UmJammer Lammy 2: Nightmares
Chapter 3: The Fight Begins, No Lunch Break
(at a Jack In The Box in Rodneytown, CA, Lammy is eating her fill and listening to Five Iron Frenzy)
Katy Kat: You listen to Five Iron Frenzy!
Lammy: I do, but...but...I WANNA MARRY REESE ROPER!
Katy Kat: Crap...
(TGIE comes in the restaurant very madly and grabs the girls)
TGIE: You...missed shooting. I had to get Arnold Schwarzenegger to fill in for both of you!
Lammy: Remember last time when you filled us in for him?
TGIE: Yeah. I remember. Now go back to Soundstage 15!
Lammy: Okay!
Katy Kat: Sir!
(at Soundstage 15, Lammy and Robert Plant are getting ready for the fight, when suddenly, Lammy starts having the nightmares again)
Robert Plant: What's going on?
TGIE: Nightmares. This is a dream.
Robert Plant: I rule! Muhaha! Muhaha!
Lammy: No, you don't!
(Lammy kicks Robert Plant in the face, but she gets hurt)
Lammy: Gosh! My face hurts!
Robert Plant: Guess what, Lammy? I have a power in which you hurt me, I hurt you in the same way back!
Lammy: No!
(Lammy wakes up in Katy Kat's bedroom and starts poking her)
Lammy: Katy? Katy?
(Katy Kat wakes up, really tired, but fine)
Katy Kat: Lammy, please go back to sleep.
Lammy: I can't. I had these nightmares and I broke my head and met Bill, Ted, Wayne and Garth, and was in a movie with Robert Plant about my nightmares.
Katy Kat: Wow. You are crazy. I knew that! Go look in the mirror if you wanan know.
(Lammy gets out of bed and looks in the mirror)
Lammy: AAAAAAAUGH! I really broke my head!
Katy Kat: Yep, and you had a dream that was good, but then you woke up in your nightmares. I now know. We need to kick you out of MilkCan...forever!
Lammy: No! No! No!
Katy Kat: Lammy, it's true. Ever since you had the nightmares and the drug fiasco, you've given us a Green Day edge! They think we're making a rock opera and dirty songs about drugs and Jason Andrew Relvas!
Lammy: No! You don't understand!
Katy Kat: You are out! AND GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! I'M CALLING LES CLAYPOOL TO REPLACE YOU...and me, on bass, that is.
(Lammy starts crying and runs across the street to the Griffins' household from Family Guy)
Lammy: Oh, crap! Why doesn't anybody love me?
(Lammy starts crying a river, while inside the house, Stewie Griffin, a 1-year old baby that talks and is bent on ruling the world, and Brian Griffin, a 7-year-old dog that talks and drinks dry martinis, are watching Lammy cry)
Stewie: Aw...look at that poor lamb teen cry just because she was replaced by Les Claypool!
Brian: I don't think it's funny, Stewie. We should take her in.
Stewie: No, let's not!
(Outside, Lammy walks in the middle of the street and gets hit by a car)
Lammy: (barfing)
(A fat person with glasses on, named Peter Griffin comes out of his car with his wife, Lois Griffin and looks at Lammy)
Peter: God! She's dead!
Lois: Let's take her in. I hope Stewie's not listening to my Rammstien CDs again and bought concert tickets for a concert with them...
(Inside, Stewie's listening to Rammstien CDs and buying Rammstien concert tickets on the Internet when Lois comes in)
Stewie: Blast! I got caught!
Lois: Stewie! Go to your room! And don't come out!
Stewie: Stupid mom.
Lois: You called me stupid? I'll drink and sleep with Quagmire, if you want to know!
Stewie: Okay. I'm going up in my room, but I'll be in my bathing suit in a hot tub!
(4 hours later, Lammy wakes up to see Lois at her bedside)
Lois: Are you alright?
Lammy: Yes?
Lois: What's your name?
Lammy: Lammy Page, and I got hit by a car. Whose car was it?
Lois: My husband's car. I wanted you to be safe and not dead, so I took you in.
Lammy: And...where's my pants?
Lois: I put them in the washing machine, and your shirt...
Lammy: I have a pink shirt on, with my boxers on.
Lois: My son, Chris, thinks your name is Calvin Marty Klein, thanks to those Back to the Future movies.
(Cut to Chris watching "Back to the Future")
Chris: I hope I can get a DeLorean like that!
(Chris tries to jump in the TV, but he breaks it)
Chris: Oh...
(Cut back to Lammy)
Lammy: Can I have some pants on?
Lois: Sure.
(Lois grabs a pair of blue jeans out of Meg's drawers)
Lois: Sorry your pants are not clean yet, but you can wear these that my daughter has.
Lammy: Okay.
(Lammy exits the room and sits down on the couch with Peter, Joe, and Quagmire)
Quagmire: Hey, sexy. Wanna sleep with me?
Lammy: Nah. I just got kicked out of MilkCan, my band.
Quagmire: You're Lammy from MilkCan? I have all of your CDs, including the one in which you say curse words!
(Cut to a TV playing MilkCan's "Stand By Your Boyfriends, Cause Here We Come", with the band performing on a stage on fire and them dipped in acid)
Katy Kat: (singing) Lois! Die! Lois! Die! ROAR!
(Cut back to Lammy)
Lammy: I really didn't want to write that song, so I wrote curse words in it.
Quagmire: So, that's why it has curse words. Get out of this house! Giggidy! Giggidy! Giggidy!
(Lammy leaves the house and sits on Katy's steps)
Lammy: Oh, gosh. I want to be back, but that stupid Katy always gets in my way. I know. I can kill her!
(Lammy goes inside and slaps Katy really hard)
Lammy: Now that's good. I'm cool.
(Lammy falls down on the floor in the nightmare stage)
Lammy: Oh, no!
(to be continued)
Now time for Lammy's personal info...
Name: Lammy Page
DOB: August 7, 1974