Disclaimer: Hey, us again! This story is pretty weird, but who cares?
Give it a read and review whether you hate it or not ... but please
don't hate it *sniffles*
Morgan vs. The Nuns
Scene: Morgan's bedroom. Morgan is laying on her bed, staring up at
the ceiling, bored.]
MORGAN: *talking to herself* I'm so bored ... where is everyone ... *sits
up* That's it. *goes over to her phone and dials a number* *waits a
minute* Hey, Bree!
BREE: *on the phone, sounding breathless* Uh ... Morgan? What are you
calling for?
MORGAN: Oh, you know. It's boring over here. Wanna go get a mocha or
drive over to Practical Magick?
BREE: Um ... you've kind of caught me at a bad time ...
MORGAN: Oh! Are you and Robbie –
BREE: Kinda.
MORGAN: *embarrassed* Oh, sorry. I'll call back later.
BREE: Please don't.
MORGAN: Sorry. *hangs up and sits in mortified silence for a moment
before dialing another number*
SKY: *on the phone, sounding breathless* Hello?
MORGAN: Oh, hey, Sky. Is Hunter there?
SKY: No, he had to go to New York for the day.
MORGAN: Do you know what time he'll be back?
SKY: No.
MORGAN: *sighs, then brightens* So, do you wanna hang? We could go to
Practical Magick or we could do another one of those Wiccan mind meld
things.
SKY: Actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
MORGAN: *seeing an uncanny similarity with her last phone
conversation* Oh, are you and Raven –
SKY: Kinda.
MORGAN: Sorry. *hangs up and dials another number, now very
frustrated* Hi, Sharon, do you wanna –
SHARON: No.
MORGAN: *losing it* Damnit, you and Ethan, too? Why isn't MY sex life
being fulfilled?
*unfortunately for her, her parents enter her bedroom just in time to
hear this last statement. Oops. Morgan looks shocked as her parents
look grim*
MORGAN: *to the phone* SorrySharonGottaGoBye! *hangs up* Hi, Mom! Hi,
Dad!
MRS. ROWLANDS: *not amused* Hello, Morgan.
MORGAN: What's up?
MR. ROWLANDS: We were sort of hoping to talk to you, sweetie.
MORGAN: Really? Good! *droops* All of my friends are too busy for me.
MRS. ROWLANDS: As we heard.
MORGAN: It is nice to have someone to talk to, though.
*a nun walks into her bedroom*
MORGAN: Uh ... that is NOT what I meant.
NUN: It's very nice to meet you, child.
MORGAN: Who are you?
MRS. ROWLANDS: Sister Catherine is going to be one of your new
teachers.
MORGAN: *panicked* One of my new WHAT?
MR. ROWLANDS: Morgan, we've tried every possible method of making you
convert back to Catholicism. We prayed, we sent you to a shrink (which
clearly failed), and now, we've made a difficult decision ... *dramatic
music* Morgan ... you're going to St. Anne's.
MORGAN: *pause, then screams*
MRS. ROWLANDS: *yelling over the noise of Morgan's screams* It's for
your own good, sweetheart!
MORGAN: Good, my ass!
SISTER CATHERINE: *clutching her chest* Holy Mary, this girl is a
heathen!
MRS. ROWLANDS: Morgan doesn't mean to offend you.
MORGAN: Actually, I do! There's no way I'm going to a Catholic school!
[Scene: St. Anne's Catholic School.]
MORGAN: I hate you.
SISTER CATHERINE: Come now, my daughter. That is no way to speak to an
elder, much less such a devoted servant of God as myself.
MORGAN: Oh, PLEASE!
SISTER CATHERINE: Quiet, you little wretch! Now get to class!
*Morgan goes down the hall and enters her first classroom*
TEACHER: Hello! Class, we have a new student! It's Morgan, isn't it?
Come in. I am Sister Mary.
MORGAN: Seems like every Catholic's name is Mary.
SISTER MARY: *turning up her hearing aid* Excuse me, what?
MORGAN: Nothing.
SISTER MARY: Well, Morgan, why don't you tell the class a little about
yourself?
