All That's Left….
Authors Note: Chapter 4 is here. Thanks for all the kind reviews. They are all so nice and I appreciate them so much. Please keep on doing what you are doing. It completely motivates me to write more. This chapter's title comes from a Reliant K song.
Premise: Luke and Lorelai unexpectedly cross paths after 4 months apart and all kinds of chaos ensue.
Chapter 4 "Be My Escape":
Previously:
"Good bye, Luke." She whispered placing a light kiss on his cheek. She made another attempt to stand up.
"Wait. Please, Lorelai." Luke said grasping for her hand but missing it.
Lorelai stood up and looked back down at Luke, "Luke, what's left to say?"
Luke stood up facing Lorelai. He reached for one of her arms and lightly grasped her wrist. His eyes met hers directly.
"Maybe nothing, Lorelai. Maybe it's too late. Maybe, I waited too long. But I have to try." Luke firmly replied.
"Okay." Lorelai said with a sigh. She had resigned herself to the fact that they were over. It was too late. However, she would let him say what he needed to say.
Lorelai looked at Luke in a way that said she was waiting for him to start talking.
"I suppose it's my turn." Luke said nervously.
"Well, you said you had to try. I'm here. I am willing to listen. If you have nothing to say I can go."
"No, don't go. I'm sorry. I am not good at this. I just need you to know I do forgive you. Everyone makes mistakes. Look at what a mess I made of us. It was unfair of me to be so unforgiving. I was so happy with you. You make me so happy, Lorelai. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. I thought it had, I reacted badly. When I saw you that day at Al's, I just knew I needed to talk to you again." Luke said quickly.
"We haven't really done much talking, Luke." Lorelai returned.
"I know, but we can now if you want. Whatever you want, Lorelai. All talking all the time, I would do that. I am in." Luke's voice came as close to pleading as Lorelai had ever heard it.
Lorelai wanted to believe him but something was holding her back. Would he be saying any of this if she hadn't said she was done? She knew deep down that she trusted Luke. She knew he was being sincere. But what about when all the dust settled, would he still feel the same. She couldn't be sure and a million doubts and insecurities were clouding her head.
"You said that to me once upon a time and it didn't really turn out to be the case. You can't just be in when you're too scared to be out." Lorelai sadly noted.
"Isn't that what you did?" Luke asked desperately trying to get her to see his side of things. "You never said you were in till that day… Till Doose's. I mean you have to see where I am coming from. It's not like that. "
"You are right it is what I did, and it cost me everything." Lorelai whispered.
Lorelai didn't know what she was doing. Luke was saying things to her that she had longed to hear since they first broke up. He was in, he wanted to talk, and she made him happy. But for some reason it wasn't enough. Something was missing. He was saying more than he had ever said before but she needed something else.
"I really need to go, Luke." Lorelai said her voice cracking. This was too much and too little all at once. She could feel herself in the beginning stages of a break down. She knew if she stood there one more minute she would start crying. She was about to start crying the kind of tears that didn't stop. Not light tears. Not the ones she could brush away with the back of her hands. She was a second away from crying until she couldn't breathe. The kind of crying you feel in your stomach. The kinds of tears that make you feel hung over, heady, and sick. She needed to get home. She knew she had precious seconds before the preverbal flood gates opened. She didn't want him to see her like that. Not now. Not over him… them… she couldn't show him she was completely broken. She wanted to maintain some sense of dignity. She knew one more minute looking in to his eyes and she'd be gone. She knew he was trying but his trying didn't make her need to leave any less strong.
Luke saw the look in her eyes. Heard the desperation in her breathing and didn't want to be the cause of the sound anymore. So he did what he thought was for the best. He let go of his grasp on her wrist. He let her go. The night air was thick and foggy and by the time Luke knew what was happening, Lorelai had disappeared into the mist.
Lorelai's stared intently at her digital clock its big red numbers said it was 1:34 in the morning. She squinted at the clock and she was almost positive the clock was some how mocking her. Still not asleep the stupid clock seemed to scream. She had left Luke outside of his diner two hours ago. Well to be specific it was 2 hours and 17 minutes ago. All she wanted was sleep. She wanted to dream about anything but him. She wanted to forget everything. She longed for it to be a new day. Her throat was dry. Her eyes were swollen. Her head was heavy. The tears had finally subsided.
Yet, she was no closer to sleep then she had been when her head first hit the pillow. The red light blinked once more and it was 1:35. It was official her alarm clock, and time in general, were mocking her. She hated them both.
Suddenly her attention was torn away from her clock. She was now focused on the sounds emanating from her open window. The rustling of the trees was being joined by a slightly louder crackling noise. Her heart began to beat more rapidly. It sounded like something was outside. She stayed still in her bed and waited for any indication that their might be something outside. When it seemed like the noise was a fluke she violently turned away from the alarm clock.
