Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII….

Author's Note: I included a lot of Zell in this chapter because I feel like he's been pushed into the background lately. Also, if you want some Squall/Rinoa scenes, check out my newest songfic, Sympathy. It's definitely lighter than this and I think it will satisfy those of you that are feeling Squinoa deprived and want to take a break from all this angst! Thanks for your feedback, everyone. I honestly appreciate it.

To Love You More

Chapter Sixteen

Quistis sat at a lone table in the cafeteria, eating her lunch. A stack of papers were piled to her right; papers that she was supposed to be grading. However, she hadn't finished a single one. She had read the first essay three times already, but she hadn't retained a single fact that her top student, Meville Harris, had written. Every time she picked up the paper, her mind would wander to the events of the previous day. At first, she had thought that she had been imagining things. Seeing her husband with Rinoa brought back all of her old jealous feelings. For a minute, it had been Squall and Rinoa, everyone's favorite couple, with her looking on as the bystander. She had had to remind herself, multiple times, that Squall was married to her, not Rinoa.

Still, another part of Quistis was extremely disappointed in herself. Rinoa had been one of her closest friends. She should have been happy that she was back. Part of her sincerely was happy, but was still finding it hard to process that fact. It bothered her that she was still so bitter over Squall and Rinoa's relationship. When Rinoa had died, it had been horrible for them all. However, something good had come out of their grief, and that was her relationship with Squall. She wasn't about to just give him up. Not without a fight, anyway.

A shadow hung over Quistis, causing her to look up. It was Zell. "Hello," she said distractedly. "Feel free to join me. I could use some company."

Zell smiled sympathetically and sat down across from her. "I heard about Rinoa being back." He shook his head in disbelief. "I still can't believe it. It's crazy!"

Quistis nodded in agreement. "Yes, it is. Have you, uh, talked to her at all?"

Zell shook his head. "I haven't had the chance to yet. Irvine told me she's staying over at the Balamb Hotel. Maybe I'll go visit her later."

"Yes, I should probably go see her, too. Although I doubt she'll be very happy to see me. She didn't exactly take the news of Squall and I being married very well. She probably hates me."

Zell winced. "I heard about that, too. Of course she's going to be upset, Quistis, but hate?" He shook his head. "I doubt that Rinoa could ever hate you. Besides, she's not one to hold a grudge. Talking to her is probably the best thing you could do right now."

"Well," she said slowly, "I guess I know that it is. The right thing, I mean. It's just…well, it won't be easy."

"You're right, it won't, but you've gotta start somewhere. What's Squall got to say about all this?"

Quistis shrugged. "I wish I knew. I haven't seen him since our awkward reunion with Rinoa yesterday. He went straight to his office after that, and as far as I know, he's been there ever since. I tried talking to him, but he refuses to see anyone." She sighed. "I'm worried about him. I just wish he would talk to me."

"Give him time," Zell advised her. "You know how Squall is."

"I know," she said quietly. "I guess I'm just afraid that he'll go back to her. That everything we shared these past years meant nothing."

"I understand how you're feeling, Quis, but no one knows how Squall feels but himself. He'll talk to you when he's ready."

"She always knew how he felt."

Zell frowned. "Who? Rinoa?"

Quistis nodded. "She always knew. I'm his wife, Zell, and I barely know what he's thinking half the time. I should know, but I don't."

"Hey, wait a minute. Now you're being way too hard on yourself. You're a good person, Quistis, and a great wife. No one is perfect."

"I, better than anyone, should know that. You think I would have learned my lesson by now."

Zell raised an eyebrow. "Lesson?"

The blonde shook her head. "No, it's nothing." She stood up, gathering her papers under an arm. "I really need to get to class. My students are probably back already. Thanks for listening, Zell."

Zell nodded and watched as she hurried out of the cafeteria. Shaking his head, he, too, stood up, feeling that now was as good a time as any to see Rinoa.

Irvine stared at the phone sitting on his desk; fighting a war with it, and himself. He knew what he should do, what he had to do. However, that didn't make doing it any easier. He hadn't spoken to Selphie in over three years. The last time he had seen her had been at Squall and Quistis's wedding, but, other than mumbled "hellos," they hadn't spoken to each other. Now, he had an obligation to call her. Selphie needed to know that Rinoa was alive. Sure, someone else could have probably told her, but, strange as it was, Irvine felt like he had to be the one to tell her. Looking at the phone now, it seemed to taunt him. Pick me up. Pick me up.

Shaking his head, Irvine finally grabbed the dratted thing and dialed Selphie's number at Trabia Garden.

A female voice answered. "Hello?"

"Selphie?" Irvine asked.

"No, this is Kristine Chambers. Selphie isn't available right now. May I ask who is calling?"
Irvine sighed. "It's Irvine Kinneas. What I have to tell Selphie is really important, Kristine. Are you sure she's not there?"

"Positive," Kristine answered. "She just left this morning with one of the freshman classes. She's a teacher now, you know. Time for field duty," she chuckled.