MORGAN: *takes a deep breath* Well, my name is Morgan Rowlands and I'm
seventeen years old. I used to go to Widow's Vale High School in
Widow's Vale, New York, but considering that I'm stuck here in this
brainless hall of torture known as Catholic school, it's obvious that
I'm no longer there so much as I am here. I don't really like
Catholicism that much, and I'm only here because my parents threatened
to put my little kitty Dagda up for adoption if I didn't come. All in
all, I'm feeling very unhappy now because this new uniform that I've
been forced into *looks down at her plaid skirt and white dress shirt*
is WAY too tight, this little tie is practically squeezing all oxygen
from my lungs, therefore making cellular respiration impossible, and,
I mean, hello, PLAID? I mean, come on! There has to have been a better
pattern for the skirt than PLAID!
CLASS: *stunned silence*
SISTER MARY: *stunned silence*
MORGAN: *just plain silence*
SISTER MARY: Um, yes, well ... why don't you take a seat next to Sarah?
MORGAN: Who's Sarah?
SISTER MARY: *points to a blonde girl in the front row*
*Morgan sits down next to Sarah. Sarah looks at Morgan as Sister Mary
resumes her lecture on the wonders of Christianity*
SARAH: Hi.
MORGAN: Hi.
SARAH: So you're new here?
MORGAN: Clearly you didn't get that from my introduction, so yes, I
am.
SARAH: Don't worry. You'll make lots of new friends here.
MORGAN: *whines* I don't WANT new friends! I want my OLD friends!
SARAH: Who were your old friends?
MORGAN: Oh, just a fashion queen ...
SARAH: The Bible says that you shouldn't be so concerned with your
image.
MORGAN: ... a kind of nerdy guy ...
SARAH: The Bible says that all people are equal before God. Social
status matters not.
MORGAN: ... a worker for this council thing in England ...
SARAH: Helping those less fortunate? Finally, someone suitable.
MORGAN: ... a couple of lesbians ...
SARAH: The Bible says that homosexuality is wrong.
MORGAN: ... and an entire coven of witches.
SARAH: *gasps* Mother of God! *faints*
*no one seems to notice that Sarah has fainted*
SISTER MARY: Now, we'll just start where we left off last class. It
won't be too hard for you to catch up to the others, Morgan. *Morgan
rolls her eyes* Now, if everyone could grab a Bible from this pile up
here and turn to Psalm 12, we'll start reading ...
*after a long reading and discussion on the psalm, the bell finally
rings. Morgan runs out of the classroom as fast as her legs can carry
her*
MORGAN: Oh, merciful Goddess! Glad that's over!
*a couple of kids in the hallway look at her strangely for her use of
the Wiccan deity's name*
MORGAN: *defensively* What are YOU looking at?
SARAH: *comes out of the class* I've made the firm decision that I
dislike you.
MORGAN: The feeling is mutual.
SARAH: *stunned* WHAT??? But ... but that's impossible! Everybody loves
me! I'm lovable! Everybody loves me! I'm popular!
MORGAN: Oh, it's not your fault. You just come off as a person that I
WILL hate.
SARAH: *now insulted* Well, I never! You will deeply regret this! I
mean, that was ... practically ... a sin!!! How dare you??
MORGAN: *considers* Uh ... yep. I do hate you.
SARAH: *gives enraged squeal and stomps off down the hall*
GIRL: You got on her bad side too, huh?
MORGAN: Who are you?
GIRL: Name's Kathleen. Kat for short. Nice to meet you.
MORGAN: Did you get on her bad side, too?
KAT: Unfortunately, yes. *muttering* That damn brat, thinks just
because her father OWNS the school that it gives her the right to –
MORGAN: Whoa! Her father owns the school?
KAT: Oh, yeah. Believe me, girl, your life is about to become a living
hell.
MORGAN: I was under the impression that it already was.
*Kat and Morgan laugh and after more conversations that we don't feel
like writing about become friends*
[Scene: Hunter's living room. The coven is gathered around it,
discussing Morgan's absence.]
BREE: It's so weird. Every time I call her house, her mom says that
she's not there. And I've been calling A LOT.
