Warning: This story contains girlxgirl romance. So if you don't like the idea of romance between two women then stop reading now!
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Final Fantasy 8 or any of it's characters.
Author's Note: This chapter will have more humor than anything, or at least that's what I'm trying to accomplish. I'm no good at making things funny, but I'll try nonetheless.
Also note that I'm sorry if I led people on to think that chapter one was suppose to funny…it was actually suppose to set up a few things so the laughter can begin in chapter two!
Anyway here's chapter two!
Chapter Summary: Quistis has to raise the mind of her 5 year old girlfriend. Need I say more?
Chapter Two: Growing up
It had been a few days since the whole "mommy" incident, and Quistis was finally able to relax. She was finally able to just sit in a chair, have a blanket over herself, and see nothing but the inside of her eyelids. She was finally able to channel her thinking into a dream. She was finally able to sleep peacefu-
"Mommy, mommy! I need to go potty!" yelled out a very awake Xu. Xu was suppose to have been tired from all of today's childish running around, playing, and talking, but that's not true anymore. Now she's pulling off her "mommy's" blanket and trying to shake her awake.
Although Quistis wasn't given enough time to fall asleep, so she involuntarily opened her eyes, already filled with days of insomnia, and took a gander at what's suppose to be her girlfriend. "Look sweetie, mommy is tired right now, can't you go by yourself this one time?" Quistis asked in mild irritation. The lack of sleep was getting to her.
"No no! What if that man appears in there again? I'm scared to go alone mommy! Please come with me, you have to!" pleaded Xu. Of course Quistis knew that it was hard to teach a 5 year old that nothing scary will actually come at them if they're alone in the restroom, or that the boogie man doesn't exist-or Santa for that matter-so she had not choice but to go in with her.
'How did I get stuck with raising my girlfriend from the toddler years?'
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"Ok, everyone knows why we're here right?" asked Squall, in a room full of his friends.
"Yeah, yeah. One of us will help out with Xu for today, and the others will laugh at whoever is stuck with her," replied Irvine. "Remind me again: what's the alternative to not doing this?"
"Either be part of the volunteer group or get stuck cleaning all of Balamb Garden, for three years." answered Selphie.
"Oh yeah…that's why I'm doing this instead, but after what happened to Zell, I'd rather take the cleaning job." Irvine pulled out a lump of what appeared to be…flesh. "So can he still hear out of that ear or what?"
"It was just a small piece of his ear. It's not like he lost the ability to hear because of it." Selphie said.
"Besides, it's his fault for not allowing Xu to play with him. Just goes to show to not make a little girl angry." Rinoa stated in a matter-of-factly tone.
"That's right. So no one other than Zell has any excuse to not be here for our volunteer meeting," said Squall. "So if anyone wants to not volunteer then you can take on the alternative. Just remember that you won't be cleaning the Garden with the usual cleaning supplies. Just a toothbrush and nothing else. So if anybody would rather do that then raise your hand now."
Nobody raised their hands.
"So everyone here is ready for to take the volunteer selection process?"
Everyone nodded.
"Alright…" everyone pulled back one hand behind them. It almost looked as if they were each ready to punch the other one next to them. "on the count of three….one….two….three!"
Everyone then made their selection of paper, rock, or scissors for the rest of the group to see. And the looser was…
"Aw shit…" muttered Irvine.
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Quistis was in the restroom, with Xu on the "potty". She was busy trying to get any sort of sleep, even if it was standing up! While Xu was busy doing her business. She was nearly halfway at doing the impossible and was succeeding at sleeping while standing, but a knock on the door prevented her from finishing. She opened her eyes half-way and yelled from the restroom, "Just a minute." she then addressed to her "daughter", "Sweetie, do you think that you can be a big girl, and finish doing the potty by yourself while mommy goes to see who's at the door?"
Xu nodded simply. Quistis then left the restroom, closing the door behind her, and then made her way to the only exit she could take away from this 5 year old nightmare. She opened the door, and found a lone gunman at the door. "What do you want Irvine? I don't have time to help you with Selphie right now so if you could just…"
"I'm here to help you with Xu. Today is supposed to be my turn." he stated half-heartedly.
"Good! There's a baby monitor at her bed, and the other is…well I can't remember anymore, just go find it. There's also some juice, and a little snack in the baby bag, I trust you know where that is. She's in the restroom right now and will be out shortly." spoke Quistis in an instructor way, slowly making her way out of the room, and Irvine unwittingly making his way in.
