Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy VIII...

Author's Note: Alright, you guys completely influenced this chapter, as well as the turnout of the rest of the story. I know that most of you didn't want Rinoa to leave, so that really got me thinking. When I began writing this chapter, I fully intended to have Rinoa leave. In fact, up until I finished writing it today, I had planned on her leaving. However, when I got to the end of the chapter, I got into a huge debate with myself about whether or not to have her leave. I had ideas floating around in my head for both scenarios, but I ultimately came to the decision that Rinoa and Squall have already been split apart so many times, that it's about time that I let them have a little happiness. Although that still doesn't mean that everything is going to be smooth sailing from here on out. Anyway, I hope you guys are happy with the outcome of this chapter. To be honest, I still have mixed feelings about it, but I'm sure that will change with time, especially when I start planning out the final few chapters. Who ever said that the readers have no influence on the story?

To Love You More

Chapter Thirty-Seven

"You'll be the thing
You'll be the pain
You'll be the star
You'll be the road, rolling below
The wheels of a car
And all of the thoughts, oh God
Don't know if I'm strong enough now
You'll be the thing
You'll be the pain
You'll be the
Catalyst..."

"Catalyst" Anna Nalick

SQUALL entered his apartment, slowly closing the door behind him. He had given Quistis a few hours to clear her head before daring to venture into their living quarters. She had made it clear that she had wanted to be alone, so he had respected her wishes. Now, though, they needed to face the inevitable and talk. There were far too many issues on hand that could not be left idle.

As he walked through the door, Squall scanned the living room for any signs of his wife. He found none. In fact, the sight he was met with was one of vast coldness. All of the shades in the living room had been drawn, and not a single light had been turned on. The apartment was also eerily quiet, with not a sign of human life anywhere. Squall couldn't help but feel worried about the scene in front of him. Quistis wouldn't try anything, would she?

Squall quickened his pace and headed towards the bedroom. "Quistis?" he called. There was no answer. Once he entered the bedroom, he was met with much the same scene as within the living room. The room was so dark that, at first, he thought it, too, was empty. Then, he spotted the outline of a figure seated in the corner of the room. "Quistis?" he repeated, the worry creeping into his voice.

There was no answer from the dark figure. Squall moved to her side, finally able to make out that it was indeed Quistis. Her head was bowed, and she seemed to be clasping something tightly in her hands. If it wasn't for the rise and fall of her chest, Squall could have mistaken her for dead. He reached out to place a hand on her arm. It was then that she spoke.

"Go away, Squall," she whispered. Her voice was so cold that Squall found himself flinching away from her. He briefly wondered if that was how people reacted to him.

"I'm not going anywhere, Quistis. We need to talk." He quickly strode over to the opposite side of the room and flicked on the lights.

"Leave me alone," Quistis said more forcefully, seeming to come alive in the light. "I told you that I need to be alone."

Squall nodded. "Yeah, I heard you. Why do you think I waited three hours to come and talk to you? Have you been sitting here like this the whole time?"

"Oh, don't act like you care, Squall, because you don't. You didn't come here to check up on me because you were worried, you came here to make sure that I agree to divorce you."

"That's bullshit, Quistis. You're my goddamn wife. How can you say I don't care?"

Quistis snorted. "I'm your wife, huh? Yeah, I'm your wife when it's convenient for you. Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that you want to continue with this marriage?" Squall remained silent. "Exactly what I thought."

"It's not that simple," Squall told her, trying to keep his cool. "You can't just assume what my motives are."

"Okay then, Squall, tell me," Quistis said, coming to her feet, the object still in her hands. "What are your motives for being here?"

Squall was about to answer, but the object in Quistis' hands was drawing his attention. "What is that?"

Quistis gave him a puzzled look. "Excuse me?"

"What you're holding," he clarified. "What is it?"

Quistis looked down at the object in her hands as if forgetting it was there. "It's a music box," she said softly.

"I've never seen it before. Is it new?"

"What does it matter? You're avoiding my question, Squall."

