UmJammer Lammy 2: Nightmares
Chapter 6: Rammy's Revenge
And so it begins...again
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(In Heck, Rammy is being whipped by Teriyaki Yoko)
Teriyaki: You crackhead! You told me that you killed Lammy!
Rammy: Well, I didn't know!
Teriyaki: Well, I don't care!
Rammy: Please stop whipping me!
Teriyaki: No! I want her killed! In fact, I even want MilkCan killed!
Rammy: I know, master!
Teriyaki: Well...YOU KILL LAMMY AND TAKE HER HERE!
Rammy: Yes, master.
(Teriyaki presses a button that makes Rammy bounce up into the sky)
Rammy: AAAAUGH! YIPPEE!
Teriyaki: Don't come back until you have the bodies of Lammy, Katy, that hamster thingy, and that guy that plays bass.
Rammy: Yes, Ma'am.
(Rammy ends up right outside Hannibal Lecter's house, where he's in his car getting out hot sauce)
Rammy: Good evening, Hannibal.
Hannibal: Good evening...HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF MY POT?
Rammy: I didn't do it!
Hannibal: Well, I don't care...oh, you're gray.
Rammy: Phew. I'm a cannibal, so can I eat Lammy with you?
Hannibal: Okay...
Rammy: Sucker punch!
(Rammy stabs Hannibal in the eyes, then he dies)
Hannibal: You craphead!
Rammy: Are you supposed to be dead?
Hannibal: Yes.
(Hannibal really dies, and Lammy goes inside to see Lammy in a bathing suit in a pot full of steak and b'earnaise sauce)
Rammy: Lammy! You're gonna die!
Lammy: Okay, Rammy. I'l get my clothes on.
Rammy: This is going to take a long time...
(Many minutes later, at the Empire State Building, Lammy is holding on for her life)
Rammy: I'm doing this for Teriyaki Yoko!
Lammy: You backstabber! You told me that you were saving me!
Rammy: I have to do this for Teriyaki Yoko! She made me, or else I'll get whipped by her!
Lammy: I know, Rammy! You'll die!
(Rammy presses a big red button that makes Lammy's bar dissapear and she falls)
Lammy: AAAAAUGH!
(Lammy falls down on the ground and dies landing in a concrete factory)
Rammy: That's the end of that chapter...
(suddenly, Rammy and Lammy's body get grabbed by a giant red hand and get pulled to Heck)
Rammy and Lammy: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(At Teriyaki Yoko's throne, Rammy and Lammy are being chained together)
Teriyaki Yoko: Good thing, Rammy. You got Lammy. Now I'll whip you both for the rest of our lives!
Rammy: Crap...
(Teriyaki Yoko grabs out a red flower pot hat and a whip and sings "Whip It" by Devo, while whipping Rammy and Lammy)
Rammy: Boy, this sucks!
Lammy: It does, but...are you really evil?
Rammy: Nah. Teriyaki Yoko was my favorite artist, and when she died, she gave me a Kurt Cobain look and made me be her servant for eternity.
Teriyaki Yoko: You girls make me mad! I'm gonna do something to you both!
(Teriyaki presses a big red button that drops Rammy and Lammy in a replica of a military camp barrack with a door right next to them)
Rammy: We angered her. She'll punish us forever by this!
(A general comes up to them and dresses them in military clothes)
General: You give me...infinity...
(Rammy and Lammy do pushups)
General: Teriyaki is the Devil. She gave you nightmares.
Lammy: Crap.
(Rammy and Lammy press a button that brings them back to their bodies in New York City)
Rammy: Wow. I didn't know that this story was crappy.
Lammy: It's been a bad story arc since the 2nd chapter.
Rammy: Woah. Let's get a ride.
(Rammy hijacks a McLaren and they ride away to the Griffin household, where Lois, Peter, Meg, Chris, Brian, and Stewie are holding a coming back party for Lammy)
The Griffin Family: Welcome back, Lammy!
Lammy: Is this...for me?
Stewie: Of course this is for you, fatbrain! Here, have my present!
(Stewie hands Lammy and Rammy a present shaped like a M-16 rifle)
Lammy: Oh, great. It's a gun. How did you get it?
Stewie: The Kool-Aid Man gave it to me.
(Flashback to when Peter is being served 2 years in jail, when the Kool-Aid Man comes through the wall)
Kool-Aid Man: Oh, yeah!
(The jury looks stunned, while the Kool-Aid Man hands Stewie a gun)
Kool-Aid Man: You'll need it one day.
Stewie: Okay.
(Cut to the family watching the Quahog News with Tom Tucker)
Peter: Is this great? We get to celebrate you getting cured!
Lammy: Not exactly. My nightmares are being controlled by Teriyaki Yoko.
Meg: Why does the world's greatest pop star control you?
Lammy: She hates me. And Rammy. And MilkCan. And Primus.
Peter: Teriyaki hates Primus! Well, I shouldn't have invited Primus over for buffalo wings that one time...
(Flashback to Peter eating buffalo wings and watching Primus videos with Primus themselves)
Peter: So, how's the wings?
Les: Shut up. Me watch works of art with buddies.
Peter: You crackheads...
Les: I told you to shut up!
(Cut to the family watching the news)
Lois: You still have the nightmares?
Lammy: Yes, but I didn't have them today!
Lois: Good for you.
Lammy: Oh, gosh.
(Lammy starts having the nightmares, but Rammy grabs her hand and she gets the nightmares too)
Lammy: What's wrong with me?
Rammy: You're having the nightmare again. I'm holding your hand, so I can be with you.
(Lammy and Rammy fall down in a coma)
Peter: What the? They're dead! NOOOOOOOO!
Lois: No, they're not, Peter! We need to see what's wrong with them?
Meg: We could have a dream ouiji board, but they don't produce those anymore.
Peter: We gotta find someone that has one! Let's go!
(Five hours later, Peter gets the phonebook and looks up "Dream Ouiji Boards")
Peter: I got it! His number is 555-0000!
Lois: Let's call him!
(Peter grabs his cellphone and dials the number, while the ringing is starting)
Lois: Peter!
Peter: It's ringing...
(At the Strong Bros. house, Strong Bad is listening to Limozeen's "Feed The Childrens! Long Version" when the phone rings)
Strong Bad: Oh, crap! You just interrupted me in the middle of my jamming time!
(Strong Bad answers it)
Peter(on phone): Hello? Is this Rhinocerous and Homsar's Ouiji Specialism?
Strong Bad: This is the number, but...
Strong Sad(on other phone): Shut up, Strong Bad!
(Strong Bad hangs up the phone and draws pictures of Lil' Brudder in many famous Matisses, while in the basement, Strong Sad and Homsar are answering the phone)
Strong Sad: What's wrong, Peter?
Peter(on phone): 2 guys named Lammy and Rammy fell down in a nightmare coma. That is all.
Strong Sad: What's causing the nightmare comas?
Peter(on phone): Teriyaki Yoko.
Strong Sad: Let me make an appointment for you. It's tomorrow at 8:00 p.m...SHARP!
Homsar: ...And bring lots of hot wings, madame Lois TVR Griffin!
Peter(on phone): Okay!
Strong Sad: We'll see you tomorrow!
(Strong Sad hangs up and listens to his iPod)
Strong Sad: Got your iPod, Homsar?
(Cut to Homsar listening to heavy metal on a red iPod)
Strong Sad: Okay...(sings "How Am I Supposed To Live Without You?" by Michael Bolton)
(Homsar drinks Pepsi and eats the can)
Homsar: I'm a backwards Tender snare!
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to be continued...