AN- To my dearest readers, I thank you once again for all of your support. Since I have a lot of homework to do, I'm sorry I couldn't make this long, but hey this chapter is also suppose to torture you a bit. You'll see when you read it. Thanks once again for your support, and please do enjoy! Please feel free to leave behind any comments, suggestions and questions in your review.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Rurouni Kenshin series. I wish I did, but I don't.
Thy Pain
Chapter Nine
Kaoru ran through Tokyo streets. The rain poured down on her, crying, showing her pain. She ran until she can run no more. Life decided to be cruel to her. It decided to change her faith. Just when she thought her life was becoming much better, becoming more tranquil gent for her, she lost everything within a minute.
As she headed down one of Tokyo streets, which lead her to her home, she could have sworn she heard someone cry out in pain. 'Yahiko', her mind screamed. She thought Soujiro stayed behind to watch after him. She didn't feel his ki, instead she felt another ki lurking somewhere within the shadows.
"Yahiko!" she screamed, as she ran towards the dojo, her body in attacking position, ready to attack her opponent. She hoped, and prayed with all her heart that Yahiko was all right. If anything ever happened to him, she didn't know how she'd ever forgive herself. After all she did promise to offer him not only a home but also her love and her protection. Please let him be all right. Please let him survive whatever he's going through right now. Kami-sama this is the only thing I ever asked of you. Please let him still be alive, she prayed. Deep within her heart, she felt, like it as going to explode through all the things it went through tonight. Kaoru was glad it was raining. It was the rain, that helped healed her. With the rain, it brought back unpleasant memories, but when the rain was finished, it left her a new slate, to start life all over again.
Kaoru finally reached the dojo, her five senses sharpened, to warn her if any danger was near. She looked all over the yard, and didn't see anything. She searched high and low. She searched within the shadows, looking to see if there were any signs, the enemy was hiding anywhere near there, or any signs he/she was there. Kaoru panicked a bit, when she found no evidence of Yahiko or the intruder. The ki she felt before left like it wasn't there from the beginning.
"Why must I fail in everything? Why am I not good enough? What have I done to deserve all this in the first place? Did I ever do anything to deserve to be treated the way I do Kami-sama?" she asked in a whispered tone. She fell to her hands and knees. The rain drenched her petite figure, as it cried for her, showing all her emotions that raged within her. She felt so alone. Her tremulous state left her vulnerable to anything. Her five senses were no longer aware of her surroundings. Instead she remained the way she was, as the rain poured down on her bringing back all the memories to her.
Flashback
"Mommy, do you know when Daddy is going to come back? I hope he comes back soon, and hasn't forgot about us," said little Kaoru as she looked up at her mother with innocent eyes. She hoped her father was coming back soon. She hated to see the terrible state her mother was in. Her mother looked much smaller, and paler then usual. Her bloodshot eyes, had tear stains. Her clothes were faded, and whenever she walked, she looked as though she was going to fall over.
"Don't worry; your father will be coming home shortly. He just has business to attend to," she whispered.
Little Kaoru couldn't take it any longer. Her mother's sight was a horrid to look at. Upon that fact she looked as though she gave up her will power to live on the hold. "Please mommy, let me help you in any way I can."
"No I'm going to continue doing some work here, and wait till your father's return. He's almost home. I know he's almost here."
"How do you know mommy?"
Kaoru's mother glanced over her shoulder. As she saw the image of her little beautiful daughter, she couldn't help but smile. She walked slowly to her daughter, and bent down to her until she was in eye contact with her daughter. As she stared into her daughter's eyes, she saw so much innocence, so much carefree in her, she wanted to cry. She wanted to hold her daughter forever and protect her from the cruel world. Little Kaoru was so small to comprehend the way life worked. She was so small to know the horrible and cruel things that existed beyond the dojo doors. She wanted to keep her daughter in arms, to protect her and forever keep her in the dojo. But that's something she couldn't do. Her daughter will grow up into a young woman someday and she needed to know how the world worked, how life was like. The only way for her to ever learn to do something was for her to learn on her own.