Squall sighed. "I told you that we have a lot to talk about. Take that however you want. My main motive for coming here was to make sure that you're okay. I really don't care if you believe me or not...it's the truth."

It was Quistis' turn to sigh. "Suppose that I believe you. Where do we go from here, Squall? We need to resolve this once and for all because I am so sick of being pulled in two opposite directions. One day, I feel like you love me, and we can work things out. The next day, I feel even farther apart from you."

"You've been through a lot today," Squall reminded her. "Are you sure you want to talk about this now?"

Quistis rolled her eyes. "Weren't you just saying that we needed to talk?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No," Quistis said, holding up a hand to silence him. "Let's just get this over with. We've been running around in circles for so long now. It's time that we were honest with each other."

"I agree," Squall said. "Still, there's no easy way to put this. I'm not happy, Quistis."

Quistis nodded. "I can't say that I didn't see that one coming. You haven't been happy with me, Squall, and I've come to realize that."

"I've been hurting you for a long time, and I don't want to do that anymore. I think it would be best if we...ended things."

Although Quistis had certainly been expecting Squall to say something along those lines, it didn't change the fact that it still hurt like hell to hear him actually say the words. She forced herself to remain calm, and took a deep breath to steady herself. She absolutely refused to cry. "So what you're saying is that you want a divorce."

Squall nodded. "I'm sorry, Quistis, but I just don't see how this is going to work. I don't want to lie to you anymore. I...still have feelings for Rinoa."

"Feelings?" Quistis asked quietly. "Do you..." She felt tears prick her eyes. "Do you love her?"

"Yes," Squall whispered, his voice barely audible. "I'm sorry."

Despite her resolution not to cry, Quistis could feel the tears sliding down her cheeks. "When we got married, I thought that everything would be perfect. I honestly believed that you had forgotten about Rinoa, but I see now that I was just kidding myself. The truth was looking me right in the face all along, but I was too blind to see it. I was a fool to think that I could ever take Rinoa's place."

"You're wrong," Squall told her firmly. "Quistis, you gave me peace of mind when no one else could. You were the only one who cared enough to help me get over my pain...to save me from myself. You did so much for me, Quistis...there is no way to express how grateful I am for that."

Quistis nodded. "Perhaps I was disillusioned, as well. I had that foolish crush on you, and when you began to show an interest in me, I suppose it felt like a dream come true. The truth is, though, we aren't meant to be together, Squall. I am finally able to see that now. What you and Rinoa have...that only comes around once in a lifetime. Who am I to get in the way of that? Still, I want you to know that I do love you, Squall. I think that part of me always will."

Squall drew her into a sudden embrace. "You have no idea how much that means to me. I do love you, Quistis...just not in the way that I am supposed to."

"You're not supposed to love me, Squall. I never wanted to force you into marriage."

"No, I knew that was not your intent. If anything, I am the one who rushed into things."

"What's done is done," Quistis reminded him. "We have both made mistakes. I think we have both learned from them, though. As clichéd as it sounds, I only hope that we can continue to be friends."

Squall nodded. "I'd really like that."

"Well, that's settled, then. See, that wasn't too painful, was it?" She forced a smile. "Goodbye, Squall."

Squall frowned. "Where are you going?"

"There's something that I need to take care of. When I get back, we can work out the details of everything else."

Before he even had a chance to respond, Quistis was out the door. He wondered what possibly could have made her leave so fast. She had seemed to take the news remarkably well. Perhaps she, too, had felt the deep strain on their marriage. Sighing, he walked over to his closet. He had a lot of packing to do.

THE second Quistis left the apartment, she burst into tears. It had taken every ounce of her resolve to stop herself from breaking down in front of Squall. That would have been the ultimate humiliation. Hadn't she already been humiliated enough? She had just found out that her husband was in love with another woman. Of course, Quistis had suspected as much, but to hear her suspicions confirmed just devastated her. Her mind was such a flurry of emotions right now that she couldn't even put a name to what she was feeling.

