Morgan:Okay … which story are we doing again?
Hunter: I don't know.
(a random penguin walks up)
Penguin: Hi! … I'm Incognito Bob. I am a penguin. Yes, I am a magical talking penguin, if you were wondering.
Morgan: Um ... hi?
Incognito Bob: I will now sing the penguin song. (starts to sing) I'm a penguin, I'm a penguin, I'm a cute little penguin! I'm a penguin, I'm a penguin, I eat fish!
Morgan: Okay … Bree!! Have you found the title card yet?!
Bree: Hold on! (tips over a box) Nope… (tips out another box) Still nope …
Incognito Bob: Is this what you have been venturing for? (holds up the title card)
Morgan:Where'd you find it?
Incognito Bob: Good question! Now I have one for you … If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse?
(Bree and Morgan stare at him)
Hunter: Um … aah … MY BRAIN HURTS!!!
Incognito Bob: None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!
(they all stare at him as he takes the title card from Morgan and holds it up to start our fic)
"The Magick Shoe"
Disclaimer: We don't own the Flaming Asparagus … but we do own the Lone Tomato! Fear the Lone Tomato! Mwahaha … anyway, we don't own Sweep, either. But … if we did … the characters would be a lot more miserable ;) And Hunter would die in every chapter just so we could bring him back and kill him off horribly in the next chapter. Not that we have a thing against Hunter … it's just fun to kill him. And Alisa. Now she we have a problem with. We do own the characters of Mike, Kristin, and Lindsey, though, so please don't copy them (cough) (cough) Um … yes. That's the disclaimer. Go read Back to the Beginning when you're done with this! They were updated at the same time! Lol, please?
(Scene: PE class. Morgan, Bree, and the rest of their class are running around the track.)
MORGAN: Damn, I hate PE!
BREE: I'm having déjà vu here.
(of course, by then it's time for the daily weirdness to begin. They see Lindsey running down the street by the school, waving a shoe around like a maniac)
LINDSEY: You'll never catch me, Mike! Hahaha! The shoe is mine! (she runs off as Mike chases after her)
MIKE: Give me my shoe back, you crazy woman!
LINDSEY: Never!!!! Mwahaha! (they disappear)
MORGAN / BREE: (silence) … I hate PE.
(later at lunch, Morgan and Bree are relating the story of the PE weirdness to the coven in the courtyard)
MORGAN: It was so weird. I mean, they just ran by.
(Lindsey teleports into the middle of the courtyard amid screams from the non-witch population)
LINDSEY: Yes! I'm free! (runs up to Morgan and stuffs the shoe under her nose) You smell that? It's the smell of victory!
MORGAN: (choking) Ack!
MIKE: (teleports in and sees Lindsey) There you are! Give it back!
LINDSEY: Damn! (teleports away again)
MIKE: (yelling and shaking his fist) I'LL GET YOU IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! (disappears after her)
(the coven stares at the place where they just were, too stunned to comprehend what just happened while people around them are still screaming about how some random people teleported into the courtyard)
(Kristin teleports in)
KRISTIN: Hey, sorry to bother you guys, but have you seen Mike and Lindsey?
MORGAN: You just missed them. Like, by ten seconds.
KRISTIN: (sighs) Great. I turn my back on them for ONE second and look what happens.
RANDOM PASSERBYS: She teleports in with the speed of evil! Witch! Witch!
KRISTIN: Put a sock in it. (both of the passersby are turned into giant socks)
LINDSEY: (teleports back in) Socks to go with the shoe! (grabs the socks and teleports out again)
MORGAN: Okay … um, we need to get back to class. The bell's about to ring.
ROBBIE: (sighs) Every day … can't we have a normal lunch period for ONCE?
RAVEN: Well, who knew that my spell would turn the principal into a frog?
MORGAN: You can do that? Being a non-witch and all?
RAVEN: (silence)
MORGAN: Hmm …
(Scene: later that day at Hunter's house. Morgan is still pondering Raven's use of magick to turn a principal into a frog.)
MORGAN: (beginning to sound a little crazy) HOW DID SHE DO IT? HOW???
HUNTER: What now?
MORGAN: (sighs) Nothing. Oh, by the way, the weirdest thing happened at lunch today.
HUNTER: Doesn't it always?
MORGAN: Yeah, I guess.
HUNTER: Well … I'll help you with that later. Go talk to Sky. I have to go to the grocery store for more scones. (runs out to collect his precious scones) (humming to himself) Scones, scones, I love my scones, more than cake and ice cream cones …
MORGAN: (shakes her head) It's so weird when he sings that. (she goes into the kitchen, where Sky is making muffins) Ooh, muffins! (she tries to grab the muffins away and burns her whole hand on the tray) Oww!
SKY: If you had waited one second, I could have told you that the tray was still hot.
