Disclaimer: I don't own any of Clamp's characters.
Author's Thanks: goes to X/1999Nataku-lover, chris pwure, R Junkie, Morithil you read my mind on the bolshie union Clamp trigger happy about abuse as any average Hellsing character…. Wul Anatole, Subaru's Voice you are a great friend! tekoo dear, Sei-chan will appear later I don't want to say when or I'll ruin the story, Chibis Unleashed I'm not familiar with Emeraude please tell me what happened to him, chibi-nezumi , thank you all!
Sorry about not updating sooner but I had to re-post all my New World story (22 chapters is a shload ne?) and other stuff to publish but here's the next chapter for you!
WARNING: slightly naughty subjects but no swear words and no graphic scenes or anything!
Chapter 2 – New Members
The next day tens of characters showed up at the striker's door, awaiting their salvation or at least a little vacation from their misery.
As she woke up, on the way to the bathroom, Miyuki took a look at the long line outside the house and gasped "So many…it's impossible…so many are abused?"
Then she wondered, if this many characters are going to strike then surely Clamp won't have anyone to play with…..then what would happen?
She brought the subject up on breakfast. Kamui and Subaru stared at each other, then at her, then at Kakyou expecting to get anything coherent out of him besides snores and the random "Hokuto….." (not something too comfortable for Subaru).
Kamui got up to look out the window, producing a long whistle at the equally longer line outside their house.
"Surely they're most looking for a vacation rather then a helping hand and a listening ear" Subaru was tapping the table with his cornflake spoon, irritated at the 35th "Hokuto…." Kakyou just produced.
Miyuki and Kamui turned to him bewildered "Then we can't bring them all in…..but how are we going to make sure they won't all stomp in on us…" Kamui mumbled after noting a few miserable and a few angry faces amongst the long line.
"I don't think we have room for everybody in this house anyway…what are we going to do?" Miyuki whimpered.
Both teens turned their helpless gazes at the elder of the house; Subaru.
After much thinking and a few gulps from his crunchy breakfast cereals, Subaru came up with an idea.
"We'll interview them"
"Interview them?" the purple eyed boy and his equally innocent and young comrade to a strike said at the same time.
"Yes, we'll ask them what Clamp did to them to see if they indeed deserve the title 'abused' or not." He got off his chair and began pacing around as he started doing as of late
"We'll hear their stories and unless we find something really abusive in their past, something Clamp were responsible for and not anime producers and directors that is, we'll accept them in and they'll join our union. What say you comrades?" he turned to his two awake partners.
Kamui and Miyuki, who up until now were too busy hanging admiring eyes at their sempai in angst and anguish, now rose to their feet and clapped their hands in excitement.
Subaru waved it off shyly.
They gathered a few tables and chairs from all over the house to form an interviewing room. They gathered more chairs then their current members so that once a character is found qualified they may join them behind the interviewing table.
And so the interviews began
First walked in a young man, wearing a rather dull and common green shirt and jeans. his black hair fell down his forehead casually above eyes that were showing sings of many sleepless nights. By him walked a peculiar looking blond teenaged girl with big pupil-less eyes.
Unlike the older looking teen, the girl was quite exquisite with her figure hugging yet somewhat nostalgic dress, her long straight hair and her pink and white plastic ears sticking out quite strangely yet cutely.
"And which one of you is the abused character?" Subaru spoke feeling his comrades' admiration of him at his back.
"I am" the young man said, keeping a shy and awkward stance at the strict and formal interview "My name is Hideki Motosuwa, from Chobits"
The three awake union members all said a brief "hello"
"And what makes you think you're an abused Clamp character?" Subaru couldn't help a bugging sensation at the back of his head at the closeness and obvious affection this Hideki was getting from the lovely blond by his side.
If he has such a knockout (according to straight men's scale that is, something Subaru could only take a wild guess at) then it's not all that bad for him.
"Well you see….hang on a second, she might hear something funny…" Hideki turned, his face blushing in a shade Subaru could be quite proud of back in the days, to the blond and gently spoke to her "Chi, can you go sit over there for a minute?"
The blond smiled a wonderful happy smile and obeyed immediately.
Hideki turned his gaze back at his interviewers, his awkwardness and blush deeper then ever "Well you see….Clamp made me into this country boy, not a city boy, not someone with….how can I say it….knowledge of life if you know what I'm talking about….." he scanned over the faces to see if he was understood and found mostly blank stares.
"Ok, I'll be blunt, I'm an 18 years old virgin, could you imagine that!" he scanned their faces once again, noting a blazing glare from Subaru (a 25 year old in the same condition).
"And I'm….well….I have needs…like every growing boy, ne?" he turned to Kamui, who's constant molesting by Fuma made him pretty much blunt to any kind of arousal or sexual thoughts filed under 'positive' in his mind, and received a blank stare.
