Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay everyone. I finally got over my writer's block this past Sunday and was able to finish this chapter on Monday. However, my computer had six viruses, so I couldn't type or post this until now. Thanks for the feedback!

To Love You More

Chapter Fifteen

"My lover's gone

I know that kiss will be my last

No more his song

The tune upon his lips has passed

I sing alone

While I watch the ocean

My lover's gone

No earthly ships will ever bring him home again

Bring him home again."

- "My Lover's Gone" Dido

Rinoa threw her arms around him in response, squeezing him tightly. She could only imagine what was running through his head as he tentatively mimicked her actions. They held each other then, as if afraid to let the other go. In that moment, it was as if no time had passed. It was simply the two of them, Squall and Rinoa, just how they had been. If only reality were as simple; as kind.

Squall was the first to pull away. He studied the face of the woman in front of him; the face that had haunted him for the past three years. His mouth couldn't even begin to form the myriad of questions running through his brain. It was impossible for her to be there, yet, she was. Part of him just wanted to scoop her up in his arms and never let her go again. The more logical part of his brain reminded him that three years had passed. To say that things had changed during that time would be an understatement. Still, she was so beautiful, so alive. He couldn't stop himself from reaching out and gently touching her face.

Rinoa closed her eyes, quietly taking in the touch and scent of the man she loved. It was all there, just how she remembered. Although, in her mind, their time apart had been less than a week, it truly felt like a decade. She never knew that it was possible to miss someone so much.

"Rinoa…" His voice was just above a whisper. "It's really you."

She nodded, holding back tears. "I'm here now. I missed you so much." She placed her hand over his.

"How?" he asked. "How is this possible?"

Rinoa absently rubbed his hand as she thought of where to start. Before she could speak, the cool touch of metal diverted her attention to Squall's left hand. What she saw made her gasp. A simple gold wedding band adorned his ring finger. "Squall," Rinoa began, dreading his answer, "Why are you wearing that ring?"

Squall instantly dropped her hand, diverting his eyes, as if suddenly broken from a trance. "We thought you were dead," he said hoarsely. "There was the crash…they said you didn't make it. I didn't want to believe them, but I found your necklace…"

"Squall," she repeated, her voice filled with pain, "Why are you wearing that wedding ring?"

"I…."

A female voice momentarily broke the tension between the two. "Squall, I've been looking everywhere for you! What took you so lon-" Quistis's voice faltered as she saw the woman in front of him. "W-what's going on?"

Rinoa could not even look at her in the face. All she saw was the ring around Quistis's finger. The same band that adorned Squall's finger. "It all makes sense now," she said quietly. "Why you were both away on a 'mission', why Irvine was acting so secretive." She looked at them, a mixture of hurt and disbelief filling her eyes. "You're married." Her face twisted in pain.

"Rinoa, I can explain," Squall began.

"No," she said, shaking her head. "No, please don't. It's all perfectly clear." Turning around, she quickly fled from the building, never once looking back.

Irvine paced the length of Squall's office nervously. After Rinoa had run off, Squall had immediately ordered Irvine to wait for him in his office. To put it mildly, the commander was less than pleased. Squall was never that friendly to begin with. Throw in the woman he loved reappearing after three years of being taken for dead, and things got pretty damn complicated. Yep, things weren't looking too good for the cowboy.

Irvine jumped as the door slammed behind him and heavy footsteps connected with the tile floor. "Sit," the commander barked.

He didn't need to be told twice, and quickly obliged. Experience had taught him that the best thing to do in these situations was to sit down and shut up. An angry Squall meant a dangerous Squall. Irvine silently braced himself for the attack he knew would come.

Squall took a seat at his desk, glaring daggers at him the whole time. "Would you like to tell me what the hell is going on?!"
Irvine took a deep breath. "Well, Squall, it's a long story. Kinda funny, really."

"Do you see me laughing?" Squall demanded.

"Alright, just take it easy, man. I'll tell you everything." Irvine proceeded to tell him everything that had happened since Rinoa's call, up to the present time. He explained what he had told Rinoa, and what she had told him.

"So you figured that you could just bring her here without telling her anything? What the fuck were you thinking?!"

"I didn't want to hurt her, alright?! I knew she would be hurt by your marriage. You have to understand, she was in a coma for three years. She hasn't felt the time go by like we have."

"I can't believe this," Squall said as he wearily rubbed his forehead. "Rinoa's alive. She's been alive. I felt it, God dammit. I knew she wasn't gone. Now I've gone and fucked everything up."

Irvine was surprised to see Squall's sudden show of emotion. Not only that, but he actually seemed lost and confused. Was this really Squall Leonhart he was talking to? "I know I should have told you, but I didn't want to ruin things with you and Quistis."

Squall laughed bitterly. "That's a joke. This whole thing is a joke. What am I going to do? I can't just leave Quistis. Contrary to what you might think, I do care about my wife."

"Squall, no one is asking you to get divorced. You bet that Rinoa's hurting right now, it's inevitable. The least you could do is talk to her. Explain to her what happened while she was gone. She can't fault you for moving on."

"I failed her," Squall said quietly. "How can I face her, knowing that?"

