Yay! I'm on track with this challenge - even, maybe, a little bit ahead. Yay me, right?

Thank you to the reviewers so far. I like to be appreciated. ;)

Seifer POV

"Can't you stop all this guard dog crap?"

"Seifer," he says warningly, and I get the point. He's getting a headache, he's trying to work through that pile of reports, he's getting sick of me and most of all, he'd like to stop right now and go to bed. He used to say my name in that exact same tone when I used to bug him when writing assignments in class.

Funny how I used to love pushing him right to the edge of his tolerance. I misjudged, more often than I like to think, and it always resulted in a fight. Some worse than others. Whoever would have thought that the Ice Princess is really quite touchy when provoked enough?

But I'm determined to wear down Squally-boy's defences on this. There's nothing I hate more than enforced company all the time, especially when it's as close-mouthed and work orientated as the dear Commander, and I want him to damn well know it. At least the view is pretty.

"So, what are you actually doing there, Squally-boy?" I'm talking now to amuse myself, because annoying him is better than sitting here thinking. And, of course, that pissed off look that I remember so well is well worth provoking too.

"Reading reports from Deling City," he says quietly, his voice soft but matter of fact.

"Why are you bothering to read all that shit?"

He sighs, looking up, his eyes somewhat pissed off. No, Squally, I'm not trying to piss you off at the moment. Actually, I just want to know why this matters so much. There's an arrogant part of me, I admit, and that arrogant part wants him to say that he doesn't want people killing me for this. Unfortunately, I'm sure he's only thinking of the safety of Garden.

I don't want to examine why that makes me feel a touch regretful.

His voice snaps my attention back to him, my eyes on his. His eyes always look sad, to my mind, and today they look sad and tired. "I'm the Commander of Garden, I have to. I'm reading them thoroughly because I'm concerned for the safety of Balamb Garden. And… I don't believe you're guilty, so it'd be wrong to let people blame you for it."

I expected the first part, but the last part? That's something new for Squall. I'd almost call it caring about me.

Without giving myself time to ponder over the fact that somehow, impossibly, he cares somewhat about me, I jump right in. "So if I'm innocent, why the fuck am I under twenty four hour guard?"

"Because Quistis would have a fit if I didn't take this precaution." His tone says 'end of discussion', his eyes flickering back to the type written pages in front of him.

It annoyed me, when we were training, how easily he could ignore me. It still annoys me now, enough to make me lean over and snatch the papers from his hands. "Talk to me, prettyboy."

He glances up at me, his jaw firming, his eyes flaring with that old annoyed look. It's like coming home to see it there again. I guess that says something about how I feel about him. I can be here, in Garden, where I spent years of my life, but I only feel as if I've come home when I see that old look burning somewhere in his eyes.

"Why do you always call me that?"

That wasn't exactly expected… I figured he'd demand this crap back, not start interrogating me about what I call him. And I don't really have an answer – it just fits. I tell him that and he looks at me with an eyebrow raised.

"No real reason?"

"Does everything have to have a reason, princess?"

He actually gives that a moment's thought, and while he does, I watch him. He's grown up just that little bit more while I was gone, and not just emotionally. He's still pretty, I don't think that will ever change, but there are more adult, masculine lines to his face that weren't there before. He looks more of an adult than a teenager now.

He raises an eyebrow at my scrutiny and I look away, down at the reports in my hands. "Since you've got me around here all the time, I might as well make myself useful. I'll read half of these, you read the other half, and I'll tell you what I find out." I pass him back half of the pile and he blinks up at me, a hint of suspicion creeping into his eyes.

"Why are you suddenly being so co-operative?"

Oh, Squall, so quick to think the worst of me.

"Because I want to help, because you're tired, and I have nothing else better to do thanks to you being my fucking guard dog. Now get on with it."

He looks at me, a long, cool stare. "I could take a break," he says quietly, putting the folders down. "We could go outside for a while if you're feeling cooped up."

"Outside would be nice, I haven't had a breath of fresh air since I got here." I give him an accusing look, but he just takes it in his stride with that vague smile of his. I am surprised, though – I never thought he'd be the type to actually notice how much I hate being cooped up in here.

"Then come on." He heads out of the door and I follow him. It's not only his face that's matured – his body has, too. Where before he was skinny, wearing his height awkwardly, now it's like he's grown into his own body; lithe and well muscled, at home in the leather like it's a second skin. I can't imagine fighting him now without a great deal more difficulty than I had before.

He deserves all he's got. His friends, his salary, his position… He made something of his life. I remember when we were still studying, he was always the focused one – he wasn't interested if it couldn't help him become a better SeeD in the end. I was always the one with the dreams, yes, half formed snatches of romance right from a fairytale. He had goals, clear ones, things he could aim for and strive for and reach.

I didn't work for what I wanted; I thought I wouldn't have to. I guess I thought I was good enough anyway. And I hoped something would come along and catapult me into some kind of glory without having to work for it. And I thought something did, but… you know that saying, 'pride comes before a fall'? I fell.

I must have fallen. Before all that crap, I'd never have quoted some 'wise' saying.

