Disclaimer: I do not own Clamp's character.
Author's thanks: go to wchan39 (yes it got deleted with the rest of my stuff but I'M BACK BABY! Thank you for the review ), to Evil Rem (is that a Trigun reference? XD) for fav.ing this fic and to the 346 people who read the fic as it was re-published.
Author's notes: this is the end people, no more ACCU for you for the story's reached it's end. I had a bit of a muse crisis with this one but I climbed out of it thanks to the wonders of my freaky mind and the local children's channel for playing Inu Yasha (you'll see why soon, don't worry). So there. I hoped you liked the fic and that the rest of my stuff will be just as good, if it is good at all.
Warnings: dirty language and….Clamp.
Chapter 6 – Face to Face
It was gone. All gone.
The Union members scanned the smoking ruins of their headquarters and hideout. The HTR(E)B members ran frantic fingers through their spiky badass hairstyles, trying to comprehend what had happened.
"OI! Get off of there you idiots!" Fuma screamed at the two Seishiros "Look at what you've done! Our house is gone now!"
"The fridge" Rikou mourned "it's cut off from electricity"
"…..Our beers…..our beloved beers" Kurogane whimpered in.
"They'll heat up" Kakuyo burst into tears.
"Ah, stop blobbing like a little girl already" Fuma screamed at the three, still eyeing the now descending Seishiros.
Tsubasa Seishiro walked down from his cliff edge and scanned the damage through "My god….I didn't know our powers were so mighty"
"Bah! Of course they're mighty, we're only evil incarnated you know" his doppelganger straightened his tie proudly.
"Now that I think about it…..I feel guilty"
The evil bishies shot their eyes to the recoiling Seishiro.
"You what?" TB and X Seishiro growled.
"I…." he walked up to the Union members who immediately hobbled together and hissed at him "I'm sorry guys; I didn't mean to ruin your house. I'm really, really, very sorry" the Seishiro bowed.
The Union remained silent for a while as the HTR(E)B members glared fire into the Seishiro's back.
"Ah that's okay Seishiro-san" Syaoran finally stepped forward with a kind warm smile "we knew all along that you're not that evil really"
"Don't…..call…..him….Seishiro-san…..only I…..call….him….Seishiro-san" came a chilling hiss from behind the one eyed dimension traveler.
Syaoran turned around to face an enraged Sumeragi "But….he's not your Seishiro-san, he's my Seishiro-san"
The next moment his neck was grabbed by two powerful palms, both carrying glowing pentacles on their back "Seishiro-san…..is……MINE….."
"Yes ….umm…..but you see….."
"He's mine! All mine; he's my Seishiro-san, he's my preciousssssss"
"O-kay then, yours, all yours and no one else's, got it" Syaoran patted the hand away from his neck and, shuddering, turned away from Subaru.
"I admire you Sakurazuka-san, I really do" Kakuyo patted the TB/X Seishiro "the way you got your uke so housetrained is amazing"
"I can teach you how to do it if you want" the (still evil, always evil) Seishiro smirked "if you have a notepad here I'll jot you down a small list of 'do's and 'don't's"
Kakuyo's eyes grew twice their size, the disease known as Shojou Parkinson making his eyes twitch uncontrollably "You'd…..you'd do that for me?" he whimpered.
"Yes I will. If you'll let me demonstrate some of my methods on you"
"Yes sir! Anything you want sir!" the devil's son collapsed to his knees before the assassin and began bowing traditionally "Please take me in as a humble student and forgive me for being so ignorant and clumsy. Please be kind and teach me the wonders of true seme-ness….sensei"
Seishiro's smirk grew. "Very well then, I will take you on as a student. Now go and punch a hole through a thick wooden plank while I sit on it and cackle and wave my beard backwards condescendingly at you"
"Uh…sensei….you don't have a beard"
"Shut up, insolent fool! If you'll keep being rude to me I'll poke your eye out! And don't think I'll be stupid enough to eat anything you'll cook for me after that"
"Yes sensei, right away sensei" Kakuyo scurried off to find a wooden plank to try and punch his fist into.
Still standing before the ruins of their house, the Union members slowly began gathering their wits back and tried to plot something new.
