Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII....

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, everyone! I know that a lot of people are boycotting this site, so it really means a lot to me that you are sticking with this. Also, elanor tinuviel, it's great to hear from you again! Lol, you had me worried there!

To Love You More

Chapter Twenty-Three

"'Cause all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
And stop crying your heart out..."

-"Stop Crying Your Heart Out" Oasis

SHE was so cold. Her hands...her forehead...everything. As a result, her skin had turned even paler than its usual shade. He felt so helpless just staring at her, knowing there was nothing he could do. Gripping her hand, he watched the rhythmic rise and fall of her chest. His eyes roamed over her face, calm...tranquil. It was as if she were only sleeping. If only that were the case.

"Wake up, Rinoa," he pleaded. "Please, wake up. I need to hear your voice."

He received no response. No reassuring smile, no fluttering of her eyelids, nothing. He had never felt so helpless in his life. If only there were something he could do. He hated sitting around and succumbing to defeat. No, not defeat. He wouldn't let Rinoa be defeated. He was not helpless, despite feeling that way. There had to be something he could do...anything. He knew now that he would go to the ends of the Earth for this woman. This raven-haired beauty that had stolen his heart from right under him. It had been so obvious...why was he the last to see it? Especially now, when it could be too late.

"No," he said aloud. "It's not too late. Rinoa...I'm sorry. If you hadn't gotten involved with me, then this never would have happened." He sighed. "Why did you have to be so persistent? I...I don't understand you. I don't understand how you can even stand to be around me." He buried his head in his hands in defeat.

"Because I love you," a voice said softly.

He looked up in disbelief. "Rinoa? You're awake?"

She nodded, smiling at his dumbfounded expression. "Your words...I heard them. I had to come back and tell you. I love being around you, Squall. I wish it could stay this way forever."

"It can," he whispered, tucking a stray piece of hair behind her ear. "This doesn't have to end."

She nodded sadly. "Yes, it does. It's already gone."

Squall frowned, unsure of what to say. "I don't understand."

"I know you don't." She cupped his face in her hands. "I love you, Squall Leonhart. No matter what anyone says, no matter what I say, never forget that. It is because I love you that I am setting you free. I am not going to interfere with your life."

"Rinoa..." He felt her forehead. "Are you alright? Do you want me to go get Dr. Kadowaki? You're not making any sense."

She smiled, tears glistening in her eyes. "It will all make sense when you wake up. Goodbye, Squall." She closed her eyes.

"Rinoa? Rinoa?!"

"Rinoa!" Squall's eyes shot open, revealing his bedroom. He took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself down. It had just been a dream.

"Squall?" a voice asked beside him. "Honey, you're shaking." Quistis wrapped her arms around her husband, trying to soothe him. "A nightmare?" she asked after a few minutes.

Squall nodded numbly. "Rinoa..." he mumbled.

Quistis raised an eyebrow. After Rinoa had died, Squall's nightmares involving her were common. However, he hadn't had any in almost a year. So why now? "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

Squall shook his head. The last thing he wanted was to hurt Quistis by reenacting another nightmare about Rinoa. "It was nothing," he lied. "I can't even remember most of it."

The blonde was skeptical of that, but she didn't want to push Squall. "Okay," she said simply. "If you want to talk, I'm here."

Squall surprised her by pulling away and getting up. Quistis watched as he pulled on a pair of black sweatpants and a white muscle shirt. He looked slightly dazed, but what scared her the most was the look in his eyes. He just looked so...lost.

"I'm going for a walk," he announced, heading towards the door.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" She glanced at the clock. "Squall, it's past one."

"I don't care," he said coldly. "I'm the commander, aren't I? I doubt they're going to throw me in detention," he said sarcastically.

"Squall...I'm worried about you."

"Don't be. I'm a big boy, remember? More than capable of taking care of myself."

"Squall..." she started. It was too late, though. He was already gone.

SQUALL walked down the hall, his mind a blur. The dream he had had about Rinoa was still fresh in his mind. Why would he be dreaming about her now? More specifically, why would he be dreaming about her in a coma? There was no answer, no clear explanation. For some reason, he felt the overpowering need to see her. In all honesty, he knew that it was probably a bad idea, but quite frankly, he didn't give a damn. He was so sick of doing what was "right", what was "expected" of him. Screw logic. Logic had been thrown out the window a long time ago. And so it was with those thoughts that Squall made his way over to her door and hastily knocked.

"Who's there?" she mumbled, still half asleep.

"It's Squall," he said quietly.

From inside her room, Rinoa stumbled out of bed, grabbing her robe along the way. Wrapping the blue silken material over her black nightgown, she opened the door. "Squall," she said, yawning, "It's past one."

"I know," he said, running a hand through his hair. "I just wanted to see you."

"You know, Squall, three years ago, I would have been flattered. However, this isn't three years ago. You're married, Squall, and I'm the ex-girlfriend. You can't just show up here at one in the morning."

"You're right," he said coldly. "This was a bad idea. I shouldn't have come." He turned to leave.

