A/N: Chapter two--not quite what I was going for, but I think it works. It's a little on the melodramatic side and for that I apologize. Tell me if you think this is too unrealistic or whatever. This is virgin territory for me.

As for questions, this is an entirely different storyline than my other two big fics. Think of this like the second storyline in Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow. Also, I should warn you now before you get too involved in this fic that you'll probably think I've lost my mind at points and you may even be appalled at the choices Joan and Adam make and at the things that happen to them. But rest assured, I am a shipper. That's it for now. Enjoy. Alexandri

Quiet reigned in the clearing. Stately trees circled it. The early evening sun slanted its cooling light across everything. Adam and Joan sat in the bed of his truck in sun-dappled shade, watching squirrels and birds frolic in the waning light. It was the first time since school ended that they had been able to just sit and be together. Joan had had the brilliant idea to go on a cross-country road trip that summer. She said it was divine inspiration. Whatever it was, they—plus Grace and Luke—had just gotten back to Arcadia two days ago and now Adam was set to leave for New York tomorrow.

"I wish this moment could last forever," Joan whispered.

"I know what you mean."

She scooted closer to him and laid her head on his shoulder. Adam smiled; he loved the way Joan always tried to get as close to him as she could. Any minute now, she'd draped her legs over his. Soon she'd be sitting in his lap, cuddled against his chest. He'd hold her and file away the feel of her in his arms; her warm, autumn scent; the way her breath and lips fluttered against the side of his neck; the caress of her silken hair sliding over his hands and arms. All too soon, it would be time to get in the truck and rejoin the world, say his goodbyes, and begin the process of missing Joan although she was just a few streets away.

Running his hand along her arm, he brushed his cheek over her hair and decided to savor the present. Tomorrow would arrive soon enough.

"What time do you leave?"

"Five."

"In the morning?" she exclaimed.

"Yeah," he answered. He restrained a grin as he thought of Joan's trip-long resistance to getting up before nine o'clock. An early bird she was not. "If we make good time, we should be able to get there by nine, nine-thirty."

"I wish you didn't have to go at all," she sighed wistfully. As soon as she said the words, her head popped up and she stared at him, horrified. "I'm so sorry."

"Jane, it's okay."

But she wasn't listening. Shaking her head vehemently, she said, "I shouldn't have said that. It's hard enough as it is. I shouldn't have said that."

Adam took her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. "Jane, it's okay. You think I didn't already know how you feel?" He paused and smiled, hoping to ease the guilt he saw lingering in her eyes. "I feel that way, too. I don't want to leave you anymore than you want me to."

Joan looked only slightly mollified so he kissed her, hoping it would at least take her mind off of tomorrow. She leaned into his kiss, one hand resting on his chest, before abruptly pulling back. She scooted away from him and stared off in the opposite direction. He knew instantly that she was crying and that she was trying to hide it from him.

He turned toward her and gathered her in his arms, her back touching his chest and his legs on either side of hers. He gave her a tight, brief hug and kissed her ear. "Jane."

She sniffed and cried harder. "I'm sorry, Adam. I tried not to do this. It just makes everything worse, but I can't help it." Combing her fingertips through the hair on his arms, Joan leaned into him, unconsciously seeking comfort. "I miss you. You're not even gone yet and I already miss you."

"It won't be that bad, Jane," he said a little too brightly. This was tearing him apart as much as her. "We'll talk and visit each other. And there's always email."

"I know, but it's not the same." Joan looked up at him, a bittersweet smile on her lips as she wiped away her tears. "It's not this. It's not you holding me and being there to share the everyday things. It's not kissing you."

"Yeah."

Adam didn't know how long they sat, silent, attempting to absorb a little of each other's essence to carry them through until the next time they were together.

Finally, Joan broke the silence. "What time is it?"

He glanced at his watch. "Seven-fifteen."

"How much time do we have?"

"Until dark. Another hour maybe."

Grabbing the side of the truck, Joan pulled herself up and offered him a hand. When he was standing too, she said, "Well, we've wasted enough time being sad. So let's not do that anymore. Let's enjoy the next hour."

