Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII.

Author's Note: This chapter is dedicated to Elanor Tinuviel. Thanks for the review! I hope you get to read this before you go away! Also, I just started a new AU Squinoa called Azure Sky. Please check that out and tell me what you think.

To Love You More

Chapter Seven

"I just got back from Deling City, Sir. The problem with the monsters in the sewers was taken care of," Zell told Squall. "The citizens were most grateful. They no longer have to fear getting attacked while going the bathroom!" he laughed.

Squall smiled slightly. "Thank you for reporting, Zell. You are dismissed."

Zell turned to leave, but then stopped. "Squall, some of us are going out to dinner tonight. Do you wanna come?"

"Who exactly is going?" Squall asked.

"Me, Quistis, Irvine, and the library girl."

"The library girl?" Squall raised an eyebrow. "Does this girl have a name?"

Zell blushed. "It's, uh, Carrie. So, are you gonna come?"

Squall sure as hell didn't want to spend his night in a restaurant pretending to be happy, when he was anything but. However, he owed Quistis. She had brought him to Rinoa's grave two weeks ago, and as much as he hated to admit it, the action had touched him. Squall sighed. "Fine. What time are we leaving?"

Zell grinned. "Seven. Quistis is going to be so happy!"

Squall frowned. "Quistis? Why would she be happy?"

"Uh…" Zell scratched the back of his head. "She just wanted as all to be there. Anyway, see ya then, Squall!"

Squall just shook his head as Zell left the room. One thing the night wouldn't be lacking was energy. At least from Zell, anyway. Personally, Squall was drained. He had had a long day, and his plan had been to spend the remainder of the evening sleeping. The work Squall had to deal with was not getting any easier, and he hadn't exactly been getting much sleep, either. As much as he tried to let go of Rinoa, she was still very much a part of him. The pain didn't get any better, but he was making progress in ignoring it. Is it ever going to get any better, Rinoa?

"Squall," Irvine said as he came walking through the door. "Can I talk to you about something?"

Squall nodded. "Have a seat."

Irvine obliged. "This might sound kind of awkward, and you might get really mad at me for asking, but how do you handle the pain of losing the woman you love?"

Squall's eyes widened in surprise, but he quickly masked the emotion. "What are you getting at?"

"I need to know!" Irvine said desperately. "I've tried to forget Selphie, but I can't. I want to respect her wishes that I leave her alone, but she is constantly in my head. I'm starting to think that I'm going crazy!"

Squall sighed. "You're not going crazy, Irvine. At least, as far as I know, you aren't. It hurts me like hell that Rinoa is gone, but I have to put aside those emotions and go on with my life. Each day makes life a little bit easier, although the pain is always there."

"Selphie didn't die, but to me, she is dead. If I can't see her anymore…."

"I don't know what else to tell you, Irvine. I'm not exactly the best person to be talking to."

Irvine shook his head. "I appreciate what you said. I, uh, know it isn't easy for you to talk about her."

Squall took a minute to respond. "You know, sometimes you have to talk about it. That's one of the most important things Rinoa taught me. I hate it most of the time, but I have to admit that it can help. So, uh, if you ever need to talk…you know where my office is."

Irvine smiled slightly. "I never thought I'd hear those words coming out of your mouth, Squall, but it means a lot all the same. You're coming tonight, right?"

"Yeah," Squall said. "I owe Quistis."

"Well, I'll see ya then. Take it easy, man."

"You, too," Squall murmured. "You, too."

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Squall sat amidst the noise and confusion evident throughout the restaurant. All the voices, laughter, clanking of silverware clashing together and forming one huge, resonating sound. The sea of voices pulsated around him, taunting him. They seemed to mock his pain, showing him the happy people the he was not a part of.

"So that's it!" Carrie exclaimed. "Zell was so sweet about it."

Irvine chuckled. "Sweet, huh? I never pictured you as that type, Zell."

Zell shot him a dirty look. "Obviously, you know nothing about me. I'd watch myself if I were you, Cowboy."

"Whoa, easy, boys," Quistis said, trying to keep the peace. "We don't need any bloodshed over dinner."

Squall remained silent, observing the scene with a detached air. Any onlooker who didn't know them personally, would say that they were four friends, enjoying a meal together. However, Squall knew better. Everyone was using this night as a distraction to get their minds off of matters that they would rather not think about. They all pretended to be having fun and getting along just fine, but Squall saw through the fake smiles and laughs. He let his mind wander back to another time, when things had been real, and so much happier.

"Squall, I know you hate social events, but we really want you to be there. Quistis just got her instructor's license back. You know how important that is to her."

Squall scowled. "I still don't understand why my presence is needed."

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "I told you! It means a lot to Quistis for you to be there. And...I want you to be there. So, are you going to make me happy?"

It was Squall's turn to roll his eyes. "Fine. I'll be there."

Rinoa clapped her hands together happily. "Thanks, Squall! You won't regret it!"