Deciding that she didn't want to hang around the area of the apartment (you never knew when Squall could exit), she began a brisk walk down the hall. There were not many people in the halls, which was a welcome relief to her. Most everyone was passed out in their dorms, nursing hangovers from the wedding reception. She never thought she would feel thankful that people had been drinking excessively, but she certainly did right now. The last thing she wanted to do was have the whole Garden look down upon her in pity. She did not want to be known as the woman Squall had rejected. Of course, the news of the pending divorce would spread around Garden like wildfire, but there was always the small hope that the actual details of the divorce would be kept confidential. If anyone had the power to make that happen, then it was Squall.

Tears still streaming down her face, Quistis entered the quad. Everything from the reception had been cleared away, as if it had never happened. Quistis noted, with relief, that the whole area was empty. It was the perfect spot to sit and clear her mind. There was no way that she could stand to remain in the apartment, even if Squall wasn't there. All that apartment served now were unpleasant memories. She would have to move into a single dorm right away. Perhaps her old room would still be available.

What would she do now, though? All of her plans had been shot down in the course of fifteen minutes. She could have objected, of course, could have fought back. The truth was, Quistis had no desire to trap Squall in a loveless marriage. She did not want to be a person that Squall would come to hate for ruining his life. As for her present feelings on Squall, it was a mixed bag. Part of her felt angry at his words, but how could she possibly hate him for wanting to be with his first love? She could never hate him, even if she tried. Mostly, she just felt lost. In marrying Squall, she had assumed that they would be together forever; their future was carved out in stone. Oh, how very wrong she had been. Now, she would have to start all over again, experience all of her old uncertainties once more. What a sad life she led. Perhaps it would be better to just give up altogether.

"Quistis?"

The sound of her name made Quistis jump, and when she finally recovered enough to turn around, her heart seemed to stop beating altogether. She just stared at the person in front of her, unable to form any words.

"Quistis?" he asked again, taking a step toward her. His eyes revealed the concern he felt for the woman in front of him. "Why are you crying?"

At his words, Quistis seemed to come alive, swiping at her eyes furiously. Earlier, she had believed that crying in front of Squall was the most embarrassing thing that could possibly happen, but now she was beginning to feel that this could possibly be worse.

"It's because of me, isn't it?" he asked quietly, his voice full of remorse.

"Don't flatter yourself, Seifer," she finally said. "Not everything in the world revolves around you."

Seifer took a seat beside her and sighed. "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you?"

Quistis shook her head. "It's really none of your business. Besides, aren't you supposed to have left Garden by now?"

"That was the plan."

"Then why are you still here?"

Seifer shrugged. "The next train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning. They're having delays, or something like that."

"So what?" she demanded. "That still doesn't answer my question. Why are you here? You should have gone to the hotel."

"I came back to apologize to you, Quistis. I was completely out of line with you earlier."

The blonde snorted. "Out of line? Please. I'd say you were way more than 'out of line', Seifer."

"Alright, I was a real asshole. The truth is, Quistis, I couldn't leave here on such bad terms with you. I don't want you to think that what happened between us in FH was a lie."

Quistis shook her head. "I don't know what to think anymore, Seifer. I want to believe that the person I saw in FH was the real you, but then who was the person I saw just a few hours ago?"

"I lost my temper. That's no excuse, but it's the truth. Quistis, do you know how frustrating it is to see you throwing your life away on that prick, Squall?"

"Well, you won't have to worry about that anymore. Squall and I are getting divorced."

"What?" Seifer said, genuinely surprised. "When did this happen?"

"Just now, actually. I had the pleasant task of being informed that he still loves Rinoa. So, it looks like you were right all along. Go ahead and gloat."

Seifer just shook his head. He felt no feelings of smugness at her words. Part of him was happy that she was finally free of Squall, but he was mostly sad to see Quistis so crushed. What could he possibly say to comfort her? Nothing seemed to be appropriate at the moment. An uncomfortable silence followed until a sudden thought popped into Seifer's head. Before he had a chance to give it a second thought, he blurted out exactly what was on his mind.

"Come back with me."

Quistis' eyes widened in shock. "Excuse me?"

"You don't have to stay here, Quistis. I can see how unhappy you are here. Come to FH with me. You can escape from everything there."