"Did she go by herself?" Irvine tried to ask the question nonchalantly, but Kristine was able to pick up on it.

"I believe that another instructor went with her, Mr. Overprotective. Would you like me to give her a message when she gets back?"

"When will that be?"
"About a week," Kristine answered. "So, massage or not?"

"Excuse me?"

Kristine chuckled. "Message. You know I give the best massages, though."

"You are impossible. Just tell her to call me as soon as she gets back. Tell her it's important. She knows I wouldn't be calling otherwise."

Kristine clucked her tongue. "Well, I don't know about that…"

In his office, Irvine rolled his eyes. "Just give her the damn message. Goodbye, Kristine."

"Irvine, wait!" she exclaimed.

"Yes?" he asked, annoyed.

"I haven't seen you in awhile. Maybe you can come down here sometime soon? My sister only has good things to say about you. All I hear about are those two dates you went on."

"As much as I'd like to get, uh, reacquainted with you and Maya, I'm pretty busy here."

Kristine sighed. "You're never going to get over Selphie, are you?"

"I suppose you're just the person to help me do just that?"

"I was talking about Maya, not myself!"

Irvine chuckled. "We'll see. Goodbye, Kristine. Give my regards to your sister."

"What a dog," she said. However, he had already hung up.

"Just a minute!" Rinoa called as she pulled on a light purple t-shirt. She had slept in late, not bothering to shower until a little while ago. She had just about finished getting dressed when there was a knock on the door. Taking one last look at herself in the mirror and deciding she looked decent enough, she flung open the door. "Zell!" she exclaimed.

Zell stood there, grinning from ear to ear. "Well, are you just going to stand there, or are you going to give me a hug?"

Rinoa laughed as she hugged her friend tightly. "You haven't changed a bit!"

"Hey, you'd be surprised. I have a girlfriend now, you know."

"Yes, Carrie." She gestured for him to come in. "Irvine told me that you worked up the courage to ask her out."

"Yeah, thanks to you." He took a seat on a spare chair. "You were the one always telling me to go for it. Thank you for that, Rinoa."

She smiled. "You would have asked her eventually anyway."

He shrugged. "Maybe."

"Well, I really am happy for you, Zell. Any other changes with you that I should know about?"

"Let's see… Well, I'm an instructor now."

Rinoa raised her eyebrows. "You? An instructor?"

"Hey, don't look so surprised. I teach hand to hand combat. These fists of mine have come in handy over the years. I figured I should teach others how to defend themselves if they're ever in a situation where they don't have weapons or magic."

"Aw, that's really sweet Zell."

He shrugged. "That's it for me. Your turn."

Rinoa was surprised. "My turn? I'm sure Irvine's told you where I've been all this time."

Zell nodded. "He did, but that's not what I was talking about. I meant, how are you now? With, you know, everything."

Rinoa sighed. "You mean with Squall. Well, I can't say that I'm happy that he's married. Let alone to Quistis."

"I can't say I know what you're going through, but I can definitely listen. What's on your mind?"

She laughed halfheartedly. "It's more like what isn't on my mind." She looked at her hands. "Zell, I don't even know how to describe how I feel. Crushed, maybe? That doesn't seem like a strong enough word. Nothing does. I honestly don't know what hurts more; knowing he's married, or knowing he's married to Quistis."

Zell nodded. "I can understand that. Just let me ask you something. Would you rather have had Squall marry someone you didn't know?"

Rinoa pondered that for a moment. "I don't know," she answered honestly. "I love Quistis, she's been such a great friend to me. I want to be happy for her. It's just so hard to be. In a way, I suppose it's better that he married Quistis and not a stranger. He's known her all of his life. On the other hand, it hurts to know he didn't marry a stranger. Maybe it would be easier if I didn't know her. Then things wouldn't be so awkward between Quistis and me. I also feel like…maybe Squall loved her all along. Maybe he was never really in love with me."

"What do you think?" Zell asked quietly. "Do you think Squall never loved you?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No," she admitted. "But it doesn't matter what I think. It's Squall we're talking about."

"Rinoa, I know you're really upset, but listen to me. I know for a fact that Squall loved you."

The brunette frowned. "How can you be so sure?"
"Just trust me. Squall loved you. In fact, I've never seen anyone love someone like he loved you."

"Loved," she repeated quietly. "Past tense. Squall loved me, but he loves Quistis. I guess that's how it's going to be from now on, huh? Looks like I'm just going to have to accept that." She forced herself to smile.

"If it makes you feel any better, Quistis is just as confused and upset as you are."

"Yeah, I'm sure she is." She sighed. "I can't blame her for falling in love."

"Listen, I'd better get going. If you need someone to talk to, just call me."

"Thanks, Zell. You know, you were wrong."

He frowned. "About what?"

"About changing. You have changed. When did you become so wise?"
He smiled. "It's in the genes. See ya, Rinoa."

"See you." She waved and then shut the door. Just as she was walking away. There was another knock on the door. "Zell, I know you're-" She stopped short as she saw who was standing there. It definitely wasn't Zell.