A/N: Hello, all. Well, here's chapter five. Do with it what you will. R&R. Alexandri.

Joan quietly closed her bedroom door and locked it. Sinking onto the bed, she pulled out her cell phone and debated making the phone call she knew she needed to make. She and Adam were playing phone tag. It had been like this all semester. She'd scarcely heard his voice since shortly after school started. Though she hated to admit it, she was a little afraid. Every conversation she and Adam had had for the past two months ended in petty, little arguments. She didn't want to argue with him tonight.

With a weary sigh, she made the call, hoping for a pleasant talk but bracing herself for another stupid argument. She was about to hang up when she heard his breathless hello.

"Happy Thanksgiving," she said brightly despite the apprehension building in her stomach. What had he been doing when she called?

"Happy Thanksgiving, Jane," he replied, his pleasure at hearing her voice evident. "Was it a good one?"

"Yeah." Shame flooded Joan. Though her flash of suspicion had been general in nature, she felt like she'd just betrayed him. What was wrong with her? There was absolutely no basis for her doubt, none at all. Maybe she was just looking for something to be wrong so the fear festering in her heart would be justified.

"Jane?" Adam asked in the tone of someone who'd lost someone else's attention.

"Hmm?"

"You got really quiet. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," she said automatically. "What were you doing just now?" she asked, surprising herself.

"Just now? Nothing. I'm sitting here talking to you."

Wishing that she'd just shut up, she found herself asking, "When I called. What were you doing when I called?"

A tense silence followed her question. Joan shifted uncomfortably on the bed. "Forget I asked."

"I was in the bathroom, Joan," he answered quietly. There was a subtle edge to his voice, soft and dangerous, like it was taking extreme effort to control his temper. "What did you think I was doing?"

"Nothing."

"No, Joan, tell me. What did you think I was doing?"

She dropped her face in her hand and swallowed back the sorrow welling up inside of her. This was exactly what she'd wanted to avoid, another needless argument. But if the fear gripping her heart was any indication, this argument had the potential to destroy their relationship.

"Well?" he prompted.

"It's not what you think."

"I'm asking you to explain it to me," he said in the same awful, excessively calm voice.

"I miss you," she said helplessly, knowing that didn't answer his question, but unsure of how to explain what was going through her mind.

"You miss me, so you insinuate that I'm doing something inappropriate behind your back. That doesn't make sense, Joan."

"I know. Just . . . please stop calling me Joan."

"I'm trying to understand."

"I know." Taking a long, shaky breath, Joan tried to corral her thoughts and qualms into something coherent. "I've barely seen you since school started. And you're not here now . . ."

"I told you, money's a little tight right now. I can't afford to . . ."

"No," she interrupted. "I understand that. I'm not blaming you or anything. But are you going to be able to come home for Christmas?"

Adam sighed heavily and Joan knew the answer before he began to speak. "I won't be home until the thirtieth. There's a program one of my professors thinks I should attend. He says it would be a great experience for me."

"Oh."

"I'm sorry."

"I know, but that doesn't change the fact that I don't get to see you anymore. It'd be okay if we had more time to talk and write each other, but we don't. We just keep getting busier as the months go by and I feel further and further away from you."

"I feel it, too," he admitted.

Joan closed her eyes against the tears threatening to spill down her cheeks. "I don't want to be the whiny, clingy girlfriend who won't let her boyfriend have his own life . . ."

"That's not you."

"But it feels like it. I'm afraid. I'm so scared because I feel like I'm losing you."

"Jane, no."

"If you feel half as alone as I do . . . ." Joan chuckled sadly. "I can see spending time with someone . . . else. To fill the void."

"Are you," he began hesitantly, "spending time . . ."

"No," she assured him. "I just miss the closeness we used to have."

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Adam. I didn't mean to accuse you of anything."

"I'm sorry, too," he said. "For everything."

"So what do we do?" she asked. "How do we become Adam and Jane again?"

"I don't know."

Joan wrapped an arm around her stomach and hugged herself against the sadness. She hated feeling like this, uncertain and out of control. It was like she was on an unmanned plane hurtling toward a huge mountain. She didn't know how to land the plane or how to fly it over the mountain. A fatal crash seemed inevitable, a miraculous life-saving maneuver virtually hopeless.

"I have to go now," she said. The tears were getting closer to the surface and she knew she couldn't face her family again until she had a good, cathartic cry. "I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah." She heard her confusion and fear in his voice. "I'll call you, okay?"

"Okay. Bye, Adam."

"Bye, Jane."

Joan hung up her phone and set it on the nightstand. Then she laid down, pulled a pillow into her arms, and cried. At one point, her mom knocked and asked if she was all right. She said she was though she doubted Helen believed her. It sounded unconvincing to her own ears.

She had drifted off into a fitful sleep when her cell phone rang. Without opening her eyes, she grabbed it and flipped it open. "Hello?"

"Sorry to wake you, Jane."

"Adam?" Stretching, she peeked at the clock on the phone. "It's almost midnight."

"I know but I did promise to call you later."

Joan chuckled then grimaced as her head began to throb. "Ow."

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I just have a little headache. What's up?"

"I have an idea."

"Okay."

"How would you feel about me spending my Spring Break with you?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked.

"Instead of going home or staying here and working, how about I come to UMD and spend the week with you?"

"Really?"

"Yeah," he said. "That is if Grace doesn't mind me staying with you two."

"I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"Cool. I was also thinking that you could come back to New York with me, if you wanted to. For your Spring Break."

Joan couldn't speak. It looked like there was hope for the plane after all.

"You don't have to come to New York, you know. I just thought it would give us a chance to see what college is like for each other."

"Adam, are you kidding? Of course, I'll go back to New York with you."

"Okay. Okay, then. Good."

Joan smiled. She felt better than she had all semester.

"You should go eat."

"What?"

"You should eat and take something for your headache."

"You're probably right."

"I'll let you go, then."

"Can't we talk while I eat?" Joan asked as she got up and headed for the kitchen.

"Well, sure, I guess so. What do you want to talk about?"

"Everything. We have unlimited night minutes, remember?" She smiled as Adam laughed. "Seriously, how was your Thanksgiving?"

"It didn't start off well, but it turned out pretty nice."