"but Clamp……they found me this hot chick, Chi….I mean look at her, doesn't she look tasty?" he motioned to the blond "wouldn't you just like to eat her?"
Subaru shrugged, Kakyou snored, Miyuki shuddered from the very thought of getting close to anything woman-like but Kamui nodded, his eyes glittering.
This lead to a short silence in the room. Everybody stared at Kamui.
Oblivious to the stares, Kamui kept on scanning Chi mumbling little "oh yeah, she's hot" from time to time.
Subaru seemed like he was about to cry, Miyuki looked very very puzzled, Hideki stared at Kamui, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.
"Ne, Kamui-san….." he mumbled "You….find Chi….the very feminine and definitely woman-like Chi hot?" Hideki asked, bending a little to be in Kamui's line of view.
For a few good moments Kamui simply sat and shook with anger. Then he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and calmed his anger as much as he could. "I…..am…..not….gay……" he managed to snarl.
Subaru whipped his head away to hide the tears in his eyes.
The rest stared in shock, hell, even Chi looked baffled.
"You….you're not!" Hideki asked amazed.
"No….." Kamui snarled once again "It's all Clamp's fault for making me so effeminate I'm only topped in it by Kakyou who practically looks like a woman….. everybody thinks I'm gay and not only gay but an uke of all things!" he crashed his fist onto the table in rage "Do I have pink hair and jump around all over other males! NO! Do I have big black wings and long black hair like some girlie angel! NO! Am I a werewolf effeminate cheeky member of Millennium's Last Battalion! NO!" he stomped the floor and got up, his eyes blazing again "I am straight!" he shouted, glaring at Hideki enough to burn two holes in the poor teen's forehead "And your girlfriend is indeed hot!"
Subaru choked a whimper, mumbling "Oh the abuse, the abuse I suffer" to himself whenever he thought no one was listening.
"Ooookaaaaaaay" Hideki took a few awkward steps back "So anyways, they made me damn hor….filled with needs….and they made Chi into this hot babe but……they…" here his deep blushing returned in full force "They put a restart button in…..well…in…..inside her…..so that doing anything would mean erasing her memory and her personality along with it….."
For a moment the three active comrades stared at Hideki, on the verge of bringing him in, until Subaru recovered enough of his coherent non-angsting mind to concentrate on what's spoken around him.
"So what? There are other ways of going about it" he said, his active eye as cold as ice.
Three pairs of eyes stared at his direction in shock.
"O….other ways?" the formerly repressed and miserable eyes of Motosuwa Hideki now began filling with light and joy again.
"She can give you head" Subaru suddenly ached for a cigarette and, just to make Kamui suffer for pouring salt on his own repressed libido earlier, lit it starting to smoke it while carelessly speaking to the boy before him "You can do it our…..my style" he said, blowing smoke at Kamui's direction sending the boy by him to a short coughing fit "If she has the right….socket…for it"
Hideki didn't stay for very long after those words, in fact, the moment the Sumeragi stopped talking he dashed to Chi's side, tossed her over his shoulder like bounty and stormed out of the house.
Behind the closed front door, the union members could hear a wild "YAHOOOOOOOO!" holler drawing further and further away from the house.
Three voices sighed deeply, a sweatdrop on each forehead.
Kakyou snored.
Next a young youth somewhere at Kamui's age walked in. his dirty work clothes and gloves showing the signs of a long journey or a sand filled job. His bright brown hair sat in a mess atop his head. His eyes were strong and piercing, pretty old and mature for his age.
"Syaoran from Tsubasa" he said as he walked up to the interviewing table.
"Yes Syaoran-kun, what makes you think you're an abused Clamp character?" Subaru formally asked, putting his cigarette off in a nearby ashtray after receiving a few death glares from a wheezy Kamui.
"I have a girl that I love, Sakura-hime from the country of Clow. In an accident in the archaeological digs I worked in she lost all her memories as they turned to feathers scattered across the many dimensions out there.
"I, and two other men from two different worlds, travel with her from one world to the other searching for her lost memory feathers. In the travels I undergo multiple adventures, many of which conclude in finding a feather but causing me and my friends some physical damage. But that is not all of it.
"To gain the ability, or the device more like it, enabling us to travel dimensions I had to pay a price to the Dimensional Witch; Sakura-Hime's memory of our relationship. I know she was about to tell me she loved me before all of this started but now not only did she forget who I am and what she felt for me completely, but whenever she gets even close to develop feelings for me it is erased and can never be develop again.
"So you see, I am bound by my never-to-be-returned emotions to travel and get hurt all over again without ever getting any kind of reward or rest because if we won't find her memories she might deteriorate to a coma and die. Plus my love for Sakura-hime can never allow me to just give it all up and bring her back to her home as she is to re-learn everything on her own"
Short sad gasps and sighs sounded from the three comrades, hanging comforting eyes at Syaoran.