Before I even realise it, Squall has led me out into the open air of the quad. He sits down, resting his elbows on his knees, looking thoughtful. While he sits, I can't resist the urge to pace about, stretch my legs, and expand into the darkness outside of the fake lights of Garden. Since Ultimecia, I've found myself enjoying the natural things more. Things I wasn't allowed when she shut me out of my own mind. Nothing was my own – not to touch, not to taste, not any kind of experience.

I thought being a sorceress's knight would make me happy, but it didn't… I've never felt as happy as when I was released from her control, though. It's wonderful to be in control of myself again. Still a wonder now, even. But I'm still not exactly happy.

I surprise myself when I turn to Squall, the question on my lips already before I really think about it. In control of myself? Maybe not. "Are you happy?"

He shrugs his shoulders, "Define happy, and I'll tell you."

"I don't know." I have to shrug as well. He isn't happy, I can tell, but I'm damned if I could explain to him how he could be happy or why he isn't happy. And I can't possibly say to him that he deserves to be happy, that he deserves better than this, because to his mind, he has enough, he has what he's earned.

I give up on the conversation and walk away from him a little – not out of sight, but far enough so that I can feel a little more alone. Feeling alone is a thing to treasure, too; I never got to be alone when I was her knight.

Squall POV

Happy? Why did he choose to ask that? It's true that I'm not happy, not exactly. I'm content, and I guess that's enough. I've got more than I ever aimed for, more than just a place among SeeD ranks, which is what I wanted.

I don't know what would really make me happy, but I doubt that I'm going to find it. I guess I thought I had it for a while there. But… I've never liked to trust my life to a fairytale. There's no 'happily ever after' for heroes. Not heroes like me, anyway – I still have a job to do and I have to keep living up to expectations.

Seifer comes over to sit beside me, silent for a moment. We sit like that for a while, until he speaks up.

"Let's go inside," he says, noting the goose bumps on my arm. It is chilly, and I'm not wearing my jacket, but I don't really want to go inside. I sit still for another long moment and he settles again beside me with a soft mutter, "Stupid asshole."

"I like it out here."

"Ah, so that's why… Don't like your office, hm?"

I don't even bother to answer. He just huffs softly, shifting closer to me so that my bare arm touches his. I don't bother to move away from the touch, finding it oddly comforting, now that I'm suddenly confronted with the thought that I'm not happy, that doing all this work and staying in an office forever is not enough for me. He's always liked presenting me with ideas like that and then watching me think it out. This is probably just entertainment for him.

"What would make you happy? Fighting again?" he asks, quietly. "Doing what you were actually trained to do?"

"Maybe."

"Then why don't you?"

"Because people need me in this job, too."

"I see." There's another long pause, and I'm just thinking of asking him if he still wants to go inside, when he turns to me, his eyes bright and earnest in the dark. "Do you hate me, Squall?"

"Why should I?"

He looks at me, searching, "You don't?"

"Fighting is what SeeDs do. Killing is a part of that." I shrug. I've always been prepared to fight and even kill people I know. It's the life of a paid killer like a SeeD. We'll ignore the politics of a situation, ignore who we think is right personally, and follow orders. As long as we get our pay.

"But… I let the Sorceress possess me."

"Then why do you feel so guilty, if it was something you chose?"

He laughs, quietly, his shoulders sagging a little. "I don't get you, Squall. Why do you even care? Why are you giving me a chance to fight alongside you and your SeeDs and get some kind of forgiveness from people?"

I don't know myself. Or maybe… I do know. "Because you've always been there."

"Just like that, huh?" His eyes are still searching my face, "That seems too… easy."

"It sounds like you don't want to be forgiven."

I don't understand why he blames himself. Any one of us could have fallen the same way – though the thought of Zell being a sorceress's knight makes me smile just a little bit.

"I don't know, I do, and I know it wasn't my fault, but I feel like people aren't ever going to forgive me. Not sure I deserve forgiving, even though I wasn't under my own control. I mean… I went with her in the first place." He shrugs. This is a new side of him I've never really seen; a side of him that might only have ever come to light through this. The Seifer I used to know was all pride and dreams. This Seifer is thoughtful, solid, and down to earth.

"Most people don't even know the truth."

"They wouldn't have believed it if you told them. People need more than the word of someone involved. They need some kind of proof, but there is no proof."

"You sound bitter."

Seifer laughs quietly. "You're the only one, at the moment, Squally-boy, that isn't afraid I'm going to stab you to death with Hyperion. You're not the greatest company, and you don't even like me all that much, so I'm a little bitter about the lack of good company, okay?"

I'm tired of trying to understand why he says what he's saying. I don't like doing it when he's talking so freely, but I know when it's time to let a conversation die, to let a connection fade for a while. "Let's go inside."

He stands and offers me a hand up, which I take, the leather always stiff after I sit around in the cold too long. He follows me silently inside. Even though I ended the whole situation, the conversation stirs odd aches and wants in me that I've been shutting out. The desire to be happy, the ache of knowing he'll probably never earn forgiveness, the ache that he thinks I hate him…

I sigh. It's going to be a long night, if I have to guard him all the time, but I know what Quistis would say to me if I let him walk around on his own.