Quistis shook her head. "You're crazy."

"Why? Because I care about you? Because I want to be with you? Yeah, you heard me right, Quistis. I really don't give a damn about my pride anymore, that's the goddamn truth. You can't tell me that you're happy here. I know that you were happy in FH...you could be happy again."

"I don't know what to say," Quistis said quietly. "I can't think about this right now. I have to go." She got up from the bench, slowly backing away.

"Don't run away from me, Quistis. I've seen the way you look at me and I know you care about me, too. What are you so afraid of?"

"I'm married, Seifer. Please don't talk about such foolish things."

"You're the one who's talking foolishly! Why don't you take a look at your life for a minute. What do you see? What the hell do you see? What is keeping you here?"

"My life is here, Seifer," she replied quietly.

"What life? Your life with your husband? You just told me that it's over between you! Don't you see what you're doing to yourself? Why are you hurting yourself like this?"

"Just stop it!" Quistis exclaimed. "This isn't you speaking! I'm not going to fall for this act again. Just please, leave me alone."

"No," Seifer said, stepping right up to her. "I can't do that."

He stared straight into her eyes, hoping she would see the sincerity within them. There was something in her eyes, the tiniest spark, but it was all that he needed. He pulled her towards him, pressing his lips against hers. For a minute, she succumbed to the kiss, forgetting just who she was with. Her thoughts seemed to come rushing back as she quickly pulled away.

"Quistis?" Seifer asked in concern.

"I meant what I said," she told him, tears cluttering her vision. "Just go away, Seifer." With that said, she quickly turned around and fled.

IRVINE found Selphie in the library, browsing the bookshelves half-heartedly. She seemed to be lost in her thoughts, barely paying attention to her surroundings. The cowboy walked up to her slowly, not wanting to startle her. Once he had reached her, he tapped her on the shoulder lightly.

"Oh, hey Irvine," Selphie said, turning around. "What's up?"

"Do you want to take a walk with me?" Irvine asked. "I need to talk to you."

"Okay," Selphie said, feeling puzzled.

Irvine gestured for her to follow him into the hallway. Once outside of the library, Irvine looked around him to make sure there was no one within earshot. Unfortunately, too many people were around. He couldn't risk any of them overhearing what he had to say. Instead, he led the way to his dorm, the only private place he could think of at the moment. Selphie followed him without question, but he could tell that she was itching to know what this was about. Once they reached his room, Irvine silently unlocked the door. It was then that Selphie hesitated.

"Just trust me, okay?" Irvine told her upon noticing the look in her eyes.

Selphie nodded. "I do trust you, Irvine." She followed him into the room and watched as he secured the door behind them.

"I'm sorry about being so secretive about this, but I promised Rinoa that you were the only one I would tell about this."

"Promised Rinoa?" Selphie echoed. "What are you talking about?"

"Selphie, you might want to sit down for this. What I have to say is pretty major."

Selphie waved all of that aside. "Just tell me, Irvine! You know I can't stand being in suspense."

Irvine smiled. "Yeah, I know. Okay, then, are you ready for this? Rinoa is pregnant."

Selphie's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope," Irvine said, shaking his head. "Wait, you haven't heard the rest of it. Squall is the father."

"Oh my God," Selphie gasped. "When did she find out? Does Quistis know? Does Squall know? What is she going to do?"

"Whoa, slow down there, Selphie. To answer your questions, Rinoa just found out today. No, Squall and Quistis don't know. As for what Rinoa is going to do," he paused to sigh, "That's the reason why I'm here."

"Why do I not like the sound of that?"

"Probably because you're going to hate Rinoa's plan just as much as I do. Rinoa is set on the idea that she ruined Squall and Quistis' lives. She thinks it would be best if she disappeared without anyone knowing that she is pregnant."

"Disappears? Where does she plan on going?"

"She wants me to take her to Zuwang. I know that she'll be safe there. The women that took care of her are good people. I know that they could help her take care of the baby. Still..." he trailed off.

"You don't want her to go."

"No," Irvine said. "I don't."