"But wait! There's more!" the boy said, his eyes becoming more bitter "Clamp made me lose my right eye somewhere along my life so I fight by kicking and have a blind side all the time, which is not a good thing with all the stuff I go through" he turned to Subaru "I think that's something you can sympathise with
"And another thing you can understand in my misery: there's another world version of Seishiro that used to be a friend of mine but now he has one of Sakura-hime's feathers and uses it as a power source as he travels looking for these two vampires or something and he won't give it up no matter what. He's skipping between dimensions and we're skipping between dimensions and the chances of use meeting again are very low…."
"Wow…" Subaru shook his head in sad understanding.
"So let's see what we have here" Miyuki took a sheet of paper and pen "We have 'Loss of a love relationship', 'Loss of limb' and 'Mistreatment by Seishiro'"
"You can just put 'Seishiro' down" Subaru grumbled "The man is abuse on two legs. Please Syaoran, sit down amongst us, have a cup of tea" he gestured to a chair to his right, pouring the boy a cup from a large tea-urn by Miyuki.
Syaoran nodded his thanks and walked to his seat.
"Welcome to the Abused Clamp Characters Union Syaoran" Miyuki chirped at him and poured herself some more tea.
Kakyou uttered his 49th "Hokuto…..".
Next came another young man at around Kamui's age. This one was neatly clad in well ironed and starched black school uniforms. His glasses were clean and shiny, neatly placed before eyes that darted from one spot to another as if he sees things no one else can see and glaring at them angrily. All and all he looked pretty dull, a sort of dark, neurotic version of Aoki Seiichiro.
"Kimihiro Watanuki from XXXoholic" he said, suddenly dodging sideways from where he stood for no apparent reason.
"And you're abused because?" Syaoran asked, feeling confident enough amongst his new comrades to do the interviews while Subaru lit another cigarette (ignoring a long hard glare from Kamui).
"From birth I was given the ability to see spirits and ghosts. They know it so they stalk me all over the place, causing me much discontent and unhappiness. Both my parents are dead and gone, they perished while I was still alive but that's not that much of an abuse…I….I sort of got over that so to speak….
"It's where I work that's my cause for abuse. I walked in, under a spell that is, to a 'store' where they 'grant wishes' by sorcery and magic. I walked in because I wished to have the ability to see these disturbing spirits taken from me but…..
"But my price for the wish granting is working for the store manager and boy….what a job that is! The woman, this Yuuko witch store manager thingy, she has piles of trash all over the place catalogued as 'treasures' and she makes me clean them all from a state of absolute chaos and dirt! I'm a clean freak, it's a very disturbing sight for me!
"Plus I have to do anything Yuuko-san tells me to do, from shopping for anti-hangover medication for her to making her breakfast, lunch and dinner at her whim.
"She has these two helpers, Moru and Maru who keep saying the most stupid and annoying things to me when she intentionally provokes them too, picking on me and teasing me all the time.
"She makes me work at all sorts of spiritual adventures someone like you" he turned to Subaru "should handle, and she hooked me up with this guy I absolutely hate to do it with me…..oh my life is slowly draining away from me….and the duck hand puppet….oh, the duck hand puppet….." he bowed his head, his whole posture crying 'weary and worn out'.
"You poor thing…." Miyuki mumbled, ready to call him over to join them.
Then Watanuki's mobile phone rang. He took it out of his pocket and examined the calling number on the screen. Suddenly his whole attitude changed from worn out to merry and energetic, his eyes filled with happiness, his face beaming suddenly.
He turned to the five characters, showing them the mobile phone screen "it's Kunogi – san!" he chirped at them happily.
Surprised at the sudden change in the youth, and following a sneaky suspicion, Kamui turned to Watanuki "Who's that then?"
"Oh…." The fore eyed youth blushed "That's the girl I lo….like….he he…." He blushed.
"Get out" came a cold snarl from Subaru.
"Eh?" Watanuki stared, his mobile phone still ringing and vibrating chaos in his hand.
"If you have someone you love and she's still alive, unharmed and returning some kind of affection then you don't belong here! This is the Abused Clamp Characters Union, not the We're Busting Our Rear Ends Really Hard At Work But When We Go Back Home There's Always Someone Nice To Comfort Us Clamp Characters Union, now get out!"
Without words, mouthing with shock, Watanuki began shuffling his way out of the room and out of the house.
Subaru sat back on his seat, huffing and puffing angry smoke from his cigarette.
A young strict looking woman in harsh, almost militaristic, school uniforms walked into the interviewing room. Her gaze was cold as ice, her face expressionless and beaming with restrained anger and frustration.
Fighting to calm her nerves at the sight of a real woman, Miyuki moved awkwardly on her seat, stifling a few whimpers and straightening her iron corset.
