Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I've decided to change the rating to R after all. Thanks for reading, everyone ^_^

To Love You More

Chapter Three

"Where are you now?

I'm trying to get by with never knowing at all

What is the chance of finding you out there?

Or do I have to wait forever?"

-"Where Are You Now?" ~Michelle Branch

The next morning, Squall was dressed and ready to join the search team. Insomnia had been his closest companion throughout the night. Only one thought was on his mind; finding Rinoa. The best chance he had to do so was with the search team. If only they didn't have to be so damn slow in picking him up. The sooner they came, the sooner he could be reunited with Rinoa. He couldn't wait to wrap his arms around her and tell her how much he loved her. Never again would he let her out of his sight.

Of course, somewhere in the back of his mind was the possibility that she wouldn't be coming back. He simply refused to believe it, because if he allowed himself to think about that possibility, he would shut down completely. Squall Leonhart was not a man of faith, but for this, he had to be. She had shown him as much.

Finally, Squall heard the roar of an airship and looked up to see the search team approaching. This was it...no turning back.

"Squall!" He turned around to see Quistis running towards him. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

Squall stared at her pointedly. "What does it look like? I'm going with the search team."

Quistis sighed. "I'm not even going to get into all of the reasons why this is a bad idea. I know by now that you are not going to listen to anything I have to say. However, couldn't you at least have informed me that you were leaving?"

Truth be told, it hadn't even occurred to Squall to tell anybody. He had far too much on his mind to worry about Garden. "Now you know," he said simply.

Quistis held her hands up in frustration. "So you were just going to leave Garden without a thought for anyone else?! You have a responsibility to Garden, Squall! How could you just walk away without a word to anyone?"

Squall's eyes flashed in anger. "Excuse me for being a little preoccupied right now. I have bigger things to worry about than Garden's welfare."

Quistis looked as if she had been slapped in the face. "You are the commander, God damn it! Whether you like it or not, Balamb Garden's welfare is your responsibility. If you can't accept that, then maybe you shouldn't be commander."

Squall laughed bitterly. "You're right, Quistis, I'm a horrible commander. You seem to have the qualifications, though. You think that you can do a better job? By all means, go right ahead. I'm appointing you the new commander of Balamb Garden. Have fun." That said, Squall turned around and walked to the aircraft, not looking back once.

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Quistis stared out her window, watching the clouds gathering in the sky. It was apparent that a storm was brewing. Quistis momentarily said a prayer for Squall and the search team. She hoped that the storm wouldn't hinder their search, and that Squall would find the answers he was looking for.

Are you up there, Rinoa? Quistis silently questioned. Please, let Squall receive some closure. He won't stop believing in you. He needs to let you go, Rinoa. I don't know, maybe you're watching him, too. I can see the pain in his eyes. Deep down, I think he knows the truth, but he just can't accept it. Maybe you can help him. I just...can't stand seeing him like this.

Sighing, she turned from the window and walked over to her desk. She wanted to comfort Squall; make his pain go away. However, she had reached a dead end. Talking to him only seemed to make things worse. How on Earth could she get through to him? Deciding that she needed someone to talk to, she picked up the phone and dialed Irvine's number.

"Hello?"

"Irvine? It's Quistis. I really need someone to talk to. I hope you're not busy...."

"No, no, it's fine. How are things holding up over there?"

Quistis sighed. "Not so good. I'm worried about Squall. He went out with the search team a little while ago."

"Yeah, he told me he was gonna go. Nothing I said could change his mind."

"Really? He told you he was going? He neglected to tell me anything. Irvine, he was just going to walk out of here without telling a soul. He blew up in my face when I confronted him about it. He even went so far as to say that he was appointing me as the new commander!"

Irvine whistled. "Was he serious? About you being commander, I mean?"

"I don't know! God, Irvine, I don't know what to do. He is so angry and cold right now. He used to be bad before, but he was never like this. I'm afraid that he's going to hurt himself. I don't know how I can help him!"