"What do you have in mind?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and brushed her lips over his. "That for starters."

"Nice." He slipped his arms around her waist as she giggled.

"And maybe a little of this," she murmured as she rose on tiptoe and planted her mouth firmly on his. Pressing against him, she traced his bottom lip with her tongue before sucking it into her mouth. Groaning, Adam tightened his hold on her and curled a hand around the back of her neck. Joan nipped his lip before darting her tongue in his mouth to stroke his tongue. He rewarded her by sitting her on top of the cab. She wound her legs so firmly around his waist that his rapidly growing arousal pushed against her center.

Adam pulled back, his breathing ragged, and blinked to clear his vision. He found Joan staring back at him with passion-fogged eyes. He tried to pull back a little more, but she wouldn't loosen her hold on him. "Jane?" he asked, unsure of what this meant.

A tiny smile curved her lips as she tugged him back to her. She claimed his lips in a kiss that was just as hot and eager as the last one but not as frenzied. She took her time with the kiss, thoroughly exploring his mouth, demanding that he respond in kind. Then her hips pushed against his and all attempts at rational thought ceased. He grabbed her to him, kissing her with all of the desire he usually kept restrained. He devoured her, making Joan whimper as he lowered her on the cab's hood.

Her fingers dug into his shoulders as he trailed kisses along her jaw and down her neck. She arched into his touch as he skimmed his hand up her bare thigh, over her khaki-clad hip and under her camisole to caress her satiny stomach. Gasping, Joan shivered while Adam licked and nibbled his way across her collarbone. Her hands fisted in his hair when he kissed the top of each breast, his fingers grazing their undersides. Adam was poised to suck her hardened, shirt-covered nipple into his mouth when he realized what he was doing. He was mindlessly ravishing his girlfriend on the roof of his truck. With an almost superhuman effort, Adam pried Joan's legs from around his waist and sat on one of the humps at the opposite end of the bed.

"Adam?"

His entire body clenched at the sound of her husky voice. He swallowed back his desire. "We can't, Jane."

"Why not?"

"To begin with, I'm not going to take you on the top of my truck."

"It doesn't have to be on top of the truck."

He shook his head. "That's not the point. We're waiting . . ."

"We've waited."

"For a reason," he continued as if she hadn't interrupted. "It's supposed to be special."

"As long as it's with you, it'll be special."

Hearing her say that made pleasure burst in his heart, but he said, "So a dark, slimy back alley would be all right with you as long as it was with me?"

"Okay, you're right. I would not be happy with that. But, Adam, look at where we are. It's beautiful here."

Adam swept his eyes around the clearing, knowing she was right. Then he looked at her and wished he hadn't. Joan's hair was completely tousled. Her already plump lips were swollen and red. Her shirt had bunched up, exposing her navel. But it was the look in her eyes that made the sight of her the sexiest thing he'd ever seen. She looked as if she'd like nothing better than to straddle his lap and finish what she'd started. He closed his eyes and buried his face in his hands. How was he supposed to be rational and responsible when she looked like that?

"Adam?"

He heard her start toward him and he raised his hand to stop her. "Stay over there. I'm okay." He could almost see her trying not to laugh, but he knew he was right. This wasn't something they should do on a whim. They had to be sure this was the right time. "I want you, Jane."

"Then what's the problem?"

"We're both kind of emotional, what with me leaving tomorrow. Our first time should be more than a reaction to that."

"Is that what you think this is?" She gave a little laugh as if his misconception was particularly amusing. "Believe me, that's not what this is."

"None of that matters, Jane."

"Why not?" she asked, clearly exasperated.

He sighed and stared at his hands. "Because I don't have any protection," he admitted.

He thought that was the end of the discussion and was thankful for it. Seeing her so disheveled was hard enough. How much harder would it be to resist her if he had something? He was certain she hadn't thought this through. The last thing he wanted was for her to resent him because they rashly decided to have sex.