ROBBIE: So I think it's safe to assume that, uh, either Morgan has a
new secret boyfriend, or she's been kidnapped by CIA-trained Bolivian
drug lords.
ETHAN: Don't you mean COLUMBIAN drug lords?
ROBBIE: No.
HUNTER: Morgan wasn't kidnapped! And I'd feel it if she had found a
new boyfriend ... *whimpers* because my heart would be broken, shattered
into a million tiny pieces with the knowledge that I could not hold
her in my arms, feel her warmth, smell the lingering scent of her
raspberry shampoo in her soft hair ...
*the others stare at him. He realizes that he was talking out loud*
HUNTER: Um, yes, anyways ... it's imperative that we find Morgan. When
was the last that each of you talked to her?
*all members of the coven look guiltily at each other*
HUNTER: What's with you guys?
BREE: Well, she kind of called while we were –
SKY: Yeah! Same here!
SHARON: Me, too.
ROBBIE: I guess she felt lonely because nobody would hang out with
her.
HUNTER: *angrily* I can't believe you guys! How could you not have
noticed her pain? It's obvious that she was feeling alone, and you all
just ignored her and went on with your sex lives?
RAVEN: I think that's unfair. What if it was REALLY good sex?
BREE: Yeah?
RAVEN: I mean, seriously, females are the way to go.
HUNTER: *quickly* CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK ON TOPIC?
BREE: Sorry.
ALISA: *walks in from the kitchen* Oh ... my ... Goddess! You guys will
not BELIEVE what Mary K. just told me!
ALL: What?
ALISA: Mr. and Mrs. Rowlands sent Morgan to a Catholic school!
SKY: Oh, my God ...
HUNTER: Poor Morgan ...
BREE: I knew that something was wrong.
ROBBIE: What should we do?
RAVEN: *whining* Sky, I want more sex.
ETHAN: We should rescue her.
SHARON: Yeah. We'll form a rescue squad.
ALISA: Or at least call Amnesty International.
HUNTER: So all in favor of forming a rescue squad?
*the members' hands all remain down. Hunter looks miffed*
HUNTER: Oh, come on! You were all for it a minute ago!
SKY: Well, that was before Raven started sending me seductive witch
messages.
RAVEN: *looks pleased with herself*
BREE: What say we gather our forces later? Say, three hours? That way,
we all have time to ... uh ... *glances at Robbie* do stuff that we have
to do.
ROBBIE: I'm all for it.
*they leave in pointed disregard of Hunter's meaningless efforts to
keep them there*
[Scene: Morgan's new dorm room at St. Anne's. She sits on her bed,
reading a book. Kat walks in.]
KAT: Watcha doing?
MORGAN: Just perusing my Book of Shadows for a spell to get me out of
here.
KAT: *gasps* You're Wiccan?
MORGAN: 100%. Well, 99.9%. There's a tiny bit of me that's Buddhist.
KAT: I'm Wiccan, too!
MORGAN: Really?
KAT: Yeah!
MORGAN: Wow! Do you have a clan?
KAT: *proudly* Yep! Vikroth!
MORGAN: Cool. So do you like to fight?
KAT: Black belt in karate. And judo. And tae kwon do. And yoga.
MORGAN: Yoga?
KAT: Yeah.
MORGAN: Hmmm. Wanna help me bust out of here? You could join my coven
back in Widow's Vale.
KAT: That sounds fun! What's it called?
MORGAN: Kithic.
KAT: *confused* Doesn't that mean left-handed?
MORGAN: *pause* So? It's cool. I love everyone in it. They're so great
and supportive ... unless ... you're feeling alone ... *sniffles and starts
to sob* Sorry, I get emotional.
KAT: It's okay. Tell me about them.
MORGAN: I just ... I just feel like sometimes they're too wrapped up in
their own lives to pay any attention to me.
KAT: That's only natural.
MORGAN: Really?
KAT: Totally. You just need to talk to them all. Call them now.
MORGAN: Okay. *picks up the phone and dials a number*
BREE: *on answering machine* Hey, you've reached Bree and Robbie.