MORGAN: (grabs for the tray again) (burns her hand again) Oww!
SKY: You really don't learn, do you?
MORGAN: (grabs for the tray again again) (burns her hand again again) Oww! (starts to cry) Muffins! Nooo! Come to me! (the muffins float up out of the tray and come to her) Ooh, yay! (eats them all)
SKY: (sighs) Great, now I have to make more.
MORGAN: Yay! More muffins! (Sky pulls something out of the muffin batter)
SKY: Eww, who put shoelaces in my muffin batter? (Lindsey teleports in)
LINDSEY: Shoelaces to go with the shoe and socks! (grabs the shoelaces and leaves)
SKY / MORGAN: (silence) Um … riiight …
MORGAN: That's kind of like what happened in school today.
SKY: (a little worried) What happened in school today?
MORGAN: Oh, nothing terribly upsetting. Lindsey teleported in and made us sniff Mike's shoe. It was incredibly putrid. I almost died.
SKY: But you're okay, right? And, more importantly, Raven's okay, too?
MORGAN: (sighs) Yes, we're all okay. (sarcastically) Thanks for caring! (suddenly, the entire rest of the coven runs into the kitchen, battered and bleeding)
COVEN: We're not okay! They're coming this way! (Lindsey runs back into the kitchen)
LINDSEY: Guys, I need you to keep this safe! (she tosses the shoe to Sky) You have to protect this! Don't let Mike have it!
SKY: Why did you give it to me?
LINDSEY: I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid. None of the others are witches, Alisa is just stupid, and no one in their right mind would entrust such an important mission to Morgan.
MORGAN: (offended) Hey!
LINDSEY: Well, it's true! (pause) Anyway, thanks, guys. I really appreciate this. (senses something) Crap, he's coming! (teleports away)
MORGAN: It's weird how none of us can teleport.
SKY: Maybe it comes from their mother's side. And, anyway, it's illegal.
MORGAN: Really?
SKY: Yeah, every evil person does it. Anyway, though, about the shoe … (holds it away from her in disgust) Yuck, it does smell putrid.
MORGAN: What does 'putrid' mean?
SKY: (ignores her) (Mike teleports in)
MIKE: Where is it? Where's my shoe?
SKY: Um … (hides the shoe behind her back) You just missed Lindsey. I think she said something about going to Greenland to rescue the polar bears.
MIKE: What polar bears?
SKY: The ones in the Coca-Cola commercials. Pepsi is trying to buy them out.
MIKE: But Lindsey likes Pepsi better than Coke.
SKY: (pause) Who cares? Go after her! Hurry! (Mike teleports out again)
MORGAN: What does 'putrid' mean?
SKY: (slaps her)
MORGAN: (falls over) Ow! What'd you do that for?
SKY: You're an idiot.
MORGAN: (brightly) Thank you!
SKY: (shakes head)
BREE: Okay, so, um, what do we have to do to protect the shoe? I mean, as much as I don't want to give it back to Lindsey for fear that she'll do something evil with it like give it to Jeff and Bill to take over the world with, the idea of giving it to Mike is even scarier.
RAVEN: Mike? He's hot. (Sky glares at her) Um, I mean, he's not. As in, not hot.
MORGAN: Hey, that rhymes!
ALISA: (skipping around the kitchen) Not hot! Not hot! Not hot! (Lindsey teleports in and shines a flashlight in her eyes) (Alisa's eyes water) MY EYES! I'm blind! (she crashes into the counter and falls over)
LINDSEY: (laughs evilly and leaves again)
SKY: Oh, I have an idea! Let's bake the shoe in a piece of shortbread to protect it! No one would suspect it in there!
(her plan is met with silence)
ROBBIE: You've been hanging out with Hunter too long.
SKY: (hurt) Well, being related to him and all, it's sort of a given.
HUNTER: (comes back with his scones) 48!
MORGAN: What's 48?
HUNTER: The number of scones I bought. So was ist unter?
SKY: Um … why did you just ask what is under in German?
HUNTER: Because I forgot how to say what is up. So … what's up?
ROBBIE: Wow, you actually had a bout of smartness there!
HUNTER: (long silence) What does that mean?
ROBBIE: (sighs) Yeah, it's gone again.
(Later … )
SKY: (picks up the shortbread that contains the shoe) Hmm … I wish I knew what we were supposed to do with this. Those guys just get weirder and weirder every day. (magicky noise) (she looks awed) Wow! I know what we were supposed to do with this! We're supposed to make sure that Mike doesn't get it!
HUNTER: Did that shoe just grant your wish?
SKY: I … think … so. I wish I knew. (pause) It did! It did!
GANG: (gasps) (everyone makes a grab for the shoe) (Robbie (?) gets the shoe)
ROBBIE: I wish I had a sports car! (a sports car materializes out of the air and lands on Alisa)
ALISA: It tickles! (dies)
HUNTER: I wish I had a huge plate of –
MORGAN: If you say scones –
HUNTER: SCONES!!!
