Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Well, here's a bit of an earlier update. I've been doing a lot of writing lately, and it seems like all my plans for this story are finally flowing smoothly. Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter. All of your reviews really inspired me to write faster! Thanks again!

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Six

"And you know I need you now

And this ain't easy to admit

But no one needs to know

What goes on behind

The door in my room

I'm kicking through the

Walls in my mind

And I can't stand without you

And I won't find the answers

When you're gone

But it's over to you

I can't find the answer when you're gone

And it's over to you

You can't find the answer where you are..."

-"It's Over" Goo Goo Dolls

"WHAT!" Rinoa exclaimed, jumping to her feet.

"I said that you are pregnant," Dr. Kadowaki told her calmly. "From your reaction, I gather that this news is unexpected."

Rinoa nodded mutely, letting the doctor's words sink in. She was pregnant? How could that be possible? An image of being tangled up in Squall suddenly popped into her head. Okay, so that was how it was possible, but still, weren't sorceresses supposed to be unable to conceive? How could this be happening? When people found out about this baby, all hell would break loose. There was that small fact that Squall was still married. How could she possibly tell him that she was pregnant with his child? How could she possibly tell Quistis? Rinoa groaned, burying her head in her hands.

Dr. Kadowaki patted her shoulder reassuringly. "It's going to be alright, dear. There are plenty of options available to you if you are not ready to have this child."

"No," Rinoa said, shaking her head firmly. "I refuse to have an abortion. My mistakes have created this child, and I absolutely refuse to terminate an innocent life because of my mistakes."

"There is adoption to consider, then," Dr. Kadowaki reminded her. "Many families all over the world are looking for children that they can provide with a better home."

Rinoa once again shook her head. "No, that is impossible. Squall was placed in an orphanage when he was young, and he's never gotten over it. I will not abandon our child."

"Ah," Dr. Kadowaki said knowingly. "So Squall is the father of this child."

"Yes," Rinoa whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "I don't know what to do. How am I going to tell him?"

"Just be honest with him. Rinoa, I don't know what is going on between you and Squall, but I do know that he cares for you a great deal. You cannot keep this from him."

"You wont' tell him, will you?"

Dr. Kadowaki shook her head. "It will be listed in your confidential medical file in case of an emergency. Other than that, my lips are sealed. Besides, there is a such thing as doctor/patient confidentiality."

Rinoa smiled in relief. "Thank you, Dr. Kadowaki. Thank you so much for all of this."

"Oh, it's nothing, dear. I sent Squall back to the celebration before coming to talk to you, so you need not see him right away. When the tests I ran on you revealed that you are pregnant, I figured it would be better if Squall did not hear the news first-hand. You see, I had my suspicions..."

Rinoa nodded. "Thank you for doing that. Am I free to go now?"

"Yes, but you must remember to take it easy. That means no over-working yourself, and avoiding stress. I told Squall that the cause of your dizziness was exhaustion, so he won't find it odd if you aren't yourself. If the dizziness gets worse, please come and see me right away. In fact, come and see me anytime, for anything. I will have to see you once a month for regulatory checkups, though."

Rinoa nodded once more. "That shouldn't be a problem."

"Excellent. You are free to go. Remember to take it easy, Rinoa."

"Don't worry, I will."

SQUALL stared down at his hands in silence. Dr. Kadowaki had told him to go back to the reception, to enjoy himself. Ha, he could have laughed at that one. How could he possibly enjoy himself while knowing that Rinoa was in the infirmary? Although Dr. Kadowaki had said that Rinoa was just suffering from exhaustion, Squall had a bad feeling that she wasn't telling him something. Why would she want to withhold information from him? Squall sighed. He knew first hand how determined the doctor could be when she wanted to be. He thought about going back to the infirmary and demanding to see Rinoa, but once Dr. Kadowaki made up her mind about something, she did not back down.

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even notice the presence of someone beside him. It took the clearing of the person's throat to snap Squall out of his daze. He looked up to find Irvine seated to his left.

"Hey there, Squall," Irvine greeted. "We were startin' to worry about you and Rinoa, so I decided to come and look for you. Is everything okay?"

Squall nodded. "Fine."

"So, uh, where is Rinoa, anyway? We kinda, uh, assumed she was with you."

"She's in the infirmary," Squall replied, emotionless. "She wasn't feeling very well, so I took her there."