"She doesn't think that you failed her, Squall. At least, not in the way you're thinking. You're never going to know how she feels unless you talk to her. You know Rinoa. She just wants to see you happy. Even if that means being with Quistis."

Squall shook his head. That's just it. What if I'm not happy?

Rinoa stood on the shore of Balamb Harbor, watching the waves slowly rolling onto the sand. She briefly wondered what it would be like to live in the ocean. It just seemed so…free. At least there, she could escape the harsh reality of life. It suddenly hit her then, how truly alone she was. Squall was married, but even worse than that, he was married to Quistis. She felt so betrayed by both of them. As afraid as she had been when she had woken up in Zuwang, she had still had the thought of Squall for comfort. Now, she didn't even have that.

What was she going to do? Where was she going to go? There was no pint in staying at Garden anymore. As selfish as it was, the thought of having to see Quistis and Squall together every day was unbearable. If she left, where would she go? Back to her father? No, she had sworn that she would never depend on him again. Zone and Watts? Could she stay with them? She supposed that it was a possibility, but they had their own lives now. Trabia Garden? Perhaps she could stay there with Selphie. Did she really want her there, though? Irvine had said that Selphie had really changed in the years she had been gone. Maybe she didn't want anything to do with her anymore. Or maybe Irvine had lied about the whole thing. She couldn't trust anyone anymore. The only other place she could think of was Zuwang. Marianna had told her to comeback anytime. However, did she really want to live there? So for away? Her emotions were conflicted.

Rinoa closed her eyes, taking in the salty smell of the harbor. She remembered the many times that Squall had taken her to that exact spot. Some of the best memories she had had taken place there. Shaking her head, she forced her mind to banish the thought. Those days were gone. Squall had his wife to think of now, not her. She felt horrible for how jealous she was being, but of all the things she had been worried about, Squall being married hadn't been one of them. Never mind his being married to one of her best friends. Ex-best friend now, she supposed.

"Rinoa" She turned around at the sound of her name being called.

She narrowed her eyes. "Go away, Irvine. I want to be alone."

"Hey, with that attitude, you'll turn yourself into Squall in no time."

"I'm serious," she snapped.

Sighing, the cowboy moved forward. "I can understand that you're mad at me. You have every right to be. Just…hear me out, okay?"

"No!" Rinoa exclaimed. "You're a real jerk, do you know that? How could you lie to me about something so important?"
"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "If I could take it back, I would. I didn't want to hurt you, Rinoa. Telling you that Squall was married was a sure way to do just that."

"So keeping it from me was better?! Were you ever planning on telling me, or was this just some sick setup? Were you planning for me to stumble upon Squall and his wife accidentally? Huh, Irvine? Please explain, because I cannot even begin to understand how you could hurt me so badly."

"That was never my intent. I just wanted to give you some time to settle in before I told you. Please believe me." His voice was urgent.

Rinoa felt her resolve crumbling. She knew it wasn't Irvine who she was really mad at. "I know you probably had good intentions," she said quietly. "It's just…you lied to me, Squall and Quistis are married… There's no place for me here. I have no one."

"Don't say that. Just because Squall is married doesn't mean that he doesn't still care about you. You still have your friends, Rinoa. You still have me."

A single tear rolled down her cheek. "I don't know what to do. Nothing can go back to how it was. I feel like I've stepped into an alternate universe, not my life. I'm still waiting for everyone to jump out and scream 'Surprise!'" She shook her head sadly. "That's not going to happen. As much as I want it to be, this isn't a joke."

"It will be hard to adjust," he admitted. "You've been dealt a large blow. I know you're not one to give up, Rinoa. If you were, I doubt we'd be standing here right now. You beat death, for God's sake! You can beat this, too."
"I don't think I can," she whispered. "Squall's married. He's married. I know I keep saying that, but my mind still can't process that. Marriage is forever. He's going to be with Quistis forever." More tears dripped down her cheeks. "I can't even hate her for it because she's my friend. Irvine, I know three years have gone by, but I never thought Squall would fall in love again so soon. Maybe he never loved me at all."

"That's bullshit," he said. "Squall loved you. You don't know how he was after he thought you died. Nobody could get through to him. We were afraid he was going to kill himself."

"Quistis saved him." Her voice was barely above a whisper. "She saved him from himself."

He nodded. "Something like that."

That was like a slap in the face. For someone to have done to Squall what Rinoa had originally done hurt more than any physical wounds. "Does he…" She took a deep breath. "Does he love her?"

"I don't know," he answered truthfully. "Only Squall can answer that."

She hated to admit it, but a small part of her felt relieved at Irvine's words. It was horribly selfish of her to feel that way, but who actually enjoys seeing the love of their life with someone else? "What now? I can't just go back to Garden."

"Why not? True, it would be uncomfortable at first, but if you gave it some time…"

She shook her head. "I can't. At least, not yet. I need to figure some things out first."
"Okay," he agreed. "I'll have your things brought over to the Balamb Hotel. Will you at least agree to stay there?" She nodded. "Okay," he said again. Then, more seriously, "Can you forgive me?"

Again, Rinoa nodded. "Thank you."

Irvine was surprised. "For what?"

Her answer was simple. "For caring."