"Fine then" Subaru spoke first "if this house is ruined then we'll just have to find a new house! A house that will be our new headquarters, and we will live and hide in it just as we did with this house"
"Comrade Sumeragi is resilient as ever" Chun Hyan chirped before turning to the gathering Clamp characters already lining up to be interviewed to the Union.
"My fellow brothers to abuse! The Union has been facing problems as of late, but fear not! For we lick our wounds and soon we will heal! We shall have the Union up and running again in no time!"
The happy cheers and "Go you guys!" shouts from the waiting characters deafened the little girl and she returned happy and smiling to her Union members.
They were all crouched over a table Kazuhiko pulled out of the rubble that was once their home.
Freya walked to the nearby kiosk and brought them all the day's paper and now laid it on the table.
"Now all we have to do" Kamui opened the first page "is to find the real estate for sale and rent section and we'll have a house in no time!"
The Union cheered around him.
Kamui checked the table of contents on the first page o and, having found what he needed began flipping through the paper in search of pages 13 to 25.
He found page 13.
It was empty.
So was page 14.
And so was page 15.
So were all the pages until 26.
All empty.
"What the….." a horrid chill went through Kamui's spine. The same chill went through Subaru's body. It reminded them of the note they found on Subaru's elevator door after Aoki disappeared down its shaft.
"Maybe there are no flats and houses on sale today" Miyuki offered, trying to cheer everybody up.
"Miyuki-chan" Utako sighed "the people in the paper wouldn't waste twelve pages; they'd either make the paper shorter or publish something else instead of these blanks"
Miyuki mouthed a bit, then stopped and stayed silent.
"Who could have done this?" Kazahaya scanned his comrades' faces, trying to make sense of things "who could have erased all the ads from the real estate section.
"Aw, what's wrong little rebels?" a sweet feminine voice called out before them suddenly.
"Can't find a new hideout?" a second feminine voice chimed in.
"I wonder why" a third voice cackled.
"Because it's a real weird thing, to have twelve pages suddenly emptied of all the ads in them" a fourth voice said.
The Union members, the Evil bishies, the characters in the long line to the interviews, all raised their eyes to meet their creators.
Standing before them on a great big hovering platform the shape of the white and black mokona, with a pink heart in the middle and a set of huge white wings at it's sides, the four devils stood overlooking their creatures.
"It makes sense their personal platform has wings" Kamui heard himself mumble "everything that has Clamp on it has wings, don't it"
"I'd say your little vacation is over" Ohkawa stepped forward, her small eyes glittering manically in the sunlight.
The characters shivered as a whole.
"You……" Subaru hissed, his own eyes beaming red now "you're the one who's really responsible for all our woes, aren't you? You're the one writing the plots for everything!"
The characters began moving about angrily.
"You're the one who made our lives a living hell! It's you we should blame!"
"Oh yes?" the Clamp leader smirked back "What about Apapa-san and Nekoi-san? They're the ones who drew you the way they would, what about them?"
"Uh…..Ohkawa-san….." Nekoi tapped her colleague's shoulder "They seem to be ready for a lynch….so don't…uh….."
"Don't mention you guys have something to do with it as well?" her collogue snarled back.
"Uh…yeah, that's right" this time Apapa joined in the begging.
Ohkawa whipped her head back to the crowd underneath them "What about the two who drew you? Do you think Kamui's injuries from evil Fuma would be so bad if it weren't for Apapa-san? Do you think Kazahaya would look the way he does in his traditional Chinese dress if it weren't for Nekoi-san here?"
The cat calls and screams of anger grew louder, now carrying the other two's names too as fists were shaken in the air and promises of scorching bloody deaths were made.
"Well, at least I'm off the hook then" Igarashi mumbled behind her friend's back.
"Oh yeah?" Kamui screamed back "There is such a charge as sitting aside and watching it all happen without doing a thing to help us! Plus you've assisted them so you're in on it as well!"
"Oh….shit…."
"Hey girls" Rikou's voice rang high above the general mayhem "we're not complaining here"
Clamp looked down at their Evil Bishies.
"Yeah" Kurogane chimed in "we're not complaining at all, we think you're all right" he waved a 'V' sign at them.
"Accept for me dying" TB and X Seishiro said.
Clamp gulped.