"Is everything alright with her?" Irvine asked concernedly.

Squall shrugged. "Dr. Kadowaki says it's just exhaustion, and she'll be fine."

Irvine raised an eyebrow. "You think she's lying?"

Squall sighed. "Not lying...just not telling me everything."

"Why would Dr. Kadowaki lie?"

"That's what I've been trying to figure out."

"No offense, Squall, but maybe you're just overreacting. I know that it's been a stressful day."

Squall shook his head. "I don't think so."

"Well, why don't you ask Rinoa about it?"

"I fully intend to as soon as I see her."

"You know, Squall," Irvine said quietly, "You should go see her now. I know that you still care about her. This is probably none of my business, but I just think that you should know. The whole time Rinoa and me were dating, I could tell that her mind was still on you. She still loves you, Squall, and I have a feeling that you feel the same way. I don't know where Quistis fits into all of this, but you owe it to both her and Rinoa to be honest with them."

Squall took in Irvine's words and sighed. He had seemed to hit the nail right on the head. "I'm trying to," he said quietly. "I'm trying to do right by both of them."

Irvine nodded. "Just hang in there, Squall. All you can do is try, right? Go on ahead and see her. I'll make up some excuse back at the reception."

"Thanks, Irvine," Squall said as he stood up. "I know I'm probably not your favorite person at the moment."

"Hey, I was thinking the same about me." The Cowboy grinned. "No hard feelings, man. I understand."

"Thank you," Squall said sincerely. Having Irvine's support meant a lot to him.

"No problem, man."

Squall had barely begun to walk away when he spotted Rinoa walking down the hall. Her head was bowed and she seemed to be deep in thought. It looked like she was hurrying towards somewhere, though. Perhaps she wanted to head back to the reception?

"Rinoa!" Squall called, sprinting to catch up with her.

Rinoa stopped, frozen in mid-stride. She waited for Squall to reach her, her heart beating wildly. Her fingers were crossed that Squall wouldn't be able to read what surely must be written all over her face.

"Hey, Squall," Rinoa said casually as he reached her side.

"Uh, hi," Squall said awkwardly. "I didn't know that you had been released from the infirmary."

She nodded. "Yeah, I just got released. Dr. Kadowaki said you were back at the reception."

Squall let out a small laugh. "Yeah, well, I didn't go back there. I was waiting for you out here. So, how are you feeling?"

"Pretty good, actually," Rinoa said cheerfully. "Dr. Kadowaki says I've been over-working myself lately."

"Really?" Squall asked, raising an eyebrow. "That's what triggered the dizzy spells?"

"Yes," Rinoa told him, her heart rate suddenly speeding up. Why did he sound so suspicious? "It's perfectly fine, though. I just need to learn to pace myself more."

"Yeah," Squall said, nodding. "If you need some time off, just say the word."

"I'll keep that in mind. So, are you heading back to the party now?"

Squall shrugged. "I suppose I should. I don't want Zell up my ass later. You coming?"

Rinoa shook her head. "No, I think I'll head back to my dorm to, uh, rest. It's already been a long day."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Squall asked, frowning. "I can walk you back to you room."

"Yes, I'm sure. Tired, but fine. I don't want you to have to miss any more of the reception because of me."

"You know that I couldn't care less about the reception."

Rinoa laughed. "Yes, I do. That's why it's even more important that you go. Would you tell Zell and Carrie that I'm sorry I couldn't stay?"

Squall nodded. "I'll come check on you later."

"I don't think that would be a good idea, Squall."

"You're right, it's not a good idea. Still, that doesn't mean I won't do it."

Rinoa couldn't suppress a grin at that one. "And you say I'm the stubborn one. See you later, Squall!"

"See you later," he said quietly, watching her retreating form. He still couldn't brush off that feeling that something was off with her. It's probably just my imagination. Shrugging, he headed back to the quad.

QUISTIS looked up at the entrance to the quad for what must have been the hundredth time. Ever since Rinoa had taken off after Squall, she couldn't help but feel anxious. Everyone knew Squall and Rinoa's history and no one felt more threatened by it than Quistis. Even though things between her and Squall could possibly be ending very soon, the fact of the matter was that, for the time being, Squall was still very much her husband. What could he and Rinoa possibly be doing right now? She glanced at the entrance yet again.

