A .Hack fanfiction by Renfro Calhoun
Disclaimer: Project .Hack and attached characters/concepts are property of Bandai and Cyber Connect. They are used without permission, but with the utmost respect.
Notes: Happens after the end of Quarantine, but before the epilogue. (Thoughts,) [text,] {email domains}. This chapter's kind of an experiment; I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with how they behave, but the dialogue just sort of flowed that way while I was writing. Even I was surprised at the angst-fluff content this time. It might seem a little out-of-character, and if so, I apologize. If not... well, I'm sorry for all the apologies; OOC behavior is my number one worry in fanfiction :)
This chapter written under the influence of: Elwood – Red Wagon
Chapter 10 – Steps-----------------------
He watched as the cultural city stretched and grew around him, modern-looking buildings standing tall against the skyline as they flanked the street on the opposite end of the bridge. Across the lake, block after block of urban sprawl stared back at him, reflected in the rippling water.
The teleport complete, Kite moved away from the Chaos Gate, just seconds ahead of the next party to gate in. Nearby, two players chatted, apparently haggling over some rare item.
(She didn't say what was going on,) thought the Twin Blade. (I wonder what she wants?)
In the few seconds he let himself mull over the possibilities, he spotted her near the grunty pen and broke into a steady jog towards her. As he neared, part of him wondered whether there was a reason at all.
The pink-haired Heavy Blade caught sight of his traditional red cap bouncing up and down amidst the crowd, and threw up an arm to wave him over.
Kite fell into a casual saunter as he joined her, walking over to the railing she was leaning back against. "Hey," he greeted with a smile.
She smiled back, if lightly so, and nodded. "Hey."
Her simple greeting and lackadaisical posture told him that the matter wasn't serious, though he wasn't ready to call it unimportant. "I got your message," he said. "What's up?"
BlackRose looked away from him, facing forward. "Not a lot... but..."
"But?"
From the corner of his eyes, he saw her shoulders and chest rise and fall, evidence of an inaudible sigh. "There's something I need to tell you."
(Uh-oh.) "What's that?"
He saw her head turn to face him. "I'm... thinking of going offline for a while."
That got his head to do the same. "Uh?" he grunted, looking at her through obviously confused eyes. "Is there something wrong?"
Her eyelids lowered, the orbs behind them looking away for a moment. "Sort of... it's everything that's going on. I just think I need some time away from it all. Time to think, you know?"
Kite wasn't convinced. "What happened?"
"I was talking with Kazu today, and we... we started talking about... it." She faced forward again. "What happened."
The boy felt compelled to remain silent, watching his companion through curious eyes as she continued. "I never told you how I got into 'The World', did I? I mean, how I found out that it was behind his coma?" She paused, but picked up before he could even attempt an answer. "I was the one who found him like that... at his computer."
"At first I thought he had just fallen asleep, but he wasn't moving... then I thought it was a prank, so I pulled his headset off, and..." she stopped to inhale, her breath sharp enough to be a gasp. "His face... he looked horrible... so afraid."
Kite felt his own throat tighten at her words, which he noticed were softer and shakier than usual.
"Even now, he's... he says he's over it, but when we talked about it today, he just started crying." She sniffed. "He was shaking the whole time, even when I held him... and then I..."
He heard another sniff, one that tore hard at the boy's heart. (She's been trying so hard to be strong for her brother,) he thought, gulping hard. (With what's going on now, it can't be easy on her...)
The swordswoman regained her composure, if only for a moment. "A-anyway, I just think I could use some time away from the ga..." she stopped, then corrected herself. "From 'The World.'"
Something dark settled in Kite's mind, tainting his thoughts. (It's because of what's happening to me... it's supposed to be a game.) He frowned. (It was supposed to be over now, and be fun again.)
The realization hit him square in the face. Whatever was happening to Stolls – and him – was clearly a serious matter, and possibly a dangerous one. Even he hadn't quite grasped what was going on, nor had he come to terms with the fact that it wasn't really over; how could he possibly expect others to?
(How can I... how can I ask for her help like this? When she might be put in danger just because they're watching me, now? When I don't even know what's going on?)
"I think I understand," he replied finally, guilt lacing his words.
Before he could continue, she interrupted. "There's more, though." She looked at him again. "A lot more."
He met her gaze. "What do you mean?"
BlackRose fell silent, inhaling deeply through her nose. "I don't want to leave. 'The World', the mystery..." she trailed off, waiting a few seconds before speaking again, in a very tiny voice. "And... you."
Kite's eyes went wide, and his pulse shot through the roof, almost positive he hadn't heard her right. He visually confirmed what she had said, staring as those two words hung in the air inside her dialogue bubble, and it only made his heart beat faster, nervous and anxious at once.
"It's not that easy for me to just log out and stay there. After everything you've done for me... knowing that something's going on here, I-I want to help you, Kite."
"I know," said Kite, "and you have. I never would have gotten that letter if not for you..."
She cut him off again. "Wait... let me finish," she pleaded, holding up a hand.
He nodded slowly, watching her intently, not even noticing that the two had since moved to their feet, away from the railing.
