CHAPTER 10

I'll never forget that day.

I ran out of Yubaba's office and locked myself in my room.

I sat on the futon with my hands on my face.

Nothing rational came to my mind, just images of destruction, and blood, and fear.

It was like I could see all the victims of Haku's doing. Their faces and their sufferings.

They were all in my head, screaming.

All the people that had suffered, why?

The sudden realization that made my heart break was that there was no reason, no logical reason for what he did.

No self defence, just cruelty, cruel attacks on innocents.

And Zeniba, the one that helped us. How could he do that?

We owned her. We did. But she was dead now and it felt like I had killed her.

I think I threw up a couple of times that night.

I couldn't understand anymore. I was hurting and sick of everything.

Because he was cruel, because Yubaba was cruel.

How did he do it? How can he look at himself with what he did? How can he breathe again after all he had done?

It wasn't fair. It wasn't.

Haku was right from the beginning, I couldn't stay with him, I couldn't stay with the person he became.

And I was just stupid, for believing in all of it.

Now all the horror of it came crashing on me, swallowing me, and I thought I really was going crazy.

I kept having hallucinations, with all those voices inside my head.

But the only sound in the room was the one of my sobs.

My tears rolled on the futon, soaking it. It was evening already.

When I realized it, I stood up.

Walking in a circles, my mind started to work frantically and insanely.

In my world I was sure, I had a family and a comfortable life.

Why did I came here at all?

Why was I supposed to care?

There was nothing I remembered here. Haku, my Haku wasn't here anymore. He was covered in blood now, and I was mistaking from the beginning.

Rin was right, I shouldn't have tainted the innocent memory I had of Haku.

I destroyed it all, and I wasn't sure I could survive that. I couldn't face it.

I loved no one for eight years, because the one I loved never really existed.

It was all, all in my head.

Because he did it, he killed them, consciously, aware of what he was doing.

He took people's life.

I had to run away… there was nothing here for me.

In my world I could push away all of it.

In my world I was safe.

I could cage those memories, those things they told me, inside a dark part of me, it would be like a nightmare, not really true or real.

Haku would kill me too, Haku would hurt all the people I love.

I punched the wall, angrily.

It hurt.

But my mind finally went blank.

My knees went weak and I fell on the floor.

What was I doing?

Why only the day before was I so sure everything was okay?

Who was going to care for all those victims?

I closed my eyes. I was going to faint. Finally.

Okay, sorry it's short, and the story doesn't go on in this chapter, but I had to do this. Chihiro can't be so strong to feel unaffected by all that. Thanks to everyone that reviewed, it's really useful for me, please review this chapter, too. I was wondering if I should bring Boh into the story… but I'm not sure how he would be… does he grow into normal size person? And how old would he be?

Oh, yeah, I don't own any Spirited Away's character.