"Hey wait a minute…you make it sound like you're not gonna be here with me." said Irvine.
"Oh yes…that's because…" Quistis spoke slowly, one foot ready to make a sudden lunge. "…I'm not, bye!" she said quickly, running away from the dorm as fast as she could.
"Aw shit…" muttered Irvine a second time today. Just as he was taking a look around to find all the things Quistis told him about, a flush was heard from the restroom. His focus turned to the door that was slowly opening. Fear now flooding through his body, he braced himself for what he knew would be his last moments sane. Soon, the little nightmare-known as Xu-came out of the door, and looked at him.
"Huh? Where's mommy…hey wait a minute…you're that man that appeared in the restroom before!" cried out Xu.
"Aw shit…" muttered Irvine a third time today.
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Meanwhile, in the Garden's Cafeteria, Selphie, and an ear-bandaged Zell were sitting at a table. Zell with a plate of the last hot dog the cafeteria will see today and Selphie with just a simple drink. Quistis notice the two, and slowly made her way to them, she saw an empty chair between, and that was the last thing she saw before closing her eyes and collapsing down onto the chair. Her face lay directly on the table, and didn't seem to be getting up anytime soon.
"Wow, a few days of non-stop parenting and miss mommy is out for the count." stated the train enthusiast.
"Very funny Selphie," gritted Quistis through the table, sarcastically. She then lifted her face up, and took note of Zell's hot dog. She quickly took it as Zell was about to scoop it up himself.
"Hey that's…" Zell looked into Quistis's worn out, bitter, murderous eyes and decided it was best not to argue with her right now. One measly hot dog over his life was a sacrifice he was willing to make. He then finished his sentence, "…yours."
Quistis then ravenously began to munch on her newly acquired hot dog. After a few seconds of devouring the hot dog, she felt parched. So she then gave Selphie a look that asked "can I have your drink?".
"Go ahead. I'm not gonna stop ya." answered Selphie.
So then Quistis took the drink away from Selphie and began to gulp it down as fast as she could, chocking a little in the process. When she finished, she laid her head back down on the table to get some rest. Zell then looked at both the girls and wondered.
"Hey, how come you didn't even ask for my hot dog, but you asked Selphie for her drink?"
"Because it's like how I said before: Getting to eat hot dogs that one time was a fluke. You're cursed to never eat another one ever again." Selphie answered.
"Shut up about that! That's not true at all. I'll have another hot dog in my stomach by the end of the week!" proclaimed Zell.
"Yeah sure." said Selphie disbelievingly. She then turned to Quistis. "So, Quistis, have ya heard of the latest GF rumor going around?"
She strained her face to move so that it looks halfway over to Selphie, but was still mostly glued to the table. "I don't think I have."
"Oh yeah, I heard of that one. It's the one where the GFs disappear right?" joined in Zell.
"Disappear?" asked Quistis.
"Yeah. They say that many SeeD have gone on missions, and that their GFs all disappear on them. It's happened to a lot of people so everyone thinks that somebody is stealing their GFs." informed Selphie. "I was just wanting to tell you so that you know to be careful while on a mission."
"Thanks, but with taking care of Xu, I don't think I'll be on a mission for a while. I'm supposed to take her to a check-up in a few days, to see if she has made any progress." said Quistis.
"Progress? What are you talking about?" asked Zell.
"Well she went on to get a check-up yesterday and it showed that her mind had advanced itself a few months. Dr. Kadowaki assumes that she'll continue to advance and return to normal." explained Quistis.
"Aw, that's no fun. I was hoping to give Xu 'the talk'." pouted Selphie.
"Jeez. Having 'the talk' from you would freak me out. Who knows how Xu would react." said Zell.
"Oh so you want me to tell you? Alright! You see it first starts around the age of ten, for girls, and that's when-hey where are you going!" Selphie watched as her lecture was going to waste, for Zell was running out the Cafeteria. He covered his ears with his hands, and shouted "I'm not listening!" over and over until he was out of sight. She changed focus on Quistis, and asked, "So can I still tell Xu?"
"I'd rather you not provoke her developing mind, thank you very much." stated Quistis in a matter-of-factly tone.
"Please?"
"Selphie, why would you speak with her about that anyway? She already has gone through the whole puberty process anyway. So why does it matter?"
"Because her mind doesn't know that. So I want to tell her when her mind thinks it's going through it. So can I?"
