Disclaimer: ...

The camera zooms in on two writers. They are the beloved writers of Sweep: The Random Parodies. There is silence.

Writer #2: Clap or I shall destroy you!

Everyone applauds. The camera focuses on Writer #1 ... the sane one.

Writer #1: What am I supposed to say?

Writer #2: Flash player ... remember?

Writer # 1: Oh! Right! If you want to see this as a Flash Player movie thingy, please send us $500.

Writer #2: Or, if that sounds like too much, 500 people could send us $1 each.

Writer #1: Right. So -

Writer #2: Or two people could send us $250 each.

Writer #1: Yeah. Anyway -

Writer #2: Or five people could send us $100 each.

Writer #1: I think they get it. So -

Writer #2: Or ten people could send us $50 each ... or 100 people send us $5 each ... or twenty people could send us $25 each ... or 25 people could send us $20 each ... or -

Writer #1: WILL YOU STOP THAT! WE GET IT!!!

Writer #2: Sorry. I just get so fascinated by math sometimes ...

Writer #1: Right ... so ... anyways, if -

Writer #2: Do you know that, in just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday?!?!

Writer #1: THAT DOESN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS!!! SO WILL YOU STOP AND LET ME FINISH ASKING THESE PEOPLES FOR MONEY?!?!?!

Writer #2: Oops ... sorry.

Writer #1: Okay ... so you can send us money and we'll make it a Flash movie thing ... if my accomplice hasn't already scared you off ...

Writer #2: HEY!!!

Writer #1: Well, you can't say you don't scare people off.

Writer #2: Well, how was I supposed to know that yelling at someone in squirrel would scare them off?

Writer #1: shakes her head You are really weird ... #2 glares at her I mean, in a sort of good way ... #2 stops glaringAnyway ... Oh, yeah ... we don't own Sweep.

Writer #2: Or Harry Potter ... to herself That woman just won't sell ... time for plan Make-Rowling-Give-Me-Rights-To-Harry-Potter-Or-I'll-Blow-Her-Up!

Writer #1: Backs away a littleOoooooookay then ... let's get on with the story now.

The camera starts to fade out ... but as it does ...

Writer #2: I like squirrels!

Writer #1: points at herYou! Be quiet!

When camera is almost completely dark ...

Writer #2: whispersSquirrel!

Writer #1: STOP IT!!!

The camera is completely dark ... CRASH!

Writer #2: Oops!

Writer #1: What did you DO?!?!?!?!

Lights come on

Writer #2: holding a hammer, screwdriver, and a bottle of super glue Nothing!!!! mumbles to herselfCome on! Work, you stupid thing!

Writer #1: walks over to where #2 is standing next to a broken projector... Did you let Jeff and Bill in here?

Writer #2: Um ... no ... maybe ... yes.

Writer #1: Urg!!! How many times have I told you? Those two squirrels are not allowed in the projector room!!!

Writer #2: trying to fix the projectorWell, I don't think it's RIGHT ... segregating them like that ... IT HURTS THEIR FEELINGS!!

Writer #1: Well, I don't want the projector destroyed by two furry little destructive hurricanes!!!

Writer #2: after fixing the projector as much as she couldWell, aren't you compassionate!!!

The projector starts to play and the lights start to dim with the two still arguing ...

Writer #1: OH! Well, what about the time you ruined our lab project when you mixed squirrel hair into the chemicals?!!!

Writer #2: I didn't know that it was going to be that much of a difference.

Writer #1: You're just lucky the school was insured.

A random reader throws a banana like a boomerang and hits the two girls on their heads.

Writer #1: OW!!

Writer #2: in a VERRY creepy voiceYou shall die in 7 days!

Writer #1: Now, onto the story.

The lights go off and words start to appear on the screen:

EAT AT JOE'S

Writer #1: Wrong story!!!! That one isn't finished yet.

Writer #2: Oh ... right.

Puts the right story in ... it starts to play ...

Writer #1: Enjoy.

Writer #2: Or you shall be cursed to live your life as a cow!!!

And the tale begins ... on Wicca/Sweep: The Animated Series!

MORGAN: Hi! I'm Morgan!

HUNTER: And I'm Hunter! It's time to sing our song!

The Sweep characters begin to sing their song.

MORGAN / HUNTER / SKY / BREE / ROBBIE / RAVEN / ALISA / MIKE / LINDSEY / KRISTIN:

We're whiney,
We're toony,
We're all a little loony!
And in this cartoony
We're invading your TV!
We're comic dispensers
We crack up all the censors
On Wicca/Sweep Adventures, get a dose of comedy!

So here's Widow's Vale
It's a whole wide world apart
Our home sweet home
It stands alone
A witchy work of art!

The scripts were rejected
Expect the unexpected
On Wicca/Sweep Adventures
It's about to start!

They're furry!
They're funny!
They're Jeff and Bill McSquirrely!
Bree Warren's dad has money!
Alisa is a pain!
Here's Hunter and Sky
Kristin has a ducky!

DUCK: Quack.

Morgan's unlucky!
And Lindsey is insane!

At Magick University,
We earn our witch degrees!
The teaching staff has had pet cats since 1523!
We're whiney!
We're toony!
We're all a little loony!
It's Wicca/Sweep Adventures
Come and join the fun!
And now our song is done!

HUNTER: singing The Flintstones ... meet the Flintstones! They're the modern stone-age family! From the town of Bedrock, they're a place right out of history!

MORGAN: Let's save everyone the pain of hearing the rest of the song and skip to the credits.

HUNTER: But I like singing!

MORGAN: Yeah, hon, but you're not very good at it.

HUNTER: Are you from Utah?

MORGAN: Um ... no?

HUNTER: Hmm ...

MORGAN: Anyway, our first guest here tonight is Mike ... um ... what's his last name again?

