Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Many of you have been asking me about the pairings in this fic. You know, I really would love to tell you what the final pairings will be, but what would be the fun in that? Lol, it looks like you are all going to have to wait and see what happens

To Love You More

Chapter Eighteen

Squall stared out the windows of his office, taking in the sight of the starry night sky. He found his thoughts wandering to that fated night, so many years ago, when he had danced with Rinoa under the same dark blanket. Things has seemed so simple that night. Rinoa had been a beautiful face and a distraction from his current problems. Yet, she had been so much more. They had both felt something that night, from the moment they had laid eyes on that shooting star. It was odd...Squall hadn't seen a single shooting star since Rinoa had disappeared.

The commander sighed and rubbed his forehead wearily. The clock on his desk told him that it was midnight. Once again, he had completely neglected his duties towards his wife. He hadn't even gone back to his apartment the previous night. For some reason, he just hadn't been able to face Quistis. There were too many questions she would ask that he didn't have the answers to. His feelings towards Rinoa were still conflicted. He had made a commitment to Quistis, but he couldn't deny the fact that he still had feelings for Rinoa.

The day had definitely not been an easy one for Squall. He had put on his most indifferent mask, his coolest facade. Inside, though, he had slowly been falling apart. He had wanted to fall down on his knees and cry out that everything was wrong; things weren't supposed to turn out this way. The mot painful thing to hear was Rinoa's admission that he had hurt her. It was pretty apparent that, regardless of what she had said, he was still hurting her. What was he supposed to do? Part of him wanted to go to her right then and apologize a million times. He wanted to hold her in his arms and tell her that this was all a bad dream. The other part of him knew that was impossible. He couldn't just abandon Quistis. Besides, he loved her. Didn't he?

Squall shook his head. Too much thinking. Just stop thinking. He knew that he couldn't spend another night in his office. Quistis was probably worried sick and she deserved better than what he had offered her. You've got to face her sometime. Might as well be now. Turning his gaze from the window, he powered off his computer and locked up his office. The journey to his apartment was a slow one. He was still trying to delay the confrontation with Quistis that he knew was inevitable. Still, it didn't make it any easier.

Minutes later, he found himself staring at the door to their apartment. He stared at it for a moment, silently bracing himself. Perhaps Quistis had gone to bed already and he wouldn't have to face her until the morning. He extracted his card key from his pocket and quietly inserted it into the lock. Upon entering the apartment, he was immediately met with the sight of Quistis. She was seated in an armchair, a book in her hands. She looked up as she heard the door click shut.

"Squall!" she exclaimed. "What are you doing here?"

"I live here, too, don't I?" he responded coldly.

Quistis put down her book and sighed. "You know that's not what I meant. You never came home last night . I figured that you would probably spend the night in your office again."

"Truthfully, I almost did."

"Then what stopped you?"

Squall shrugged. "You deserve an explanation. I know that things haven't been easy for you lately."

Quistis smiled half-heartedly. "You got me there. I won't pretend that Rinoa's appearance here has been particularly easy for me. Nevertheless, she is my friend. I would really like to talk to her."

"I'm sure she would like that." Squall ran a hand through his hair. "I went to see her today. She was staying at the Balamb Hotel."

"Oh?" Quistis tried to put on an air of indifference. "How is she doing?"

"Okay, I suppose. At least, that's what she wants me to believe."

The blonde frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You know how Rinoa is. She'll hide anything from me if she believes that she is doing the right thing. She said that she wants us to be happy..." he trailed off.

"I wish I had had a chance to talk to her today. First thing tomorrow, I'll go over to Balamb and see her."

"Actually," Squall began, "I said she was staying at the Balamb Hotel. She's back in Garden now."

"Back in Garden? Here? I can't imagine why she would want to live here again," Quistis said, puzzled.

"I asked her to come back," Squall admitted.

"Oh," Quistis said quietly. "Well, that explains it."

Squall narrowed his eyes. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"Come on, Squall. Do you honestly believe that Rinoa would be staying here unless she felt that you wanted her to?"

"That's just it, Quistis. I do want Rinoa to be here. Can you understand that? She's my friend."

Quistis swallowed nervously. "Are you sure that's all she is to you?"

"Quistis, you don't need to feel threatened by Rinoa, okay? You're my wife and nothing is going to change that. I almost lost Rinoa. God, for the past three years, I thought she was dead. Aren't I entitled to be happy that she is back?"

"Of course you are, Squall. If anyone deserves to be happy, it's you. I owe you an apology. I overreacted and there was no need for me to. I was foolish to suspect anything was going on between you and Rinoa."

"What do you take me for, Quistis?" Squall's voice rose in anger. "Rinoa's been back for a day. Do you think I went to see her so that I could take her to bed?"

"No!" Quistis exclaimed. "Squall, calm down! I was just apologizing. I know that there's no need for me to be jealous."

"But you didn't trust me prior to this conversation, did you?" he demanded.

"Of course I trusted you. It's just that...you and Rinoa were so close. I think it was reasonable for me to feel worried."

Squall shook his head. "I don't know what to tell you Quistis." He held up his hands, at a loss for words. "I'm going to bed."

"Squall, please..." She reached for his hand, but he brushed her off.

"Just...don't. I don't want to talk to you right now, Quistis." With that said, he entered their bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

Rinoa woke up with a start. How long had she been asleep? The dark sky outside of her window gave her an answer. How could I have slept for so long? She realized that she was holding something and saw that it was Squall's jacket. The events from earlier that day all came rushing back.

