Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: I'm so, so, so sorry for how long I have taken to update. The weeks leading up to Winter Break in school have been so hectic and have really been consuming all of my time. I finally got a chance to write this now that I have a break from school. Merry belated Christmas and happy early New Year!

To Love You More

Chapter Six

"I don't know how to let you go
I've given to you all of me, all that I'll ever be
We share the same heart and soul
I want you to believe in me
See through my eyes and you will know
I'll take my chance that you will come home to me..."

-"Find My Way" ~ P.O.D.

Squall stared out the window, watching the torrential downpour of rain. The sky was dark and angry, pounding its rage into the earth. Rage indeed, for it had been exactly one year since Rinoa had boarded the Ragnarok and walked out of Squall's life forever. Things hadn't changed much in that year. Squall had taken back his position as commander, but he was still distant and cold to pretty much everyone. He tried so damn hard to live up to everyone's expectations and be the leader that was required of him. However, the memories just refused to go away. How could he possibly forget her face, her smile, her touch? The task was simply impossible.

Lately, his friends had been down his throat to move on, to at least consider seeing someone again. None of them knew that Rinoa was his first love, and his last. No one could have an affect on him like she did. His friends chided him about how if he kept that attitude up, he would be alone forever. Did he want to be alone forever? There was a time, not too long ago, when he would have answered that question with a "yes." Looking back, Squall realized that he had been nothing but a scared boy back then. That had all changed when Rinoa entered his life. It might have sounded cliché, but to Squall, it was simply the truth. Getting back to the original question, no, he did not want to be alone for the rest of his life. He had had a taste of what life was like when you had someone to share it with, and it was a feeling that he would have liked to have kept. True, it scared the shit out of him, but nevertheless, it was worth it. He would do anything to get that feeling back now.

A knock at the door broke his thoughts. Turning from the window, he was met with the sight of Quistis. Judging from the look on her face, she was not pleased.

"Squall, what on Earth are you doing?"

Squall raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Quistis sighed. "I know what today is, Squall. You shouldn't be working."

"There's work to be done, Quistis, and it's not going to get done by simply sitting on my desk."

"You could have asked Xu to take over for the day, and you most certainly could have asked me."

"This is my job to do, not yours or Xu's. I can handle it."

"I know what you're trying to do," she said quietly. "You think that if you lock yourself in here and overload yourself with work, the day will pass by quicker and you won't have time for the pain you are surely feeling."

"Quistis..." Squall warned.

"No, Squall, you need to listen to me. You aren't getting any work done here. In fact, all you seem to be accomplishing is staring out that window and feeling depressed. Take the rest of the day off."

"Okay, maybe you're right about my lack of accomplishing anything, but I can't take the day off. What for? To go sit in my room and brood? At least here I can put up a false pretense of doing something."

"Have you been to her grave?" Quistis asked softly.

Squall looked up sharply. "That's not your place to ask, Quistis."

"As your friend, I believe that it is. You haven't been there today, have you?"

"No, I haven't," he said irritably. "Does that make you feel any better?"

"Do you think this is what she would want? To be ignored by the one person she cared about the most? Especially on this day."

"You've made your point, Quistis."

"Good. Like I said, you shouldn't be working today. Xu is going to handle the position of commander for the remainder of the day. You are going to come with me. We are going to visit Rinoa."

"Quistis," Squall said through gritted teeth, "I told you that I'm not going."

"Squall, please. Think of Rinoa. How could you abandon her on the day that it means the most?"

Squall sighed. "Fine, I'll go."

Quistis smiled. "Wonderful. Remember, Squall, you are not doing this for me, but for Rinoa. I didn't want today to be one that you would regret."

Squall followed Quistis into the hall grimly. I can't do this...

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"Squall, where are you taking me?" Rinoa laughed from behind her blindfold.

He grinned. "You'll see. You are just going to have to be patient."

Rinoa snorted. "Although patience is a virtue that you know extremely well, that is not the case for me. So that's easy enough for you to say."

"Believe me, Rinoa, I have worked much too hard on this surprise to just give it away now. Besides, Selphie would kick my ass if I told you."

"A-ha! So Selphie was in on this, was she? I'm going to kill her!"

"After you see what she's helped me plan, you might want to rethink that last statement."

"Perhaps I will. Forgive me for feeling skeptic, but Selphie's surprises always seem to be a bit...eccentric. Although they are always executed with the purest of intentions."

Squall chuckled. "Sounds like Selphie, alright. Don't worry, though. This time, I came up with the plan. Selphie, and the others, just helped me put it into action. Hang on, we're almost there."

Rinoa felt the ground sway under her slightly and clung to Squall for support. After a few minutes more of walking, Squall led Rinoa over to a couch and set her down gently.

