Disclaimers: I own Naruto in my dreams.

Chapter 2

Cheryl, The Queen of Crack

I sat in the back seats of the black air conditioned car, staring blankly out the window as we passed neighborhoods on the way to one of my friend's house. (E/N: That evidentally SUCKS. All the damn houses look THE SAME If I was allowed to spray paint my house, there would already be a rabid panda smack dab in the middle of my garage door)

My father driving, listing to something by Green Day that was on the CD he had recently burned from the computer, and my brother talking to him about some random matter that I could show less interest in than I already had in the topic.

My mother was fiction? I thought felling a certain odd keychain kick me in my side. That would explain a lot about her……….but I wonder who she was…..

Yes, I knew what was going on under my cloak. I would bet good money Gaara had something to do with this starting, as did Lee, Naruto, Kiba, Shino, and Neji. I knew that Sakura and Ino were probably trying to kill each other over Sasuke, Choji was mourning over his empty stomach, and Temari and Kankuro

were trying to calm Garra down. Something told me that Gai and Kakashi were playing Rock Paper Scissors again, when I randomly heard Gai cursing Kakashi's 'rock'. I mentally praised Hinata, Sasuke, Tenten, and Shikamaru for being good. Not that Sasuke had a choice, being around my neck.

I quickly unclipped them off my side when I felt sand rise up my shirt. Coincidentally, my dad had stopped for gas, and both my brother and my father had left the car with the windows rolled up.

"What the fuck is going on!" I asked as I flicked sand off of Lee. Gaara looked pretty pissed off.

They all started telling me they're problems all at once. I was right for the most part, except Choji had found the crackers I had in my pocket and Hinata was cheering Naruto on to win some kind of battle.

"Kill me---now." I said shaking my head. I suddenly felt sand circle my arm "You kill me Gaara, your world is destroyed, VIZ feeding you to 10 million crazed fan girls and making you watch Blue's Clues. Trust me Gaara, I can't die."

The sand retreated and the group of keychains burst out into a fight.

"Ugh…….." I reached for my laptop in my backpack. They fell silent as I put it on my lap and them on top of it with the lid shut.

"Now, we're almost to Cheryl's house. Why do you guys insist on killing each other?" I asked like a stressed like mother and her children. I rolled my eyes when they all stated to talk at once. "Quiet!"

My brother and father came back into the car, and the feuding under my clock kept going. I prayed to the dear god for answers and for my friend's house to appear sometime soon. But of course, god doesn't like me very much, so it took forever and a day to get there. (E/N: Or as dear Kakashi would put it, get lost on the Road of Life. :D)

"Ash, we're here." My dad said snapping me out of my trance. I pushed my laptop off my lap and grabbed my back pack.

I walked up to the door, rang the bell, and silence my keychains as Cheryl came to the door.

"Oh my dear go--" Sasuke started out before I silenced him by grabbing a hold of him.

"Vanessa, did you say something?" Cheryl asked as I gave her my back pack, that had her costume in it.

"Nope." I walked casually into the living room "Cheryl I want you to remain calm." I said

"Why?" She asked

"Because I have Gaara and Neji are in my pocket."

"SHOW ME. NOOOOOOOOOW…" Her face was already turning rather menacing. (E/N: DO NOT FEED THE RABID BEAST aka ME.)

"I said remain calm." I pulled out the key chains from my pocket and dropped them on the floor. "Will you please? My dad is right out side. You guys, I want you to change back to normal." I gave the chain a small kick

POOF They were all standing before my friend. Something told me to run for cover.

She blinked a few times…

'Oh my God, is she actually QUIET for once…?'

… Until her face split into an absolutely EEEVIIIL grin, something equivilent to childlike GLEE. In a very twisted, messed up way.

At this point, Kiba paled considerably. Even Akamaru try to seek comfort within the many folds of his owner's parka.

"… and what the hell is up with you guys?"

"DO YOU PEOPLE NOT RECOGNIZE HER!" he suddenly blurted out, pointing an accusing finger.

