All That's Left….
Authors Note: Chapter 5, well this chapter was a long time coming. Hope you enjoy. Reviews are always welcome and appreciated. Oh and if anyone gets the English Muffin Reference in this chapter you are my new best friend simple as that, ha ha.
Premise: Luke and Lorelai unexpectedly cross paths after 4 months apart and all kinds of chaos ensues.
Chapter 5 "Pressing On":
"Hey Lorelai, It's uh Luke. We didn't really finish things last night. I just wanted to talk. I mean not now, not on your machine or anything. I mean in person. I was wondering if I could see you soon, hopefully tonight. So call me back, if that's okay with you. Or even if it's not, call me back and let me know that too... Man, I suck at leaving messages. Please don't let the idiotic tone of this message effect your decision to call me back in anyway. Yeah okay, Bye."
Lorelai had just gotten home from the Dragon Fly and was already listening to Luke's message for the second time. Lorelai smiled and inwardly agreed that Luke really was horrible at leaving messages. She liked it though. She always had. Her mind began to wander to the rambling messages he had left the summer before, right after they first kissed. If she wasn't already one hundred percent certain about them together those messages sealed the deal. She just knew that if any other guy had left her message after message rambling and stumbling her reaction would have been different. She would have thought any other guy was too eager, kind of weird, and slightly creepy. But with Luke it was adorable and endearing and it just made her heart swell more for the man. So, with the ninety nine thousands nine hundred and ninety nine positive things Luke had going for him, those messages were the millionth and final thing telling her he was special and she should go for it.
His voice, his messages, still made her heart swell. However, now there was a tinge of something painful mixed in with the warm fuzzy feelings. Things were so different now. She was beginning to hate that it always came back to the fact that things had changed.
She contemplated calling him back. She still didn't know what to say. She had been trying to figure out what to do about him all day. She was at such a loss that she actually decided to seek out some advice. She had talked to Sookie at the Inn. She had called Rory on her way home. She was in desperate need of some outside perspective on this whole Luke thing.
They both had said basically the same thing. Give Luke another chance. Now they didn't come right out and say that. They had both tried to stay very neutral. But, Lorelai knew them both too well. Rory and Sookie had both gone on and on about all the good qualities that Luke possessed. It was pretty clear to Lorelai where they stood on the subject.
"Everyone makes mistakes, but you know deep down Luke is such a good guy. I mean everything he has done for you over the years. Hell, what he has done for me…" Rory had said.
"Everyone has rough patches. You screwed up, he screwed up. If he is giving you an opportunity to start fresh well….." Sookie had trailed off.
"If you can't do this Mom, then this is really the end. The end of you two forever, is that what you want?" Rory had sadly asked.
"I guess you need to ask yourself, can you really picture yourself being with anyone else?" Sookie wondered.
Both of the conversations had ended in the same way.
"In the end this is really something you need to decide for yourself."
She knew they were both right. This was her decision. But so much was at stake, her heart, her sanity… and well those two things were big enough.
The inside of her head was like a miniature game of ping pong. Her thoughts were back and forth, back and forth.
He's a good man. Bounce. He broke your heart. Bounce. You broke his too. Bounce. It might happen again. Bounce. You can't live without him. Bounce. These last few months have been hell. Bounce. The months without him completely were worse. Bounce. It's a matter of having respect for yourself, of how much you are willing to take. Bounce. You're still in love with him. Bounce. He has never said he loves you. Bounce. But you have a pretty good idea he does. Bounce.
From side to side, the tiny ball jumped in her head. It freaked her out that the anti Luke voice in her head sounded suspiciously like Emily. With that last terrifying thought she shook her head in an attempt to clear it.
She couldn't take it anymore. If she didn't know what to do now, she never would. Sometimes you just have to dive right in. So, she picked up the phone and quickly dialed a number. Maybe, hearing his voice would make something clearer.
"Luke's," Luke answered on the other end of the line.
Lorelai stayed silent. Temporarily losing the ability to speak.
"Hello." Luke said slightly agitated, "Anyone there?"
"Uhh, hi. It's um Lorelai..." Lorelai barely got the words out. She mentally slapped herself for being so nervous. So much for the idea of knowing what to say when she heard him.
"Oh hi, "Luke softly replied. His tone completely changed when he realized who was on the other line.
"So I got your message." Lorelai started.
"You did."
"Um yeah and if you still want to, um talk. I'd be willing to…" Lorelai trailed off.
"Whatever you want, whenever you want." Luke said swiftly.
"My house, ten minutes." Lorelai said quickly. She was not going to give herself time to talk herself out of talking.
"I will be there."
"Okay, Luke this doesn't necessarily mean… I just promised you we'd finish talking, and well a promise is a promise." Lorelai added, giving herself a different kind of out.
"I understand completely. Oh and Lorelai…" Luke began.
"Yes, Luke." Lorelai nervously responded.
"Thank you." And with that Luke hung up the phone.
Lorelai was left a little stunned on the other end of the line. Had she really just called Luke and told him to come over in 10 minutes? And what exactly was he thanking her for? And what the hell was she going to say to him? What was she going to do? Ahhhhhh!
Lorelai quickly realized ten minutes was not a very long amount of time.
"I don't have time for anything." She screamed to no one in the middle of her living room.
She wanted to shower. She wanted to change. She wanted to clean up her messy house. She wanted to down a bottle of Bacardi. She wanted to drink a whole gallon of coffee.
