All That's Left….
Authors Note: Thank you for all the reviews. I appreciate every last one of them. Please continue to let me know what you think, it makes all the difference. Here is chapter two, and the news begins to spread. The chapter two title comes from A Death Cab for Cutie song.
Premise: Luke and Lorelai unexpectedly cross paths after 4 months apart and all kinds of chaos ensue.
Chapter 2 "The Sound of Settling":
Her back is against the wall. His hands are everywhere. Their lips are intertwining, drowning out the millions of doubts that dance in their heads. Their journey to the bed is instinctual. It's only when the sides of their knees brush against the bed that they realize they were in motion. Before he knows what's happening they are both undressed. Before she knows what's happening she is being tossed on to the bed. The tingles of the reverberating bounce heighten the millions of sensations already pulsating throughout her body. He is on top of her. She is filled, flooded with feeling. His weight is a comfort. She is on top of him. Her hair surrounds her face. The tendrils graze his cheek, his chest. She is a comfort. Their bodies are mixing, melting together. It's urgent; it's exciting, heavy breathing, a roughness, a frenzy of skin, a blur. It is far too much and way too little all at once. Finally they break apart exhausted and satisfied. The comfort has vanished, it is over.
Rolling over to her side of the bed Lorelai presses her head deep into the pillow. Reality is seeping back into her cloudy head and the only thing her brain can manage to come up with is the phrase, Oh My God. She can't believe it had happened again. She and Luke had happened again. After the last time it was like they couldn't help themselves. She didn't know what to do. Nothing had changed. She began to think the only answer was not allowing them to be in the same room together. They were like a stick of dynamite and a BIC lighter, or smoking a cigarette in a puddle of gasoline, or an oil soaked rope and match, or a candle and some hairspray. She was running out of weird metaphors but the basic sentiment was, put them together and watch them combust. Before they had been in a relationship Lorelai had become a master at repressing whatever the spark was between the two of them. Now apparently post relationship she couldn't even be in the same super market as him without ending up in his bed.
She had resigned herself to the fact that what had happened two weeks ago was a one shot deal. A weird type of closure, a bonus night as Ross and Rachel had once so succinctly put it. But, nothing had been settled. Nothing was resolved and here she was again. There was no denying it. She was sweaty, naked, and in his bed. It most certainly had happened again.
While at times over the weeks she had blamed Luke for their first little escapade, she knew this time it was all her. It was like a big fat cosmic joke running into Luke's at Doose's earlier that night. When she first saw him she had tried desperately to be casual. She tried to mimic his display that Saturday at Al's. She said hello. She pretended they hadn't had mind blowing sex a few weeks before. She pretended she couldn't still feel the burn of his lips every time she allowed her eyes to close. She put on the outward appearance that she was completely laid-back and relaxed. It was a good thing he couldn't hear her heart beating so loudly that it was reverberating in her ears. He also couldn't feel her stomach contort and her pulse quicken. If he had her whole casual bit would have gone right out the window.
Luke had been suitably dumbfounded at the display. When he saw her at Doose's his mind went through a couple of scenarios of what might happen. He had pictured her ignoring him, or maybe yelling at him for not calling. Hell, he would have even been okay if she walked up to him and punched him in the face. Maybe he deserved it. When he first caught sight of her he had grimaced. He was bracing himself for at the very least a verbal onslaught, if not a physical one. He was positively not prepared for calm indifference that she had radiated.
Lorelai tried to remember how they ended up in his apartment. She had said hello, he had said it back. Lorelai had purchased her must have items, a bottle of coke, a box of Red Vines, and pack of that new citrus gum. Luke had ended up right behind her in line. After all they were the last two customers of the night. They had walked out of the place together and suddenly Lorelai didn't want him to go. So she blurted out the first thing she could think of in order to spend a little more time with him. Thinking back, she couldn't quite remember what she had said she might have left at his apartment. The farthest she could get in her mind was that she knew whatever it was started with an S. Maybe she had said shirt, or scarf, or skirt, or Smith's CD, or Salamander she couldn't really be sure. Although, she was pretty certain she hadn't said salamander. Luke had effectively clouded her head to the point where she could barely remember her own name, let alone the reason she was once again in his bed.
