Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: I know you all want to see some Squall/Rinoa interaction. I promise, that will be coming up very soon, so hang in there! Thanks for all of your support and feedback!

To Love You More

Chapter Twelve

"I'm finding my way back to you

And everything that used to be

And waiting is all that I can do

Until you find your way back to me."

-"Find Your Way Back" ~ Michelle Branch

Squall sat on a park bench, silently watching the people passing by. Couples strolling hand in hand, families, children playing happily. Would he be happy like that one day? He sure as hell was supposed to be. He had a beautiful, intelligent wife and a promising career. Maybe someday he'd have a couple of kids to go along with it. The perfect life, huh? Then why didn't it feel perfect? Did he even want kids? He had always felt intimidated by children, but Rinoa had made it clear that she wanted at least one.

Squall and Rinoa were in his dorm. Squall was sitting on the couch and Rinoa had her head resting in his lap. Her eyes were closed and both were silent, each simply enjoying each other's presence.

"Squall?" she murmured after awhile.

"Yeah?"
"Do you, um…do you think I'll ever be able to have children?"

He frowned. "Rinoa, you know the chances of having children aren't exactly high."

"Yeah, but…there's always hope, right? Just because no other sorceress has ever had children doesn't mean I won't."

He heard the uncertainty in her voice. "Yeah," he said. "There's always a chance."

Rinoa sighed. "In other words, it's wishful thinking, but that's all it is. It's not a reality, is it?"

Squall felt his heart wrench at the sound of defeat in her voice. "Rinoa, look at me," he demanded. She reluctantly sat up. "I don't care what the world says, or what the chances are. You're going to have children. We're going to have children."

Her eyes widened. "W-what?"

"You heard me," he said quietly.

"I just…never thought I'd hear you say those words. I thought you didn't want children."

He sighed. "It's not that I don't want them. I just don't think I'm ready for them yet. Look at me,

Rinoa. What kind of father would I make?"

"A wonderful one," she said firmly. "Squall, I know what you're like. You don't give yourself half the credit you deserve." She touched his face gently. "I love you, Squall. One day, we'll have our family. But right now, I just want you to hold me, okay?"

Squall obliged, gently placing his arms around her. "I don't deserve you. I-"

She silenced him with a kiss.

Seeing the excitement in her eyes as she had spoken of their future family completely erased his fears of being a father. Now, however, he would never have that opportunity. At least, not with Rinoa. Quistis had never mentioned whether or not she wanted kids. He supposed that she must like them since she was an instructor and everything. Although most of her students were either pre-teens or older. He figured that he'd have to broach the subject sometime, but if he had anything to do with it, that sometime would be a long way off.

He felt the presence of someone beside him on the bench, and automatically stiffened up. He had never been one to understand why random people sat down next to strangers. Didn't anyone know the meaning of wanting to be alone? Squall silently hoped that the person next to him wasn't elderly. They were always the ones that seemed to engage in conversations with anyone. He supposed that they were just lonely, but he had been lonely for almost his whole life. Come to think of it, the only time he hadn't felt alone was when Rinoa had been by his side. Did he feel alone now? Yes and no. There would always be a lonely, empty feeling when it came to Rinoa.

"Are you going to ignore me all day, Squall?"

Squall looked up abruptly and turned towards the person who had sat down next to him. "How did you find me here, Quistis?"

"Call it a hunch." Seeing Squall's skeptical look, she threw up her hands and said. "Okay, okay! Our hotel room overlooks this park and I saw you walk over."

"So you felt the need to baby-sit me?" he asked irritably.

Quistis took a deep, calming breath. "Squall, that was not my intention, and you know it. To put it mildly, I'm worried about you. I just feel like you've been preoccupied ever since we got married. You've snapped at me and Xu, you've been distant…I don't know what to make of any of it. Are you…unhappy that you married me?"

Squall sighed. "Quistis, I'm sorry. I've been taking things out on other people, you especially. I had no right to."

"You didn't answer my question, Squall. Are you unhappy that you married me?" she asked quietly.

He shook his head. "No, I'm not unhappy. There's just been a lot to take in. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Squall, I do. You know you can talk to me, right? You can tell me anything. I don't want to se you unhappy."

"I know. Believe me, I know. Thank you for caring." He extended his hand. "Do you want to grab a bite to eat?"

Quistis smiled, placing her hand in his outstretched one. "I'd love to."

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Rinoa watched the sun rise from the cozy spare room she had spent the night in. Marianna had been more than generous in letting both her and Irvine spend the night. With a sudden tightening in her throat, she realized just how much she was going to miss the older woman. Although she hadn't known Marianna long, well, consciously anyway, she felt a real bond with her. There was something so familiar and comforting about her. It greatly reminded Rinoa of Edea, whom she had grown close to before the accident.

She sighed wistfully. There were so many people who still thought she was dead. People that she loved and missed terribly. It was at that moment that Rinoa knew that she would not be spending another night in Zuwang. As much as she had grown fond of everyone there, she needed to go home. Being there just didn't feel right knowing that people took her for dead.