While Cheryl cocked her head, obviously as confused as me right next to her, the others began scrutinizing said girl more closely before they also decided to clam up. With Kiba muttering incoherently in the corner.

"Umm… do you guys know her…?" SHE WAS NOT GOING TO LIKE THIS. AT ALL.

Or at least that was what the little voice insider her head told her. And it was RIGHT.

"She's…" he shuddered slightly.

"yes…….?"

"HOLYSHITSHE'STHEQUEENOFCRACKSWEETGODHELPUSALLWE'REFUCKED," he rushed before seeming to hyperventilate. ( E/N: Brownie points to whoever can make out what he said)

Cheryl whispered into my ear, "Did you get any of that?"

This time, it was my turn to blink stupidly, "no."

Some of the others in the group seemed to be itching to run as far away as possible like the Grim Reaper was polishing its scythe ready to lob their heads off any second, also staring intently at the door…

"Ummmm…. It's not like I'll bite…" (E/N: … HARD. Hehehehe…)

Now, Cheryl had on her 'TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OR I'LL TORTURE YOU WITH MY MAD VOODOO SKILLS' look. Favorite anime or no, if someone was not going to spill the beans with that kind of expression on her face, SOMEONE was going to get hurt… very badly.

This time, it was Kankurou who spoke up, "YOU, woman, are THE QUEEN OF CRACK."

Cheryl growled inwardly at the emphasis on the word, 'woman', but pleasure overtook that and if possible, her grin stretched even further. One could say her face looked psychotic enough to make even Gaara proud.

… Or not.

Kiba then whispered in a barely audible voice, "Dude, when you said you're friend's name was 'Cheryl', I didn't expect it to be THAT one of all people who could possibly have the same name."

"May I ask HOW you knew her, and WHY is she called…. That?"

"Oh, she's known by EVERYONE. Bless the poor anime that havn't been caught under her sight. Even ITACHI (Sasuke twitched at the name) holds some fear for her…"

"…" I was obviously not buying it.

"She is the BANE of all that is normal and SANE."

Then, surprisingly Gaara spoke up, "Shukaku practically WORSHIPS her." his left eye seemed to be spasming.

"She is the Goddess of all that makes NO LOGICAL SENSE. On the other hand, she can grant unimaginable things to… well… whoever she happens to feel like granting it to at the moment. ('Cuz, she IS the Queen of all that is crack, she can make things that seem downright impossible become true)"

Then, Kakashi, one of the few who actually looked like he didn't really give a damn, said randomly, "Did we mention that Orochimaru is ruthlessly attempting to stalk you right now?"

That pretty much shut EVERYONE up. Even Cheryl stopped grinning and a scowl replaced it instead. Not that it lasted very long.

"Cheryl…," I called to her hesitantly, not sure how she would react at this point. Please don't do anything drastic, please, PLEASE, PLEA- OH WHO I AM KIDDING!

Gaara, in the mean time was mentally panicking like there was no tomorrow. She is staring at me, and she is now walking TOWARD me, DEAR GOD, FIND A HAPPY PLACE FINDAHAPPYPLACEFINDAHAPPYPLACE-

Shukaku drowned out Gaara's thoughts with his own cheer. This was like a dream come true for him.

Gaara was tempted to sweating profusely when she was a bare couple inches from him. He still managed to look impassive when she finally spoke to him. And her sweet voice contracted so much to her mischievous face it was beyond words, "Hi."

Though it sounded totally normal to an outsider, to him, it was like someone just shouted, "BOO!" in front of his face (not that in reality it would scare him, but hey, this is a CRACK ficklet). And so to save himself, he shouted, "Shukakuwantstoeatyoursoul."

Shukaku pouted in disdain at the false statement.

"Oh that's ok, can I talk to him?"

At this, Shukaku suddenly seemed to explode in giddyness and attacked Gaara's already poor mental state, "LEMEEE TALK TO HER YOU GET ALL THE FUN DAMMIT." And Gaara, inwardly abused as it was, didn't have a chance to put up a fight before he closed his eyes and the demonic goldenrod eyes of Shukaku replaced them. At this, nearly everyone took a step back.