"Oh….and….me stuck with the walking talking headache known as Fai D. Flowright" Kurogane snarled along.
"And me not getting laid in through all these volumes!" Fuma joined his evil friends.
"Bah!" Subaru barked at him "At least you're a virgin at eighteen, which is somewhat normal! I'm twenty five and I'm…."
"Still a virgin?" Fuma snickered into the sudden silence surrounding the Union and Subaru.
"Aw, he waited for me" the nefarious Seishiro sniggered.
"Actually, Sei-chan," Ohkawa cackled "there's no proof in existent that you didn't save yourself for him as well"
Seishiro was dumbstruck, as well as the rest of the universe around him.
"Dude" Rikou whispered.
"You…..wouldn't…..dare…." the assassin huffed.
"We would if you as much as think a rebellious thought about us and the Rainbow Bridge incident again" Apapa joined Ohkawa's side.
"And that would be sad Seishiro-san" the Tsubasa Seishiro giggled "because you're it'd make you a virgin at thirty three"
The look the Tsubasa version got from his X twin was enough to melt his face off.
"So it's settled then" Ohkawa joined her fingers merrily "there's no more Union headquarters and you bitches' asses are back on the plot!"
"I don't think so!" Kamui screamed.
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah!"
"Why? What can you do against us, punk?"
Kamui became silent, a sneaky little smile playing on his lips.
Slowly, he began unbuttoning his shirt's first few buttons.
Then he brushed back the fabric to expose a piece of his perfect alabaster skin.
Clamp bit down on a fangirl squeal.
The ground shook under the crowd's feet.
"IS THAT AN EARTHQUAKE I FEEL!" The Human Genki Lump also known as Segawa Keiichi stormed into the scene.
"Quick Kamui! Get down!"
Rikou, Kurogane and even Kakuyo who returned from his training (he had a Hanzo sword now), had to grab Fuma hard and force him back from pouncing the blond teen.
Clamp drew their cameras and took as many pictures of Keiichi on top of Kamui before He Who Wields the Authority of God recovered and gently pushed the larger teen off of himself.
"Hey Shiro-kun, what are you doing digging around in my bag?" Keiichi looked down at the petite teen.
"That's my medication box there. I need what inside….what are you?"
Kamui plucked a single pill from the box and held it up before Clamp's eyes, his own demonic and vengeful.
"Oh my god….." Ohkawa gasped.
"He couldn't….." Apapa shuddered.
"He wouldn't dare….." Nekoi trembeled.
"To avenge us….he'll take Prozac!" igarashi mumbled.
Kamui swallowed the pill.
"Aw, but that's mine…." Keiichi frowned "oh well, it's a good thing my pills are a special super-strong mixture that could take down an angsty elephant just from smelling it and I just took mine so I have time to go back home and get me another one" he beamed his trademark smile.
The universe became silent, all eyes were on Kamui.
"Ha!" the youth stomped his feet "Now look who's in control over his own life! You wanted to put me down, to make me miserable and tiny and weak and angsty!
"But I fought back! I rebelled! I formed a union and I told you 'No Clamp! I will no longer be your little…..'"
The Union took a step back from him.
Kamui looked around, the words torn out of his mouth.
Suddenly the world changed for around his very eyes.
"Hey….you guys…." He turned to his comrades who took another fearful step away from him.
"I never noticed what a lovely weather we're experiencing today"
Subaru doubled over with nausea, speaking of his poor abused lobe.
"Look; the sun is shining, the sky is blue, the birds are chirping in the trees, the grass is green, the flowers are blooming…."
Kamui looked at his surroundings, a sweet little smile tugging at his sensuous lips. "I've never noticed how beautiful this world is really, you know? I never…….I…….I feel…….I feel….."
Ohkawa emitted a cry blood chilling and horrid enough to make a Nazgul king proud.
Kamui beamed a huge happy smile, closing his eyes genki-ly and sang "I feel prettyyy, oh so prettyyyyy, I feel pretty and witty and….."
Subaru's breath hitched.
Keiichi blinked, taking a step forward.
Fuma shook his restrainers off, tuning in on the boy completely
"And gaaaaaaaaay!"
"Yays! So am I!" Keiichi bounced on the balls of his feet merrily.
