I DON'T WANT TO CLOSE MY EYES

CHAPTER 2

I don't own any Spirited Away' characters.

I woke up with the light of a cold morning. I was feeling sick, trying to hold up my head I looked at my watch.

I hope it's not time to go to school yet..- I whispered.

I don't think you're going to school today...- said a voice I needed some time to recognize.

I kept my breath for a while.

I was in the spirited world for real? How did I came here?

I couldn't remember what had happened to me.

Rin was in front me. Or at least she looked like her.

R-Rin-san?-

that's me.- she smiled happily: - you needed quite some time to come back visit, uh?-

oh Rin!- I said trying to forcing myself up, but my body didn't react. I realized then that somebody was looking at me from behind her back... a green-eyed beautiful guy... the most beautiful guy I ever saw.

And it was Haku. An eighteen-year-old Haku.

I couldn't say anything. My body was tired, my legs were trembling.

I felt so fragile.

what are you doing here Chihiro?- he asked coldly, not looking at me.

My heart was aching, pushing against my chest... but it couldn't challenge the happiness I could feel seeing him alive.

you're so beautiful Haku.-

I said turning to look at the ceiling.

I left some tears crawl through my cheeks. I didn't want to see anything else. I felt like I couldn't do anything less than sleep.

I heard voices while I was waking.

why didn't you keep the promise Haku? You know she is so weak because she came back for you!- Rin was shouting. She wasn't really somebody who could keep an argument secret.

Was I supposed to keep the promise?-

you're miserable... who are you trying to fool?-

shut up.-

The panel of my room violently swung open, it was Haku. He came to sit beside me. Silently put a hand on my forehead, he was warm, I liked the contact so much.

you know I heard everything...-

He was surprised when I opened my eyes.

I smiled.

- you don't have to feel guilty, I came because I was worried, I trusted your promise, but that was my choice, you didn't have to keep it...-

Chihiro.-

I feel sick Haku.-

I could not face him. I turned away. His eyes were breaking my heart.

I felt so stupid, because I believed in the promise so much, because I hoped so much..

He put a hand on my wrist, but I couldn't really feel anything.

I'm sorry I don't love you.- he whispered, finally stabbing my soul.

i-it's ok.- I chuckled.

I looked at him coldly trying to believe I wasn't there for real. He got up making a weird grimace, something I couldn't understand, then he left.

I felt my heart imploding, my mind bouncing inside my crane. My tears were choking me and the pain was playing with every single part of my heart, I could only hear his words, mocking the sentence of my execution. I was so stupid.

I woke up again the next day. The world around my futon was foggy for the tears that were still hurting inside. I stood up. Didn't really feel like I was living.

I went to the balcony to look outside.

The Aburaya was closed.

The garden outside was empty except for Haku and Rin. Still talking. Still arguing.

She was following him around the grass, and he was trying to get away.

She seemed desperate.

you're a monster!- she shouted with all the strength she had inside.

I stared at them. I could feel Haku was sad, his back was bowing under some kind of an invisible burden. He was sorry for me, feeling guilty.

I wiped the last tears away, I really wanted to be happy, at least because I could see Haku alive for the while I could stay at Aburaya... I will have all the time of the world to be sad once I'd got home.

Maybe he met another girl, or maybe he just didn't love me. I made myself detached from those thoughts, it was hurting too much... I thanked myself for the first time in a long time for the capacity I had to pretend nothing of that matter.

Haku entered the balcony while I was still looking outside. I could recognize him, don't know why, with no need of turning around.

I smiled.

I must look horrible... I had such bad nights... am I allowed to use some kind of bathroom?-

He was surprised once again.

yes, Yubaba said you can stay as long as you want.-

oh, how cute..- I said disconnecting myself from what he was saying and watching a little sooted ball coming up from the boiler room.

he came here to great you.-

I can't believe he remembers me.- I blinked happily petting the little thingy.

it seems he does.

nothing has changed here, hasn't it?- I asked looking at him for the first time directly in his eyes. I saw his sadness pushing inside of him, there was something tormenting him.

don't feel guilty Haku, please, I hate it.-

I'm sorry...-

I was agitated once again.

I understand that. Don't bug me about it anymore, uh?-

I'm sorry.-

I shook my head.

Getting near the bed I got the pillow up, and putting as much energy as my anger could recollect I slapped him with it.

stop it, uh? or I will hit harder, I promise.-

I looked at him. He couldn't smile even now. Was I so miserable?

I seemed that every time we met he felt worse and I couldn't do anything.

I tried to smile again.

why does Yubaba let me stay here?- I asked changing the subject.

He looked outside the window for a moment and then he shrugged.

She probably has a plan on you...- he said simply.

I laughed a little.

I thought that.-

you shouldn't trust her...- he whispered sadly.

I realized something suddenly.

Haku.-

I saw him shiver hearing his name.

you remembered your name, didn't you? You shouldn't be here right now... you should be to your river...- I was slowly following my thoughts: - why are you still here at the Aburaya?-

He still wasn't looking at me, his gaze was too far away from me.

I had to stay here.-

but why?- I asked nervously: - why didn't she let you leave? I thought the spell broke, and you were free..-

He breathed deeply.

it's kinda complicated.-

I led myself in front of him, tying his eyes with mine.

what happened?-

I promised Yubaba I would stay.-

but why? you told me you were going to come back to your river...-

He turned around, looking for the door. He was confused.

that's the past, it doesn't matter anymore..-

I care about it!- I shouted angrily.

that is not my problem.- he replied coldly.

He tried to leave but I grabbed his hand.

I had the same dream every night for eight years.. it was you and Yubaba in her office.. she said she was gonna tear you into pieces if I went away... and you accepted..-

I felt his muscles suddenly tense.

did that happened for real?- I asked already knowing the truth.

it's non-sense talking about the past...-

I tightened the grab.

in the dream.. last time I had it... I saw blood... that's why I came here... I was worried...-

you shouldn't have come.- he grunted forcing his wrist away from my hand and leaving the room.

He left me there, with his cold words aching in my heart. I had so many questions itching inside me, but he didn't want to answer any.

Hi, thank you very much for the review Mnemosyne, if it's not a problem I hope you can tell me what were the mistakes I made so that I can correct them, English is not my first language, so I often don't realize I'm making mistakes. I'll anyway read it at least one more time. Please read and review also this chapter.