MORGAN: (sigh)
HUNTER: (begins stuffing his face with the huge plate of scones that has appeared on the coffee table) Mmm … scones …
RAVEN: (grabs the shoe) I wish Sky was in red lingerie!
SKY: Hey! (looks down at her newly acquired red lingerie)
ROBBIE / ETHAN / MATT: (staring openly)
HUNTER: (too engulfed in scones to notice his cousin standing in red lingerie in the middle of the living room)
SKY: Oh, yeah? Well, I wish Raven was in black lingerie!
RAVEN: (suddenly wearing black lingerie) At least it's my favorite color.
ROBBIE / ETHAN / MATT: (mouths drop open even more) (start to drool)
BREE / SHARON: (slap them)
HUNTER: (still too engulfed in scones)
RAVEN / SKY: (disappear into Sky's room)
MORGAN: Hey, guys, where are you going?
BREE: … No, Morgan.
(she grabs the shoe)
BREE: I wish that Sky's room was soundproof. Oh, and that I was queen of the world! (magicky noise) (Bree is sitting on a throne with a crown) Cool!
MORGAN: I wish I had muffins! (a big, huge plate of muffins materializes right in front of her) Yay! (tries to eat the muffins) Hey, these muffins are stale! (chucks the plate of muffins away in anger) (hits Hunter in the head)
HUNTER: Ow!
MORGAN: Oh, what do you know? You love scones more than me!
HUNTER: Yeah, well, these scones are stale, too. (pause) Oh, well! They're still scones! (begins eating them again) (notices that one is moldy) Ew! Who made my scones moldy? (eyes start to glow red with anger) Who made my scones moldy?
BREE: (voice sounding far away and strangely pixel-y) Geez, Hunter, don't have a cow. They're just scones.
(they all turn to the television to see Bree inside it, still sitting on her throne with her crown … except she's digitally animated)
MORGAN: (gasps) Bree?
BREE: What?
HUNTER: Why are you in the telly?
BREE: What the hell is a telly?
HUNTER: A television! Why are you in the television?
BREE: I'm in the television? (looks around her and notices that she is made of pixels) Holy crap! I am in the television!
MORGAN: I guess you didn't specify your wish, Bree. You asked to be the queen of the world, but you didn't specify which world. You're the queen of the world of digital animation!
MARIO: (tries to rescue her from a digitally animated firing squad of B-16's)
BREE: Ahh! (Mario's rescue plane goes down, killing him and Bree)
MORGAN: NOOOOO!!! (Bree appears on the television again, back in her throne room)
BREE: Cool! I have another life!
MORGAN: (sighs) We need a spell to get her out of there.
HUNTER: The shoe makes the wishes go wrong! (tearfully) It made my scones moldy!
SKY: (running out of her room with Raven) These clothes won't come off!MORGAN: (stupidly) Why are you trying to take them off? (they just glare at her)
ROBBIE: (trying to start his new sports car) Hey! There aren't any keys in here! I don't have keys! Who has the keys?
LINDSEY: (pops in) I know how to hotwire a car!
ROBBIE: Um … no thanks.
LINDSEY: (huffs) Fine, then! (leaves) (comes back) Hey! Wait a second! You guys have been using the shoe for magick, haven't you?
HUNTER: Um … no?
LINDSEY: TELL ME THE TRUTH, YOU IDIOT, OR I'LL TURN YOU INTO A PIG!
HUNTER: (squeals and hides behind Morgan)
MORGAN: Lindsey, you know that pigs frighten him.
LINDSEY: Ihr seid alles Schwein!
MORGAN: What?
LINDSEY: Kristin taught me that. It means "You are all swine" … which you are!!!
HUNTER: What's swine?
MORGAN: Pig paraphernalia.
HUNTER: (screams) No! Not the pigs! (runs into a wall and collapses)
JEFF / BILL: (hop in through the door and chirp)
MORGAN: What did they say?
LINDSEY: They know a way to fix this mess that you've all created. But we're going to need some help.
HUNTER: (suddenly awake) Ooh! Ooh! I know who can help!
LINDSEY: Who?
HUNTER: The Lone Tomato!
ALL: (silence)
LINDSEY: Who now?
HUNTER: Wait right here! (he runs upstairs) (they wait) (they wait some more) (they hear Hunter cry in pain) (they wait some more) (and more) (Hunter finally reappears back downstairs wearing red tighty-whities and a red bed sheet) I am the Lone Tomato! I will save you all!
(crickets chirp)
LINDSEY: (starts laughing uncontrollably)
SKY: Hey, you idiot, those are my bed sheets!
MORGAN: Hunter, you loser, what are you wearing??