"Squall, wait," Rinoa said, grabbing his wrist. "I'm sorry. You wouldn't have come unless it was important. I should know that by now." She rubbed at her eyes wearily. "Okay, we'll talk, but not here. Who knows what people would say." Or what I would do, she silently added. With Squall in her room that late, who knows what could happen. They were lucky that the most that had happened between them was that almost-kiss.

Squall nodded. "The Secret Area?"

"Exactly what I was thinking. Just give me a few minutes to throw something on."

Rinoa closed the door behind her as she reentered her room. Digging through her closet, she pulled out a pair of baby blue sweatpants and a white t-shirt. She quickly changed into the clothes and then put her hair up into a messy ponytail. Satisfied that she looked presentable, or at least as presentable as one can look at one in the morning, she opened the door once more.

"Okay, let's go."

Their walk to the training center was a silent one. Rinoa preferred to let Squall bring up his reason for coming. He was, after all, the one who had sought her out. Once at the training center, they made their way to the secret area, surprisingly not encountering any monsters. Upon entering the secret area, Rinoa was filled with a strong sense of nostalgia. She remembered the many times Squall and her would go there to escape the daily demands of Garden.

"Did I wake you?" Squall asked suddenly.

It took Rinoa a few seconds to figure out what he was talking about. "Oh, no, not really. I wasn't really sleeping. It was more like I was at that point where you're not really awake, but you're not fully asleep, either. Do you know what I mean?"

He nodded. "I shouldn't have come to see you," he said for the second time that night.

"But you did. Why?" So much for waiting for him to get to the point.

"You'd think it was stupid if I told you."

"Have I ever thought you were stupid before?" she demanded.

Squall sighed. "Okay. If it makes you happy, I had a dream about you."

"And?" she prompted.

"And what?"

Rinoa rolled her eyes. "You are not going to tell me that you woke me up at one in the morning just to tell me that you had a dream about me."

"I thought you said that I didn't wake you up."

"Don't change the subject."

"Alright, fine. I'll tell you about my dream. You were in a coma," he told her softly. "Almost like after we fought Edea at Galbadia Garden. I wanted to hear your voice. I just wanted you to open your eyes."

"Something else happened, didn't it?" she asked quietly. "I didn't open my eyes."

"No, you did open your eyes. You told me that you loved me, but we were over. You said something about what we had being gone. And then...you were gone. You left me, Rinoa."

Rinoa looked at him intently. "Remember that dream I had the night before I left?" He nodded. "Your dream sounds an awfully lot like that one."

Squall frowned. "What is that supposed to mean?"

Rinoa sighed. "It was just a dream, Squall. I'm obviously still here."

"You think I don't know that?" he snapped. "I still had to see you. Don't ask me why, because I don't know, dammit! None of this makes any Goddamn sense!"

"I'm sorry, Squall. If you're experiencing any pain because of me, I truly am sorry. There just isn't anything I can do for you anymore."

"What's wrong with you?" he whispered.

"Nothing! Nothing is wrong with me, Squall. Excuse me for not feeling comfortable with being out here with you at this time. What would Quistis say if she saw us?"

"We're talking, Rinoa. Nothing more."

"It's easy to get the wrong idea. I know that I would not be happy to find my husband in the secret area with his ex-girlfriend."

"I don't give a damn about what Quistis thinks right now. This is between you and me."

"What do you expect me to say?" she demanded. "Do you just expect me to take you up in my arms and kiss all of your pain away? Do you expect me to reassure you? To tell you that everything is fine?"

"You used to," he said quietly.

"Yes, Squall, used to! We were dating back then, and I felt the need to do all of those things. I wanted to do those things. What you need to understand is that I can't do those things for you anymore. You made a desicion to kick me out of your life the day you married Quistis."

"Don't you even fucking go there," he snarled. "I never kicked you out of my life, Rinoa. I thought you were dead!"

"Regardless, you are married. Quistis is my friend, Squall. I am not going to go behind her back to ease your confused mind!"

"What the hell..." he trailed off, at a loss for words. "I don't even know what to say to you anymore, Rinoa. I see you, but maybe I'm blind because you are not the Rinoa Heartilly I used to know."

"People change. You should know that better than anyone. Afterall, I never would have expected you to move on so fast."

"God dammit!" he roared, slamming his fist into the wall. He cornered Rinoa, pinning her up against the wall. "Why do you always have to be so damn difficult? Haven't you heard a word I've said?"

Rinoa nodded. "Yes, Squall. I heard the words coming out of your mouth, but I still can't decipher their meaning. You never were one to beat around the bush, but after everything you've told me, I still don't know how you feel."

"Words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel," he whispered.

"Wha-" she began, but was cut off as she felt a forceful prssure on her lips. At that moment, she felt like she was falling, falling...down, deeper and deeper. She was caught in a trap, in a neverending spiral. There was no way to break free, no air... Gasping, she suddenly broke away.

Squall stared at her, a slight question in his eyes. What scared Rinoa the most was how badly she wanted to dive into his arms and allow herself to get lost in him forever. It wasn't until that moment that she realized just how much she missed his touch. No, she couldn't think like that. As much as she had enjoyed that kiss, wanted it, even, it was wrong. She wouldn't betray Quistis in such a way.

