Disclaimer: "I know you! You're the evil egg people who stole my waffles!"
(An: READ THIS! If you just clicked on this 'cause of the weird title, I beg of you to go back and read "Big Boom", because I would like to think there's some continuity between the two. We can wait. Most things in this story will be an evil mix of canon/TAS/whole cloth, so turn back if you don't like that kind of thing. And no, Mr. Sinister will not make a reappearance. That would be too confusing. Basically, because I can't find a way to work this in casually, Rogue and Remy's shots have pretty much worn off. Remy's got control, Rogue pretty much doesn't. This is set six weeks after BB, before and during Shadowdance/Hex Factor/DoR. Now I think we're good, so onward!)
"What is that?" Kitty asked, giving the stuff in the pot an experimental stir.
"Don't y' people have spices around here?" Remy countered, digging around in the cabinets.
There was a bamf, and suddenly Kurt was hanging upside down in front of him.
"Gah!" Remy yelled, stumbling backwards. "How many times do I have t' tell y', mon ami, don't do that!"
"Sorry," said Kurt, shrugging. "What are you guys doing, anyway?"
Remy stood up, and resumed going through the cabinets. "They tell me it's m' turn t' make dinner. Apparently, I'm not allowed t' order out, and de only thing I know how t' make with any competency is gumbo."
"Oh, so you're lookin' for the spices. Top shelf," Sam informed them, walking through.
"Merci," said Remy. He opened it, took several of the bottles, and dumped most of their contents into the pot. "Where's Rogue?" he asked as he stirred.
Kitty shrugged. "She said she wanted to take the long way home."
Remy glared at the pot. "Still missin' somethin'," he muttered.
Sam, hearing footsteps, dashed from the room, pausing only to say, "You guys never saw me."
"What's, like, with him?" Kitty wondered aloud.
"Probably took somethin' o' Rahne's again," Remy replied. He sighed, and started searching the cabinets again.
As though on cue, Rahne came in. "Hey, guys-"
"He went that way," said the others in the room.
"Thanks," said Rahne. She sniffed. "Ooh, what're ye makin'?" She dipped a spoon into the gumbo.
"I wouldn't-" Kitty and Kurt began.
However, it was a lost cause. Rahne sampled it, and quickly began chugging water like no tomorrow.
Sam came back in, holding a Frisbee, and snorted when he saw Rahne.
"What is in that stuff!" she cried.
"Don't taste that bad t' me," said an utterly confused Remy.
"I have enhanced taste buds, ye daftie!" Rahne retorted. "And I think ye just fried most of 'em!"
Remy blinked.
"Ya see, Rahne," Sam explained, over his fit of laughter, "we Southerners don't think it's fair that everyone else doesn't have to suffer the heat we do. So, naturally, we put a lot of that Southern fire in our cooking."
"Do you have anything good to say about us Southerners?" Rogue drawled, leaning in the doorway.
"When did you get here?" everyone else chorused.
"Just now. And look, Ah brought a friend." She tugged someone into view. "This is Morph."
The boy standing next to her was tall and lanky, with a large grin and dark brown hair that kept falling in his face. "Hi!"
The other five teens in the room turned their heads simultaneously. "Who's he?"
At this Rogue rolled her eyes and pushed the guy forward.
"Call me Morph," he announced. A plumed purple hat appeared on his head, and he swept it off with a deep bow.
"Would it kill ya to be serious for five minutes?" Rogue inquired of the boy in a belabored tone.
"Quite possibly, fair lady," Morph responded, his spirits not at all dampened.
Rogue glared at him.
"Seems like y' have a talent for pickin' up strays, chere," Remy commented. "Where'd y' find this one?"
Morph cocked his head, and then changed shape to look exactly like Remy. He was inspecting himself when Rogue stamped on his foot. He lost the shape, hopping around and holding the offended appendage. "Ow ow OW!"
"Cut that out," Rogue growled.
"Note to self," said Morph, "imitate friend, feel much pain."
"Is the professor in his office?"
"Yeah, why?" Kitty asked.
"Ol' fearless here wants ta join the team," Rogue explained.