HUNTER: Who is this Hunter you speak of? I am no Hunter! I am the Lone Tomato, and I'm here to rescue you!
MORGAN: … What the hell?
SKY: Hunter, you promised you would never wear that costume again. Not after what happened last time!
HUNTER: Who is this Hunter? I am not Hunter! I am the Lone –
SKY: Shut up! (hits him) (he falls over, unconscious) Anyway … what do we do now? Hunter is wearing a tomato costume, Bree is stuck inside the television, Robbie can't start his car, the scones are moldy, Morgan's muffins are stale, Alisa is dead, and I am still wearing this lingerie that I can't get out of!
LINDSEY: This does qualify a problem.
MORGAN: Maybe we should call Mike and Kristin. They might –
LINDSEY: No! If Mike finds out that I gave it to you guys in the first place, he'll totally kill me! (pause) Well, I'm not really afraid of him. Whatever. Let's call them. (sends a witch message) Mike, I have your shoe. You can have it back now.
MIKE: (appears instantly) Where is it? Where is it, you Devil Woman???
LINDSEY: (points to the shoe, which is still baked in shortbread)
MIKE: YOU BAKED MY SHOE IN SHORTBREAD?
LINDSEY: No. Sky did.
SKY: Oops.
MIKE: (pause) Whatever. (eats the shortbread around the shoe) Hey, this stuff is good. (the whole room starts to stink because the shoe is once again set free)
LINDSEY: Mike, do you ever wash your socks?
MIKE: Socks? What are socks?
LINDSEY: (pause) Never mind.
MIKE: Yay! My shoe is back! (puts it back on) (sighs) That feels better. I missed my shoe. (to Lindsey) And you, missy, are in a lot of trouble!
MORGAN: Whatever. Can you just set everything back to normal with it?
MIKE: What does that mean?
MORGAN: You know. Take the sports car away, take the moldy scones and stale muffins away … (pause) No, just make them not stale. I'll keep the muffins. Anyway, get Bree out of the TV and Sky and Raven out of that lingerie.
MIKE: Yes, ma'am!
SKY / RAVEN: (both hit him)
MORGAN: Oh, and bring Alisa back to life. (long pause) Wait, did I really just say that? You can leave her, too.
MIKE: We're going to need Kristin to do this. It's going to take a lot of magick. She's going to be really mad.
HUNTER: (waking up) I can help! I'm the Lone Tomato!
KRISTIN: (teleports in and turns him into a tomato) Now he really is the Lone Tomato.
MORGAN: (squishes the tomato) (whistles innocently) So, can you fix this?
KRISTIN: Yup. But, in the future, if you're going to use a magick shoe to grant wishes, call us first. (holds up a book) We have the user's manual.
MORGAN: There's a user's manual?
MIKE: (ominously) This is a very special shoe.
SKY: Because it can grant wishes?
MIKE: No. It's comfy.
(long pause)
SKY: So…you don't use it to grant wishes?
MIKE: Are you nuts!? It always goes wrong when it comes to that!
MORGAN: (to Lindsey) You could have warned us about that, you know.
LINDSEY: Never trust anything if you can't see where it keeps its brain.
MORGAN: … What?
LINDSEY: It was in a book I read. A very special book.
MORGAN: (eagerly) Does it grant wishes, too?
LINDSEY: NO!
MORGAN: Then what is it?
LINDSEY: A frog.
MORGAN: Huh?
RAVEN: Frogs! Yay! (transfigures Morgan into a frog)
MORGAN: Ribbit! (TRANSLATION: How does she do that???)
MIKE: The darkness consumes your pencils!
BREE: WILL YOU PLEASE GET ME OUT OF THIS TELEVISION???
KRISTIN: (sighs) Fine, fine.
LINDSEY: So how do we do this again?
MORGAN: Ribbit! (TRANSLATION: You said you knew!!!)
LINDSEY: Jeff and Bill knew. But they disappeared. (as if on cue, they all notice that Jeff and Bill are gone)
MIKE: Where'd they go?
(they see two pixel-y Jeff and Bills attacking Pixel Bree)
MORGAN: Ribbit! (TRANSLATION: Bree! I'll save you!) (hops into the television)
ROBBIE: Bree! Don't worry, my love! I'll save you! (jumps into the television)
SKY: Why the hell did everyone just jump into the television?
KRISTIN: Weird.
LINDSEY: (has an idea) (pushes Sky and Raven into the television, too)
SKY: Hey!
LINDSEY: (turns off the television) Well, glad that's over.
KRISTIN: (shrugs) I was just going to do a simple reversal spell, but I guess that works, too.
(Kristin, Lindsey, and Mike all skip off to see the wizard)
KRISTIN: Oh, we're off to see the wizard! The wonderful wizard of Oz!
LINDSEY: And destroy him!
ALL WORSHIP THE FLAMING ASPARAGUS