"My name" the young woman said, folding her arms on her chest which made her look ever stricter "Is Sai Jyonouchi from Angelic Layer. My story goes like this: I am naturally unsocial and cold in nature and I never had any real good friends to attach myself to and have fun with. The only light in my life was my dear beloved little sister whom I loved and nursed through her illness.
"Yes, her illness, as you can imagine by Clamp's nature, my sister died on me leaving me alone and lonely in the world with only my sister's last wishes about an angel to fight and win with.
"Then I met a girl, a very nice girl named Kaede Saito who managed to crumble my ice walls of isolation and became my good friend and….and a little more…." She hung her eyes at Kamui momentarily, making the boy wonder what she means by that.
"But then, under the abusive Clamp tradition, they killed off Kaeda as it's discovered in Chobits, leaving me to mourn and grief with really no one to comfort me….ever…."
She did not shed a tear, she did not flinch into a slightly different facial expression. She just stared and talked her miserable life out in an icy monotone droning.
"So" Kamui bent over to glance at Miyuki's page "that's 'Loss of sibling' and 'Loss of loved one'…yup, welcome to the Union Sai-san, have a seat and a cup of tea please"
Sai nodded and walked somewhat robotically to the free chair amongst three between Miyuki and Kakyou.
After a long half an hour of hysterics and whimpers from Miyuki who chose to dash from the table and hide under her bed, it was decided that Sai would sit between Subaru and Syaoran instead of Miyuki's side.
Right after Sai came a young boy in school uniforms rather similar to Watanuki's. His eyes were cold and sad, pretty mature for such a young boy. He took one glance at Sai and nodded, recognising her and greeting her differently.
"Gokubunji Minoru from Chobits" he said in a calm and even tone.
"Yes Gokubunji-kun, how do you present yourself as an abused character?" Subaru leaned back on his chair awaiting an easy interview. If he knew Sai then surely they shared the same tragedy therefore surely this boy is an abused Clamp character.
"I am Kaeda's little brother. Our parents divorced to start my abusive life."
All heads nodded across the room, this was indeed a promising future comrade.
"I am currently living alone with no one but my persocoms and Yuzuki" Minoru went on, not noticing the trap he just set himself.
"Who's this Yuzuki then?" Kamui wondered.
"Yuzuki is a persocom I built in an attempt to make a copy of my sister to sooth my pain."
"And did it work?" a sneaking suspicion filled Subaru's voice.
"Well, yes and no. To be the exact soothing copy of my sister she did not manage, no one can replace a person never mind how much personal data I fed her. But….she somehow manages to cheer me up, to make me happy with her presence because she is a very nice person…persocom and…..what?"
by then Minoru noted the union members behind the interviewing tables began shaking their heads and looking disappointed.
"Happiness…." Kamui sighed, trying to make this as short as possible and move on to the next character "You're happy….happy is not abused…not abused, not in the union…goodbye"
Minoru stood staring and blinking for a while, then gathered his wits and left shooting a 'hey…that's not fair' glance at Sai who was too unsocial and uncaring to note it.
Next came a young man that oddly resembled Keiichi to Kamui's eyes. Same slightly messy blond hair, same height, same body build, same fire in the eyes.
Only this young man's eyes were filled with an almost obsessive fire.
Obsessive was good, if you're obsessed then something is wrong with you and if something is wrong with you then it's Clamp's fault for making you this way hence making you an abused character.
"Kobayashi Ryusuke from Man of Many Faces" he called out enthusiastically "the law enforcing teen in the first book and half of the second one" he kept raving, pride filling his chest and eyes "Currently I am a cop at Tokyo's 27th precinct (1)"
After removing the huge sweatdrop that developed on each of their foreheads, the strikers turned to stare at Subaru for the interview to begin.
"Well….." Subaru gathered the 'Clamp Abuse Charges List' from Kamui and Miyuki's hands and turned back to the bubbly policeman before him "Kobayashi-san, what makes you an abused Clamp character?"
"Ah-ha! let me explain you" the officer of the law took an almost threatening step forward, glaring fire at each of the board's members "You see I am obsessed with keeping the law, with justice and fighting crime. Clamp even gave the unique ability to make policemen do whatever I tell them to…"
"Cool!" Miyuki chirped "Did you ever make them do something really silly like going on all fours and bark like dogs?"
"Did you ever make them do all sorts of athletic tricks like cheerleaders do?" Kamui caught on the excitement.
Ryusuke glared them into silence, his face darkening with seriousness "No" he snarled "The officers of the law have better things to do then sit around and do silly things because" and with this he took another step, slammed his fists on the interviewing table and leaned on closer to each and every member but Kakyou who was still asleep "there is a thief out there! A thief so sneaky and foul, so annoying and clever that I have yet to catch him!
"Lord knows I tried, I tried really hard, since childhood I did, but due to Clamp's idea of lawbreaking as something to joke about, I am forever on his trail yet I never caught up with him…..oh, the abuse…" he turned his face away, ashamed of his few tears shattering his macho appearance.