We're busy having sex right now, but if you call back in about three
hours - *Morgan hangs up in disgust and dials another number*
SKY: *on answering machine* Hey, you've reached Sky and Raven. We're
busy having sex right now, but if you call back in about three hours -
*Morgan hangs up with another sigh of disgust and frustration and
dials another number*
SHARON: *on answering machine* Hey, you've reached Sharon and Ethan.
We're busy having sex right now, but if you call back in about three
hours - *Morgan screams with fury and slams the phone down*
MORGAN: *desperately* See? SEE? NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME! I'VE BEEN GONE
FOR THREE FREAKING WEEKS AND NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO COME HELP ME!
THEY'RE TOO BUSY SEXUALLY SERVICING EACH OTHER!
KAT: That is a problem. But ...
MORGAN: But what?
KAT: Who's that hot guy that just teleported into our room?
*Morgan sees Killian*
MORGAN: *incredulous* KILLIAN???
KILLIAN: *cheerfully* Hey, little sis! I've come to rescue you!
MORGAN: Uh ... don't think I'm not glad to see you, but how did you know
I was here?
KILLIAN: Your prat of a boyfriend called me and told me that your
coven was too busy sexually servicing each other to help you, so I
generously offered to aid in your rescue attempt.
MORGAN: *sarcastically* Thank you. That means a lot. Really.
KILLIAN: Well, if you're not interested in a rescue –
MORGAN: No! No! Get me out of here!
KILLIAN: Oh, I can't do that.
MORGAN: Why not?
KILLIAN: I'm not powerful enough to teleport you out of here in
addition to myself. I had to bring in reinforcements.
MORGAN: And those reinforcements would be ...
MIKE: *teleports in* Jolly good!
MORGAN: Oh, God, no.
KAT: Who's THAT?
MORGAN: My deranged cousin.
KAT: *staring* He's sexy ...
MORGAN: Oh, my God! What is it with girls and Mike? WHY DO YOU THINK
HE'S SO HOT?
MIKE: Girls are attracted to dark guys.
MORGAN: *surprised* Really?
MIKE: Did you, like, miss all of season 6 of Buffy?
MORGAN: Mary K. has it on DVD. I'll watch it when *pointedly* AND IF I
ever get home.
KILLIAN: Fine, fine. Gather around.
*Morgan and Kat gather around Killian and Mike, and they all teleport
out*
[Scene: Hunter's living room. Morgan, Kat, Mike, and Killian teleport
in to find Hunter running around the room screaming, being pursued by
a large black bird, an eagle, a mouse, a deer, and a bear. They look
around at the situation as Hunter squeals girlishly and dives into the
coat closet.]
MORGAN: Wow, leave for a few weeks and everything falls apart.
KILLIAN: Yeah, see, apparently Hunter tried a seeking spell to find
you, but that backfired and turned the rest of the coven into animals.
That one's Raven *the black bird*, that's Sky *the eagle*, that's
Alisa *the mouse*, that's Sharon *the deer*, and that's Ethan *the
bear*.
*the eagle eats the mouse*
MORGAN: Tell me that Sky didn't just eat Alisa.
KILLIAN: Well, I could, but I'd be lying to you.
MORGAN: God. Can I please just go home?
KAT: Don't you want to help the poor guy? *looks at Hunter, who is
being viciously and gorily torn apart by the eagle's talons, the
bear's claws, the deer's hooves, and the black bird's beak*
MORGAN: *trapped* Well, you know, I'm-I'm sort of tired. I'd rather
just go home and sleep and pretend that I never got shipped away to
St. Anne's.
[Scene: Morgan's bedroom. Morgan, Kat, Mike, and Killian teleport in.]
MORGAN: Oh, sweet Goddess, it's good to be home.
*she sees Robbie and Bree making out on her bed*
MORGAN: *yelling* OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? HAS
EVERYONE IN THE COVEN BEEN PUT UNDER SOME SEX SPELL OR SOMETHING? WHY
IS EVERYONE SO HORNY LATELY? IT'S REALLY DISTURBING! AND ON MY BED!
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING PURE AND BRIGHT, I HAVE TO SLEEP THERE!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO ...