"I wouldn't have gotten anywhere without your help. And I feel... guilty, because I want to take time away from 'The World' when you might be in trouble." She took a step away from him, her hands clasped together. "But more than that... last night, when I was waiting, and found out that you were with Ryoko... I was angry."
Kite blinked. "Angry? But you didn't know..."
She shook her head. "I know. It wasn't anybody's fault, but a part of me still thought you had gone off without me on purpose." She sniffed once more. "It was wrong of me to think so, and I don't know why I did..."
The girl said nothing further, which prompted him to reply. "You don't have to feel bad. I... I kind of know what you mean." When she glanced back at him, he added, "When Lios showed me that you had mailed me, I was worried that it was something really important. I wanted to get ahold of you as fast as I could, to let you know that I wasn't ignoring you."
"You... were worried?"
Kite hung his head, feeling his throat constrict further. "I doubted you, too. I thought you might be really mad at me... and when I saw you were with Ryoko, the first thing I thought was... that dungeon."
It was BlackRose's turn to let her head sink. "Yeah... I've been thinking about that, too." A sad chuckle worked its way past her lips. "Heh. I can only imagine the look on your face."
He answered with a stilted laugh of his own. Kite matched her step, closing the distance between them. "But still... when I thought about it, I knew you had figured out something was wrong, and that you and Ryoko were working together to find out what."
She let her character's eyes stray from Kite for a moment, her mind roaming back to that dungeon, to the flash mail from the Twin Blade. She remembered how he had guessed her intentions, and the first thing he had done was apologize for his apparent unresponsiveness.
He started to smile. "You couldn't have been that mad at me if you still went to the dungeon, right?"
Though she didn't smile back, her head lifted and her expression visibly lightened. "Ryoko told me you were having problems. I knew that something was wrong, and that you wouldn't have ignored me just like that."
His lips pushed upwards even more. "And I knew you wouldn't just assume the worst. You did, at first... but that wasn't how you acted."
"Yeah... I guess you're right..."
"Everyone has doubts sometimes," he reassured her. For emphasis, he pointed over to the Chaos Gate, over on the bridge. "Remember?"
Images of a forlorn and defeated-looking Twin Blade filled her mind's eye, the boy's laments about whether they were doing the right thing in her ears. "I do," she mumbled. "You were just standing there... you looked miserable..."
"Yeah. I thought we really were doing the wrong thing." He closed his eyes, shook his head from side to side. "And I was ready to just give up, until you shouted at me."
Another chuckle. "You seemed like you needed a good kick in the butt."
He felt a little lighter at the joking tone in her voice. "You're right, I did. I still can't believe that whole time," he looked back at her, "we were trying to do the same thing."
BlackRose gave a genuine smile. "Of all the newbies in 'The World', I ran into the one who was here for the same reason I was."
"Yeah... it's funny how that worked out, isn't it?"
"Hmm," she answered, nodding her head slightly, her pink bangs bouncing over her eyes.
Another quiet moment passed between them, mild embarrassment forcing them to look away from each other, and both wound up staring in the same direction, out across the lake at the miles of city beyond it.
After a full minute of silence, the thorny Heavy Blade spoke again. "So what does this mean?"
"What does what mean?"
"Everything."
Kite thought about the question carefully; offline, Hiroshi took his hands off the controller and wrung them thoroughly. "It means," he began, "that it's okay."
He heard her swallow. "It's okay?"
"Yeah." After a beat, he repeated himself. "Yeah, it's all okay. We both had our moments, but... when I needed you, you were there." He felt his ears start to burn, but shrugged it off long enough to continue. "And your brother, too."
"When you... needed me," she said, her voice trembling. She fidgeted briefly, shifting her weight from one leg to the other.
"That's what matters most, right?" he asked, his voice gentle and honest. "Not what you think, but what you do?"
In a less serious moment, BlackRose might have been tempted to argue that point. Now, she took visible solace in his words, words she felt held more than an ounce of truth.
She closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and turned to face him. "Then I think I should go..."
Kite felt a flicker of fear in his gut, but quickly put it out as he waited for her to finish.
"...but I'm not going to."
With superhuman effort, the boy resisted the urge to grin, cheer, or make any other sudden, obvious reactions of joy, not yet willing to break the serenity of the moment. The best he allowed was a simple "Thanks."
She smiled once again. "You too." Her smile grew somewhat playful, and she added, "You didn't really think you were getting rid of me that easily, did you?"
Kite answered her with the grin he was hiding, and then said, "Not for a second," which was followed with a smiling emote.
Seeing the smiley hanging in mid-air forced a giggle out of BlackRose. "Well, I was going to go out for a walk today, but since I'm not going anywhere..."
Her lead was not in vain; an echoing chime sounded, and a flash mail appeared before her eyes.
[From: KiteParty Invite – Where to?]
Stepping in closer to the Twin Blade, she answered, "Anywhere."
Kite laughed softly at her ambiguity, and spun on his heels towards the Chaos Gate. "Anywhere it is," he said as he started, the Heavy Blade moving up to walk beside him.
As they left the pen and rounded the corner, her hand sought his, and he was more than happy to accept it.
- End of Chapter 10