"Would you please stop doing that?" Seifer said, annoyed. "It's getting on my damn nerves."

Quistis looked up in surprise. "You've been watching me?"

"Hmm, I don't know," Seifer said sarcastically. "You're only sitting right next to me. I'd have to be blind not to notice."

The blonde felt her face heating up. Suddenly, she felt extremely angry. "You know what, Seifer? None of this would be happening right now if it weren't for you. If you weren't here, I would be with my husband right now, not Rinoa!"

"Well, you know what I think, Quistis? I think you just need someone to blame for your own loss. Why do you think Squall and Rinoa are both gone right now, huh? If you think they're just having a friendly 'talk', then I think you're more naive than I thought."

"How dare you!" Quistis exclaimed, fuming with anger. "You don't know anything about my relationship with Squall, nor do you know anything about Squall and Rinoa. Everything was going perfectly fine today until you had to show your sorry ass around here!"

By this time, both Seifer and Quistis' voices had raised dramatically, earning them the stares of many of the other guests at the reception. Still, both Seifer and Quistis were oblivious to them, such was the intensity of their argument.

"Give me a break, Quistis. Don't even pretend you don't want me here. You wrote me that damn letter, didn't you? What about going against Squall's wishes earlier? You can't tell me that those things mean nothing," he told her, smirking.

"Yes, I damn well can! I should have known not to fall for your tricks in FH. You haven't changed a bit, Seifer. You're still that arrogant, cocky asshole that everyone hates! Yes, I did write you that letter saying you should come here, but that was the biggest mistake of my life."

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a goddamn psychopath? You know what this is really about, and what it's always been about. You're jealous because Rinoa has Squall and you don't. Just admit it, Quistis. You never had the guy and you never will."

"Who the hell is married to him!" Quistis demanded. "You don't see Rinoa with the ring on her finger, do you?"

"Whoa, both of you need to calm down," Zell said, rushing over to the agitated pair.

"Can it, Chicken Wuss," Seifer snapped. "This is none of your business."

"This is my reception, Seifer. I have been more than fair in letting you stay. If you don't calm the hell down, you're out of here."

Seifer snorted. "That's awfully noble of you, Chicken Wuss." He raised his glass of champagne. "How about a toast...to your chivalry!"

"Seifer, leave him alone," Quistis snapped. "We're not through here."

"No, you're right. Before I was so rudely interrupted by Chicken Wuss here, I was going to say that your ring means nothing. Not a goddamn thing. You know as well as I do that Squall doesn't love you."

Quistis felt tears begin to sting her eyes. Why was he acting so cruel to her? What happened to the Seifer from FH; the carefree fisherman whom she had trusted? All she saw now was someone she despised with all of her heart.

"You're not even worth my time," she whispered, her voice ice cold. "You just came here to spite Squall. Everything that happened in FH was a lie."

Seifer shook his head in disbelief. "You were right about one thing, Quistis. I never should have come back here. You know why I did?"

"I already told you," she hissed. "You came back to spite Squall."

"No, Quistis, I came back to give you this." He extracted the music box from his jacket pocket and placed it on the table in front of her. "But clearly you don't give a damn, and no matter what I say, it's pretty clear that you already have your opinion of me. I guess I'll grant you your wish then. Goodbye, Quistis."

Seifer turned around and began to walk towards the entrance of the quad. Every eye in the room was on him. The tension in the air was so thick that you would need an axe to slice through it. Well, it was just about to get a lot worse. At that moment, Squall entered the quad, greeted by the silence of the spectators. His eyes traveled to the source of their stares, and he was met with the sight of Seifer, standing a few feet away from him, a glare upon his face.

Squall approached the blonde with a glare of his own. He had been less than pleased to discover Seifer back at Garden. By the atmosphere in the quad, his rival had just done yet another stupid thing. Squall was not in the mood for this, nor did he have the patience for it at the moment.

"What the hell did you do?" Squall demanded as soon as he reached Seifer.

"Now, why do you say that?" he answered innocently.

Squall's gaze traveled to where Quistis was standing, tears silently pouring down her face. She, too, was watching them. "What did you do to her?"

"Don't act like you give a damn about her, Squall. This whole time you've been off with Rinoa, she's been sitting there, worrying over you. You know what the ironic thing is? I'm the bad guy," Seifer said, laughing bitterly.