MIKE: Who cares? None of the cool people need last names. And I, being both cool and dark, am one of those people.

MORGAN: Well, okay. So, Mike, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

MIKE: Well, let's see, I can't disclose my age, date of birth, favorite ice cream flavor, IQ, address, or SAT score to you.

MORGAN: Why not?

MIKE: It might compromise my agents in the field.

MORGAN: scared Um ... okay. Can you tell me a little about your sisters, then?

MIKE: Oh, you mean Lindsey and Kristin? Yeah, they're kind of weird. I mean, they're always running around the mansion going "Malalalalalalalala looooooo ..." It's kind of weird.

HUNTER: They stole that from me!

MORGAN: You guys live in a mansion?

MIKE: Yeah. I thought you knew that. It's in the ghetto of LA. It's really nice compared to the slums around it. 50 bedrooms, 75 bathrooms, two Olympic pools, five tennis courts, an indoor basketball court, and 27 game rooms ... it's fun. We have a big-screen TV in every room. Even the bathrooms.

MORGAN: quite literally green with jealousy But ... but ... but that's ... tries to count the number of big screen TV's that it would be, but can't Ick! It's too many!

MIKE: You should visit sometime.

MORGAN: But who ... what ... where ... how did you get the money for all that stuff?

MIKE: I can't answer that.

MORGAN: Why?

MIKE: It's classified information.

MORGAN: disappointed Oh. So, what do you guys do all day?

MIKE: silence

KRISTIN: bursting out suddenly from where she sits in the audience Don't tell her anything, Mike!!

MORGAN: quickly So ... let's hear a word from our sponsor!

THE GLAD LADY: Do you know about the wonders of Glad-Ware????

MORGAN: Die, fiend. kills the Glad Lady with witch fire Thank goodness for that. Please welcome our next guest, Lindsey ... has-the-same-last-name-as-Mike-that-I-don't-know!

LINDSEY: It's great to be here, Morgan!

MORGAN: So what is your last name?

LINDSEY: stares at her

MORGAN: stares back

LINDSEY: stares back harder

MORGAN: Aah! I'm scared!

LINDSEY: Works every time.

MORGAN: So what do you guys do all day?

LINDSEY: starts laughing maniacally

MORGAN: How did you get all that money?

LINDSEY: I plead the fifth.

HUNTER: What's the fifth?

MORGAN: Are you still here?

LINDSEY: Fish sticks!

KRISTIN: Scrub brush!

LINDSEY: Minions!

LINDSEY'S MINIONS: popping out of the floor How may we aid you, Master?

LINDSEY: I don't need you right now. Go back.

KRISTIN: Dominican Republic!

LINDSEY: Squirrel!

KRISTIN: Colloquial!

LINDSEY: Konichi wa!

KRISTIN: You say that too much.

LINDSEY: Oh, fine. Moose!

KRISTIN: Yeah, well ... Ich bin keine Attrappe. Ich spreche Deutsch!

LINDSEY: What?

KRISTIN: I am not a dummy. I speak German.

LINDSEY: Oh. ... Muffins!

KRISTIN: Maharani!

LINDSEY: Defy gravity!

KRISTIN: Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

LINDSEY: darkly Kingdom Hearts!

KRISTIN: Your heart is dark, Sora ...

LINDSEY AND KRISTIN: start giggling uncontrollably

MORGAN: quickly Okay! Back to me!

LINDSEY: But this interview is about me!

MORGAN: But it's time for me to ask questions again. So, Kristin, you're clearly the most sane of your siblings.

LINDSEY: interrupts Hey! This is my time! You're interviewing Kristin later!

MORGAN: Fine, fine. So ... how did you get your animal-talking abilities?

LINDSEY: I don't know.

MORGAN: How can you not know?

LINDSEY: Well, when you run into walls frequently, it's sort of easy to forget things.

MORGAN: Run into walls?!

LINDSEY: I also ran my bike into a mailbox once. Hey, Kristin, remember that time we were riding down the street and I almost hit that car?

MORGAN: Are you sure you didn't hit it?

KRISTIN: No, she didn't hit it ... but she did use some very colorful language on the way home.

MORGAN: So ... Kristin's turn. Let's start. Do you have a boyfriend?

KRISTIN: Why didn't you ask Lindsey that?

MORGAN: I already knew the answer.

LINDSEY: Hey!

KRISTIN: quickly Anyway ...

MORGAN: Fine, fine. Do you plan on going to college?

KRISTIN: Well ... with those two around, it's sort of going to be hard.

MORGAN: So ... what's the coolest thing you can think of?

KRISTIN: Clam chowder.

LINDSEY: Waffles!

MORGAN: I hate waffles.

LINDSEY: I hate you.

MORGAN: crying But we're cousins!

LINDSEY: Cheesecake!

KRISTIN: I love pencils!

LINDSEY: I'm a penguin, I'm a penguin, I'm a cute little penguin! I'm a penguin, I'm a penguin, I eat fish!

KRISTIN: It's the great big book of everything with everything inside!

LINDSEY: Oddparents, fairly oddparents, wands and wings, floaty crowny things, oddparents, fairly oddparents ...

KRISTIN: It's time for the maniacs!

LINDSEY AND KRISTIN: It's time for the maniacs
And we're zany to the max
So just sit back and relax
You'll laugh till you collapse
We're the maniacs

Come join the MacEwan sisters
And their evil brother Mike
Just for fun we run around the LA Ghetto lot
They lock us in a big tower
Whenever we get caught
But we break loose and then vamoose
And now you know the plot

MORGAN: cries in a corner

LINDSEY: So, anyway, that's our show! See you next week! You've been a beautiful audience!

KRISTIN: I love eucalyptus trees!

The End