*Morgan's yelling fades as the screen goes black*
DAS ENDE
Give it a read and review whether you hate it or not ... but please
don't hate it *sniffles*
Morgan vs. The Nuns
Scene: Morgan's bedroom. Morgan is laying on her bed, staring up at
the ceiling, bored.]
MORGAN: *talking to herself* I'm so bored ... where is everyone ... *sits
up* That's it. *goes over to her phone and dials a number* *waits a
minute* Hey, Bree!
BREE: *on the phone, sounding breathless* Uh ... Morgan? What are you
calling for?
MORGAN: Oh, you know. It's boring over here. Wanna go get a mocha or
drive over to Practical Magick?
BREE: Um ... you've kind of caught me at a bad time ...
MORGAN: Oh! Are you and Robbie –
BREE: Kinda.
MORGAN: *embarrassed* Oh, sorry. I'll call back later.
BREE: Please don't.
MORGAN: Sorry. *hangs up and sits in mortified silence for a moment
before dialing another number*
SKY: *on the phone, sounding breathless* Hello?
MORGAN: Oh, hey, Sky. Is Hunter there?
SKY: No, he had to go to New York for the day.
MORGAN: Do you know what time he'll be back?
SKY: No.
MORGAN: *sighs, then brightens* So, do you wanna hang? We could go to
Practical Magick or we could do another one of those Wiccan mind meld
things.
SKY: Actually, I'm kind of busy right now.
MORGAN: *seeing an uncanny similarity with her last phone
conversation* Oh, are you and Raven –
SKY: Kinda.
MORGAN: Sorry. *hangs up and dials another number, now very
frustrated* Hi, Sharon, do you wanna –
SHARON: No.
MORGAN: *losing it* Damnit, you and Ethan, too? Why isn't MY sex life
being fulfilled?
*unfortunately for her, her parents enter her bedroom just in time to
hear this last statement. Oops. Morgan looks shocked as her parents
look grim*
MORGAN: *to the phone* SorrySharonGottaGoBye! *hangs up* Hi, Mom! Hi,
Dad!
MRS. ROWLANDS: *not amused* Hello, Morgan.
MORGAN: What's up?
MR. ROWLANDS: We were sort of hoping to talk to you, sweetie.
MORGAN: Really? Good! *droops* All of my friends are too busy for me.
MRS. ROWLANDS: As we heard.
MORGAN: It is nice to have someone to talk to, though.
*a nun walks into her bedroom*
MORGAN: Uh ... that is NOT what I meant.
NUN: It's very nice to meet you, child.
MORGAN: Who are you?
MRS. ROWLANDS: Sister Catherine is going to be one of your new
teachers.
MORGAN: *panicked* One of my new WHAT?
MR. ROWLANDS: Morgan, we've tried every possible method of making you
convert back to Catholicism. We prayed, we sent you to a shrink (which
clearly failed), and now, we've made a difficult decision ... *dramatic
music* Morgan ... you're going to St. Anne's.
MORGAN: *pause, then screams*
MRS. ROWLANDS: *yelling over the noise of Morgan's screams* It's for
your own good, sweetheart!
MORGAN: Good, my ass!
SISTER CATHERINE: *clutching her chest* Holy Mary, this girl is a
heathen!
MRS. ROWLANDS: Morgan doesn't mean to offend you.
MORGAN: Actually, I do! There's no way I'm going to a Catholic school!
[Scene: St. Anne's Catholic School.]
MORGAN: I hate you.
SISTER CATHERINE: Come now, my daughter. That is no way to speak to an
elder, much less such a devoted servant of God as myself.
MORGAN: Oh, PLEASE!
SISTER CATHERINE: Quiet, you little wretch! Now get to class!
*Morgan goes down the hall and enters her first classroom*
TEACHER: Hello! Class, we have a new student! It's Morgan, isn't it?
Come in. I am Sister Mary.
MORGAN: Seems like every Catholic's name is Mary.
SISTER MARY: *turning up her hearing aid* Excuse me, what?
MORGAN: Nothing.
SISTER MARY: Well, Morgan, why don't you tell the class a little about
yourself?