"I want you to get the hell out of here, Seifer," Squall told him, his voice flat and void of any emotion.

Seifer laughed again. "You win, Squall. I was already on my way out before you showed up. Oh, and don't worry. I won't be coming back." That said, he walked past Squall and out of the quad.

Squall hurried over to Quistis. "Are you okay?"

Quistis nodded numbly. Squall reached out to her, but she quickly withdrew from his touch. "I just...need to be alone right now." Without giving him a second glance, she, too, fled the quad, the music box in her hands.

RINOA paced the length of her room nervously. She was still in shock over the news that Dr. Kadowaki had given her. It was still impossible to fathom the fact that she was pregnant. She couldn't deny the fact that she loved the idea of becoming a mother, though. Especially a mother to Squall's baby. The only problem was the fact that Squall and Quistis were still married. Quistis was sure to be crushed when she found out.

"No," Rinoa said out loud, "She can never find out."

What was she going to do? Once she started showing, there was no doubt in her mind about what people would be saying. It wouldn't take a genius to put two and two together. Who else could the father possibly be? Rinoa sighed, sinking into her desk chair. There was only one way to ensure that Quistis would never find out; to leave Garden and never come back. That way, Quistis would never know about the baby, nor would Squall. Tears pricked Rinoa's eyes at the thought of keeping this child from Squall.

"It's the only way," she whispered to herself. Besides, leaving Garden would be best for everyone. Squall could go back to his life with Quistis, the way it should be. She was a fool to ever believe that her and Squall could be together. How could she have ever let things get as far as they had? All she felt now was loss and sadness. They should have ended things a long time ago. It would sure make things a lot less painful now. Rinoa began to sob at the thought of never seeing Squall again. Her body began to shake as she continued to cry, such was the state of her despair. Who knows how long she sat there, crying her heart out, before she heard the knock on her door.

Quick as could be, Rinoa bolted from the chair, wiping furiously at her eyes. Oh God, please don't let it be Squall, she silently begged. She feared that if she saw Squall now, she would completely break down and confess everything to him. With one more swipe of her eyes, and a deep breath, Rinoa thrust open the door, revealing a worried-looking Irvine. Rinoa released the breath she didn't even know she had been holding.

"Uh, hey Rinoa," Irvine greeted her. "Can I come in?"

"Sure," Rinoa said, stepping aside to let him in, and then shutting the door behind them.

"You're probably wondering why I'm here," Irvine said, his gaze averting hers. In fact, his whole demeanor reeked of nervousness.

"Is something wrong?" Rinoa asked, beginning to feel nervous herself.

Irvine shook his head. "No, not really. I guess I should just get to the point. Squall asked me to come and check on you. He would have come himself, except he kinda has his hands full after everything that happened in the quad."

"The quad?" Rinoa asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why, what happened?"

"Well, to make a long story short, Seifer and Quistis got into a huge argument, which resulted in Seifer saying he was leaving Garden. To make matters worse, Squall showed up in the middle of things, and of course they started arguing with each other. Finally, Seifer just took off. I can only assume that he left Garden."

"Wow," Rinoa said in astonishment. "I guess I missed all of the action, huh?"

Irvine nodded. "Speaking of which, how are you feeling?" He suddenly noticed the redness around her eyes. "Rinoa, have you been crying?"

"N-No!" she stammered. "I just have-"

"Allergies, right?" Irvine cut off before she could finish. "Don't lie to me, Rinoa. What's bothering you?"

Rinoa felt a fresh batch of tears sting her eyes. She couldn't keep this all to herself, but she wouldn't burden Irvine with the secret, either. "Nothing is bothering me," she insisted, knowing that she wasn't convincing anyone. The words even sounded fake to her.

"Rinoa, if this is about you and Squall, you can tell me. Squall...pretty much told me everything."

"What?" Rinoa asked sharply. "He told you?"

Irvine nodded. "To tell you the truth, it didn't come as much of a surprise. I saw you the morning you left his room. You know, I thought that gas leak was awfully suspicious."

Rinoa was shocked that Squall had told Irvine, but at the same time, she felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She suddenly knew that she would need Irvine as an ally in what she was planning to do. "Irvine, if I tell you, do you promise to keep it a secret?"

"Of course. I would never tell anyone something you didn't want me to."

"Irvine, I'm pregnant," she blurted out.

"Come again?"