"Because you still have feelings for her?" Selphie asked quietly.

Irvine shook his head. "No, because she's my friend and I'm worried about her. Because I'm afraid of how Squall will react when he finds out she's gone. Because, deep inside, I always believed that Squall and Rinoa were destined to be together forever."

"I don't want her to leave, either, Irvine," Selphie choked out, her eyes filling with tears. "There has to be some other way."

"I tried to reason with her, but she's so damn stubborn. You know Rinoa...she won't give up once her mind is set on something."

"So you're going to help her, then? You're going to take her to Zuwang?"

Irvine nodded. "I told her that I would, as long as I could tell you were I was going. The last thing I wanted you to think was that I had run away with Rinoa."

Selphie looked at him in surprise. "We're not dating anymore, Irvine. You don't need to justify your every move to me."

"You're right, I don't, but I still didn't want you to get the wrong idea. You see, the truth is, Selphie, that I never really got over you. Now, more than ever, I realize that I never should have let you go. I should have fought harder. I guess what I'm saying is, when I come back from Zuwang, I'd like to give this another try. That is, if you are willing to, as well."

"Oh, Irvine, of course I am!" She flung her arms around the cowboy. "When you come back, we can talk about this further, but just know that I'll be here waiting for you. In the meantime, what can I do to help Rinoa?"

"Tomorrow, it would be great if you could keep Squall distracted somehow, especially in the evening. Make sure he doesn't come near Rinoa's room. Anyway, it's getting late. Why don't you worry about getting some rest for now. Rinoa and I will be leaving tomorrow night. We can all say our goodbyes in the morning."

Selphie nodded. "Okay, we can meet up tomorrow, then. Goodnight, Irvine."

"Goodnight, Selphie." He leaned over to kiss her cheek. She smiled at him once more, and then was gone.

RINOA woke up extremely early the next morning. The night had proved to be an immensely restless one. Thoughts of tonight's departure had been rushing through her head nonstop. At one point, she had woken up in a cold sweat thinking that it had all just been a bad dream. Then, everything came rushing back tenfold, and after that, sleep had not been easy to come by.

Sighing, Rinoa dragged herself out of bed. There was no use in laying around and sulking when there was so much to do. She would have to pack everything before tonight, not to mention say her goodbyes. She wanted to see Squall one last time before she left, but she wasn't even sure if that was possible. Besides, if she saw him, wouldn't it be harder to let go? Perhaps it would be better if she left without seeing him at all. God, she was so confused. There wasn't a single clear-cut path; one choice that stood out among the others. No matter what choice she made, someone was going to get hurt. This way, she would be the one getting hurt. Sure, Squall would be hurt at first, but in time, he would find a way to be happy with Quistis again. She knew that they had been happy together before she came back, so now everything could go back to the way it was before.

Feeling slightly better with her decision, she walked over to her closet in order to select an outfit. Whatever she wore today would most likely be what many people saw her in for the last time. After flipping through her clothes half-heartedly, she finally settled on a knee-length, ruffled black skirt and a white, off-the-shoulder top. Black and white; two complete opposites. Even her clothes mirrored the two extreme choices; leave Garden or stay. It seemed so simple when put that way, but when it came down to it, nothing could be labeled as black and white. There were too many shades of gray that fell in-between. Rinoa had always been one to trust her heart, but in this matter, she had to go against it. It was about time that she let her head guide her, instead of her heart. Her impulsiveness and her heart were what had gotten her into this mess in the first place.

Shaking her head, Rinoa grabbed the clothes and headed to the bathroom. A hot shower could really do her some good right now. As Rinoa took off her clothes and stepped into the shower, her eyes traveled to her flat stomach. She couldn't believe that her stomach would soon become swollen with child. It was so strange to think that a baby, her baby, was growing inside of her, but at the same time, it gave Rinoa an amazing sense of comfort. She was going to pour all of her heart and soul into this baby. After all, they would only have each other.

