Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I just want to let everyone know that a lot of my inspirations for this fic come from some storylines involved with the TV shows Alias and General Hospital. So, if you see anything that looks a bit familiar, that's why. Thanks to everyone that reviewed!

To Love You More

Chapter Five

Weeks passed, and Squall let his depression consume him. He began to turn to drinking, which caused his friends an immense amount of worry. However, they had a fair share of their own problems to deal with. Selphie still hadn't gone back to her cheerful, loving self. In fact, she had become the complete opposite. She was constantly bitter and angry. Irvine didn't know what he could do to help her. No amount of reassurances on his part could change her mind. She blamed herself completely for Rinoa's death.

Quistis tried to help Squall as much as she could. She had taken over his job as commander while he was in such a grievous state. She often wondered if it would be a permanent move. The way Squall was acting, it was hard to imagine him ever being happy. However, Quistis vowed to give her all to change that. Ever since Rinoa's funeral, Squall had been the most open with her out of all their friends. Unfortunately, "open" for Squall wasn't much. For now, it would just have to be good enough.

"Does anyone know where Squall is?" Quistis asked as she entered the cafeteria. She had looked everywhere for him, and she was starting to get worried.

Zell shrugged. "Who knows where Squall is these days? He sure as hell hasn't been showing his face around here."

Quistis sighed. "You know he is hurting, Zell. Can you blame him for wanting to be alone?"

"I suppose not, but it's all a bit much if you ask me."

"I need to know where he is. Are you sure that you haven't seen him?"

"Like I told you before, Quistis, I don't know where Squall is."

"Alright. Thank you, anyway."

Quistis turned and bumped right into Xu. "Quistis! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"What is it, Xu?" Quistis asked, frowning.

She took a minute to catch her breath and then said, "It's about Squall. Several people reported that he left Garden a little while ago."

"Oh, God. I have a good idea where he went. I'm going to go look for him."

"You can't!" Xu protested. "Who will command Garden if you go, too?"

"I'm leaving you in charge while I'm gone, Xu. I trust that Garden will be fine in your hands until I get back." She turned around to leave.

"Quistis?"

"Yes?" she said as she looked back at Xu.

"Good luck."

"Thank you. Knowing Squall, I'll need it."

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Squall threw his head back and downed the shot of whiskey. The taste was bitter and strong; something that was completely welcome to him. He used to laugh at people who tried to rid their problems with alcohol. Yet, here he was, doing the exact same thing. Fucking ironic, huh? He cursed anything and everything that his drunken mind could grasp. He especially cursed his moment of weakness at the funeral, when he had revealed his true emotions to Quistis.

"Bartender!" Squall shouted. "Bring me another shot of whiskey!"

The middle-aged man approached Squall, shaking his head. "I think that you've had enough, Sonny. Why don't you just go home? Here, I'll even call a cab for you."

"I'm fine," Squall spat. "Just pour me another damn drink."

"If I do, will you just hear me out for a moment?"

"Whatever," Squall muttered, anxious to have his drink.

The Bartender poured another drink and handed it to Squall. "Now listen up, Sonny. I've seen a fair share of problems in my fifty-two years. My wife died ten years ago. She was hit by a car on her way home from work. My wife was forty-one when she died. I became angry towards the world. How could God take away my wife from my daughter and me? One day, I woke up and I realized that I needed to accept my wife's death. I had my daughter to think about; I had something to live for. What I'm saying is, there is so much in this world to live for. So why not cheer up, eh? What do you think?"

"I think...that is bullshit. There is nothing to live for in this world! I have nothing to live for without her! Now, pour me another Goddamn drink!"

"That won't be necessary, Sir."

Squall turned and found himself face to face with Quistis. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm saving your ass," she hissed. "Come on, we're leaving," she said as she threw some bills down on the counter.

"I'm not going anywhere with you," Squall replied stubbornly.

"I said, let's go!" You are drunk, and I am not going to let you sit here and throw your life away! Do you think that Rinoa would want to see you like this?"

"Don't you dare say her name," Squall snapped.

"Bartender, a little help here, please?" Quistis asked. The Bartender nodded, and together, they were able to life him from the bar stool and drag him out of the building.

Squall gave up struggling; too drunk to fight anymore. He allowed himself to be shoved into the back of Quistis' car, and to be taken back to Balamb Garden. Once there, Quistis was immensely relieved to see that most people were still in class. It wouldn't do for them to see Squall, their hero and leader, in such a state. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, letting him lean on her for support. Finally, they reached his room.