"I'm pregnant, Irvine."

"Jesus Christ!" Irvine exclaimed, his eyes going wide. "When did you find out?"

"Just this morning," she said quietly. "That's what was causing the dizzy spells."

Irvine shook his head. "Jesus Christ," he repeated. "I'm assuming the baby is Squall's?" Rinoa nodded. "Does he know?"

"Of course not," Rinoa said. "When would I have told him? I can't tell him. This would destroy Quistis."

"No offense, Rinoa, but did you ever think of that before sleeping with Squall?"

Rinoa felt her face turning red. "I never planned for any of this to happen. Any of it." The tears began to stream down her face once more.

"Hey, don't cry, Rinoa. Everything can be worked out."

"No," Rinoa said, shaking her head, "I've already decided what I have to do."

Irvine looked at her wearily. "Why do I get the feeling that I'm not going to like this?"

"Irvine, please don't try to talk me out of this. The only way to protect Quistis, the only way for everyone to be happy, is for me to leave Garden forever."

"What! Rinoa, that's crazy!"

"It's the only way. I've thought this through, and there isn't any other solution. I have to leave before I destroy Quistis' life. I've already done so much to hurt her... I just hope that, one day, she can forgive me."

"Where are you going to go, huh?" Irvine demanded. "You're in no condition to be living on your own."

"I don't plan to live on my own," she told him quietly.

"Then what's your plan, Rinoa? You can't just leave here without a second thought."

"I told you, I've given this a lot of thought. I want to go to Zuwang. Marianna said that I could come back anytime. I'm sure that her and Leanne could help me get settled in and take care of things when it's time for me to have the baby."

Irvine couldn't deny the fact that it was a good plan. Still, that didn't mean he had to like it. "What about Squall? He loves you, Rinoa."

"And I love him," she said softly, "But this is something that I have to do. Don't you understand, Irvine? If I stay here and have this baby in front of everyone, Quistis will be devastated. The only way for me to protect her is to leave. Will you help me?"

Irvine hesitated for a minute, but then nodded. "Yes, I'll help you, but on one condition."

"Okay, what is it?"

"We have to let Selphie in on this. I...don't want to keep anything from her."

"I take it that's the kind way of saying that you don't want Selphie to get the wrong idea about us." Rinoa smiled. "I have no problem with Selphie knowing, but only her."

"Okay, sounds good. I'm not happy with your decision to leave, but I understand that there's no changing your mind. That's why I'm agreeing to this. If you have to go through with this, then I want to make sure it's done right."

Rinoa nodded. "I understand. Thank you so much, Irvine." She felt her voice crack, and for what seemed to be the fiftieth time that day, her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, what did I tell you before? Don't cry, Rinoa. Everything is going to be okay."

"You see, I know that," she said quietly. "I know that what I'm doing is the best thing for everyone. I'm just going to miss everything so much. It goes beyond Squall. I'll miss him so badly, but I'm going to miss everything else, too. All of you, this place, just everything."

"Listen, Rinoa, I told you that you don't have to do this."

"Stop," Rinoa said, holding up her hand to silence him. "I told you that my mind is made up."

"Okay then, I said I'd help. What do you want me to do?"

Rinoa took a deep breath, collecting her thoughts. "Well, I'm going to need transportation, and you're the only one who knows how to get to Zuwang."

Irvine nodded. "You want me to take you there?"

"Yes."

"Okay. When do you want to leave?"

Rinoa took another deep breath. "Tonight."

"What!" Irvine exclaimed. "Rinoa, that's crazy. You won't even be showing for at least another two months. Why the rush?"

"The longer I wait, the harder it is going to be to leave. I think that it would be best if we left tonight."

"Well, I disagree. Rinoa, at least wait until tomorrow night. That way, you don't have to rush everything...you can spend the day preparing. I'll tell Selphie to distract Squall if need be. If you wait until tomorrow...you'll have a chance to see everyone for one last time."

Rinoa sighed. He had a point. "Okay, I'll wait until tomorrow night, but no later than that. No one can find out about this...especially not Squall."

"I gave you my word, Rinoa. No one, but Selphie, will know."

"Thank you again, Irvine. I don't think I could do this without you."

Irvine nodded. "That's what friends are for, right? I'll see you tomorrow, Rinoa."

"Yes," Rinoa said quietly, "See you tomorrow."