KrysOfDeath: After seeing so many nice reviews-
Kish: What…the crap. You don't even HAVE any yet! You're just posting this chapter cuz you're bored and have nothing to do! O.o;
KrysOfDeath: SO WHAT! ((whacks him with Gir plushie)) After seeing the nice reviews I got ((cough, cough)), not to mention having this chapter already written out thanks to Cherry-sama and Ryou, I decided to get off my lazy rear end to post this new chapter, which is chock full of references to other things, random stuff, and just plain weirdness!
Kish: Che. I'm the one having to actually READ the e-mails…and go through all this crap that you call humor. U.u
KrysOfDeath: Shut it, you. ((whacks him with Gir plushie again))
Kish: No, seriously! How can you call this stuff humor? It's base, vulgar, and just plain stupid, not to mention pathetic.
KrysOfDeath: …There's another kind of humor? O.o
Kish: …YES. YES, there IS, in fact. o.o
KrysOfDeath: Mmm…No. You lie. You LIIIIIIE! ((whacks him with Gir plushie yet again))
Kish: And you call me your favorite character. ((scoffs)) u.u Your stupid Invader Zim obsession is torturing me! ((fake sobs))
KrysOfDeath: u.u … ((bops him with Zim plushie instead)) My heart bleeds buttermilk for you.
Kish: …I hate you so much… ((curls up in corner, sobbing))
Note – The e-mail used in this chapter was written solely for this fic by the awesome webmistress of Neko-Tokyo (Ellana/Cherry/Ryou Shirogane). Go read her stuff and look at her website. And while you're at it, go to her account on deviantART. There's a link to it on Neko-Tokyo.
THE KISH MAILS – Chapter Two – Immaturity causes babysitting and plushie whacking.
"Pai! Get your fat rear out of my spiffy, futuristic office chair! First off, the authoress gave it to me, hence it being 'MINE', and second off…or, um…secondly…when I woke up, I was wearing this hat." Kish, indeed, is wearing a hat. A hat that looks like a cactus, for no actual reason save to…well…to look like a cactus. "Third off… Are we there yet?"
Pai merely raises one eyebrow at him, which is relatively difficult, seeing as he is currently spinning around and around in Kish's spiffy, futuristic office chair out of complete and utter boredom. "We're not…going anywhere…idiot."
"Yeah, that's nice."
"Dare you resist my logic?"
"You're a resist!"
Pai manages not to stare at Kish like he's a total moron, and then says in a slightly confused tone, "Did you just insult me using a verb?"
"You know how I love to abuse grammar." Kish shrugs. "Now…Why am I here again?"
"Well, you certainly aren't here to-"
"CHECK MY E-MAIL!" Kish yells loudly, so much so that the older alien winces and puts his hands over his ears in pain. "OUT! NOW!" He then shoves Pai mercilessly out of the office chair, which immediately spins out of control across the room, much to Kish's annoyance. Pai grumbles for a moment before sulking his way out of the room, shooting his younger colleague a death glare every other two seconds until he finally disappears from the fanfic for a while.
After Kish chases down the runaway office chair and plops down in front of the laptop, the green-haired alien opens his inbox to find all of his wonderful (and grammatically incorrect) e-mails waiting for him. "Is the authoress actually going to make me answer all of these?" he wonders. Shrugging, he picks the most random e-mail from all of them (in actuality, he just does eenie-meenie-miney-moe…), and opens it to read.
To Kish,
Kish tilts his head. "What? Not 'Dear' Kish? Am I not good enough or something? Am I not attractive enou-Oh, it's from a guy. Ryou, to be exact." Sweatdropping, everyone's favorite green-haired alien continues to read the e-mail.
Yeah, this is Shirogane Ryou.
"As if I couldn't tell from the signature," Kish mutters, only to be hit with the authoress's Gir plushie again for being a smart-ass. "Why the hell are you here?"
In an uncommon bout of seriousness, the authoress replies, "Due to your lack of maturity in the last chapter, I'm supervising you in this one. Pai's wishes."
"WHAT? You're the immature one!"
"Talk back and you get a mouthful of Gir plushie!" Krys snaps, waving her Gir plushie threateningly. Kish promptly shuts up and returns to the e-mail, ignoring the authoress's sudden, and immature, yell of, "YOU WILL BE DOOMED BY THE UTTER DOOM OF SQUIRRELS!" He is trying to retain most of his sanity, after all. (Note the word 'most'.)