"Oh MY GOD! IT'S REALLY YOU! CAN YOU SIGN MY BUTT?" Even Cheryl's face seemed to falter a bit before taking on its previous expression of disguised innocence.

"Oh dear God Cheryl, WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE!" I shouted as I looked around the room for Neji. I may be too late for Gaara, but a can at least save one person today…..

"Nothing." Cheryl turned around and faced me "Is it MY fault Shukaku decided to come out all of a sudden at his own free will (even I wasn't expecting that). I may be Queen to all that insane, but even I can't be GOD."

Shukaku-possessed-Gaara was still waiting patiently for his reply. A waaaaaay too out of character grin was forcing itself onto Gaara's face, fangs and all, courtesy to you-know-who.

Cheryl sat there contemplating for a few seconds before she patted the now demon-possessed boy on the head.

She put on her cutest innocent face (E/N: -cough cough-) and said, "I don't know… I don't think Gaara's going to like it once he gets control again."

Shukaku wanted to say, 'OH FUCK WHAT HE THINKS, JUST GIVE ME YOUR AUTOGRAPH PLEEEEEAAAAAASSSEEEE!' but stopped himself when she gave him the 'hurt kicked puppy' look.

He grumbled disappointedly for a few seconds, but complied eventually.

And that's when Cheryl made her move, "But that's ok, I might change my mind later! So be a good boy and don't torture your poor host, k? And then I might give you an autograph. (.)"

Shukaku at first didn't want to agree, because torturing said host was one of his favorite past times, but DAMN IT HE WAS GOING TO GET HIS TUSH SIGNED! At this, nearly everyone could see that at if Gaara had sprouted Shukaku's tail by now, it would be wagging out of sheer glee.

Cheryl also seemed to understand, and took that as a 'yes'. And sure enough, Gaara came back with another blink, looking quite alarmed.

And it was here that I finally understood what she was aiming for in that entire… chat. Call it that if you will. Hmmmm… so she was actually doing Gaara a favor. I guess she isn't as mentally unstable as I thought. But then, I guess that was how the hell I even came to know her anyway.

"Well, it was nice talking to you!" before almost skipping out of satisfaction to stand next to me again. Some days, she really wondered whether she was a genius, or just downright out of her mind.

All Gaara could make out of what seemed (to him) as a two second conversation was Huh?

I then decided NOW would be a good time to give him some suggestions. So while Cheryl was busy poking Kiba who was still in the corner, I gave him a few good pointers:

"Oh, I forgot to mention that she totally ADORES you (and Neji for that matter. God help him for what she might do to him later). So don't be surprised if you get special treatment…"

More blinking.

"And one more thing. If she hugs you… try not to freak out too much?"

Cheryl seemed to walk in right on cue with the most evil smile I have ever seen her have, "Vanessa, can you just imagine what we can DO with these guys on our side? I mean, even VIZ…"

And in one of these really rare moments, I actually agreed with her.

"You know, coincidentally that's just what they came here for." I gave a nervous laugh "Umm…..how can I put this without sounding completely insane?"

"The fact you can summon Naruto characters to this world?" She finished off my sentence

"That, and the fact that my mom was purely fiction, making me the Link Mage." My mouth happen to blurt out at the last moment.

"What the fuck?"

"What the hell did I say that for?" I said slapping my forehead and then looking back at her "Ok, sooner or later I'll wake up in bed with my Itachi keychain still clipped to my necklace, but until then I am a half-fiction/ half-human person destined to destroy VIZ called the Link Mage. I summon the anime figures. Will you help me?"

"SWEET!"

Ok, it's not that I'm bored while waiting for my editor to edit my other story, it's the fact I have writers block.

E/N: Your author wrote the beginning and the end, but I wrote everything in between!

Yeah, she did. So, there is another installment to my crack fic. Hope you liked it.

Review!

Later……..

Ash's Girl