MORGAN: *takes a deep breath* Well, my name is Morgan Rowlands and I'm
seventeen years old. I used to go to Widow's Vale High School in
Widow's Vale, New York, but considering that I'm stuck here in this
brainless hall of torture known as Catholic school, it's obvious that
I'm no longer there so much as I am here. I don't really like
Catholicism that much, and I'm only here because my parents threatened
to put my little kitty Dagda up for adoption if I didn't come. All in
all, I'm feeling very unhappy now because this new uniform that I've
been forced into *looks down at her plaid skirt and white dress shirt*
is WAY too tight, this little tie is practically squeezing all oxygen
from my lungs, therefore making cellular respiration impossible, and,
I mean, hello, PLAID? I mean, come on! There has to have been a better
pattern for the skirt than PLAID!
CLASS: *stunned silence*
SISTER MARY: *stunned silence*
MORGAN: *just plain silence*
SISTER MARY: Um, yes, well ... why don't you take a seat next to Sarah?
MORGAN: Who's Sarah?
SISTER MARY: *points to a blonde girl in the front row*
*Morgan sits down next to Sarah. Sarah looks at Morgan as Sister Mary
resumes her lecture on the wonders of Christianity*
SARAH: Hi.
MORGAN: Hi.
SARAH: So you're new here?
MORGAN: Clearly you didn't get that from my introduction, so yes, I
am.
SARAH: Don't worry. You'll make lots of new friends here.
MORGAN: *whines* I don't WANT new friends! I want my OLD friends!
SARAH: Who were your old friends?
MORGAN: Oh, just a fashion queen ...
SARAH: The Bible says that you shouldn't be so concerned with your
image.
MORGAN: ... a kind of nerdy guy ...
SARAH: The Bible says that all people are equal before God. Social
status matters not.
MORGAN: ... a worker for this council thing in England ...
SARAH: Helping those less fortunate? Finally, someone suitable.
MORGAN: ... a couple of lesbians ...
SARAH: The Bible says that homosexuality is wrong.
MORGAN: ... and an entire coven of witches.
SARAH: *gasps* Mother of God! *faints*
*no one seems to notice that Sarah has fainted*
SISTER MARY: Now, we'll just start where we left off last class. It
won't be too hard for you to catch up to the others, Morgan. *Morgan
rolls her eyes* Now, if everyone could grab a Bible from this pile up
here and turn to Psalm 12, we'll start reading ...
*after a long reading and discussion on the psalm, the bell finally
rings. Morgan runs out of the classroom as fast as her legs can carry
her*
MORGAN: Oh, merciful Goddess! Glad that's over!
*a couple of kids in the hallway look at her strangely for her use of
the Wiccan deity's name*
MORGAN: *defensively* What are YOU looking at?
SARAH: *comes out of the class* I've made the firm decision that I
dislike you.
MORGAN: The feeling is mutual.
SARAH: *stunned* WHAT??? But ... but that's impossible! Everybody loves
me! I'm lovable! Everybody loves me! I'm popular!
MORGAN: Oh, it's not your fault. You just come off as a person that I
WILL hate.
SARAH: *now insulted* Well, I never! You will deeply regret this! I
mean, that was ... practically ... a sin!!! How dare you??
MORGAN: *considers* Uh ... yep. I do hate you.
SARAH: *gives enraged squeal and stomps off down the hall*
GIRL: You got on her bad side too, huh?
MORGAN: Who are you?
GIRL: Name's Kathleen. Kat for short. Nice to meet you.
MORGAN: Did you get on her bad side, too?
KAT: Unfortunately, yes. *muttering* That damn brat, thinks just
because her father OWNS the school that it gives her the right to –
MORGAN: Whoa! Her father owns the school?
KAT: Oh, yeah. Believe me, girl, your life is about to become a living
hell.
MORGAN: I was under the impression that it already was.
*Kat and Morgan laugh and after more conversations that we don't feel
like writing about become friends*
[Scene: Hunter's living room. The coven is gathered around it,
discussing Morgan's absence.]
BREE: It's so weird. Every time I call her house, her mom says that
she's not there. And I've been calling A LOT.
ROBBIE: So I think it's safe to assume that, uh, either Morgan has a
new secret boyfriend, or she's been kidnapped by CIA-trained Bolivian
drug lords.