I'm writing you on behalf of Cherry (the webmistress of Neko-Tokyo in case you didn't know),
"How could I not know? She's awesome! …Though not as awesome as Ichi-" The authoress then stuffs her Gir plushie into Kish's mouth before he can finish this sentence, motioning for him to continue reading. "Mmph!" She also ignores his muffled request to be liberated from the mouthful of plushie that he has so lovingly been given.
but mostly I'm writing you on behalf of myself.
Though his mouth is full of Gir plushie, Kish manages to mumble, "Whoop-da-doo." He promptly receives a hard whack with a Zim plushie on the head. A lovingly hard whack, of course. Meaning if he was human, his skull might have cracked open in three different places. "Ow…"
"KEEP READING!"
One, you really need to NOT talk or think about Ichigo for a prolonged amount of time,
Kish's eyes widen in terror at the prospect of this. Meanwhile, having seen Ryou writing this very e-mail, Ichigo is dancing around Café Mew Mew, overjoyed.
because yesterday at work she had this huge sneezing fit. Poor ditz thought she caught a cold, but it was you. I'm right about that, aren't I?
Finally, the Gir plushie is removed from Kish's mouth. "So that's why you wouldn't let me say her name, you dumb authoress!" Kish proceeds to whap the poor authoress with her own Gir plushie, which seems to have turned against her (not of its own will, of course).
A moment and a plushie beating later (in which the authoress somehow managed to save herself and her plushies), Kish remembers the e-mail and continues reading, glad that at least this time, there's no literacy errors that would forever scar him. "I suppose he's right…but I heard that if you sneeze more than four times, it is a cold…"
"Don't be a smart-ass, Kish," the authoress warns. "I have writer's privileges, remember? And this Gir plushie." Said plushie is waved threateningly. Kish nods meekly and resumes reading.
Secondly, before I forget, Cherry wanted to thank you for actually reading (and quoting) her pointless rants and complaints about 4Kids and the mockery they made out of all of us (aka Mew Mew Power).
Kish stares at this sentence, shocked. "Pointless? POINTLESS? You call Cherry's rants pointless? They've gotta be the best freakin' rants ever! And 4kids sucks! …So there!" Kish sulks in his office chair for a moment before a plushie, this time of Dib, hits him in the back of the head and bounces off harmlessly.
"Get back to reading!"
"All right, all right, stop nagging! You naggy…person…thing."
"Wow, GREAT comeback!" If sarcasm could kill, all life as we know it would be…would be…be…ah, heck, you get the point.
We really need to do something about them.
"Yeah. Blow up their headquarters and assassinate their president. But we're not doing that, are we?" Kish snaps, and is hit in the back of the head with the Dib plushie again. Strangely, this time the plushie has increased in weight by at least five tons. "…That's gonna leave a mark…"
At this rate neither of our American counterparts will be shown within a ten-mile radius of Zoey. Not that the airheaded cheerleader could hold a candle to the real Ichigo,
Zoey and Ichigo both sneeze a few times. "Damns, that stuff's contagious…" Kish scratches his head. "And you were telling me not to talk about Ichigo…" Ichigo's sneezing fit continues, and the VERY annoyed cat-girl somehow appears to whack Kish over the head before the authoress notices and bothers to kick her out of wherever the fanfic is taking place. "Dangit! …Why is everyone whacking me this chapter?"
"Because it's fun." Krys is then whapped on the head with Kish's Ichigo plushie, but let's not discuss exactly how he got that… (Ryou, have you noticed any plushies missing lately…?)
but nevertheless. Last thing, if you even think about sending me some nasty reply for whatever reason,
"And I surely won't do that," Kish mutters sarcastically, managing to dodge a well-aimed Gir plushie attack.
I'll hack Pai's computer and infect it with a really amusing virus I created.
"OOH! I wanna see! I'm gonna send a nasty reply!" Far from being frightened by this, Kish actually seems quite interested as to what the amusing virus would be like. "At least it's Pai's computer and not mine…"
Have fun with your other 748 emails and don't let the authoress get off-topic.
"Too late for that…"
Regards,
Shirogane Ryou
Kish falls off his office chair, twitching. "Oh, the horrible manner-filled-ness! The politeness!" Noticing the weird stares he's getting, he gets back into his office chair. "Okay, I'm done. Now…TO REPLY!" Pondering for a moment, Kish adds, "Nastily."