Rinoa quickly finished showering and then slipped on her clothes. She combed out her wet hair, ran a towel through it, and then swung it behind her shoulders. She could deal with her hair later. Right now, she had a world of packing to do. As she walked out of the bathroom, however, she suddenly froze. Her heart seemed to leap into her throat as she saw that, no, her eyes weren't playing tricks on her, yes, there was a man sitting on her bed, and yes, that man was Squall.

"Squall," she breathed, her heart pounding wildly. "What are you doing here?"

Squall smiled slightly. "God, Rinoa, you look like you've just seen a ghost. I'm sorry to startle you, but you didn't answer the door, so I was worried." His cheeks reddened slightly. "I let myself in with my spare key."

Rinoa shook her head, allowing what he had just told her to sink in. "I can't believe you still have a spare key."

Squall shrugged. "You never know when it could come in handy."

"So," Rinoa began, fiddling with her necklace, "As you can see, I am perfectly fine. There's no need to check up on me, Commander."

"Well, I have to admit that wasn't my only reason in coming to see you. I wanted to tell you in person, before this gets all over Garden." He paused to run a hand through his hair. "Quistis and I are getting divorced."

Rinoa was momentarily stunned. "W-What?"

"We talked it over, and she agrees that it is the best way to handle things. I just wanted to tell you before I go."

"Go?" Rinoa echoed, feeling more confused than ever. "Go where?"

"Cid's sending me to Deling City to represent Garden in some political meeting. Not exactly my cup of tea, but what can I do."

"I suppose that my father will be a part of this meeting?" Rinoa said, momentarily forgetting her personal problems.

Squall nodded. "Most likely. Is there anything that you want me to tell him?"

"Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't say anything to him at all. I don't care to have any contact with him. Not after what he said the last time I saw him." She grimaced.

"Alright then," Squall said, smiling. "As per your orders, I will have as little contact with him as possible."

"Thank you. So what time do you leave?"

Squall glanced at his watch. "In twenty minutes. I'll probably be gone for a few days. You know how political figures love to drag these things out," he said dryly.

Rinoa nodded. "You're looking at someone who knows firsthand."

Squall got up suddenly and wrapped his arms around her. "When I get back, I'll get everything with the divorce finalized. Then, we can go from there." He buried his head in her hair, inhaling its sweet scent. "There are going to be people saying shit, but I don't really give a fuck about any of them. You're who I want to be with."

Rinoa felt her knees go weak at his words, and then even more so when he began to trail kisses down her neck. She didn't want him to leave. She didn't want to leave. "I want to be with you, too, Squall," she heard herself saying.

"Then wait for me. Will you do that for me?"

Rinoa felt her world come crashing down around her. The look in Squall's eyes was so hopeful...how could she destroy that hope? Stop running! a voice in the back of her mind screamed. Wasn't that what she was planning on doing? She would run away from all of her problems if she went to Zuwang. The man standing in front of her right now loved her. He had a right to know that she was carrying his child. Besides, destiny had found a way to make sure that they belonged together. You can't escape your destiny. It was time to face reality, to own up to her mistakes and begin anew.

"Rinoa?" Squall asked, frowning.

"Yes," she said finally, and smiled at the relief that she felt at uttering the word. "I'll wait for you forever, Squall."

Squall grinned and pulled her towards him, kissing her tenderly. Rinoa closed her eyes in bliss. This was right. This was where she was supposed to be.

"Squall," she said suddenly, pulling away. "There's something that I have to tell you."

Just then, Squall's cell phone rang. Squall held up a finger for Rinoa to wait a minute. "Hello?" He paused to listen to the speaker. "Yeah. Yeah, okay. I'll be right there." He turned to Rinoa and sighed. "I have to go."

Rinoa nodded. "Be safe."

"What were you going to tell me before the phone rang?"

"Oh, it was nothing," Rinoa lied. "I'll tell you when you get back."

"Okay," Squall said, slightly puzzled. "I love you." He kissed her again, a long, lingering kiss, and then, before she could reply, he was gone.

Rinoa immediately ran over to the phone and punched in Irvine's number. "Hey, Irvine," she said as soon as he picked up the phone. "There's been a change in plans. I'm not going anywhere."

So much for getting rid of that impulsiveness.