Luke didn't know what to say. How had this happened again? Sure it had been amazing. She was amazing, but this wasn't fair to her or to him. After their first encounter he had gone back to the diner and tried to figure out what the hell had happened. He was so lost and he could barely stand the man he was becoming. He had always been a cut and dry, black and white kind of guy. Things were right or they were wrong. You were a good guy or bad guy. He and Lorelai were broken up or they were together. Everything should be plain and simple. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that the situation he found himself in was so grey. For a moment he thought it could be simple if he would let it be, if she wanted it to be. He could just forgive her and they could get back together. He knew that would calm the constant ache in his chest. But then again an aching heart was one thing. Luke knew how to live with the ache. He could still function day to day with an ache. A completely broken heart on the other hand, he didn't think he could handle another one of those. Each disappointment in his life, each person who had let him down, or left him, or both, left a scar on his heart. He assumed by now his heart was full of scars and if Lorelai made another mark it would be the one that lead to its collapse.
To put it mildly Luke had been through a lot in his life. Some where deep in his mind he knew this was why he wasn't good at forgiving and forgetting. His mom had died when he was still so young. After her death she had left behind a few intangible things. One had been the first scar on his heart. Another was giving Luke a childlike idealized version of what the perfect woman was. The third was how he saw his father. He had always seen his dad as two men. His dad had been one man with his wife and a completely different man without her. Luke saw what his dad went through after losing his mom as the ultimate consequence of love. From then on, it had been a steady stream of disappointments and loss in Luke's life. None of that had to do with Lorelai really, but maybe somewhere subconsciously it did. He didn't know anymore. He briefly wished that he hadn't given Jess that stupid book.
He did know one thing and was that things had been the way they were for the last four months for a reason. She had hurt him and he had gotten out before she had the chance to do it again. Then again here he was lying next to her. So obviously he hadn't gotten out and maybe he didn't want to be out. Could he really picture a life without even the possibility of Lorelai in it?
He was thinking in circles and getting no where. Apparently he needed her in his life. He didn't seem to be strong enough to be completely without her. On the other hand he didn't know how to let himself be with her entirely again. So that left him lying next to her, no quiet banter like when they were together, no holding each other close. It was more intricate then it had ever been before. He hated it.
His eyes began to drift shut. His body was exhausted. His mind was rapidly catching up. He really needed to talk to Lorelai. He knew as much as he detested "talking" as in talking about feelings and relationships and all other things he deemed girly that it really needed to be done. He would just close his eyes for just a minute. Then he would find the nerve to speak up and settle whatever was happening between them.
The clouds were lifting from Lorelai's head. Her thoughts were becoming more rapid, clearer, and more and more insecure. Maybe, what they had going on right now was enough. Maybe, life was about settling and that whole package was a contrivance. She had messed up. She had not appreciated what she had while she had it. Now, this is what was left. This was all she could have. She could have him in her life like this. Maybe, she didn't get to pick anymore how things went. Maybe, with time things would change. Time would work its magic, heal old wounds, and he might want to be with her again. Until then she could settle for this because she needed him in her life. Eww, she hated herself. She was a strong confident woman and she didn't need him or anyone. She had been telling herself that for months, but her heart didn't seem to be listening. She just needed to talk to him about this. At the same time it was the last thing she wanted to do. She was terrified of what he would say. She was more afraid of what he wouldn't say. If they talked there would be no more maybes, and the maybes were what were keeping her sane.
"Luke," Lorelai timidly whispered. She tugged the sheets tighter to her chest as she waited for a response.
When the room stayed silent Lorelai slowly turned to her side and looked at Luke. He was fast asleep and she hadn't even noticed the sound of his steady breathing until that very moment.
Now Lorelai had another quandary on her hands. She had two options. She could stay with him. Spend the night and in the morning, when the light was much harsher, and his senses had fully returned, she could try and talk to him. Or she could leave now. Try and maintain some sense of dignity. If they were destined to talk about this fate would bring them together again. Or he would call. She would love it if he was the one to call.
She weighed her options. What did she want? What would he want? He hadn't really invited her to stay the night. He hadn't really said much. Was he regretting this? Did he hate her? She didn't know. She didn't want know. With that she slipped out of bed and as quietly as possible gathered her clothes.
3 Day's Later…
"So, Lorelai you know what we haven't done in a really long time." Sookie said as she bounced up to the front desk of the Dragon Fly and stood next to Lorelai.
"What, Sookie?" Lorelai said trying to smile at her friend.
"Had some good old fashioned girl talk," Sookie said quickly.
"I guess." Lorelai said slightly taken aback at her friend's exuberance.
"Let's rectify that shall we." Sookie said grabbing Lorelai's wrist and dragging them both into Lorelai's office.
Once they made it in to the room Sookie immediately shut and locked the door.
"I have to say Sookie, You are really starting to freak me out."
"No need to be freaked out. Lets sit, lets dish." Sookie said excitedly. She practically ran to the small sofa in Lorelai's office and plopped down. Lorelai slowly and with a little bit of trepidation sat down next to her.