Lorelai realized she really only had enough time to do one at most of the things on her mental list before Luke came over.
"Ten minutes what the hell was I thinking. That's not even enough time to have an English Muffin." Lorelai would have laughed at her reference if she wasn't in such a panicked state.
"Now, it's really more like seven minutes. Luke will be here in seven minutes. Seven minutes. Shit." Lorelai declared as she paced the length of her living room.
She looked at her messy coffee table and began to haphazardly straighten up. Seven minutes flew by, and she had just finished bringing a second round of to go containers to the trash when she heard a knock at her door. She momentarily froze. She couldn't move. She had never been scared of the sound of a knock until this very moment.
She took a deep breath and willed herself to move. She was a little surprised that her body actually listened to her. She made her way to the door and opened it. For the second time in a twenty four hour period Luke was on the other side of the threshold.
"Hi." Lorelai breathed.
"Hi." Luke returned. He looked as nervous as she felt. Some how the fact that she could tell he was nervous didn't alleviate her nerves, it just multiplied them.
They stared at each other for an undeterminable about of time before Lorelai spoke again.
"Oh I'm sorry. Come in." Lorelai said with a nervous laugh.
"Um, thanks." Luke said as they made their way inside.
"Do you want something to drink? Water or something?" Lorelai asked.
"No, I am good." Luke replied.
"Want to sit? Or is this a standing thing? You know someone once told me that some conversations lend themselves to sitting down while others to standing up. Then again I guess sitting down denotes a serious conversation. Like people always say, 'sit down' and then proceed to give you the worst news of your life. It's always like 'let's sit down' followed by, I'm sorry but I kicked your dog, war has broken out, and I lost your tiny little baby…." Lorelai began to ramble.
"Lorelai we can sit or stand whatever you want. It doesn't matter to me." Luke finally interrupted.
"Okay, I say we sit down." Lorelai said quickly.
"Okay."
Luke and Lorelai both sat down on opposite sides of her couch.
"Maybe you sit all the way on that end and I sit way over here." Lorelai said as she scooted to the far end of the couch. "Our lips seem to have a mind of their own when they are too close to each other."
Lorelai's cheeks began to flush as she thought of the kiss her and Luke had shared last night. It was so intense. Things with Luke seemed to be perpetually intense these days.
"Whatever you want, Lorelai," Luke reiterated.
Luke noticed the blush in Lorelai's cheeks at the mention of their kiss. She was right about one thing their lips certainly did have a mind of their own. Luke didn't know how he could be expected to be that close to something as amazing as Lorelai's lips and not do something about it. It was one thing before they got together, but now he knew exactly what he was missing. He forced his mind back to the present. It was probably a good thing that they were sitting so far apart. If he ever wanted to kiss her again he needed to talk to her and try and fix things. He needed to focus at the situation in front of him, and not on the incredibleness of Lorelai's lips.
"Did I just jinx this whole thing? I mean with the whole sitting down equals bad thing." Lorelai turned her head quickly to look at Luke as she spoke.
Luke just gave Lorelai his patented I have no idea what to say to that look It was a look that he had been giving Lorelai for years.
"This is weird. Isn't it?" Lorelai asked. "I mean like an appointment to talk. I mean shouldn't this have happened naturally or something. Admit it, its kind of weird. It's like you have to talk right now! Like a weird pressure."
"Yeah it is a little weird." Luke agreed.
"So maybe we don't do it." Lorelai said absently.
"You don't want to talk anymore." Luke asked suddenly terrified Lorelai had just ended everything in a very odd manner. They had kissed last night. She had called him back. He had some hope about things. But she was really freaking him out.
"I'm just saying maybe this isn't the way to do this." Lorelai rephrased.
"Then what is the way to do this?" Luke warily asked.
"I don't know." Lorelai admitted.
"Oh okay." Luke said. Wasn't he supposed to come over here and talk to her? This whole thing seemed to be spinning rapidly out of his control.
"I mean I guess I called you over here but I still really don't know what to say to you." Lorelai confessed. "So much has happened, is happening. It's a lot too take in."
"You need more time to process?" Luke asked the words sounding eerily familiar.
"I guess you could say that." Lorelai replied. "I don't know, Luke. One minute I think things could be so simple if I would just let them be."
Luke smiled at that.
"But, then I remember everything that's happened and I realize nothing is simple."
And then Luke's face fell.
"Well, what if I talk and you just listen. Then if you still don't know we can come up with something else." Luke asked hesitantly.
The last thing Luke wanted to do was push Lorelai. On the other hand, he knew Lorelai and he was afraid if they didn't talk right now they never would.
"I guess that would be okay." Lorelai conceded. She saw the pleading look in his eyes and realized that was why they were here in the first place. She didn't need to decide anything right that second. She had called him so he could talk, so she should let him.
"Okay." Luke said triumphantly. He was trying to gather up the courage to tell her that he was in love with her. He knew it was the one thing he never got to say the night before. He knew it was the most honest thing about him and he had never told her. He didn't know why it was such a scary thing to say out loud but he knew if he ever wanted another chance with her he needed to tell her.
He made the mistake of looking directly into Lorelai's eyes before he began his confession. She looked absolutely terrified. Suddenly he became worried that if he told her he loved her she would bolt, like a horse that got spooked. Not that Lorelai was a horse but still he needed to make sure she stuck around and heard him out.
He talked himself out of an 'I love you' and ended up saying, "I don't want to lose you."
To be continued….