"Ugh. Fine. If you're going to insist on it that much then go ahead." conceded Quistis. 'I don't know why I even try to change her mind. It's like speaking to a very hyper, and very childish wall.' she thought.
"Woohoo! Thanks a bunch! So where is the five year old anyway?"
"I left her with Irvine, better him than me."
"Oh. I wonder how it's going."
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'Somebody kill me now! No, screw that, I'll do it myself. Where's my gun?' Irvine thought this as he was fulfilling his promise to the five-year old nightmare.
"So would you like more tea Mr. Pervert?" asked Xu. While she said tea, she didn't really mean it because she doesn't like tea, she instead meant juice. She had a can of said liquid in her hands.
"Uhh. No thanks. But hey, I thought we agreed for you to stop calling me that." said Irvine. 'Damn, she knew what that meant by the age of five? Making a deal with her is really gonna bite me in the ass at some point.' he thought.
"Not until we finish this tea party!" snapped Xu in a boss-like manner.
"Right…until this is over…" he dawdled. He inwardly cursed himself for not having his gun with him.
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"…So I left him with her baby bag of things before he could figure it out," Quistis finished explaining to Selphie her daring escape from the menace that is her 5 year old girlfriend. They were both walking back to her dorm to relieve Irvine from his duties, "You know she's a great girlfriend, but a total 5 year old nightmare."
"Yup! Totally agree with that. I still have those cuts I got from her when I was trying to clean up her toys."
"That's because you weren't 'cleaning up'. You were stealing her toy train from her."
"I couldn't help it. A voice in my head told me to. The train was calling out to me! I swear it was!"
"…" Quistis sighed inwardly. 'You're more childish right now, than Xu is at 5 years old,' thought Quistis.
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"Tea time is over!" declared Xu. Irvine shot up and made a strong cheer. He was overwhelmed with joy that it was over. "I'm sleepy now. I'm going to go to bed."
Irvine did a mental back flip of joy in his head. 'Finally!' He welcomed the change of pace, and helped her into her bed and pulled her covers over her body. He gave her a kiss good night, and slumped to a chair. Letting his body relax, but he was soon interrupted by a knock on the door. He walked up to the door and opened it. Outside were Quistis and Selphie.
"Sorry for running out like that. I just wanted a break that's all. So how is the little girl?" asked Quistis, as she walked into her dorm.
"Shh. She finally went to sleep." whispered Irvine.
"Oh good. I was worried that she might not get to sleep, because of her bathroom boogieman." Quistis whispered back.
"There's no problem about that anymore mommy!" cheered Xu, clearly not asleep yet and just as clearly hearing their conversation. "Me and him made an agreement. So nothing will happen to me anymore. Right, Irvine?"
"Excuse me?" asked Quistis, trying to quickly absorb all the information.
"Irvine was my boogieman, but he promised he won't do it anymore. Isn't that great mommy?"
"Why yes. Yes it is. Mr. Boogieman would come here with me for a minute?" Quistis asked Irvine in her most falsely sweet voice she could create.
'Aw shit…' thought Irvine.
Author's Note: There! Another chapter done! This is the first time I finished a second chapter for any of my fics. So I feel I've achieved a personal milestone for myself. Anyway I hope this was a funny chapter, and I would like to hear people's opinions on those pairings I mentioned in chapter 1
Sorry if this chapter looks like some sort of parody of FF8, because that was not my intention at all. I just tried to make it as funny as possible while staying reasonably realistic. I wasn't trying to make fun of or bash any character or FF8 in general. Again: sorry if that's what it looks like what happened.
I also want to say that chapter 3 won't be out for a while, because of how long it's going to be. It'll probably be almost as long as this chapter. So it's not because I'm not working on this fic, but it's because I'm working hard on making it informative, serious, dramatic, and such. So I'm choosing my words carefully and making sure certain events occur in the chapter, so look forward to it everyone!
Anyway, another preview to the next chapter so you know what to expect!
Chapter Three: The Rival's Interference
"So you see, you and her hated each other. Does any of that ring a bell?" Seifer asked Xu. A mock concern smeared his face.
"I don't remember any of it, but I think I can believe you." Xu found it hard to fully comprehend it all, but she felt she should believe him.
"There ya go. Well I gotta get going. So I'll see you later. Just remember not to believe anything Quistis says, alright?" With that Seifer took his leave of Balamb Garden once more. Quistis soon came to greet her amnesia-induced lover.
"Hello Xu. Ready for me to teach you…" her words died quickly as she saw Xu glaring at her.