"It's funny. When I was your age, I didn't know so many things. But as I grew older I learned a numerous amount things, that up till this day, I wished I never had to experience them," she whispered, as she looked into her child's eyes. They lightened up and showed so much curiosity. "Do you know what the best thing about life is? I live life for only one reason. I live my life so that I can love. The way in which I love you and your father, is all I live for. You're the only two people I have left in this world. But you see the love that I have for you, is different from the love that I have for your father."
Little Kaoru looked at her mother with puzzled eyes. She didn't understand what her mother was speaking about. She didn't know there were more then one way to love someone. She thought once you cared for a person, that was love.
Kaoru's mother read her daughter's expression. She continued slowly to make sure her daughter digested her words carefully. "Love is a funny thing. You can love your family, as you love your father and me. And then there is the type of love you will learn when you get older. A love that is not replaceable and much stronger then anything you'll ever feel in life. That's when you'll meet they guy whom you want to share the rest of your life with. You see one good thing about being a woman, is a woman's heart is sacred and pure, when she hates, she hates deeper then the sky, but when she loves, she loves deeper then the ocean. A woman's heart is something not anyone should take it to lightly, for whatever she feels; Kami-sama is there to witness all. Our roles in life is to provide and to be strong, where others are weak. We are their pillars, their strength. Our roles in life, is to be there, when we are needed, to represent those who cannot be represented, to support and to be taken good care of. We are the guidance to our love ones, and they are guidance to us. That is our role as a wife, a mother, and a daughter. Heed my words and one day when you grow older you'll comprehend my very words I told you today."
Present
Kaoru now understood what her mother spoke about. She loved her father deeper then the ocean. Her love was so deep, it took it serious effect one her, when she was not around him. Without him, living life like the way she did with him was impossible. When she was alone, she felt like a half then a whole.
"Oh mother, I'm sorry for taking this long to understand what you were telling me. I vowed to never fall in love, because every time I learned to love, something bad happens. Is that what life is all about? Ever since you died and went away, I've been looking after myself well, and then he came. I broke the very promise I made to myself, only to receive a heartbreak in the end." Kaoru looked up into the cloudy, rainy night, taking in every sight her eyes could see, but most of it came out in a blur. Her eyes were very blurry, from all her crying. She wondered about him. She wondered what he was doing this very moment while she was here crying her heart out into the world.
"Why the heartbreak? Why the pain?" And the words one by one came to her as she felt the raindrops on her soft skin. She felt the cold air blow around her, unraveling its cool embrace, to torture her.
Why the heartbreak?
Why the pain?
What have I ever done?
To feel all this inside,
To feel like I can never hide.
To feel all alone,
Like there is no one else in this world.
To know I'm the only one,
Who feels turned up inside?
And feel the hell on the outside,
To look forward to another day,
When hey, there is no other way.
To forget the pain,
When there is the rain.
To cry tears,
And put behind those fears.
To show the world the wonders,
And there is thunder.
Why the heartbreak?
Why the pain?
Is this what love is?
It's the rain that cries my tears?
And put behind the fears?
Is it hope to look forward to a new day,
When you'll never know if it's going to be any other way?
Is it so bad to love that it shatters the heart,
And the remains are left to decay?
Well love has struck my heart,
And left me here to stay.
The thunders rolls,
The clouds drift,
And here I am willing to stay.
The rain pours,
The wind blows,
The storming rage,
The Lightening strikes,
Yet I'm here,
The calm of the storm,
For whatever emotion I hold inside,
Dies outside,
Along with the storm.
Kaoru unraveled her emotions, and presented for all to see, except there was no one else but her to see. Whatever she felt, she knew the only person who could ever comprehend her pain was her mother. Her mother and she now shared the same pain. And if she had to live with pain, until it killed her, well she was willing to go through it. After all her heart did belong to one man.
The rain, kept on pouring, and pouring. The raindrops could be heard from the distance. Kaoru's blurry vision began to clear, leaving her one of her senses to sharpen itself. She stood up on her own two feet, her black kimono felt a hundred times heavier then usual. She literally dragged herself in front the dojo doors, and when she was about to close the doors, she felt his ki, Battousai's ki within her reach. Before she could even say his name, she fell into a deep slumber, the past events with him, replayed in her mind.
Flashback
"You had a wife," she whispered.