"So…" Sookie said pointedly.
"So…" Lorelai said confused. "Sookie hun, I don't really know what you want me to say."
"Ya know I just feel like I have been busy lately. Ya know with the new baby and what have you. I just thought maybe you have something you might want to share with me."
Lorelai momentarily panicked. Sookie couldn't possibly know about what had happened with her and Luke, could she have? Hell, they still hadn't talked. Lorelai didn't even know what was going on. She didn't really want anyone to know what had happened because she wasn't so sure it painted her or Luke in the most flattering light. No, Sookie couldn't possibly know, no one knew. She knew she hadn't told anyone. She was sure Luke hadn't said anything because seriously it was Luke. She was overreacting. This was Sookie, she could just be on some kind of soufflé high or something. She didn't know anything.
"Well, Rory might be staying in New York longer then originally planned. They seem to really like her at that paper." Lorelai settled on saying. Rory was always a safe topic of conversation.
"Great, great that's great. Rory is great. Anything else not Rory related?" Sookie probed.
"Um, not off the top of my head." Lorelai said with a question in her voice.
"Nothing man related?"
"Uh not really. What about you, something man related?" Lorelai tried to deflect the focus off of her. She hated lying to Sookie but she reasoned not really wasn't an out and out lie. Maybe, not really was about as accurate and she could be anyway.
"Uh well, Jackson and I are great. Sleep deprived, cause of the kids but still all in love and stuff. That's all that's going on with me. Are you sure you having nothing else to add?" Sookie said with increasingly wide eyes.
"Um I am good. Sookie are you okay, you are little all over the place right now." Lorelai asked.
Finally Sookie couldn't take it anymore. "You are lying!"
"I'm…" Lorelai started but was cut off.
"You and Luke! I saw you! I am your best friend, aren't I? Why are you lying?" Sookie said clearly hurt.
"You saw us." Lorelai said quietly. Lorelai tried to think. She couldn't have seen them last time, nothing had happened until they had been safely in Luke's Apartment. But, that first time it was during the day. It was possible Sookie saw them driving home or on her porch or something she supposed.
"On my porch?" Lorelai said barely above a whisper. She didn't even think she had said it out loud until she heard Sookie's response.
"ON YOUR PORCH?" Sookie yelled incredulously. "I am so far out of the loop, that it is possible that I am in someone else's loop…. How long have you two been back together?"
"We aren't back together." Lorelai said quickly.
"Wait what." Sookie said calming down a bit. "Lorelai, can you please tell me what is going on before I have an aneurism. "
Well she was going to have to tell her. It might be nice to talk to someone one about what was happening and Sookie was right she was her best friend. But first she needed to know something. "I will tell you everything. But first, where did you see Luke and me?"
"I didn't see you and Luke. I saw you. It was a couple of nights ago. It was pretty late and the baby wouldn't sleep. The car always puts her right out. So I was driving around. On my way back I saw you leaving the diner. Let's just say you were rather disheveled. I was so happy, figuring you guys were working things out. I was just waiting for you to tell me yourself, but it's been 3 days and nothing. Now you tell me you aren't together and something happened on your porch. I am so lost." Sookie explained.
Lorelai looked at her friend and an odd sense of relief washed over her as she began to explain to her the events of the last few weeks. Once she was finished she didn't know whether to cry on Sookie's shoulder or share a sardonic isn't my life great laugh with her.
"Wow." Was all Sookie managed at first.
"You're telling me." Lorelai returned.
"This just doesn't seem very Luke like." Sookie commented.
"You are completely right. It isn't like Luke at all. I did this. I took that good man and I made him into this other guy. The only man who was always there for me and for Rory, and I broke his heart. And for what? To keep Chris in some part of my life? To save myself the annoyance of an uncomfortable conversation? Shit, I am such an idiot!"
"You can not seriously be blaming yourself. Not only is what's happened not your fault. You haven't even talked to him. You really don't know what is going on in his head. Maybe, he thinks this is the way to slowly get back together or something." Sookie tried to soothe Lorelai.
"Right cause in the two times this has happened the only things he has said to me were (In her best man voice) Lorelai, I don't know if I can, I mean so much has, I didn't mean to… oh and Lorelai, I wish.."
"He didn't even finish his sentences." Sookie reasoned.
"Yeah, but all the starts of those sentences end the same way. Sorry, we are not getting back together. It is what they all scream."
"You don't know that. Trust me, talk to him and everything will work out for the best." Sookie reassured.
"Right, cause things always go so simply in my life." Lorelai sarcastically stated.
"Aww, Honey." Sookie said as she reached out and gave Lorelai a hug.