"He….he admitted it…." Subaru reeled "…I can't believe it……I might have a chance there…..I might finally be able to….."
Suddenly there were Seishiros on both his sides. The TB and X version he knew and loved for so long smirked down at him "Forget about that, we have an offer you cannot refuse"
Subaru looked to the other Seishiro who was not smirking just as evilly "What is it then?"
"A sandwich" the Tsubasa version said, bouncing his eyebrows meaningfully twice.
Subaru smiled (making Ohkawa emit another Black Riders scream) and fainted. Not before he said "Sounds lovely"
"I did it!" Fuma gasped "I finally did it! All these wasted months, days, house of brainwash and molestation…..finally paid off! I can't believe it! He's admitted he's gay!" five seconds later he was in a dead faint as well.
But Kamui heard none of it; he was off. Prancing around, skip-hopping, running, waving his hands in the air and 1999-leaping, he rampaged in circles around the crown.
"I'm happy! I'm happy! Happy, happy, happy, happy! Hear me world! I AM HAPPY!
"Mother, Tokiko-san, Kotori-chan, Saiki; I'm over you! I'm out of the dark cloud! I am H-A-P-P-Y!"
"Quickly Igarashi-san! There must be information of an antidote to Prozac on the internet" Ohkawa barked at her comrade "look for it! Now!"
"Yes mam!"
Kamui stopped, standing perfectly still as waves of wild giggles rocked his body violently. His big mauve eyes glittered madly as he scanned across the Union, the HTR(E)B, the long line of awaiting Clamp characters.
"It's all so funny! And I can laugh too!" he managed to mutter between one fit of giggles and the next.
He stormed off towards Miyuki, grabbing her skirt and hurling it upwards "Look Freya! I'm your sister; panties, panties! Tee hee!"
He shot towards Kurogane, waving his hands in the air "Kuro-chan, Kuro-tan, Kuro-woffy, Kuro-pip, Kuro-merry, Kuro-sam!"
Kamui's life were saved due to Fuma who held the ninja's mighty sword from slicing through the genki teen "Do not hurt him" he growled into Kurogane's face.
"Kuro-pip, Kuro-fke, Kuro-Walter!"
"Make him stop then" Kurogane snarled back, veins popping all across his face.
"Kamui darling, come to papa now, stop pestering Kurogane" Fuma chirped at his twin star.
Kamui turned to Fuma, the mad smile beaming from him.
"I've got something good for you baby, won't you come to me?"
Kamui contemplated, then beamed at Fuma "Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe"
"Maybe?" Fuma blinked, shocked "maybe…..'maybe' means you might say yes…..oh my god……" he fainted again as Kamui giggled in the background.
Snapping his head towards the line of characters, another maddened smile on his face, Kamui charged.
He plastered two fluffy white ears atop Lord Yasha's head and pointed at the warrior "Look! Inu-Yasha! Get it? Get it?"
Kamui collapsed to the floor in a fit of giggles, kicking his legs in the air and hugging his stomach "Inu-Yasha! Inu-Yasha!"
Something zoomed through the air towards Kamui.
A small arrow lodges itself into the giggling (and now officially) uke's hip.
The crowd became silent again.
And so did Kamui. He lay limp, no longer kicking, no longer screaming, and no longer giggling. His eyes went dim, his face became blank and grey again.
"You bastards!" Subaru squirmed himself free from the two Seishiros "You bunch of rabid bitches! You ruined his joy! You killed it! YOU BASTARDS!"
"Hah!" Ohkawa turned to the rest of the crowd "Let that be a lesson to you all: resistance is futile!"
The characters became silent and glum, the air itself growing dark and heavy around them. Their spirits were broken, shattered and lost.
"Now" the leader of Clamp called out again "the Union members, along with the evil bishies, all of you get back to your plots right now! The mutiny is over, your mission is lost, your message lost. Go home!"
Grudgingly, mumbling and swearing under their breaths, the characters recoiled and retreated.
The Union began leaving to their homes when suddenly Kakyou (who was awakened when Kamui braided his hair into heart shapes) cried out "Hey you guys! There's an ad in the real estate section!"
Immediately the Union gathered around him. Even Kamui scraped himself off the floor and walked to the yumemie's side to peek at the paper over his shoulder.