She dragged her comforter over her head and squeezed her eyes tightly shut. She made herself a mental promise to not let her eyes open again. She tried to think of the color black. She tried to think of sheep. She tried to think of anything but Luke.
Suddenly her eyes popped open; it was if she was anticipating something. As she regained her focus she began to hear a loud persistent noise from downstairs. It took her a second to realize that someone was knocking at her door.
She quickly got out of bed. She grabbed her robe off the back of her door and slipped it on. As Lorelai made her way down the stairs she wondered who it could be. She supposed it could be anyone at the door. It could be someone here in the middle of the night to tell her horrible news. Or some scary killer man… who knocks before he kills his victims. It could be anyone, but in her heart she knew exactly who it was. When she reached the door and opened it she found out that her heart was right. It was him.
"Luke." Lorelai uttered.
"I couldn't just let things end like this. I mean I know I didn't say everything I needed to say." Luke began as soon as Lorelai said his name.
"Luke it's almost 2 in the morning." Lorelai rubbed her eyes. She leaned against her doorway as Luke spoke.
"I know. This is completely inappropriate. I am not this guy. I just couldn't let the night end like this. I just couldn't let you walk away." Luke said seriously.
"Okay." Lorelai responded too exhausted to say much else.
"I mean damn it Lorelai. I have fought a lot harder for things that were worth much less."
Lorelai smiled involuntary. Her brain willed her to be skeptical. However, all Luke's presence at her home seemed to do was overwhelm her with a sense of possibility, and at the late hour she was too tired to fight it. Earlier, she had wished that just once he would be the one to come to her. Now here he was.
"You have?" Lorelai tentatively asked.
"Of course, I mean you are worth it. Anything... Everything... Whatever it takes. I always knew that. I did. I let my own crap , my own issues make me forget." Luke declared.
"I'm worth it." Lorelai echoed. It was close to what Lorelai wanted to hear but it still some how fell short.
"You are and this, us… we just can't be over. We just can't. You're it. I completely fucked up but that doesn't change the fact that you are perfect for me." Luke continued. He was working himself up. He was practically ranting. All he knew was he couldn't let her go.
"That's the thing Luke. I'm so far from perfect its not even funny. I am the one that screwed this up the first time. I completely screwed up not telling you about Chris. I know that. It's just I can't promise I won't mess up again. I mean I can try, I would try. I would try my best. But I know better than anyone the sometimes your best falls short. And when that happens, if that happens, I don't think I could take you leaving again. I couldn't take doing what we have been doing, again. I know I couldn't. It's too hard. It hurts too much. I just don't have it in me." Lorelai emphatically stated.
"I can't loose you again, either. I won't let it happen, Lorelai. I won't. I know you aren't perfect. No one is, but you are perfect for me. You are." Luke said with a certainty he didn't know he possessed.
"I want to believe you, Luke. I do. It would be easy to believe you. But…" Lorelai warily said.
"Then, do it." Luke cut her off.
"You should go." Lorelai said suddenly. She put her face in her hands. She was so damned tired.
"But…" Luke started ready for another rant. He was ready to do anything to make her understand.
"It's so late. This is so much. I have to work tomorrow. I need sleep. I just can't right now. I am not blowing you off… I just… Please understand." Lorelai willed. Her eyes pleaded with him.
"I do, and I will go." Luke returned looking at the exhausted woman in front of him." But this conversation is by no means over. I need you in my life and I will try…. I will never stop trying."
"Good night, Luke." Lorelai said softly.
Lorelai gave Luke another light kiss on the cheek. As they both pulled away, their eyes locked and instinctually, before either of them knew what was happening, their lips met. The kiss was immediately intense. They kissed hungrily, breathlessly. Luke's hands were in Lorelai's hair, there bodies were pressed together. Lorelai's hands were on Luke's chest grabbing his flannel shirt. Then suddenly Lorelai pushed on Luke's chest and took a big step back. She was now completely inside of her house.
"I can't… we can't… How does this keep happening? You are like a magnet." Lorelai breathlessly rambled.
"Sorry." Luke breathed. "Sorry. I will see you tomorrow." It wasn't a question. It was a statement.
"Okay." Lorelai said quietly. She watched Luke walk off her porch and through her front yard. She put one hand to her lips and concentrated on the burning sensation she felt there. Just when she thought she was out, he pulls her back in….
As Luke walked away from the Gilmore residence he bit his lip. He would fix this. He had to fix it. Nothing mattered but her. He needed to make this right. He needed to stop focusing on the past, and give himself a chance at being truly happy. He knew the only way that would ever happen is if she was in his life. Lorelai was his happiness personified.