The members stared at him carelessly.
"And you say you're abused because of that!" Sai glared icebergs at the cop.
"Y….yes…." he began breaking under her cold scornful stare.
"Because you can't catch a miserable thief that runs away from his crime scenes on a gathering of balloons, on gliders and digs under stages as a way of escaping?" she was tapping the table with her fingers irritably, each tap making Ryusuke more and more timid and unconfident with each tap
"If you say you have the ability to control police members then surely the whole police forces and resources were at your reach, right?"
Ryusuke whimpered as an answer.
"Have you no helicopters in the police? Have you no fast cruisers? No stunt guns! No swat teams!"
Ryusuke was shaking and whimpering, his eyes filling with tears as he slowly backed away from the room until he ran out of the house, wailing like a baby.
"Sai-chan….harsh…." Kamui turned to the girl.
Sai glared ice at him and for a moment Kamui had the hunch that Clamp gave her the ability to death-glare like the DoE's Kamui….
Next came a young boy, about Minoru's age, beaming and happy. He bowed politely to each of them, smiling cheerfully, and put a neat square white box on their table.
"What's this?" Kamui sniffed the air above the box thinking he picked up the smell of cinnamon.
"A cake for you!" the boy chirped "I made it just before I came here, please, have a slice"
"You know bribery is illegal" Sai glared at him.
"Ha ha ha, it's not bribery, I was just trying to be nice" the boy swatdropped, slowly caving under the powerful look.
"I'm Ijuin Akira from Clamp Campus Detective, Man of Many Faces and I do believe I meet you two" he gestured at Kamui and Subaru "in my older version"
"Mmmm, this is good!" Miyuki said with a full mouth as she delivered a slice to each of the comrades. Little crumbs fell from her mouth as she spoke.
"Thank you!" Akira beamed happily.
"Miyuki-chan, it's not polite to talk with your mouth full" Kamui tried hinting her, noting the rest of his friends were too timid to do so.
Miyuki stared at him watery eyed for a moment "But….but…. I'm too used to eating as quickly as I can before someone comes and molests me or I won't have a chance to eat in a long time" she said, tears streaming out of her eyes.
Kamui wrapped an arm across her shoulders "There there, never mind me, keep eating dear. Forget about it"
Miyuki sniffed and resumed her feeding.
"So, why should someone who is the star of a series also named 'Happy Come On', smiling so kindly and happily as you do, call them abused?" Subaru asked cynically.
"Ah" Akira began digging through his pockets looking for something "My future wife asked me to give this to you" he handed a folded page to Subaru's hands.
The comrades scooted over the onemoji's shoulders to see what the note read.
"It says here that you have no concept of sex…." Subaru said, getting more and more puzzled as he checked the note over and over to see if this is true. "It says that even though your friend from the student council is a notorious flirt and skirt chaser you only accompany him because you're his friend and only find the girls you assist in your 'detective agency' as 'nice' and nothing more.
"It says that you're as innocent as a newborn and as clean of any carnal deeds as a nun and that….oh my god, that's just sick!... IMPOSSIBLE…." He tossed the note aside.
Kamui picked it up and read off the unread line "Wow….dude….it says here that despite the fact that you are now married and completely free and legitimated to do deeds with your wife you sleep in different beds and fully clothed……" he raised giant shocked, even revolted, mauve eyes to the boy before him " Why man, why!"
Akira merely stared blankly at the youth with The Authority of God, his eyes completely oblivious to what he was asked about. "Why?….what am I supposed to do with her?" he asked, innocence oozing out of him.
The board stared at him in shock.
"Now that is just sick." Syaoran shook his head "Akira-kun, you are indeed limited, if not crippled, by Clamp. But you are not the true victim of this disability, your wife is" he looked at his fellow strikers to get their approval "If she wants, she can come over and join us anytime"
"Yeah" Kamui sneered "it's not like you'll miss her at evening time or something…." He received a few giggles from his comrades.
"Oh…." Akira shrugged "Thank you anyway" he beamed a delightful smile at them "Thank you for hearing me out, enjoy your cake" he turned to leave "Have a good day and good luck!" he chirped a last goodbye.
The board shivered a few moments with the sheer happiness on that boy.
"He hurt my angst lobe" Subaru winced, rubbing his head.
Even Kakyou groaned in complaint at the offensive happy halo coming off of the boy.
An angel from heaven walked into the room, her wings shining from the sunlight they soaked while waiting outside, her legs walking on air as she floated towards the interviewing spot.
"Kohaku from Wish" she said, waving happily at her interviewers.
"God not again, I just took some painkillers" Subaru whined, rubbing his head again.
"Kohaku, what makes you an abused Clamp character?" Kamui was rubbing his friend's shoulder in comfort as he spoke.
