"What? Rodney? Is he all right?" Elizabeth asked, alarmed.
"I'm not here to talk about that," Teyla said hurriedly, putting up her hands, "He is fine."
"Oh," Elizabeth let out a sigh of relief, and then frowned. "Why do you need to speak with me?" she asked.
"I do not wish for you to think that I am meddling in your affairs, so if you believe I have crossed the line, inform me and I shall stop," Teyla told Elizabeth as they faced one another. Teyla took a deep breath before speaking, "Rodney cares a lot for you."
"He cares a lot for a lot of people, as surprising as it may seem," Elizabeth evaded.
"You specifically," Teyla focused on her.
"Are you suggesting that Rodney has feelings for me…like that?" Elizabeth asked, her face betraying no emotion.
"I am," Teyla replied. "I am confident that he does. However…this conversation is not about how he feels about you; it is meant to be how you feel about him."
"He is a good friend," Elizabeth replied, stonewalling Teyla.
"Is he not more?" Teyla prompted.
"It would be inappropriate for us to—"
"It is not against the rules," Teyla replied, "I spoke to John and he explained that it applies to people of the military, and you are not one. You and Dr. McKay are civilians to your government."
"More or less," Elizabeth replied.
"Listen, this conversation does not need to excel beyond the borders of our own ears," Teyla informed her steadily. "If you do not wish for the others to know I will not let them know."
"I appreciate it Teyla but…"
"You do not feel the same way?" Teyla prompted.
Elizabeth hesitated, wincing inwardly. No matter how much Teyla promised in one way or another it might get back to Rodney and if she said no to Teyla's question… Elizabeth hated to think of the repercussions. "It's not that it's just…"
"You're afraid of feeling the same way?"
"I…" Elizabeth looked at Teyla. 'Why am I blocking her out?' Elizabeth wondered. One person could only remain in solitude for so long. Teyla was a trustworthy person. "I guess," Elizabeth said finally.
Teyla smiled gently, putting her hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "No one will think that you are any less of a leader to have feelings. Feelings are what make you a strong leader. If you deny one feeling then you eventually deny them all."
"You should take your own advice, Teyla," Elizabeth said, turning the tables on the other woman. Teyla simply smiled. "Wait…" Elizabeth paused, tilting her head. "You came to talk to John, didn't you?" she asked. Teyla nodded, and Elizabeth grinned. "It sure took you guys long enough."
"And now it is your turn," Teyla replied, smiling. "Do not deny your feelings. Embrace them."
"I don't know…"
"Think of how much happier you would be," Teyla insisted. "Do you not feel pained when you think of him and you are not together?"
"I…" Elizabeth looked away, her throat tightening. Teyla noticed her closing up before she even said the words. "I think you've crossed the line, Teyla," she said, her voice odd.
"Very well," Teyla said, her words as cool as Elizabeth's. Their eyes met. Elizabeth looked away, afraid to meet Teyla's calm stare. "If do ever need to talk, my door is open." Teyla walked away, the door sliding shut behind her.
Elizabeth sighed, running a hand through her hair. How did it get from saving Atlantis to her feelings for Rodney, anyway? 'The plans will work,' Elizabeth thought, and she smiled faintly. 'So why was I so sad about it?' Deep down, she knew the answer why. She'd been afraid…afraid that Rodney would go back to Earth. She had sensed something at the end of their conversation… Elizabeth shifted her weight onto her other foot. Uncertainty was never something she dealt well with; ironic considering her previous profession. 'It just can't be,' Elizabeth told herself, 'It wouldn't work out…'
No matter how desperately she wanted it to.
Elizabeth sighed, turning back to face the water. She'd admitted—albeit begrudgingly—long ago that she'd developed strong feelings for Rodney McKay somewhere along the way. So why was it affecting her so much now? 'Because now he seems to be interested in me,' she answered her own question, 'and I have to push him away for the good of Atlantis.' Teyla's words echoed through Elizabeth's head, and the leader of Atlantis dipped her head. 'It's against regulations for a leader to be involved with someone under her command…' she protested, but immediately her thoughts contradicted themselves. 'You're breaking off all contact with Earth; regulations don't really matter.'
Elizabeth bit her tongue lightly as she watched a lone bird sail through the sky on extended wings. She was briefly reminded of her wish to visit the mainland to see what sort of wildlife was there. 'I suppose that's one of the reasons I want to stay,' she thought, watching the majestic brown animal soar, 'The wonders of someplace new.'
But try as she might; there was a greater force at work that was keeping her feet rooted firmly in Atlantis: her love for Rodney. 'If you love him so much, then why do you keep thinking up reasons why it wouldn't work?' Elizabeth questioned herself.
Deep down, she knew the answer. She was afraid. The days without Simon had been long and torturous; even now she felt a small pang in her chest whenever she thought of him. She didn't want to have that hurt again—she couldn't handle it. What if it didn't work out? What if Rodney died on a mission? Elizabeth's hands tightened on the banister as a realization came to her.
It did not matter what the title of their relationship was: she was already in over her head. She wouldn't feel any different now if Rodney got hurt than she would if they were together when he did. Weir turned away from the balcony and leaned against the banister, thinking.
She had been holding back out of fear of getting herself hurt. So caught up in the titles she had paid no attention to her feelings…and she'd put herself in a position to get hurt again. But then… She though of the happy time with Simon.
Maybe being in that position was worth it; worth it to be with Rodney.
Maybe.
Author's Note: Deepest apologies for the lack of updates. Life and other fanfiction has caught up to me. I promise I'll try to get this fic sorted out. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter. In the next chapter, we get some Ford and some Sheppard. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please review!