"What am I doing here?" she whispered. "Why on Earth did I listen to Squall and let him talk me into staying?" She knew, though. Oh, how she knew. She couldn't bear being away from Squall. Even though he was married, staying in Garden allowed her to see him.

Glancing at the clock, she saw that it was just after midnight. Realizing that she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep, she decided to go for a walk. Although everything was closed, save for the training center, walking around Garden past curfew was not forbidden. At least, it hadn't been three years ago. She exited her dorm, making sure to lock the door behind her. Her footsteps quietly tapped out a pattern onto the marble floor. As she walked, a million thoughts seemed to be running through her head. She had promised Squall that she would support his marriage and she intended to keep that promise. Still, it wouldn't be so easy to let go of Squall. But you have to, she reminded herself. There's just no other option.

Sighing, Rinoa decided that she would seek out Quistis in the morning and make sure things were set straight between them. She supposed that if the roles were reversed, and she was in Quistis's position, she would feel intimidated by the "other woman" as well. You don't have anything to worry about, Quistis. Squall is not going anywhere. Rinoa rolled her eyes. Look at me, having imaginary conversations in my head! I really need to move on before I go crazy!

As Rinoa was turning a corner, she heard raised voices coming from down the hall. Upon closer inspection, she realized that the voices were coming from the last room in the hall. Looking around her, she realized that she was in a new wing of Garden housing apartments for married couples. A feeling of dread bubbled up inside of her as she realized just who the raised voices belonged to: Squall and Quistis. Eavesdropping was a terribly bad habit, but she couldn't stop herself from moving closer to the door.

"...that's all she is to you?" she heard Quistis ask.

"Quistis, you don't need to feel threatened by Rinoa, okay?" she heard Squall say. "You're my wife and nothing is going to change that."

Rinoa didn't even wait to hear what else they would say. She took off and ran as far away from the room as she could get. Once she was a considerable distance away, she collapsed in a corner of the hall. She felt as if she had just been stabbed through the heart with a knife.

"You're so stupid, Rinoa," she chastised herself aloud. "You just had to listen in on their conversation, didn't you? And now you're paying the price. When are you going to learn that it's over? He's married for God sake! Wake up, damn it!"

Regardless of what she was supposed to be feeling, she was still hurt. Now she knew for sure that she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep. In fact, she dreaded the very idea of returning to her room. Too many painful memories were present there. So, without fully comprehending what she was doing, she found herself knocking on Irvine's door. A minute later, she was staring at Irvine clad in nothing but a pair of brown boxers.

"Rinoa?" he asked in surprise, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Rinoa blushed and tried to divert her eyes from the scantily clad Irvine. "I'm sorry; I don't know what I was thinking. I shouldn't have woken you up."

"Well, you obviously had a reason for doing so. Now that you're here, you might as well come in."

"Are you sure? It's really late, Irvine."

"Hey, you're the one who came knocking on my door. I'm awfully flattered." He smiled. "Come on, Rinoa. You look upset."

Sighing, she followed Irvine into his room. "I guess I just need someone to talk to. This whole day has been overwhelming."

"True..." Irvine started as he pulled a shirt over his head, "but you were okay earlier. Or at least better. Did something happen?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that I've come to a realization. Squall doesn't love me anymore. He loves Quistis. He really loves her."

"Did Squall tell you that?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, but I...overheard him talking to Quistis. You know what, Irvine? I'm a fool. You must think I'm really stupid. You'd think that I would have learned by now that Squall and I are over. How many times do I have to get slapped in the face to admit that to myself?"

Irvine reached over and patted her shoulder reassuringly. "You're not a fool, Rinoa."

"Yes I am. Only a fool spends their time pining for a married man. Why can't I just be happy for them? It's been three years. I should have expected him to have moved on."

"Rinoa, look at me." He gently turned her face toward him. "You can't blame yourself for loving someone. Because of you, Squall became a better person. You did that to him, no one else. Yes, Squall moved on, but he'll always carry a part of you with him. Now it's your turn to do the same."

Rinoa's eyes glistened with unshed tears. "I don't know what to say."

"Then don't say anything." He drew her towards him in a tight embrace. "I'm here for you. I'll always be here for you."

Rinoa allowed herself to snuggle deeper into Irvine's comforting embrace. For once, it was great to be able to have someone to lean on. Suddenly, she didn't feel so alone anymore. "Irvine?" she asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah?"

"Do you think I could stay here tonight? I just don't think I can take a night alone in...that room."

Irvine smirked. "Why Rinoa, what are you suggesting? Are you planning on taking advantage of a lonely old cowboy such as myself?"

Rinoa giggled despite herself. "Irvine, be serious!"

"Of course you can stay here, Rinoa. Any time you like. I can sleep on the floor."
"Oh, no, I'll take the floor," she insisted.

Irvine shook his head firmly. "No, I think you've been through enough today. You don't need to add a night of no sleep to that list."

Rinoa sighed. "Okay...if you really don't mind."

"I don't. Go on, make yourself comfortable." He got up from the bed, allowing Rinoa to snuggle under the covers.

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "You're sleeping in that?"

Rinoa realized that she still had on her purple t-shirt and black sweatpants. She shrugged. "This is comfortable enough."
"Well, good night then." He settled himself into a comfortable position on the floor.

"Goodnight, Irvine."