Subaru landed his head on the table with a loud bang mumbling something about trying to dim the pain with some more of it.
"I came down to earth in search of my friend and mentor Madam Hisui, the angel of the wind spirit who went missing from heaven. Upon my arrival I was attacked by a crow, sent by a long tormentor of mine, the little devil Koryu.
"I was saved by a nice gentleman, Shuuchirou, who also took me into his home and cared for me and my friends, Hisui, her boyfriend Kakuyo, took Koryu and even his two demon lady cats Rouri and Hari under his roof.
"Obviously I fell in love with him, and he with me and we even sort of admitted it to each other but……" she looked away, wiping a tear from her eye "That's when Clamp killed Shuuchirou off for absolutely no apparent reason…" she sobbed a little.
Miyuki and Kamui checked the little box they drew by the 'Loss of a loved one' in the Clamp Charges page.
"And before that, they made God condemn me and punish me, blocking my magic and keeping me locked in a chibi form, keeping me in a silly and…very inaccessible for Shuuchirou, if you know what I mean, state….."
The board was shaking their heads, Sai clearing a seat by her where Kohako might sit down to.
"And then he made me sleep for a hundred years instead of grieving for my lost Shuuchirou" Kohaku sniffed and sobbed.
"Why a hundred years if I may ask?" Syaoran wondered.
"Oh" Kohaku cleared her throat, her mood cheering again "because then I'll meet up with Shuuchirou's incarnation and start it all over again only without him dying and me being miserable" she beamed.
There was a deadly silence in the room as high hopes for a new member shattered to pieces.
"Get out" Subaru snarled.
She did, very fast actually, picking up the lethal waves coming off of the onemoji.
A tall blond man with long spiky bangs coming down his forehead and tied behind his neck walked in, no, stormed in with rage.
He stood before the table in silence, mostly glaring at the rather oblivious Subaru and Kamui.
After five minutes in which the man stood in silence without introducing himself, Kamui decided to speak "Err….so….aaa…..who are you?" he asked, cowering a little under the frequent glares from the blond.
"YOU DON'T KNOW ME!" The man hollered at the poor youth.
"Err….no….." Kamui tried to hide under the table. The tea in his cup was magically raging like a stormy sea.
"And YOU!" the man turned to Subaru "YOU DON'T KNOW ME EITHER!"
"I'm afraid I don't…."
"I AM ASAGI SHOUGO FROM X THE MOVIE!"
"Please keep your voice down"
But Shougo heard non of it. He crumbled down to the floor, covering his face and sobbing violently "Oh the abuse….the abuse….no one remembers me, no one knows me……no one cares……" he wept.
"Wait a moment….I think……" Kamui worked every grey cell and neuron in his skull to try and dig up any familiarity of the man "I think I remember you…..no…..lost it….who did you say you are?"
"I AM ASAGI SHOUGO FROM X THE MOVIE! I AM THE WATERMASTER FROM THE DRAGONS OF EARTH!"
"Please, keep your voice down mister….whatever" Subaru tried a stricter tone, only to receive a tearful glare from the raving man.
"I thought the DoE's water master is Yutu…" Kamui mumbled to himself.
"I can't believe you don't remember me, you saw me first after he and his boyfriend killed each other off" Asagi whimpered, pointing at Subaru.
"No one wants to remember you" came a calm light voice from an unexpected source "because you're not important enough to remember" it was Kakyou who was shaken to the land of reality by the mad screams.
"Kakyou!" Kamui and Subaru shrilled in surprise "you're awake!"
"And coherent" the yumemie noted with a small smirk, as much as the crack in his angst allowed him.
"As for you, Asagi-san, you are a character in a silly, trashy, horrible, butchering version of the X/1999 plot. You are as unimportant and twisted as the other characters in the movie.
"I believe the real reason for your oblivion is the fact that you do not appear in the AOV's, not even in the original manga, only in that horrible movie.
"You take my place amongst the DoE and I think that the rest of us Clamp familiar characters here will agree that the fans, and Clamp themselves, would rather remember an effeminate angst semi-uke such as me then a loud and cocky blabbermouth such as you"
Shougo huffed in anger.
"If I were you I would be thankful for your role in the movie. You had far more lines then anyone, even Kamui and he's that stupid thing's star for god's sake"
"MORE LINES!" Asagi burst "What do I need more line when I only end up butchered plot-associated-lessly by Fuma, my own damn Kamui!"
"Everyone got butchered plot-associated-lessly by Fuma in the movie if I am not mistaken" Kakyou answered in a dry and cold tone.
"I was butchered without even the slightest chance of plot or character development" Subaru noted the dreamgazer "and I had far less lines then you did"
"Besides, the fact that you are not remembered is not Clamp's fault at all; it is their fan's fault so you cannot be a Clamp Abused character. Please leave this room and let me get back to sleep"
Asagi stood there for a few more minutes, huffing and glaring to try and maybe get an amnesty from his verdict. But to no use, the union hearts were hard as stone.