Creeping out of the room so she wouldn't wake Marianna or her family, she entered the living room. Irvine was asleep on the couch, lightly snoring. Rinoa giggled to herself, thankful that Squall had never snored. At the thought of him, Rinoa's chest constricted tightly. God, how she missed him! She just wanted to hold him tightly and never let go. Just like she had told him on the Ragnarok so long ago, she needed to know that she was alive. She would make Squall convince her of that a thousand times over.

From his place on the couch, Irvine stirred, mumbling something incoherently. Rinoa smiled to herself and walked the remainder of the way to the front door. She wanted to go for a walk before the others awakened. If she was lucky, she wouldn't get lost. Silently exiting the house, she stepped out into the fresh air with a sigh of relief. As much as she appreciated Marianna's generosity, the confines of the house had been driving her crazy. She finally understood what Squall meant when he talked about hating having too much time to think.

As Rinoa walked down the forest path, her head was swimming with thoughts of him. She felt pathetic, missing him so much, but three years of her life had been robbed from right under her. Although she needed to know that she was alive, Rinoa suspected that Squall would need to know just as much. It made her wonder…had he given up all hope of her returning? In her heart, she wanted to believe that he hadn't. After all, wasn't their bond so strong that he could sense that she was alive? Still, she had the strange sense that Irvine was keeping something from her.

It's been three years, Rinoa. She scolded herself. She was a fool for thinking that way. Life wasn't some big romantic fantasy, not matter how much she wanted it to be. In actuality, Squall could have forgotten about her completely. That thought alone made Rinoa stop dead in her tracks. Could he have done that? Could he have possibly erased the time that they had shared? It had been the best time of her life, and up until that moment, she thought that he had felt the same. You're being ridiculous, as usual. Stop analyzing everything. You won't know anything until you see him for yourself. That thought made her certain that she needed to get back. Maybe the reason part of her was so reluctant to go back was because of her fear. Fear that Squall would have stopped loving her.

"Rinoa, is that you?"

Rinoa looked up at her speaker. "Leanne!" she exclaimed. "Yes, it's me." She walked over to the woman whose care she had been under for the past three years.

"I see that you're an early riser, as well," she commented, her blue eyes twinkling. "What are you doing up and about at this time?"

Rinoa shrugged. "I needed to clear my head, so I figured an early morning walk could do the trick. Unfortunately, it's seemed to result in my thoughts increasing."

Leanne smiled sympathetically. "Well, I can definitely say that I've been where you are. Not literally, of course, but I understand. I've spent many restless nights due to my 'wandering thoughts.' Have you talked to Marianna about it?"

"Marianna has been great, but I hate to keep burdening her. I feel like I've spent the whole time here dumping all of my problems on her. She's already done so much for me...I don't want to burden her anymore."

Leanne laughed. "Believe me, it's not a burden. Marianna has adored you since the day you washed up on our shores. Trust me, she loves hearing about your life and where you come from."

"Well, it's definitely been nice to have someone to talk to. It's so sad that I have to say goodbye to all of you so soon."

Leanne frowned. "Have you decided when you will be leaving with your friend?"

Rinoa nodded. "I know you would have liked to hear more about the outside world, but I need to get home. I miss everyone too much to linger here any longer. That's why I plan on leaving this morning."

Leanne shook her head firmly. "No, Rinoa. I'm afraid that is not possible."

Rinoa stared at her in shock. "Excuse me?"

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Quistis stared at the ceiling of the hotel room. She subconsciously traced circles on the palm of Squall's hand as she thought about what he had said to her earlier at the restaurant. Things had been going great, until his job, once again, had overruled her.

Squall and Quistis sat in a cozy cafe overlooking Dollet Harbor. Quistis was in an extremely happy mood. Squall was finally acting like this was their honeymoon. From across the table, he squeezed her hand affectionately. Quistis smiled, feeling like everything was finally fitting into place. For once, life seemed to be working out for her.

"Squall, I just want to say thank you. I know that today hasn't been easy for you."

He shrugged. "I haven't been fair to you, Quistis. I was acting like a real jerk, and I see that now. I have to stop thinking about the past and focus on our future."

"Our future?" she murmured, loving the sound of it. "Squall, I love you so much."

He simply nodded. "Now, I'm going to tell you something you're not going to like."

Quistis grimaced. "I knew this was too good to be true."

"What I'm about to say has absolutely nothing to do with you." He took a deep breath. "I think we should go back to Garden early."

"Early? How early is early?"

Squall looked away uncomfortably. "We leave in five days."

"What?" she asked, shocked. "Squall, what about our honeymoon? We were supposed to be here for at least two weeks, maybe even three."

"I'll find a way to make it up to you. I'm sorry, Quistis, but Garden needs us. We can't throw that responsibility out the window. Isn't that what you're always saying?"

Quistis reluctantly nodded. "Yes, but I never thought that would mean abandoning our honeymoon after a week."

Squall's jaw was set, a sure sign that he wasn't going to back down. "We can always go on another vacation. Right now, this is more important."

Quistis nodded. "You're right, Squall. As much as I am disappointed, you are right."

"I'm glad you understand. Like I said, we leave in five days."

So that was that. There was no arguing with Squall once he made us his mind. Besides, Quistis knew it was the right thing to do. Garden was vulnerable without them and Irvine there. They would be leaving in five days time. Quistis sighed wearily, feeling a headache coming on. Leave it to Squall to feel a responsibility to Garden now of all times.

~*~