Joan cleared her throat. Adam looked up to find her staring sheepishly at her bare toes, a foil-wrapped condom held between her fingers. His mind went blank.

When he didn't say anything, she glanced at him through her lashes. "I took it from Kevin's medicine cabinet when no one was home," she explained.

"Why?" he asked when he found his voice. It was the only coherent thing he could think of.

"Because I spent the whole summer holding back when all I really wanted was to go forward."

Adam ran his fingers through his hair. What was he supposed to do now?

"I know what you're thinking," she said. "You're thinking that this is just my hormones talking, and maybe you're right. But they've been saying the same thing for months now."

"So you were planning to have sex with me tonight?" he asked, confusion apparent in his eyes as he looked at her.

She shook her head and smiled. "No. I wanted to be prepared, just in case something happened. Like you said, we're both pretty emotional, this being goodbye and all."

"I'm just going to school, Jane. I'm not going to war or out of the country."

"But you're still leaving me," she said so earnestly that his heart skipped a beat. "This is still goodbye and I don't want the constant worry of going too far hanging over our heads. I want to kiss you and touch you and, if that leads to sex, I want to able to hold you inside of me until I have to let you go."

He gasped, not knowing what to say to that. Gradually getting to his feet, Adam crossed the truck bed until he stood before her. Her eyes shone in the slowly dying light. There was fear in them as if she was afraid of what he now thought of her. But she didn't back down. He stared down at the condom before taking it in his hands. Just holding it made his senses quicken. "Are you sure this is what you want?" he asked.

She nodded. "I want you. I want to be yours."

"You don't have to do . . ."

"Completely," she interrupted. "I want to be yours completely."

"Okay." He slipped the condom in his pocket and fiddled with his hands. A part of him couldn't believe they were about to do this. "I'm a little nervous," he admitted.

"Me too."

Tentatively, Adam cupped her face in his hands and drew her to him. He brushed his lips over hers then pulled back.

Joan slid her arms around his waist and smiled at him. "I'm not changing my mind unless you want me to."

"I just . . ." He chuckled.

"I know."

Adam took a deep breath and exhaled. Then he kissed her. It was barely more than a lingering caress of lips, warm and deliberate. Joan sighed and arched into him, silently urging him to deepen the kiss. "Shh," he whispered, his breath gliding over her lips. "Slowly. Let's take our time."

She shook her head. "It's getting late."

"They can wait," he insisted as his hands slid down her neck and back, pulling her even closer. "They'll understand."

"That's what I'm afraid of."

He smiled and kissed the corner of her mouth, making her gasp. "If we're going to do this, Jane, we're not going to rush. Okay?"

She swallowed. "Okay."

"Okay." Backing her up against the cab, Adam thrust his hand into the heavy silk of her hair and claimed Joan's mouth once more. It was a thorough, methodical kiss building in intensity until he felt her trembling. Joan tunneled her hands under his shirt and dug her fingers into the small of his back. He pulled back and gazed down at her. "Are you all right?"

Joan nodded. "Yeah. I just . . . we have to get this shirt off." She pushed his shirt up and began to tug it over his head.

"Easy, Jane." He stepped back and pulled the shirt off himself. She ran her hand down his chest and moved closer. "You're so beautiful," she murmured as she kissed the wildly fluttering pulse at the base of his throat. His breathing accelerated as she made her way down his chest. She sucked his nipple into her mouth and raked her nails down his abs, eliciting a moan from him.

Gasping her name, he pulled her up and kissed her again. Joan returned his kiss eagerly, her love, need, and desire enveloping him. But, as her fingers curled over the waistband of his jeans and fumbled with the button, Adam felt her underlying fear and desperation clawing at him, pulling him out of his passion-induced daze. "Jane, no," he breathed as he tore his mouth from hers.

Joan stared up at him, too confused in her aroused state to understand what was happening. "What?"

Adam gently moved her hands from his waistband and stepped back, putting much-needed distance between them. He picked up his shirt and put it back on. "We can't, Jane."