And so, he left, starting to break into tears again as he walked out.
In walked a tall dark man clad in futuristic strict army outfit, round glasses neatly sitting atop his nose tied to the back of his neck. His eyes were cold and harsh, not a single glitter of life in them.
He walked in, saluted strictly and stepped forward to the members behind the table.
"Kazuhiko from Clover, reporting for interview"
The strikers spent a few moments of awkward silence, carefully choosing their words to suit the man's behaviour.
"So ….Kazuhiko-san, who did Clamp abuse you?" Subaru, after gathering much courage and collecting his mind from the filthy place it rested at seeing a dark attractive man with glasses, said.
"I am a soldier, as you might have noticed, my mission was to escort Su, a highly magical being, to a theme park where she will commit suicide ending her miserable life in a cage due to her phenomenal ability.
"Su, apparently, was a good friend of my beloved girlfriend Ohura who died before her time leaving me alone with my heartache. I am now dragged along with this angst girl, constantly fleeing and fighting to get her to this theme park of hers.
"And to add all that Clamp had to put, in the very first book if I may add, a little devil named Bols to hunt me down. This pervert keeps attacking me with multiple sexual hints, calling me 'Prince' and asking me if the fact that my right arm, the one he helped ridding me of, that is displayed in his bedroom and with which he goes to sleep at night, makes me hard….."
Another silence spread across the room.
"Wow….." is all Sai managed to say, even her ice-queen show breaking at such information.
"So let's see…." Kamui glanced at his page, gesturing Miyuki to already prepare the chair by her for Kazuhiko's rooming "there's 'Loss of loved one', 'Loss of limb', 'Needless hardship-filled adventures', as comrade Syaoran added in, with a tinge of 'Sexual abuse' to season it all up. Yup, a typical abused Clamp character, please sit down with us Kazuhiko-san, have some tea"
Kazuhiko nodded strictly and walked off to his seat. He waved off the offered tea cup. Instead he mumbled something about always being on stimulants and since he has no need of them now that he's on strike, he closed his eyes and fell to sleep. His head made a painful bang as it fell to the table.
Soon the strikers had to do their work to the lovely sounds of two snorers. Not only that but they didn't even snore in any kind of semi-harmonious rhythm….
Miyuki winced as she dug her fingers deep into her ears.
"Fits them, Clamp that is, to send us two worthy abused characters who will snore in cacophony"Sighed Kamui.
The next candidate was another X character. Nataku walked in, his ribbon swarming around him like karma circles.
"Nataku from X/1999" he said.
"We know…" Kamui sweatdropped "We're from the same series as you are…."
Nataku stared carelessly "oh…." He managed finally sounding like he resembled any kind of emotion.
"Hmmm…." Subaru rubbed his chin lightly "This guy" he turned to explain to the rest "is a clone made from the genes of a girl named Kazuki, who died of illness in childhood, and her father, who committed suicide shortly afterwards.
"The girl's father bares a striking resemblance to Fuma. As a DoE, Nataku is under the DoE's Kamui, Fuma who hardly does much to care for Nataku's springing childhood memories. All he does is allowing this thing to sit on the floor at his feet and rest his head on his knee like some kind of a puppy.
"Otherwise then that when a kekkai needs to be shattered, it's Nataku's job mostly…"
"Unless there's an ice cream parlour near by the kekkai" Nataku interrupted the onemoji "then he sends Seishiro and goes off there to enjoy some too"
Subaru glared fire at the bioroid for a moment before grumbling onwards "Anyways as I was saying….by the end of the series Nataku is forced to give his body away to the ungrateful Fuma to heal him of his wounds caused by our Sorata"
"Oh, you poor thing" Miyuki whimpered at the bioroid, trying to make a new charge to suit this miserable thing before her.
"He is without emotions and soul, without a past and with no future, a genuine puppet on the strings of fait"
Nataku stood still, his ribbon breaking the usual careless and mindless stance.
"Wait a minute" Sai frowned "you said he has no emotions right?"
Subaru nodded.
"So….basically…he doesn't know he's abused…."
All eyes turned to Nataku.
"Nataku…." Kamui tried reasoning with the thing like a little boy
"Do you care about your abuse?" Sai asked impatiently.
Nataku shook his head.
"Are you angry at it?"
"Anger is an emotion, I do not have emotions"
"So basically you don't want to have the abuse stop because you don't care about it?"
Nataku did not answer that.
"oh come on Sai-chan, have some mercy." Kamui tired pleading for Nataku's sake "Just because he isn't aware of the fact that he's abused doesn't mean that we can let him walk out of here and keep getting abused by Clamp…."
Sai shrugged.