ETHAN: Don't you mean COLUMBIAN drug lords?
ROBBIE: No.
HUNTER: Morgan wasn't kidnapped! And I'd feel it if she had found a
new boyfriend ... *whimpers* because my heart would be broken, shattered
into a million tiny pieces with the knowledge that I could not hold
her in my arms, feel her warmth, smell the lingering scent of her
raspberry shampoo in her soft hair ...
*the others stare at him. He realizes that he was talking out loud*
HUNTER: Um, yes, anyways ... it's imperative that we find Morgan. When
was the last that each of you talked to her?
*all members of the coven look guiltily at each other*
HUNTER: What's with you guys?
BREE: Well, she kind of called while we were –
SKY: Yeah! Same here!
SHARON: Me, too.
ROBBIE: I guess she felt lonely because nobody would hang out with
her.
HUNTER: *angrily* I can't believe you guys! How could you not have
noticed her pain? It's obvious that she was feeling alone, and you all
just ignored her and went on with your sex lives?
RAVEN: I think that's unfair. What if it was REALLY good sex?
BREE: Yeah?
RAVEN: I mean, seriously, females are the way to go.
HUNTER: *quickly* CAN WE PLEASE GET BACK ON TOPIC?
BREE: Sorry.
ALISA: *walks in from the kitchen* Oh ... my ... Goddess! You guys will
not BELIEVE what Mary K. just told me!
ALL: What?
ALISA: Mr. and Mrs. Rowlands sent Morgan to a Catholic school!
SKY: Oh, my God ...
HUNTER: Poor Morgan ...
BREE: I knew that something was wrong.
ROBBIE: What should we do?
RAVEN: *whining* Sky, I want more sex.
ETHAN: We should rescue her.
SHARON: Yeah. We'll form a rescue squad.
ALISA: Or at least call Amnesty International.
HUNTER: So all in favor of forming a rescue squad?
*the members' hands all remain down. Hunter looks miffed*
HUNTER: Oh, come on! You were all for it a minute ago!
SKY: Well, that was before Raven started sending me seductive witch
messages.
RAVEN: *looks pleased with herself*
BREE: What say we gather our forces later? Say, three hours? That way,
we all have time to ... uh ... *glances at Robbie* do stuff that we have
to do.
ROBBIE: I'm all for it.
*they leave in pointed disregard of Hunter's meaningless efforts to
keep them there*
[Scene: Morgan's new dorm room at St. Anne's. She sits on her bed,
reading a book. Kat walks in.]
KAT: Watcha doing?
MORGAN: Just perusing my Book of Shadows for a spell to get me out of
here.
KAT: *gasps* You're Wiccan?
MORGAN: 100%. Well, 99.9%. There's a tiny bit of me that's Buddhist.
KAT: I'm Wiccan, too!
MORGAN: Really?
KAT: Yeah!
MORGAN: Wow! Do you have a clan?
KAT: *proudly* Yep! Vikroth!
MORGAN: Cool. So do you like to fight?
KAT: Black belt in karate. And judo. And tae kwon do. And yoga.
MORGAN: Yoga?
KAT: Yeah.
MORGAN: Hmmm. Wanna help me bust out of here? You could join my coven
back in Widow's Vale.
KAT: That sounds fun! What's it called?
MORGAN: Kithic.
KAT: *confused* Doesn't that mean left-handed?
MORGAN: *pause* So? It's cool. I love everyone in it. They're so great
and supportive ... unless ... you're feeling alone ... *sniffles and starts
to sob* Sorry, I get emotional.
KAT: It's okay. Tell me about them.
MORGAN: I just ... I just feel like sometimes they're too wrapped up in
their own lives to pay any attention to me.
KAT: That's only natural.
MORGAN: Really?
KAT: Totally. You just need to talk to them all. Call them now.
MORGAN: Okay. *picks up the phone and dials a number*
BREE: *on answering machine* Hey, you've reached Bree and Robbie.