"No," Rinoa whispered. "No. I can't do this anymore, Squall. I can offer you friendship, nothing more. You have Quistis to give you everything else."

Squall shook his head. "She's not you."

Rinoa closed her eyes, fighting against tears. "Why did you kiss me?"

"I don't know," he admitted. "I just had to."

Rinoa sighed. "I went out to dinner with Irvine last night," she said suddenly. "He has feelings for me, and...and I have feelings for him. We're dating, Squall. So do me a favor and go back to Quistis. She needs you."

"Rinoa," he began.

She held up a hand to stop him. "I don't know what you meant by that kiss, and in all honesty, I doubt you'll ever tell me. You and me...we can't be together, okay? I have Irvine and you have Quistis. That's how it has to be."

Squall nodded painfully. "I'm sorry that I kissed you. It was a mistake...a lapse of judgement."

"Of course," Rinoa said. "Isn't it always? I'll see you around, Squall. Just...not in the middle of the night."

He nodded once more, watching as she fled. What had he gotten himself into? A lapse of judgement? Just what the hell was he thinking?

EMERALD eyes stared up at the shiny blue structure known as Balamb Garden. It had been years since she had last been there, yet it almost felt as if she had never left. Smiling to herself, Selphie began the long walk into the depths of the Garden. She took in the little things as she walked. Things so small that she had never really realized how much she missed them until now. The flowers, for example. She had always loved how they showed up in the most random of palces. It was almost as if they had strategically been placed there just to add a little cheer to someone's day. At least, that was what she liked to think.

As she strolled through Garden, Selphie admired one of the things she mad missed the most about Balamb Garden; the beautiful fountains. She would have loved to have such fountains at Trabia Garden, but they unfortunately lacked the funds. She quickly waved thoughts of Trabia Garden away. She's rather not think about the people she had left and how they had reacted. Dominic most of all. He had completely been against her going, to the point where she almost had to sneak away. She didn't care about what anyone thought, though. Her sole purpose for coming was to see Rinoa. Rinoa. Just the thought of her friend made her face break into a wide smile. Rinoa is alive! After Squall had called, the only coherent thought she had been able to form was that she needed to see Rinoa. She had barely had time to comprehend what that actually meant. The ride over had given her time to contemplate that, but so many questions still remained unanswered. She had so much to talk to Rinoa about.

"Selphie?" Zell did a double take as he saw the brunette walking down the hall.

"Hey, Zell!" Selphie greeted happily. "Come on, give me a hug! I haven't seen you in ages!"

"Wow...you look great, Selphie. You seem to be doing really well."

"I really am. I mean, I'm so much happier. The time at Trabia has really helped me."

"So, what brings you back to good ol' Balamb Garden?"

"Rinoa, of course!"

"So you've heard about Rinoa?"

Selphie nodded. "Mhmm. I talked to Squall yesterday and he told me. Of course I had to come out right away! So, where is the woman of the hour?"

"Actually, I just left her at the cafeteria. She should be alone, so it should be a good chance for you to talk to her."

"I just feel like there's so much to catch up on." Her voice grew serious. "How is she taking Squall's marriage to Quistis?"

Zell shrugged. "You know Rinoa. She's putting on a brave face to the world, but inside, I can tell that it's hurting her."

Selphie sighed. "Maybe I can cheer her up. What a mess, though, huh? Three years ago, things were going great, and now look. Oh, listen to me! I shouldn't talk like that. Rinoa is alive, afterall."

Zell nodded. "Yeah, that's right. Hey, I gotta get to class. We should all have dinner together tonight or something."

"Yeah! Just like old times, huh? I'll see you later, Zell!" Selphie waved and then ran off toward the cafeteria. There, she was quicky able to locate the dark-haired beauty, indeed sitting alone. It was such a strange feeling, seeing her there, as if no time had passed. It was almsot as if she was seventeen again. "Rinoa!"

Rinoa looked up, her face automatically breaking into a grin as she saw who it was. "Selphie! What are you doing here?"

Selphie immeadiately enveloped her friend in a tight bear hug, tears glistening in her eyes. "I heard that you were here, and I just had to see you! Rinoa...I can't believe it! I missed you so much! You better have a good explanation for where you've been all this time!"

"It's a long story," Rinoa explained.

"Hey, we have three years' worth of stuff to catch up on! I'm all ears."

Rinoa then proceeded to tell her about everything that had happened since the day the Ragnarok had gone down. She had told the story so many times now that she could almost tell it without feeling any emotion. Almost. It was still hard to think about the years of her life that she had missed.

"Selphie," Rinoa said after she had reccounted everything that had happened. "Irvine told me about how you blamed yourself for what happened. Now you look at me. None of this was your fault. It had nothing to do with you. Do you understand?"

Selphie nodded. "I'm just so glad you're back, Rin."

"Me too," she said, smiling. "How long do you plan on staying here?"

Selphie shrugged. "I took an indefinite leave of absence from Trabia Garden. I can petty much stay here as long as I want to. It'll be nice to see everyone again and get to spend some time with everyone. It'll be just like old times."

Rinoa nodded. "Yeah," she said, a hint of sadness in her voice. "Just like old times."