"Come Nataku, sit with us" Kamui gestured to the seat by Kakyou, already preparing a tea cup for the bioroid.
"I can't" Nataku said, taking a peek at his wristwatch "I have to go and report to Kamui" he turned and left the room.
"Report?" Kamui suddenly shuddered "What would he report Fuma about us for?" a cold dread spread across his mind, leaking down his spine and making him shudder again.
"Ah, he's probably wondering where he's squeeze toy went off to" Subaru grumbled, thinking of his own alleged 'owner'.
"Gee, thank you for describing me so highly" Kamui glared back at his friend.
"All right people, let's wrap this up, I'm feeling really dizzy with all these people trying to get in" Subaru turned to his friends.
"Last one?" Syaoran suggested.
Subaru stared back wearily.
"Think about it Sumeragi-san" the archaeologist smiled "there might be a character out there who is really abused and if we let them wander off to yet another night exposed to the four girls' whims, god knows if they'll be able to get back here to try and appeal tomorrow"
Subaru exchanged horrified stares with Syaoran for a while, then turned to the rest "Alright, one last candidate"
A young teen about Kamui's age walked in. he had smooth blond hair falling charmingly to the side of his face. To say that he was effeminate would be a bit of an understatement. To say that he is the typical Clamp bishie uke would hit the spot. His eyes were big and mostly innocent but his stance said otherwise. He was pissed, irritated and uncomfortable
"Kudo Kazahaya from Goho Drug" he said, his eyes filling with anger.
"Oh, oh, oh, oh!" Kamui waved his hand "I read about you, you poor, poor thing you"
The other strikers, those who were awake, nodded with Kamui.
"You're abused because you lost your sister and home, ending up almost freezing to death in the middle of winter's snow" Miyuki whimpered at him sympathetically.
Kazahaya shook his head, irritated.
"It's because you have to bust you rear end to earn your living fair in a crummy old apartment above the store you work in, sharing it with another boy whom you detest"
Once more Kazahaya shook his head, the all too familiar to him plus mark of angry manga characters pulsing on his forehead.
"It's because you're shop owner has this strange Seishiro-Ichan hybrid who keeps picking on you and molesting you occasionally?" Subaru asked with sympathy.
Kazahaya shook his head.
"It's because you semi-sadistic shop owner keeps sending you on stupid special assignments that only lead to you getting hurt, annoyed and fighting with this boy you don't like who is also constantly assigned with you?" Syaoran tried his luck.
Yet Kazahaya shook on.
"So…err….why are you abused?" Kamui gave up.
Kazahaya opened two big burning eyes and burst "It's because my sole purpose in my miserable little manga life is to say a few lines between the multiple homoerotic fan service bits!"
The board gasped.
"Clamp made me the ukest of ukes, constantly fainting into the arms of my seme-like roommate due to visions forced on me to faint from. I am constantly shoved and pushed against him and preferably in a heavily suggestive manner.
"You mentioned Saiga, yes, he too is a part of it. I mean he and my shop owner have their share of fan service but at least they enjoy theirs! I DON'T!
"They made me sleep in Rikuo's bed so that he'll crouch over me suggestively to wake me up. They made me sick so my vision will go blurry and I'll have to hold hands with him to properly watch a movie! They made me and him go to a private school where I was selected to be a 'bride' in full dress and tiara, then 'merry off' to that damn Rikuo! They made me fing lick chocolate off his fingertips!
"All that imbedded to the sad, pathetic excuse of a plot to give these filthy moments a reason to be!" Kazahayaka finished his fit with loud angry huffing.
Miyuki, who began trembling with tears and excitement half way through his speech, now shot to her feet throwing her arms forward at the youth and squealing "MY LONG LOST SOUL MATE!"
Kazahaya turned watery emotional eyes to her, sniffing at the start of a crying fit.
"Come to me my partner to heavy sexual abuse" Miyuki whimpered and Kazahaya obliged, crushing into her arms as the two broke into tears.
"And…." the youth managed to whimper between sobs "And you know what they're planning to do in the next volume……They want to make me climb a barbwire fence in one of my next 'special missions' and get my shirt all caught up with it. The only way be free is by Rikuo taking my shirt off of me…." He broke into a long miserable wail.
"Oh, you poor, poor thing" Subaru rubbed his fellow uke's back soothingly "welcome to the Abused Clamp Characters Union Kudo-kun"
(tbc)
(1) Yes, that was a Fake reference. I'm sorry but that semi-Seishiro teacher thingy that keeps running around Ryusuke and the fact that they eat dinner together is just too damn suspicious to me.
NEXT ON THE ABUSED CLAMP CHARACTERS UNION: Clamp's punishment begins.
Author's Note: if you have knowledge of any abused characters I missed here please tell me of them via review or email along with the charges they might bring up to Clamp. If they will qualify to be part of the union or not is up to the characters alone!