"But," she swallowed and shook her head. "We agreed."

"I know. I'm sorry." He raised his hands in supplication, silently begging her to somehow understand what he couldn't yet put into words. "But we can't."

She wound her arms around herself and nodded rapidly. She wouldn't look at him. "I see."

"Jane," he said, reaching out to her.

Joan shrank back. "It's okay, Adam." She tried to smile, but failed. "I get it. I do. We should probably get going," she said as she started to climb over the side of the truck.

Wrapping his arms around her from behind, Adam pulled her tight against him. Surprised by his own boldness, he pressed his hips into her back, making sure she felt his arousal. "I didn't stop for lack of wanting you, Jane. I want you so much."

"Then why?" she whispered.

"Because I don't want you like this. Not like this, in the back of my truck with both of us hurting and sad and afraid." He held her closer still, trying to surround her with his body. "When it happens for us, it should be natural, not forced. This is us forcing it."

Sighing, Joan leaned into his embrace. "I know."

"We'll know when the time is right."

Joan turned her head toward him and he kissed her temple. "I can't seem to do anything right tonight," she said with a mirthless chuckle.

"Shh," he soothed. "You're perfect."

"Hardly."

Adam didn't answer, just stood with his chin resting on her shoulder and watched the sun set. Finally, he said, "We should go."

"Okay."

They clambered down from the bed and got in the cab. The drive back to her house was quiet, heavy. Joan stared listlessly out of her window clutching his hand in hers as if afraid he'd disappear. He twined their fingers together and tried to infuse her with some of his optimism. He almost laughed at the absurdity of the situation. It was usually Joan who looked at the bright side and tried to lift his spirits.

He pulled to a stop in front of her house and shut off the ignition before turning toward her. Slowly, almost lazily, she faced him. She stroked her hand over his cheek and he reached for her. She came to him easily and kissed him, soft and sweet but controlled. When the kiss ended, he watched her, unsure of what she'd do or say next.

Joan worried her lips with her teeth. "Promise you won't forget me."

"Jane," he exclaimed, his mouth falling open in surprise.

"Promise," she insisted.

"I could never forget you."

She nodded, satisfied. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Jane."

"I'm sorry I wasn't better . . ."

"Don't apologize," he admonished, resting his forehead against hers.

"I didn't mean to be all over the place." She laughed. "I had a plan."

"You did?"

"I was going to be serene and strong and I wasn't going to cry until you were gone. Instead, I break down in your arms and tried to have sex with you because I wanted to hold you as tight and as close as I could." She laughed again and, this time, there was something akin to humor in it. "So much for my plan, huh?"

Adam felt his own tears spill down his cheeks. "It's not too late for me to change my mind."

"Yes, it is." Joan leaned forward and kissed his tears away. "Both of us can't be in tears. One of us has to be strong. I vote that person be you."

He laughed and pulled her into his arms. She straddled his lap and buried her face in the side of his neck. Adam rubbed her back and wondered where he was going to find the strength to leave her. "Your parents are probably wondering where we are."

"They can wait," was her muffled reply.

"Come on, Jane." She shook her head and held him tighter. He indulged her. He felt the same.

Eventually she lifted her head and ran her hands through her hair. With a watery smile, she said, "Enough of the melodrama. I'm ready."

They got out of the cab and went inside, hand in hand. Adam said his goodbyes and accepted the Girardis' well wishes. He wished Luke good luck at MIT and soon found himself standing on the porch, Joan at his side. She hugged him and kissed his cheek. "Call me when you get settled," she said.

"I will."

"Call me every day after that."

"Okay."

"And don't forget to write."

"I won't."

"Remember to send messenger pigeons."

He laughed and leaned back to gaze at her. "Promise you'll remember me."

"Always." She brushed a quick kiss on his mouth. "Goodbye, Adam."

He took her mouth in a deeper kiss. "Goodbye, Jane." Then he turned, marched down the walk, and got in his truck. After one final wave, he drove off, feeling like he'd left his heart on Joan's front porch.