"Squall, do you know where your keycard is?" Squall mumbled something incoherent in reply, so she was forced to go through his pockets herself. Unfortunately, they were empty. "Damn," she cursed. "Alright, you're going to have to use my room for now."

Squall was silent as they hobbled over to Quistis' room. At that point, Squall couldn't protest, even if he tried. His mouth refused to move and he was already half-asleep. Once they reached the room, Quistis propped Squall against the wall while she retrieved her keycard. Seconds later, the door swung open and they were in.

"Hang on, Squall." She closed the blinds to block out the strong rays of sun. Then, she led him over to her bed and slowly eased him onto it. She stood there for a few minutes, watching the steady rise and fall of his chest as he slept. She sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

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Meanwhile, in the Quad, Irvine and Selphie were involved in a heated argument. Irvine loved Selphie dearly, but her constant need to blame herself, and her change of attitude, were really starting to get to him.

"Selphie, I can't take this anymore! You need to cheer up," he said exasperatedly.

"And why would I need to do that? Can you honestly tell me that there is something for me to be happy about?"

"Yes, I can. There is so much to live for, Selphie. What happened to that happy, care-free attitude? What happened to the girl I fell in love with?"

Selphie's eyes filled with tears. "I'm sorry, Irvine, but that girl is gone. I...don't think she is coming back."

"'Everyone: peace, love!' Does that ring a bell? It used to be your personal motto. You can't tell me that you no longer believe in those words and what they stand for."

"That's just it, Irvine. I don't believe in these words anymore. Do you know what I realized? There is no peace or love in this world. It's just one big, cruel...space."

"Don't you dare say you don't believe in love. What about the love that we have? Does that mean nothing to you?"

Selphie shook her head sadly. "That's not real either, is it?"

Irvine frowned. "What do you mean? Of course it's real!"

"Oh, come on, Irvine. Let's be honest here. You're the biggest flirt in Garden. Sure, you say that you love me now, but in time, you'll get bored with me and move on to someone new."

"How can you say that?" he whispered. "You cannot tell me that this isn't real! I know what I feel, Selphie!"

"I'm sorry," she said. "But I just don't see this going anywhere. I can't stay here anymore. I'm going to Trabia Garden, and I'm going to stay there...permanently. I want you to stay here, Irvine. This is something that I need to do on my own."

"What are you saying? That you want me out of your life?"

Selphie nodded, tears falling from her once vivid green eyes. "Yes, it's what I want. This is all for the best, Irvine. I just can't love you right now."

"Right now? Or you can't ever love me?" Irvine demanded.

"I don't know! I'm sorry!" she cried.

"Why are you doing this? I know that this isn't what you want."

"See, that's where you're wrong," she whispered. "This is what I want. Goodbye, Irvine." With that, she turned and fled, never once looking back.

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"How is she?" Marianna asked Leanne. They had moved the girl into a bigger hospital in the city, where she could get proper care. Leanne was still treating her, but so far, her status hadn't changed.

Leanne sighed. "Not so well. It appears that she has fallen into a coma. It's impossible to tell when, or even if, she will wake up."

Marianna shook her head. "We mustn't give up hope. I have a good feeling about this one. Shall we name her Azure?"

Leanne frowned. "Azure?"

"You know, after the blue clothes she was wearing when we found her. Or what was left of them, anyway."

"I'm not sure that naming her is such a good idea."

"And why not? You just said that there is no way of telling how long she'll be in a coma. We need to call her something, and I think that Azure is as good a name as any."

"It's not that I don't like the name, because I do," Leanne told her. "However, I don't think it's wise for anyone to get really attached to her. There is a great possibility that she won't wake up."

Marianna sighed. "I know that, Leanne, but I'm not going to give up hope. I believe that Hyne sent her to us for a reason. With all due respect, I am already attached. Don't you think that it would be better for her if we showed support?"

Leanne lifted up her hands in defeat. "Your reasoning is convincing. I didn't want to say it in front of the others, but I also believe that this girl is a sign from Hyne. We must let this play out, and see what will happen."

"No matter how long it takes, you will wait for her to wake up?" Marianna asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately, I cannot do that. There will come a time when she will no longer be able to make it back to the world of the living. If that happens, we will have to cut off all of her ties to this world.

Marianna was horrified. "That's murder!"

Leanne shook her head sadly. "No, not if she has reached that point. She would be brain dead. By cutting these machines, we would only be doing her good."

"How do we know when that point has arrived?"

Leanne shook her head. "Only Hyne can tell us. Until then, we wait."

~*~