"I get the feeling that was a veiled insult," Morph said, eyes narrowed.
"Yah're really pickin' up fast, then. Come on." She grabbed his arm and started to lead him out, then stopped, frowning. "Is somethin' burnin'?"
Remy stopped. "Oh, merde!"
ABOUT TEN MINUTES LATER...
Morph rocked back and forth on his heels. "Wow. Nice digs," he commented as he assessed the professor's study.
"Show some respect, would ya?" Rogue snapped, smacking his arm.
"Ow! That hurts, you know!"
"That's the point."
The professor watched all this silently, looking rather amused. He cleared his throat.
"Sorry," said Rogue, and shoved Morph forward.
Morph grinned. "Hi. I'm Morph. Rogue tells me you have a mutant-team-thingy, and I'm interested in joining." He began to rock back and forth on his heels.
Rogue jabbed him in the back. "This is the X-men, not a business interview."
"Would you make up your mind on whether or not I have to be polite?" Morph demanded of her, turning fully now.
Behind him, the professor politely cleared his throat.
Morph wheeled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Sorry. Short-attention span."
"I am assuming," said the professor, peering past him at Rogue, "that you found him, Rogue?"
"He was standing on a street corner doing Shakespearian acting for change," Rogue explained. "But he kept shapeshifting. Not exactly the best way to keep your cover, and people seemed to be gettin' kinda testy."
Morph beamed. "So she brought me here!" He frowned. "I don't have to pay rent, do I?"
Rogue snorted and the professor seriously looked like he was hiding a smile behind his steepled hands. "No, the room and board is free-"
"Provided you pull your weight around here," Logan growled (he'd been passing by and smelled a new student). "Who's the newbie?"
"Th' name's Morph!" he exclaimed, doing the plumed-purple-hat bit again.
The professor cleared his throat again. "Well, Morph, technically we'd need permission from your guardians to allow you to stay here..."
"Well, that's not a problem," said Morph cheerfully. "Since the parental units kicked me out, I can give myself permission!" He grinned.
The professor blinked. "Well, then, that's settled, I suppose."
"Cool!" Morph said. "...S' now what?"
"Since you found 'im, Stripes, why don't you give him the grand tour."
"That wasn't a question, was it."
"Good girl."
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES LATER, THE COMMON ROOM
"This is the living room, there's the TV- but don't expect ta ever get dibs on the remote without a fight- video games, couch, and so on," Rogue said, sounding very bored.
She walked into the kitchen, where Remy was still prodding the gumbo. "That's Remy. Until you showed up, he was the resident newby. And now he's just down to being resident punchbunny."
Remy made faces at her back.
"Ah have eyes in the back of mah head, swamp rat."
"Why do y' think I'm doin' this? Et everyone knows I'm perfectly happy t' be your punchbunny, chere."
"Don't push it, bayou boy."
"I live t' push it with y'."
Rogue rolled her eyes and walked out, Morph following with a wave at Remy.
She led Morph down a hallway. "This is the senior X-men's wing- don't expect a room here, you'll get stuck with the newbies 'cause of your age."
"I never told you how old I was!"
"Ah guessed."
"Hey, newby," said Kitty, walking by and then through a door.
"Does she do that a lot?"
"All the time. You get used to it. Just be glad your bathroom's on the other side of the buildin', squirt."
Rogue pointed out a window. "Down there's the pool, the boathouse, and all that other 'outdoors' crap. Don't go in the woods, Logan'll skin your ass and you'll prob'ly get lost to boot."
She brought him to yet another hallway, like the first but noisier and longer. "This is the New Recruit's wing, where you'll be stayin'. Dunno who you'll room with, though. That's all up to Ororo. Be scared, she may look nice but she's kind of a sadist. Just don't go anywhere near her garden and you should be fine."
Morph looked around and then beamed at her, grabbing her in a bear hug. "I love it here!" he cried.
"...You don't wanna live long, do ya, kid?"
(And there's the first chapter, sarcastic and stupid as promised. There's a plot, I swear. In the next chapter: Morph suits up!)