Utako read out for them all "A cozy, comfy, sweet little cottage of five rooms along with a cute little pampered garden at Tokyo's in-the-center-but-not-noisy-or-commercial suburb, includes full new furnishing, a new car, cables and air conditioning….oh my god….and the price is a joke!"
"That's our new headquarters!" Kazuhiko snatched the paper from her hands "I will now feed the house's coordinates into my…."
"Oh no you won't" Apapa threw a pencil at him, splintering his monocle "that house is not for you"
"Eh!" the Union uttered as one.
"We have decided that your mutiny will be allowed to happen but only on a much smaller scale" Ohkawa smiled down softly at them.
"You'd…..you'd do that!" Syaoran blinked in shock.
"That's….kind of nice you know…." Freya mumbled, trying to analyze the oxymoron.
"There's a catch, isn't there" Subaru hissed.
"Nope, at least not for you anyways" Ohkawa beamed "for you and your series' comrades are the ones allowed to keep the Union going"
"Eeeeeh!"
"You, Kamui, Fuma, Kakyou and Seishiro of X can rent this little dream-headquarters as long as you wish and have your little strike there"
The X characters blinked, baffled.
"Wait a minute!" Chun Hyan screamed "There are five rooms in the house and, considering the fact that the onmyoujis are going to share a room, that leaves an unused room! One of us will hide with them then!"
"No you won't because that room is preserved for Hinoto who's on her way back from her shrink as we speak" Nekoi smirked down evilly.
Chun Hyan refused to surrender "But wait! Kamui confessed his sexual references, so it makes sense that he and Fuma will share a room. Which means that a room is now left spare in the house! One of us can come and hide with….."
"Uh-uh little Chun-chan" Ohkawa wagged her finger at the girl "because we've just decided that Nataku is indeed an abused character of ours and so he will live with the Union from now on"
Chun Hyan burst into tears and admitted surrender. Sobbing and whimpering, she spoke of her shattered believes and how stock exchange seemed like a good idea all of a sudden and maybe there's a job at McDonalds she can occupy.
Following her, the rest of the Union and HTR(E)B members (save for the X characters) scattered each to their petty, miserable plot.
Standing at the threshold of their new headquarters, the X characters blinked away their amazement.
"This seems….." Kamui mumbled.
"A bit strange, doesn't it?" Subaru chimed in.
"I mean, why would they let us, of all the characters, strike on…?"
"And they allowed two evil bishies along with us…."
"And even added two new characters to our union….."
"There's something behind it, surely there is!"
"All we have to do is put our minds to it and find the nasty plot behind it!"
The two ukes exchanged happy looks of rebellion and regained strength.
"Ah" Fuma placed a sneaky arm around Kamui's waist "let's forget all about it"
Seishiro nodded, doing the same to Subaru.
"Why! Have you got anything better to do then to shake off the evil reins forcing us to suffer and angst?" Subaru hissed.
"Yes" his countering star smirked.
"Oh yeah? What is it then?"
"Getting laid"
"...Oh……yeah"
Happy and cackling in their studio, Clamp set out to work.
"I don't know what the characters were complaining about so much" Ohkawa hummed into her tea cup happily.
"Yeah, faced with the abuse our fans go through, the characters are having a ball" Apapa shared a sneaky grin with her leader.
"Uh….you guys?" Igarashi whimpered "What abuse?"
"Not writing anything in Seishiro's speech bubble in Vol. 16" Ohkawa smirked.
"Never letting out gay characters even kiss while daring to show Arashi and Sorata naked in bed after what is obviously some good old smexing" Apapa chimed in.
"'Forgetting' about making more of Goho Drug" Nekoi cackled.
"Never drawing Fuma and Seishiro standing next to each other from an angle that would allow the fans to know who is taller amongst the two" Ohkawa snarled evilly "so that they'll never know which of them was uke!"
The three burst into a fit of horrid, blood chilling laughter.
Igarashi shuddered. She shook herself out of it a moment later (well she was used to Clamp's evil by now wasn't she?)
"So you guys, why did you allow the Union to live? And why only X characters are allowed in it?"
"Because as long as they're in a strike we have an excuse to not finish X, of course"
"……Oh…..yeah….."
(The End)