam would be acting as the maid of honor with Edana, Tara, and Marcie as his bridesmaids, along with the bride's sister, Marcia. The best man would be Rebecca's brother, Marcus, along with Adil on the other side and that Captain Poe that he had met. Ezekiel would be acting as the wedding singer for the day, playing any number of songs the guests or bride wanted.

The Warrior of God smiled as he realized that Adil had been one-hundred percent right…today, Mr. Daniel Cohen was becoming Mrs. Daniel Cohen.

He stood up and got ready to leave but, as he did so, he knocked over his wedding gift to the couple: a golden crucifix he had gotten from Father Albany during one of his visits to the young Warrior. A practical gift, for many reasons.

Sighing, he bent down and picked it up but, as he did so, something underneath the bed caught his eye. It was a red handled dagger made of silver. The handle held runes upon it which he could not read. This alone was odd, considering that he could read many styles known to modern and pre-modern man. He made to reach underneath the bed and grab it, but…

"Zeke," he heard Marcie Ross, the invisible girl, shout, "We're going to be late!"

"Coming," the Warrior of God said as he backed away, "Just had to pick up my gift!"

He stood up and walked out the door, all memory of the dagger forgotten.

Daniel stood before the altar that had been erected inside the park. A stocky man with brown hair was before him, dressed in his church finest. He smiled at the pastor and the holy man smiled back.

"You nervous, Danny," he heard Captain Poe ask from nearby.

"A little bit," he whispered back to his superior officer, "I mean, I'm getting married! It's kind of odd, you know?"

"Just remember," the younger man known as Adil said with a smile, "Today is the last day of your life and the first day of your imprisonment."

"Ordinarily, I'd disagree with you, Mr. Ansar," Rebecca's brother, Marcus, a tall man with naturally gray hair and dark skin, said, "But…I have to agree."

"Quit terrifying the groom," he heard Pamela say.

"Yeah," his soon-to-be sister-in-law, Marcia, said, her black hair waving in front of her eyes as she said so, "Do you think mom would like to hear that?"

She jerked her head down towards the audience, which was filled mainly with Rebecca's relatives and Danny's friends from the force. Her motioning was to a short woman with a head full of lush, black hair. She smiled and waved at them.

"She'd join in on the fun, and you know it," Marcus replied with a small smile.

"Ugh, guys," Danny turned again to look at Tara, "This is his day. And hers. Let them try to enjoy it."

"Yeah," Tara's girlfriend commented with a smile, "So what if you're selling yourself into slavery? Big whoop! Who gives a hoot!"

"Marriage is not enslaving a man to a woman," Daniel said, more to himself than anyone else.

"It is, my son," the pastor said with a serious look, "But, be grateful you have such a woman to be bound to."

Daniel could do nothing more, for he heard the music start as Ezekiel began to play. Coming down the aisle were two people, a bald man with gray hair dressed in a tux and, on his arm, a beautiful blonde woman dressed in a flowing white dress. They came slowly down the red carpet, smiling as they did so. When they reached the altar, they paused and turned to each other. Her father said something into her ear and gave her a short hug and a peck on the cheek before turned to sit with his wife.

Rebecca Marti walked to her fiancée with a smile gracing her features, and she took her soon-to-be husband's hand and faced the preacher man. As she did so, the music stopped and everyone took their seat.

"Dearly beloved," he began, "We are gathered here today in the sight of God and this company to bare witness to the union of Rebecca Elizabeth Marti and Daniel LaVelle Cohen in holy matrimony. If any person can give sound reason as to why these two should not be married on this day, let that person speak now, or forever hold their piece."

No one stood.

"The bride and the groom have each taken the liberty of writing their own vows. Rebecca?"

"…My darling," she began, a single tear sliding down her face, "When I first met you, I knew you were something special. For one, you'd survived on the force for more than a year, so that was something."

Some chuckles were earned from the PD, but most remained silent.

"It came as a shock when you proposed to me," she said seriously, "I kept on wondering if things would work out. If we could make it. I realized, though, that that's what's so good about marriage…it requires work. You have to make it work. You and I love what we do, and you are one of the greatest human beings I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. If you can make your life here what you have so far, then I can help make this marriage work. I love you, Danny. Please take my hand."

Daniel smiled slowly.

"Daniel?"

"…I met you and I thought to myself, 'my God, she's pretty.' I never thought that, in a million years, I'd be standing here to day with you, ready to marry the most beautiful woman in the universe. I'm still wondering if this is a dream. Well, and I know I'm sounding corny even as I say this but, if it is a dream, I sure don't wanna wake up."

"You're right," Becca interrupted, "That was corny."

Daniel smiled before continuing, "Well, corn aside, I do know that what we have here is anything but corny. I want to make things work between us and, I know that things will. I want you to be happy and I believe that I can make you happy. Please, give me the privilege. Take my hand."

The bride took his hand as he had taken hers and slid a ring upon it, just as he had hers. Smiling, the two turned back to the pastor.

"By the power vested in me by God, the state of Oregon, and the City of Paradise, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

He didn't need telling twice.

Ezekiel sighed joyfully as he walked inside the apartment building that evening. The wedding had gone off without a hitch, thank God, no fucking demons anywhere, except for the Surge band, but, they were all, or mostly,disguised and being paid to be there, so, they wouldn't cause a problem.

As he walked inside, he was intercepted by his landlady, Whitney. She leered at him, and he became extremely uncomfortable underneath her gaze.

Think of the money¸ he reminded himself, And how I'm screwing the church over.

"Hey, Zekey," Dear God, forgive me if I kill her, "Just wanted to give you this."

He braced himself, wondering what the woman wanted to give him, and had a declination on his lips before she held it out: an envelope addressed from Vatican City.

"As per our agreement," she said, downtrodden, "All your rent is free. I wish I would have thought better before that, I could have made it once a month. But, it was worth it."

Ezekiel was a Warrior of God. Trained by the worst beings, and the best beings, in the history of the Catholic Church. He had seen devils, demons, serpents, and the foulest creatures that Hell's gates had to throw at him. Yet, nothing prepared him for her next statement.

"Oh, by the way," she said, "Your sister arrived around half an hour ago. She's up in your room."

A/N: Did I not say the fun stuff would begin?