Disclaimer: We were on a roll, so here's a short little … um, story? I guess you could call it that. Okay, the only things we own are Lindsey and (dramatic announcer voice) THE LONE TOMATO! So don't sue or we will sic Jeff and Bill on you! Keep your hands and arms inside the vehicle at all times and enjoy the show.
Hunter vs. The Vacuum Cleaner (Of Doom)
Scene: a park bench. Morgan is there.
MORGAN: (to a little girl) Hi, what's your name?
GIRL: I'm Leslie.
MORGAN: Hi, Leslie! I'm Morgan.
LESLIE: Do you like Sabrina, the Teenage Witch?
MORGAN: Um, I've never watched it, no.
LESLIE: It's about a girl who's a witch who lives with her aunts, who are also witches.
MORGAN: Really? Do they fly broomsticks?
LESLIE: Of course not, silly! (Morgan looks surprised) They fly on vacuum cleaners. Brooms are sooo old-fashioned.
MORGAN: Oh, okay.
Scene: Hunter's house later. Morgan visits him after visiting the park.
MORGAN: I was talking to this girl today and she said that on some TV show the witches fly vacuum cleaners because brooms are old-fashioned.
HUNTER: Vacuum cleaners! Why didn't I think of that? (runs to the closet and grabs his purple vacuum cleaner) I've got to try this one! (starts the vacuum cleaner while standing on it. It flips out and starts careening around the room, Hunter hanging on perilously) Help me! Help me!
MORGAN: Oh, no! What will we do?
SKY: (comes in with groceries) Hunter! (to Morgan) What did that idiot do now?
HUNTER: (from the next room) I'm not an idio – aaaaaaaahhhhh! (big crash) Ow.
MORGAN: He tried to fly on a vacuum cleaner.
SKY: Where would he get a stupid idea like that?
MORGAN: (in an oh-so-I'm-guilty-but-I-don't-want-you-to-know-but-it's-so-obvious-when-I-use-this-voice) Um, I don't know.
SKY: (in an I-don't-believe-you-but-I'll-play-along-anyway voice) Right.
HUNTER: Help! I don't like this ride! Make it stop!
SKY: (with a smile) Can't the Lone Tomato help?
HUNTER: (in an I'm-just-thinking-this-up-on-the-spot-I'm-a-scone-loving-dork-who-runs-around-in-a-tomato-costume kind of voice) Um … he's … on … vacation?
SKY: Right. (pause as she thinks this over) Okay, I'll help. But first, what have we learned?
HUNTER: Not to try and fly on a vacuum cleaner. (crashes into the couch)
SKY: (like she is talking to a preschooler) Very good. (sternly) And YOU, Morgan?
MORGAN: Hunter is a moron?
HUNTER: Hey!
SKY: (pause) Good enough. (pulls the plug for the vacuum out of the wall)
MORGAN: Sky, you're a genius!
SKY: (rolls eyes)
HUNTER: Thank you! (hugs her)
SKY: If you don't let go now, I will be forced to hurt you.
HUNTER: (let's go very quickly) (walks outside) Well, I've learned my lesson. Vacuums are for cleaning, not flying.
LINDSEY: (flies by on a Swiffer mop) Well, duh, you idiot! (flies off)
HUNTER: (whines) Sky, can we get a Swiffer?
SKY: (hits him in the head with a rock)
HUNTER: (gets a concussion) Today's special is clam chowder. (faints)
MORGAN: Well, see you tomorrow, Sky! (skips happily home)
This story has ended. Please throw all trash
in the proper trash receptacles. Thank you for
flying Air Swiffer. Have a nice day!