"Alright, I'm going to take your blindfold off now."

Rinoa grinned. "Finally! Just for the record, I have no idea where we are. You definitely managed to achieve the element of surprise."

"Good." He gently untied the cloth and let it fall to the floor. "What do you think?"

Rinoa's eyes widened as she took in her surroundings. They were seated in a huge suite, decorated in different hues of blue. Directly in front of them were four floor to ceiling windows, which looked out onto the sparkling waters of Balamb Harbor.

"We're on a yacht!" Rinoa exclaimed.

Squall nodded. "We'll be sailing for a small three-day trip. Selphie helped me by packing your clothes and the others helped me by getting the tickets and keeping it a secret. Everything is here. Happy birthday, Rinoa."

Tears welled up in Rinoa's eyes. "I can't believe that you did all of this for me. Does Cid know? I can't believe that you were able to get off from work."

"I could barely believe it myself at first, but Cid understands wholeheartedly. So, it looks like it's just you and me for the next three days."

"Excellent," Rinoa grinned and leaned in for a kiss.

Back in the city, a lone tear slid down Rinoa's cheek. Marianna gasped. "Leanne! Come quickly!"

Leanne hurried over to the girl's bedside. "Oh my..." Looking over at the machines monitoring her brain pattern and heart rate was cause for more shock. "Her heart rate has sped up and her brain waves are immensely responsive."

"And the tear!" Marianna exclaimed. "Did you see the tear? After a year of nothing...."

Leanne nodded. "Yes, I saw the tear."

"What does it all mean?"

"It is much too early to tell, but from these signs, it looks like Azure hasn't suffered any permanent brain damage. Her chances of a one hundred percent recovery have just increased dramatically."

"Praise be to Hyne," Marianne whispered.

"Praise be to Hyne, indeed."

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The vast field of flowers loomed in front of Squall, beckoning him forth. Burying Rinoa there had been the irony of all ironies. They had promised that, no matter what, they would find each other there. Now, Rinoa would forever be there, "fulfilling" that promise. When they had stood there, in the very spot that Squall was standing in now, the furthest thing from Rinoa's mind had been that she would be buried there, less than a year later. Even with all the uncertainty of the future, the fear of Ultimecia, the heartache for those who lost their lives. Rinoa, never once, let it consume her. The closest she had come to despair was when they had been on the Ragnarok, shortly after she had received her sorceress powers. Then, she had been scared, but she put on a facade to the rest of the world. She trusted in Squall; in the bond they shared. She trusted in me, and I failed her.

"Come on, Squall," Quistis said gently as she took his hand. They walked over to Rinoa's grave, a lone stone in the field of flowers. "Well, Rinoa, I managed to drag him here. You know how stubborn he can be." Turning to Squall, she said, "I'll wait by the orphanage. Take as much time as you need."

Squall nodded, watching as Quistis walked away, leaving him alone. What did you expect? That she was going to stay and hold your hand? You're pathetic , Squall. He stood there for a few minutes, at a loss for what to say. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he began to speak.

"Rinoa...I, uh, really don't know what to say. Actually, it's more like I have too much to say, and I don't know how to say it." He sighed. "I still can't believe that you're gone. I find myself walking to your dorm and expecting you to open the door. Then, reality sets in, and it feels like shit. You're never going to open that door for me again."

After struggling to compose himself for a few minutes more, he began again. "I dream about you all the time, you know. On the way here, I fell asleep in the Ragnarok and I dreamed about your birthday. Remember those three days on the yacht? We didn't have to worry about anything or anyone in the world. It was just you and me...living. God, Rinoa, why did you have to leave me?" Realizing that that last statement sounded a bit accusatory, he quickly said, "Don't think I blame you. I could never blame you, Rinoa. It's just...hard, you know? God, I'm starting to sound like Raijin now." He laughed bitterly.

Squall sank down to the grass in front of the grave, noticing the many types of flowers growing around it. "I'm sorry that I didn't bring you any flowers. Quistis sort of dragged me here on a whim. She told me that you wouldn't want to be alone today. You know what? I think she was right. You hated being alone, almost as much as I did. I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Rinoa. Every day, it's the same old bullshit; dealing with Garden's problems. It's funny, because that was exactly what my life consisted of before. When you were with me...none of that mattered. Remember all of those times when you interrupted me when I was working? You never knew it, but I secretly looked forward to your coming. It was a welcome relief from the loads of paperwork I had to deal with. I still look at the door, hoping that you'll walk through it."

He ran a hand through his hair. "The point is, I don't know how to let you go. I need to let you go. This is killing me, Rinoa. Some days, I want it all to be over; I want to die. But I know that you want me to get on with my life. So, I am going to try, Rinoa. I am going to live...for you. Some things never change, and that is one of them. I will always love you."

~*~