We're busy having sex right now, but if you call back in about three
hours - *Morgan hangs up in disgust and dials another number*
SKY: *on answering machine* Hey, you've reached Sky and Raven. We're
busy having sex right now, but if you call back in about three hours -
*Morgan hangs up with another sigh of disgust and frustration and
dials another number*
SHARON: *on answering machine* Hey, you've reached Sharon and Ethan.
We're busy having sex right now, but if you call back in about three
hours - *Morgan screams with fury and slams the phone down*
MORGAN: *desperately* See? SEE? NOBODY CARES ABOUT ME! I'VE BEEN GONE
FOR THREE FREAKING WEEKS AND NOBODY CARES ENOUGH TO COME HELP ME!
THEY'RE TOO BUSY SEXUALLY SERVICING EACH OTHER!
KAT: That is a problem. But ...
MORGAN: But what?
KAT: Who's that hot guy that just teleported into our room?
*Morgan sees Killian*
MORGAN: *incredulous* KILLIAN???
KILLIAN: *cheerfully* Hey, little sis! I've come to rescue you!
MORGAN: Uh ... don't think I'm not glad to see you, but how did you know
I was here?
KILLIAN: Your prat of a boyfriend called me and told me that your
coven was too busy sexually servicing each other to help you, so I
generously offered to aid in your rescue attempt.
MORGAN: *sarcastically* Thank you. That means a lot. Really.
KILLIAN: Well, if you're not interested in a rescue –
MORGAN: No! No! Get me out of here!
KILLIAN: Oh, I can't do that.
MORGAN: Why not?
KILLIAN: I'm not powerful enough to teleport you out of here in
addition to myself. I had to bring in reinforcements.
MORGAN: And those reinforcements would be ...
MIKE: *teleports in* Jolly good!
MORGAN: Oh, God, no.
KAT: Who's THAT?
MORGAN: My deranged cousin.
KAT: *staring* He's sexy ...
MORGAN: Oh, my God! What is it with girls and Mike? WHY DO YOU THINK
HE'S SO HOT?
MIKE: Girls are attracted to dark guys.
MORGAN: *surprised* Really?
MIKE: Did you, like, miss all of season 6 of Buffy?
MORGAN: Mary K. has it on DVD. I'll watch it when *pointedly* AND IF I
ever get home.
KILLIAN: Fine, fine. Gather around.
*Morgan and Kat gather around Killian and Mike, and they all teleport
out*
[Scene: Hunter's living room. Morgan, Kat, Mike, and Killian teleport
in to find Hunter running around the room screaming, being pursued by
a large black bird, an eagle, a mouse, a deer, and a bear. They look
around at the situation as Hunter squeals girlishly and dives into the
coat closet.]
MORGAN: Wow, leave for a few weeks and everything falls apart.
KILLIAN: Yeah, see, apparently Hunter tried a seeking spell to find
you, but that backfired and turned the rest of the coven into animals.
That one's Raven *the black bird*, that's Sky *the eagle*, that's
Alisa *the mouse*, that's Sharon *the deer*, and that's Ethan *the
bear*.
*the eagle eats the mouse*
MORGAN: Tell me that Sky didn't just eat Alisa.
KILLIAN: Well, I could, but I'd be lying to you.
MORGAN: God. Can I please just go home?
KAT: Don't you want to help the poor guy? *looks at Hunter, who is
being viciously and gorily torn apart by the eagle's talons, the
bear's claws, the deer's hooves, and the black bird's beak*
MORGAN: *trapped* Well, you know, I'm-I'm sort of tired. I'd rather
just go home and sleep and pretend that I never got shipped away to
St. Anne's.
[Scene: Morgan's bedroom. Morgan, Kat, Mike, and Killian teleport in.]
MORGAN: Oh, sweet Goddess, it's good to be home.
*she sees Robbie and Bree making out on her bed*
MORGAN: *yelling* OH MY GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS? HAS
EVERYONE IN THE COVEN BEEN PUT UNDER SOME SEX SPELL OR SOMETHING? WHY
IS EVERYONE SO HORNY LATELY? IT'S REALLY DISTURBING! AND ON MY BED!
FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING PURE AND BRIGHT, I HAVE TO SLEEP THERE!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO ...
*Morgan's yelling fades as the screen goes black*
DAS ENDE