"To the Also-Not-Dear Ryou with the long last name I don't feel like saying-" Kish ignores the fact that saying that wasted more time than saying 'Shirogane' would have, "-I can think or talk about Ichigo whenever the flippin' hell I want."
The authoress walks off to give Ichigo some anti-sneezing stuff, which probably hasn't been invented yet, but oh well. It's been invented in this fic. For no apparent reason!
"I'll think whatever I want to about Ichigo (never mind what that is, it's not exactly G-rated…), whenever I want (Which is all the time…), however I want (Ooh, that sounded naughty…), and…wherever I want (Hmm…kinky…)." Kish stops in his response. "Why is it that everything I try to say about Ichigo ends up perverted in some way or another?"
Pai pops up randomly. "Blame the authoress. This is your fanfic personage talking." Kish curses and starts shoving Pai out of the room, mumbling something about the office chair being his and whatnot.
After removing Pai's presence from his own glorious one (someone is on an ego trip…), the green-haired alien continues responding to the oh-so-awesome Ryou's e-mail. "Okay, so…if Ichigo catches a cold, she'll stay home…meaning I can molest her again…"
"Kish! Stay on topic!" Krys snaps. (Yes, the authoress is back in the room! Randomly!)
"You're the one writing this, why are you yelling at ME?"
"You want the five ton Dib plushie on the head again?"
Kish immediately returns to the task of responding to his e-mail, looking murderous and apparently plotting the horrid, but relatively entertaining, downfall of the authoress (who is laughing madly as she types this). "Okay, yeah… I don't know what the heck 4kids is planning to do about that wonderful yet annoying (at least for me) love square with 'Zoey'-" Kish glares at Ichigo's dub name before continuing, "-but I agree that our VERY few romance bits with her are going to join the already abundant removed scenes."
"So Zoey will hate you for no reason. The only reason she'll hate you is because of that single, two-second kiss (which was, of course, longer in the original). And she'll think you're a nerd." The authoress is plainly enjoying bothering the heck out of Kish, and to keep him from retaliating, she's sitting in a field of mutant bomb-plushies, ready for an all-out war of plushie DOOM. (AN: Yes, I'm hyper. Why do you ask? O.o)
Kish pauses in responding to Ryou's e-mail so he can sob all over Pai's unsuspecting laptop, his ego seriously bruised and his dignity sprained. "Damn it, have you ever tried walking with a sprained dignity?" he wails at Krys, who merely ignores him. Elsewhere, Pai is watching as Kish sobs all over his laptop, and is barely managing to keep his eye from twitching.
"Pai? Are you feeling okay?" Taruto asks him.
Pai just nods and mumbles, "Sure, dinner sounds great." Taruto immediately backs away, looking relatively freaked out.
A few minutes later, the fanfic resumes, as Kish has been given another Ichigo plushie to miraculously cure his bruised ego and sprained dignity. "Okay, so…Ryou, you're a jerk." The authoress glares at Kish and makes a threatening motion at the Ichigo plushie he's holding, and he sweatdrops. "Um…an awesome jerk, of course! Not as awesome as me, but…um…ahem. Can't wait for you to send me that virus!"
With that, Kish logs off and Pai rushes in, only to trip over the authoress's many plushies. "NOOOOOOO! I DON'T WANT A VIRUS!" he wails before the chapter ends, keeping him from saving his poor, abused laptop.
END CHAPTER!
KrysOfDeath: Meh…this one wasn't as good as the last one…
Kish: ((is nursing the many bumps and bruises he received this chapter)) Che. Maybe because of how stupid the authoress is. ((rolls eyes))
KrysOfDeath: U.u …I'll just…pretend I didn't hear that. Okay peoples, go on and send your reviews to me and Kish! Kish likes to hear what you think of his e-mail responses. ((smiles)) And don't worry, we won't bite. ((pats Kish on the head))
((CHOMP))
KrysOfDeath: …Um…Well…not much anyways. ((sweatdrops)) Kish may take a few nibbles… ((nibble, nibble)) OW! CUT THAT OUT!
Kish: ((snickers evilly whilst gnawing on the authoress's arm))
KrysOfDeath: You sadistic little bastard. u.u;
Remember, reviews make me happy, and they make me want to update! So…REVIEW! ((hypnotizes you into reviewing))