"It's really that bad? You know I'm no Squall expert, but he's a strong guy. He's bound to get over this eventually."

"You don't understand, Irvine. Squall has gotten over things before, but I don't think he will ever be able to get over this. He loved Rinoa, more than he had ever loved anyone else. He can't just give that up. It took him twelve years to get over Ellone leaving. Rinoa taught him how to live again, and now she's gone. He is just so set on refusing to believe it."

"Quistis, do you think there is even the slightest possibility that Rinoa is alive? Squall just believes it so wholeheartedly."

"Squall believes Rinoa is alive because he won't allow himself to believe anything else. You know as well as I do that no one could have survived that crash."

"She wasn't just anyone, though. You're forgetting that she was a sorceress."

"You know that her powers weren't very strong. Sorceress or not, she did not survive that crash. I need to focus on how to help Squall."

"You love him, don't you? You've loved him all along."

Quistis inhaled sharply. "W-what?"

"Come on, Quistis. You love Squall, and it's killing you to see him like this."

"How did you know?" she whispered. "Was I that transparent?"

"Only to me. Because I'm going through the same thing with Selphie. She's shutting herself down from me."

"I'm sorry, Irvine. Here I am, rambling about my problems when you have more than enough on your hands."

"Don't worry about it. You know Selphie; she can't stay down for long. She just needs a little time."

"Well, give her my regards. I'll let you go now. Thanks for listening, Irvine."

"You're welcome. Take care of yourself. Bye."

"Bye."

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"Mr. Leonhart, if you don't mind me asking, why did you decided to join us in our search?"

Squall glared at the boy. "I'll do anything it takes to find my girlfriend." Girlfriend? It sounded so insignificant, hardly worthy of what Rinoa was to him.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize that one of the victims was your girlfriend. Are you sure you want to be here? Things can get pretty gruesome."

Squall grinded his teeth. "Yes. Don't you need to be somewhere?"

"Nah," he shrugged. "It's my break."

"Yeah, well, I do. Excuse me." Squall walked away from the group and sat down in a small area, away from every else. Why was he here? He thought that he could handle the situation, but now....

He watched as the team excavated the site bit by bit. Was Rinoa's body somewhere among the rubble? He couldn't bear the thought that she had gotten caught in the explosion. He needed to see her so badly; to feel her arms around him. She just had to be alive.

Who knows how much time passed as he sat there, watching the search team. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he should be with them, searching until he collapsed. However, he just didn't have the strength to do so. Squall Leonhart had been through a lot in his lifetime, but he just couldn't do this. He refused to search for a body that didn't exist. Right now, he just had to be there, to see things for himself.

"Sir!" a voice rang out. "We found something!"

Squall's head shot up upon hearing the declaration, and he trained his eyes on the speaker.

"What is it?" the captain asked.

"Here." The boy handed something to the captain.

The captain frowned and then walked over to Squall. "Son, does this look familiar to you?"

Squall slowly took what the captain was holding. A silver chain...two rings...Griever.... "Rinoa...." he whispered.

The captain nodded sympathetically. "I'm sorry. It's never easy when someone we love dies."

Squall turned around and walked further away from everyone, until they were no longer visible. Taking a seat in a patch of grass, holding the necklace tightly in his hand.

"You taught me to believe, Rinoa, and to never lose hope. Well, I could sure use some help here, because things are looking pretty bad. You promised you'd never leave me, remember?" Tears welled up in his eyes and he angrily brushed them away. "So where are you? The joke's over, Rinoa. Is this some kind of test? To test my love for you? Fuck, Rinoa, I can't live without you! Don't you see that?" he cried. "Come back to me."

The wind howled and the rain began to fall. Huge drops of water splattered down, clinging to his clothes and skin. He stared down at the necklace in his hand, the rain starting to blur his vision. It was then that he began to consider that Rinoa could really be gone.

~*~