Later that night, they had all gone out to dinner at a fancy restaurant in Balamb. That night...had been amazing. Squall would never have admitted it, but being around his friends, joking and laughing, was a comfort that he had not previously known, but immensely enjoyed. That night, Squall began to put his trust in his friends, and in Rinoa.

"Aren't you glad you came?" Rinoa asked as they stood outside. "Even you can't deny that you had fun."

The corners of Squall's mouth twitched ever so slightly. "Are you sure? This is me that we're talking about."

Rinoa's eyes widened in surprise. "Hold on a minute. Can we backtrack? Did I just hear Squall Leonhart joke? What is the world coming to?"

Squall smiled at that, a genuine smile. "Yeah, well I guess even I can change."

Rinoa grinned. "I never doubted that. Even at the beginning, when you were the biggest asshole I had ever met!"

Squall winced. "I was pretty bad, huh?"

Rinoa laughed. "Pretty bad? That's an understatement!"

Squall chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it is. For the record, I never gave up on you, either. Even when you were floating around in space, the thought of giving up on you never entered my mind."

"I know," Rinoa said softly. "I heard your voice, remember? It was the most beautiful sound that I had ever heard. And when we were on the Ragnarok, when you opened up to me, it made me so happy. I felt so safe with you...I still do."

"You were scared," Squall said seriously. "You looked so helpless. It was then that I didn't care about sorceresses, Garden, or saving the world. I wanted to stay up there, too."

"Squall..." Rinoa wrapped her arms around him. "Let's not dwell on the past. Those bad times are behind us, and we can finally live our lives without having to worry about someone threatening the planet."

"You are always right," Squall murmured. "Thank you."

"For what?" she asked, puzzled.

"For convincing me to come here tonight. I had a great time."

"Squall? Earth to Squall?" Zell waved his hand in front of Squall's face. "Did you hear a word I said?"

The look on Squall's face showed that he was clearly dazed. "Excuse me," he said as he got up and exited the restaurant. Once outside, he closed his eyes, inhaling the cool night air. He couldn't take it anymore. Why couldn't the memories just go away? Just when he thought he was getting better, they returned.

"Squall?"

He jumped at the mention of his name. It was Quistis. "Why did you follow me out here?"

"Do you even have to ask? You should know by now that I worry about you. Are you okay?" she asked concernedly.

"Fine," Squall said flatly. "I just needed to get some air."

Quistis sighed. "You can't lie to me, Squall. You forget that I can always tell."

"Rinoa...she always knew. I couldn't hide anything from her."

"You could never hide anything from me, either," Quistis said. "You just chose to ignore it."

"You said 'chose', not 'choose'. Does that mean that I'm not ignoring it anymore?"

Quistis smiled. "You're getting better. So, are you going to tell me why you're out here by yourself, instead of inside with the rest of us? Who knows, maybe you could actually be having a good time."

Squall shook his head. "That's just it; I can't. It's like, if I allow myself to laugh or to smile, I am betraying Rinoa."

"You can't let Rinoa's death stop you from living, Squall. It's been over a year. I've told you this before, she would have wanted you to go on with your life."

"What if I can't?" Squall said quietly. "What if the only real thing in my life is the pain that I feel? How am I supposed to live when every day is a constant struggle?"

"This is going to sound really cold, but you're being selfish. Rinoa was a wonderful person, whom we all adored, but she is gone. You not only have a responsibility to yourself, but to your friends, and to Garden. You can't allow yourself to live in the past; in a memory. You have to look towards the future; towards the life that you still have. You're not dead, Squall."

"Maybe that's the problem," he said quietly.

"Stop that!" she cried. "Do you hear yourself?! Rinoa would not want you acting like this!"

"I'm sick of hearing what Rinoa would want, Quistis! If she is so concerned about what I want, then why the hell did she leave me?!"

"As if that was her choice," she snapped. "You're being selfish again, Squall. I don't understand you at all. Don't you see that you are only making things worse for yourself?"

"What am I supposed to do?" Squall asked. "Please, enlighten me, because I'm feeling pretty damn helpless right now."

Quistis sighed. "I can try to help you, Squall, but you have to be willing to accept that help. Only you can make yourself change. You can be influenced by other people, but you alone have to take that final step."

"I can't stay like this," Squall whispered. "She's everywhere, Quistis. I don't want to forget her, I could never forget her, but she's all that I think about it. It's tearing me up inside."

"I know," Quistis said gently. "You're going to be okay, I promise. I am going to help you in every way that I can."

"Thank you," he said quietly.

The moonlight shone onto Quistis' face, revealing the unshed tears in her eyes. Maybe it was the alcohol that Squall had consumed earlier, or perhaps he was just so overcome with emotion that he lost all control of his senses. Regardless of the reason, Squall found himself taking a step towards Quistis, and just like that, she was in his arms, his lips upon hers.

~*~